Chapter 15
When we got back to the compound, there was a small box on my bed with a note:
Happy Birthday, Kid. I figured you might need a new one. It’s the same number you had before.
-T.S.
I opened the box and smiled; it was a phone, already programmed with all of their contact information. I added Caroline to the list and noticed Thor’s name. I swallowed the lump in my throat and opened a new message. Even if it wouldn’t work, I had to try.
Me:Hey, Thor. This is Alex. I don’t know if you’re going to respond, or if this is even going to get to you, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the way I acted when you guys came back and it didn’t work. I’m sorry if I made you feel like you did something wrong. I was (still am) grieving a loss I never thought I would have to grieve. I know we didn’t talk much before you left, so I don’t know if anything I just said carries any weight with you at all, but I wanted to put it out there.
A few days later, the night before Charlie’s birthday, Clint and I sat in my room.
“I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say you’re not gonna want to do much tomorrow,” he said. I shook my head.
“It feels wrong to celebrate his birthday without him here, you know? I know it’s probably not what he would want me to do, but I don’t think I’ll be up for much of anything tomorrow.”
“That’s okay. Do you want me to tell Nat what’s going on, or just that tomorrow’s gonna be rough for you?”
“You can tell her. I think she knows it’s coming up. Do you know if Steve’s coming over tomorrow?”
“I don’t think he is. I’m pretty sure his group has a meeting tomorrow. You can always ask him if he’s coming over after.” I shook my head.
“No, it’s fine. I was just curious.” If my mental state is what I think it will be, I’m not getting out of bed at all tomorrow.
I was right; I woke up around noon to a text from Clint asking if I was hungry.
Me:Not really
Clint:Do you want one of us to bring you some chips or something in case you want some later?
Me:Idk if I’ll eat any but sure
Clint:Ok. Nat’s on her way. Let us know if you need anything
Me: Thanks
I put my phone back on the nightstand and rolled back over so I was facing the wall. A couple minutes later, Natasha walked in and sat the chips on my nightstand. I felt her sit down on my bed.
“I know you probably don’t want to talk right now,” she began, and I shook my head. “Did Clint ever tell you I had a sister?” I nodded. She sighed, and I knew she was about to tell me the story again.
“Her name was Yelena. I met her the first time I was in the Red Room. I was five years old when she got there. She was just a baby. I was seven and she was three when we got sent to live in Ohio. Three years later, we got separated and sent back to the Red Room. I didn’t see her again for years.
“Before I joined S.H.I.E.L.D. I wanted to find her; Clint found me first. We fought, and he won. He was supposed to kill me, but he didn’t. He saved me. We thought we took down the Red Room, and I was a mess for a long time afterwards. We were on the run from the government, and S.H.I.E.L.D. couldn’t get us out of Budapest, so we hid in air ducts for days. When we finally got back to the states, I officially became a member of S.H.I.E.L.D. I had nowhere to go, so Clint took me in.
“I finally had time to relax, and I was a wreck. I was so scared that I lost her, that I killed her, and it paralyzed me. I went back to work after a couple of weeks, but she was still on my mind. Part of me knew she wasn’t gone, but there was still a part of me that was terrified of the thought that she could be dead because of me.
“After everything happened in Germany, I was on the run. A friend told me that someone was living in my safehouse in Budapest, so I risked it all and went there. It was Yelena; she told me that the Red Room was still operating; Dreykov, who was in charge of the Red Room and the Black Widow program, put everyone under mind control, but they could be cured, and she was trying to cure them all. So, I helped her take down the Red Room and make sure Dreykov was dead this time. That was the last time I saw her; she disappeared, just like Charlie did.”
“I mean this in the best way possible, but why are you telling me all of this?” I said. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m sorry about Yelena, but is there a point?”
“I was getting there,” she joked. “When we were kids, her favorite song was American Pie. It didn’t matter if she was in a good mood, or if she was having a bad day; she would listen to it. When I deflected to S.H.I.E.L.D. it was one of the few things that made me feel better. When Clint wasn’t checking in on me, I would either listen to it or sing Russian lullabies. My point is, did Charlie have a song like that?” I thought for a second, then nodded.
