Deadpool meets All for One!
Normal talking: "Go Beyond, Plus Ultra!"
Thinking: 'Go Beyond, Plus Ultra!'
Over Radio/Speaker: .:Go Beyond, Plus Ultra!:.
All Might/Powerful Beings Speaking: "Go Beyond, Plus Ultra!"
All Might/Powerful Beings Thinking: ‘Go Beyond, Plus Ultra!’
All Might/Powerful Beings Over Radio/Speaker: .:Go Beyond, Plus Ultra!:.
Voice 1:
[Chimichangas!]
Voice 2:
[Chimichangas!]
Sound Effects: *BLAM!*
AIs/Computers: "Go Beyond, Plus Ultra!"
Speaking Another Language: {"Go Beyond, Plus Ultra!"}
All for One sat in his chamber, wheezing silently. It had been a little more than two years since he had his battle with the latest holder of his brother’s quirk, whom the masses called All Might. He had thought that by waiting out the Marvels of the Pre-Quirk era, he would have gained enough power to take on the world. Even the likes of Dr. Doom, whether he was the original or not, would have trembled in fear from his might!! But alas, he made a mistake.
Giving that Power Stockpiling Quirk to Yoichi had caused more trouble than he could have foreseen. And it had grown even more so in the generations since it had been crafted. It was a valuable prize now, but all the more difficult to take back.
It was clear to the Demon King of Japan that he needed to get more power. He needed to take all powers, since he alone had a right to such power, so he had Doctor Garaki call some contacts. Remnants from AIM and HYDRA, underworld experts in mutant DNA, and various people with skills in alien technology were contacted and paid massive sums of money to aid the doctor in improving All for One.
Unfortunately, while the Doctor’s research did bear fruit, it was limited in how it could be applied to him. For unlike the past, when human DNA was much more malleable and could have powers safely added with only a few external factors causing trouble, it seemed that Quirks in general complicated matters.
Gamma radiation reacted poorly with All for One, making Quirks like Transforming Arms, Hypertrophy, and Muscle Augmentation burn and grow out of control to the point that the slightest twitch would activate his power, causing massive destruction to both himself and his surroundings. The experience would have killed him had he not used a Quirk that allowed one to safely filter out radiation, taken in case the World Powers decided to nuke him, to purge the radiation from his body. It had taken a few months to recover from the ordeal.
Trying to use a Neogenic Recombinator to add in beneficial animal traits also failed, reacting negatively to his stolen Quirks and causing them to become either unstable or to force them into activation, causing his already fragile metabolism (damn All Might for injuring him!) to increase to the point that he nearly died of nutrient deficiency. The Doctor was able to stabilize him, but so many of his valuable quirks had been damaged by the attempt, almost becoming unusable.
Terrigen Crystals almost worked, but the test subject, a weather manipulator simply labeled Nine, ended up melting into a pile of guts and primordial ooze after ten minutes. Dr. Garaki was unable to explain that one, but needless to say, All for One wasn’t happy. At least he now had a weather manipulating Quirk to add to his collection.
Any other method of obtaining more power, like the Cosmic Radiation, or the Heart Shaped Herb, was unavailable to him for taking, much to his frustration, and he had neither the resources, manpower, or time to attempt to steal such a thing.
Ultimately, he found that the only Non-Quirk abilities available for him to obtain were those that occurred naturally, outside of artificial means. In other words, humans with Alien ancestry, and Mutants. Granted, there were a variety of such beings, but not all of them had anything worth stealing, and taking the ones that were worth something was often very difficult to get ahold of. Almost all alien beings and their descendants were tracked by organizations around the world, and anytime one went missing, they were quickly found with his pawns getting their memories wiped for the trouble. At least mutants were still easy to snatch up.
However, he still couldn’t steal their powers, only create a copy that he added to his hoard of powers. A useful ability, but it infuriated him to no end. How could he be All for One if he couldn’t have it all?! He alone was supposed to have the power!
Of course, a good chunk of his problems would be solved if he was not so horribly injured by the beatdown the smiling oaf had given him. Which was also not easy to deal with, much to his constant frustration.
