Chapter 6
The next thing I heard was rhythmic beeping and a woman singing what sounded like a lullaby on the right side of me, but it wasn’t English. I groaned slightly, my eyelids still too heavy to open. The singing stopped, and I heard footsteps quickly come closer.
“Alex?” That came from a male voice on my left side, more familiar to me. Still, I couldn’t place it. I groaned again, not yet opening my eyes. Whoever was there took my hand in his, and I felt his other hand on my forehead. “Alex, it’s Clint. You were in a car accident. Can you open your eyes for me?” I very slowly opened my eyes and looked at Clint, then to my right, where Black Widow was sitting. She must have been the voice I heard.
“Can’t… feel… legs,” I said as I looked back at Clint. He glanced down at the foot of my bed, then looked down at the floor and sighed.
“I’m so sorry, Alex. They did everything they could, but they had to take them.”
“No,” I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut. “No, no no. This can’t be happening.”
“Alex-” Clint began.
“No.” I opened my eyes, avoiding eye contact with both Clint and Black Widow. “We were supposed to go camping. It was supposed to be a relaxing weekend. We were supposed to get away from everything. Now he’s gone, and-”
“Alex, look at me.” I sighed and looked at Clint, my eyes full of tears. “I know this is a lot, but we are going to figure this out, okay? You, me, Natasha, Steve, the rest of the Avengers- we are going to figure this out together, okay?”
“All- all of you?” If Charlie were here-
“Yeah,” he chuckled lightly. “If you want, you can come live at the compound. We have extra rooms after-” he trailed off and looked down at the floor.
“After what?” I asked, looking back and forth between Clint and Natasha. They both sighed, as if neither of them wanted to tell me.
“Thanos,” said a voice from the doorway. Oh, my God. It’s Captain America. Charlie would lose his shit. Steve walked in, and Clint took a coffee from him. Steve handed a second coffee to Natasha, then pulled up a chair and sat next to her. “He believed the universe was overpopulated, so he decided to take matters into his own hands. He found what are called infinity stones. When someone collects all six, they can do pretty much whatever they want with a snap of their fingers. He made half the population of the universe disappear.” Clint sniffled quietly beside me.
“Laura and the kids?” I asked, looking over at Clint. He shook his head.
“I almost didn’t feel my phone vibrate when you called me. I was teaching Lila archery, the boys were throwing a baseball back and forth, and Laura was getting our lunch together. We were going to have a picnic. I was picking up the arrows when they disappeared. I thought I had lost everything, then I felt my phone vibrate, barely. When I saw it was you, I was so relieved. It meant that you were alive. You still are, and that’s the important thing. Everything else, we’ll figure it out as we go.” He thought he lost everything, then I called him. I squeezed his hand and gave him a sad smile.
“Alex,” Steve began, “the three of us have been talking while you were sleeping, and we want to know if you would like to live with us at the compound in New York.”
“Are you kidding? Living with the Avengers? Absolutely I want to.” The three of them laughed, then Natasha got up to call Pepper to let her know that I would be moving there once I got released from the hospital.
When I woke up the next morning, Steve was the only one there, still asleep. I assumed Clint and Natasha were either getting breakfast or talking about what happened. I thought about saying something to him, but I decided against it; he looked so tired yesterday, and I assumed he needed the sleep.
He looks so small. When was the last time someone talked to him about what he went through? Going into the ice in 1945 and waking up in 2012 could not have been easy. He jumped, waking himself up.
“I didn’t wake you up, did I?” I asked.
“I was about to ask you the same thing,” he chuckled. “How are you feeling today?” I shrugged.
“A little better, at least physically. Things have started to sink in, so not doing too hot on the mental front.” He sat up straighter and sighed.
“I hear that. Do you want to talk about it?” I sighed and nodded.
“My parents lost our house in 2008 when the market crashed. They had been friends with Charlie’s parents for years, and they had an extra room, so we moved in with them. Charlie and I were thrilled; we had grown up together, so living together was a dream come true. We already did everything together, so it wasn’t that much of a change. Then, a few years later, my dad came out as transgender. Nothing really changed- I just had two moms instead of a mom and a dad- but my aunt in Colorado stopped talking to us. When my parents died, that was the most painful thing I had ever been through. I wouldn’t have made it out of that if I didn’t have Charlie. When my only aunt and uncle died a few years later, he was there for that, too. So was Clint, but Charlie knew more about my relationship with them, so it was easier to talk to him about them. Then, Charlie’s parents died a few months ago, and that hit both of us really hard. But, he was there for me when my parents died; I tried my best to do the same for him.
“I don’t know how I’m going to get through this, Steve. Even before we moved in together, we did everything together. I’ve never had to deal with anything without him.” Steve sighed.
“When I came out of the ice in 2012, I thought it was still 1945. I had just lost Bucky not even a week before going down. I assumed everyone I loved was dead. After I had recovered physically, I spent a few weeks alone in a cabin. While I was there, I grieved all of the time I had lost, and tried to search the internet for any sign of anyone still being alive. That took… longer than I would like to admit.” We both chuckled. “But, what I did find were obituaries for everyone except for Peggy. So, I tried to grieve. I prayed. A lot. I worked out. A lot. I went for a run every morning. Nick Fury kept a supply of punching bags at my place for me. But no one was there for me to talk to about what I had been through, what I had lost.
“Right after that, I was sent back into the fight. And it never stopped. There was a little rest between New York and D.C., but the team all went our separate ways, and I hadn’t really gotten close enough to any of them to talk about what I went through. When SHIELD fell and we found out that Bucky was alive, it felt like my whole world was coming apart. I thought he was dead, and I had started to make peace with that; instead he suffered for all those years while I was gone.
“Anyway, my point is, I thought I was alone for a long time after waking up; no one had gone through anything like what I had, but I also isolated myself from anyone who was willing to help me. You don’t have to do that. I know we haven’t gone through the same thing- none of us have- but you don’t have to go through this alone. We’ve all been through our own stuff, and we’ve figured out how to help each other.
“Clint was right, you know. Whatever happens, we’re going to figure it out. You’re not alone.” I smiled and nodded, then sighed.
“I’m terrified. I don’t know how to do anything without him. I know that sounds like I’m dependent on him for my emotional wellbeing, but it’s true. He was always there. It’s not like I needed him there all the time, but it was comforting to know that I always had him if I needed him.”
“I lost my parents before the war. My dad died before I was born, and my mom died in ‘36. Bucky was there when I lost her. I got sick a lot before the serum, and he was always there for that, too. Mom was a nurse, so she couldn’t be home to take care of me that much. But, he was. He would come over and spend the night if she was working. Hell, he’d stay over sometimes even if she was home. We did everything together. I think that’s part of the reason why I was so keen on getting into the military; we would be doing it together, and we’d be doing what was right. And when I lost him, I didn’t know what to do; I was lost without him. Then I went into the ice and came back almost 70 years later, I still felt like I had just lost him. That was when I found the Avengers, or they found me; I’m not actually sure. And I found people who were willing to take everything slow. They helped me adjust to modern times, and they helped me talk through things. Sam is- was- really good at getting me to talk.
“Anyway, I thought I had to be alone because I lost my best friend. Truth is, there’s so many people right here, and they’re all willing to help. I know it’s going to take time to trust us, and that’s okay. We’ll take it as slow as you need us to.” The two of us talked for the rest of the morning.
When Clint and Natasha came back that afternoon, and for the rest of the time I was in the hospital, we talked about what had happened, who was still at the compound, and what recovery would look like for me. After about a week and a half, I was allowed to go home.