“Blackbird. He listened to it more when he was having a bad day, but it was Blackbird.” I rolled over to face Natasha. “When my parents died, I couldn’t get out of bed for a week. Charlie went to school, and he would come home to me laying in bed. Every day, he would bring in a tv tray and sit on the bed with me. He’d put one earbud in my ear and one in his, and we’d listen to Blackbird while he did his homework. When I took him to the hospital to see his parents, I played it on loop in the car. I haven’t been able to listen to it since he disappeared.”
“Because you haven’t had a phone, or because you couldn’t bring yourself to listen to it?” I shrugged.
“Both, I guess? I haven’t really felt the urge to listen to it, but I also haven’t exactly had anything to listen to it on.” She looked at me, nodded, and got up.
“Might not be a bad idea to try it,” she said from the doorway. I sighed and grabbed my phone. I knew she was right, but I was still a little apprehensive; I didn’t want this to make me spiral lower than I already was. Still, I opened YouTube and typed in “Blackbird Beatles” and hit the first video that came up. I didn’t have earbuds or headphones, but I didn’t care. I turned the volume all the way up, turned to lay on my back, closed my eyes, and put my phone on my chest. As I listened, I almost felt like he was there, like we were little kids again, and nothing could possibly go wrong.
About halfway through the song, I started crying; I missed him. I missed that feeling, that nothing could go wrong. I missed when all six of us were in that house together. I missed that sense of pure happiness. Sure, I was happy at the compound, Clint was probably the closest thing I had to family at that point, and I loved living with the Avengers, but it wasn’t the same as my family. It still wasn’t home.
I spent the next hour listening to Blackbird on loop. As I listened, my mood started to change; it was still painful to think about my family, but I realized what Natasha was trying to do. I don’t know if Clint told her how important music is- and always has been- to me, or if she just used her own experience, but it worked; I started to see all of them as family, not just Clint. They’ve always been there for me, even when I may not have always been the most accepting of their help.
The next time most of us were together was Thanksgiving; everyone except for Bruce and Thor got back together for the week. Steve showed up the Saturday before with his arms full of bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked. Steve dropped the bags on the island in the kitchen and sighed.
“Thanksgiving,” he replied, as if I should know.
“Is not until Thursday, it is Saturday.”
“Oh, no,” Clint began, “Thanksgiving with Steve is a week-long thing. The turkey takes a few days to defrost, and he’s gotta figure out the timing for everything.”
“Which is why all of us are here,” Tony said, coming in with more grocery bags. Pepper, Happy, and Rhodey were close behind him, as well as someone I had never seen before.
“Okay, guys. This is May. She’s Peter’s aunt,” Tony said when he sat his bags down. “I asked her to come have dinner with us, and she’ll be staying here for the week.” While May got settled into her room, Tony, Steve, and I put the food away. Tony started singing to himself quietly.
“We’ve got a bun in the oven, and no one has any clue.” I looked at Tony, trying to make sure he said what I thought he said while trying not to make it obvious. We locked eyes, and he gave me a look that very simply said Oh, you heard that? If you tell anyone, I swear to God… and I nodded, trying to suppress the smile that was making its way across my face.
Over the next few days, Steve and Tony spent a lot of time planning when they would cook everything and keeping everyone else out of the kitchen, while the rest of us were cleaning and decorating, but mostly just sitting around. I was constantly checking my phone for a text from Thor, but nothing came through. On Tuesday, I finally decided to text Bruce.
Me:Hey, Bruce. It’s Alex. Have you heard anything from Thor recently? I sent him a text a few weeks ago, but he never responded.
Bruce: I’ve been trying to get to him, too. He’s grieving a lot right now. I think he just needs time.
I sighed, knowing that Bruce was closer to Thor than I was, so he probably knew what Thor needed more than I did. Still, I felt a little apprehensive; I knew some people genuinely need time alone to grieve, but bottling it up and keeping it inside isn’t healthy either.
After what seemed like an eternity, it was Thursday. I woke up at 9, and I could already smell the food coming from the kitchen. I stumbled in, still half-asleep, to see Tony and Steve making breakfast.
“I’m gonna be honest,” I said as I rubbed my eyes. “I never pictured you as the cooking type, Tony.” He looked offended as he put pancakes on a plate.
“First of all, rude,” he joked. “Second, we had a butler when I was a kid, and his wife was an amazing cook. I loved Jarvis, but he couldn’t cook for shit. She taught me, and so did my mom. They told me that being a mechanic wasn’t enough to actually woo any women, and that a man who can cook is the way to her heart.”
After another day of sitting around and Clint and Rhodey trying to explain football to us, an entire feast was laid out on the table. It was almost too much for me; growing up, Thanksgiving was always small. It was the six of us, but we never had a full turkey, let alone the entire feast that was in front of me. We always had a casserole of all the traditional foods. It was different, but it was all we needed.
Still, it was nice to celebrate like this, the stereotypical way to celebrate Thanksgiving. As we passed around the dishes, I kept looking at Tony and Pepper. I hadn’t told anyone yet, but it wouldn’t be long before I spill it.
“Before we pass around dessert,” Tony began, “we have a little announcement.” Oh, thank God. Everyone else put their silverware down, and I looked around the table to see faces of mixed excitement and worry. I couldn’t help but smile, and Steve stared at me. “Some of you already know this,” Tony continued pointedly. “Pepper and I thought it would be nice for everyone to go around and say what we’re thankful for. I know it’s cheesy, but we both think it would be good for all of us, after the last six months.” Has it really been six months? It feels like it’s been weeks and years at the same time. As we went around the table, everyone was saying the typical answers: “The team,” or “I survived,” and then it got to Clint.
“I didn’t think I had a lot to be thankful for this year. I lost my family, and I couldn’t talk to any of you guys. Then, I got the phone call from Alex, and everything eventually fell into place. That’s what I’m thankful for this year.” I looked at Clint and smiled.
“You took my answer, dammit,” I said, laughing. “But, seriously. You all know I lost my parents, then my aunt and uncle, then my step-parents. I had Charlie, but he disappeared. Through everything except my parents, I had Clint. And now, I have all of you. I can’t tell you how thankful I am for all of you. You saved my life.” That was all I could say without crying. It was perfect, though, because Tony was next.
“Thank you, Alex, for making it impossible to follow that up,” he said. We all chuckled, and I smiled at him, knowing what he was about to say. “I think Pepper and I are both thankful for the same thing. We’re thankful for all of you, we’re thankful for surviving, and-” he looked at Pepper, and they both smiled. “We’re thankful for our growing family.” He grabbed Pepper’s hand, and she stood up with her hand on her stomach.
“Oh, my God, you’re pregnant?!?” Steve said excitedly, and we all laughed and congratulated the two of them.
“I’m surprised you didn’t hear him on Saturday,” I chuckled. “He was singing to himself about how there’s a bun in the oven and no one has any clue.”
“That’s what he was saying?” I nodded. “I just tune him out half the time when he starts singing to himself.”
“Wait a minute,” Clint began, “you knew about this since Saturday?” I nodded.
“Tony practically shot daggers at me when he realized I heard him. I knew better than to say anything.” We started passing around dessert, a new sense of joy in all of us. Even May, who I had talked to a lot over the week she was at the compound, seemed relieved and happier than I had seen her.
Later that night, May and I did the dishes. I told her about the car accident and losing Charlie, and she told me all about Peter; how his parents died when he was young, she and her late husband took him in, but she mostly talked about how much I reminded her of him.
“He had been through so much, and he still came out on the other side every time. I know we don’t know each other that well, but you seem to be coming out on the other side.” I smiled and looked at everyone sitting in the living room, trying not to fall asleep, and went to put the plates away.
“I wasn’t alone. I wouldn’t have made it if I didn’t have Clint and the rest of them. Hell, if he wouldn’t have picked up the phone when he did, I probably would have died in the crash.” I held onto the cabinet door and looked down, finally realizing the weight of that single phone call.
“Hey,” she said, walking over to me and putting her hand on my back. “Are you okay?” I nodded, wiping the tears from my eyes.
“Yeah, I’m good.” I closed the cabinet and walked over to the living room. Without saying a word, I gave Clint the tightest hug I think I’ve ever given anyone.
“What-” he said, sitting in shock.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“You’re welcome?” I laughed a little and finally let him go.
“Can we talk in my room for a bit?” He nodded and stood up.
“What’s up?” he asked when we got to my room. I sat down on the bed, and he shut the door before sitting down next to me.
“I was doing the dishes with May, and it hit me that you are the only reason I’m here right now.” He shook his head, trying to deny it. “I’m serious, Clint. If you wouldn’t have answered me that day, I probably would have died in the crash. And don’t give me that crap about ‘someone else would have called,’ because you weren’t there that day. There were no other cars on the road; there was no one else to call. If it wasn’t you, I wouldn’t be here. And I mean that in the most literal sense possible.”