In the modern world, healing quirks were not uncommon. All for One actually had one already within him, Super Regeneration. Unfortunately, most of them, Super Regeneration included, had severe drawbacks and limitations. In this case, Super Regeneration couldn’t heal tissue that had already been damaged beyond normal repair. Scarring, intense heat, acid, radiation, carbonadium, all of that would nullify the Quirk’s ability, as All for One had discovered when he tried to use it to heal himself after his injuries. Using Weather Manipulation damaged his body's cells, which had even worse results when he tried to use Super Regeneration to heal himself.
Thankfully, there were regenerative powers that circumvented these, but only three would fit what he needed. And all three came from the Big Three of healing powers: The Hulk, the Wolverine, and Deadpool.
Hulk was right out, as his powers were artificial in origin, and All for One was not going to risk another bit of exposure to gamma radiation.
Wolverine’s power would be perfect, but Logan has long since retired the mantle and given it to his daughter, Laura Kinney. Her regenerative power was good, but she rarely left America anymore, and Logan stayed at the X-manor as its history teacher. All for One could try to steal her power, but they both recognized his scent, as they were some of the first to attack him when he first publically appeared. He could use a proxy to try and take her away, but kidnapping a Pro Hero presented its own host of problems, and there was no guarantee that her healing factor was as strong as that of her father’s.
Which led to his current situation.
“Kurogiri, is the target in sight?”
.:It is, master.:. Kurogiri spoke over the radio. .:He’s taken the bait.:.
All for One couldn’t help but smile.
A black portal formed above the Super Villain, and a man in a red and black jumpsuit, upon which was a pair of katannas strapped to the back, fell through, his fist clutching a scrap of paper.
“Oooh, is this where the free tacos are??” asked the mercenary with the mouth, the regenerate degenerate, the ninja- “dude, we know it’s me, Deadpool! God, it’s amazing how this guy can just spew word vomit and not get anywhere!”
[I dunno, his reviewers seem to like it.]
“Please, these guys are nerds, they’ll read anything if it’s got dudes in spandex and skimpily dressed women!” Deadpool shot back.
[He’s got them there.]
All for One tilted his head in confusion, not understanding who Deadpool was talking to, or why the man had a fake beard glued to his mask’s chin.
[That’s so that people know we’re older!!]
[Of course, we’re not sure how old, since an established timeline has never been set up for this world.]
“Mr. Wilson.” All for One stared at the mercenary, seemingly arguing with thin air. Deadpool was brought out of his tangent, looking at All for One…. and laughed. All for One tilted his head, curious. “What’s so funny??”
“You… you’re the most powerful villain in My Hero Academia??” Deadpool naked, clutching his knees. “You look like Joseph Gordon Lovett in G.I.Joe: Rise of Cobra if he had a baby with Mr. Potatohead”
“...I have no idea who those people are.” All for One grumbled, feeling insulted at the mercenary’s lack of respect to the Quirk Thief.
“I mean, if you’re going to take up a name like “The Demon King of Japan” you should look somewhat cooler!” Deadpool said. “I mean, you just look like someone started designing a Darth Vader knockoff but quit before they even got halfway through!”
“What’s wrong with my outfit?!” All for One wheezed out.
“A business suit and a boring black mask?? LAME!” Deadpool said. “You need a costume, a REAL costume!! Like a cape!! Shoulder pads that could decapitate you with a shrug!! Blades on the arms!! A demon skull for a logo!! Seriously, whoever designed your outfit should have been fired, cause this look is L-A-Y-M-E!”
[I think it was Kōhei Horikoshi.]
[Also, you misspelled “lame.”]
“It’s called creative liberties, something the author is using in an overabundance!”
“ENOUGH!” Several black and red rivets shot out of the back of All for One, impaling the merc along his wrists and chest. “I will no longer tolerate your childish insults!” The supervillain growled and brought the Canadian merc closer.
“Oh, so we’re getting into THAT side of Japanese anime huh? I can dig it.” Deadpool winked at All for One, who immediately wretched.
“You are disgusting.” All for One snarled, and grabbed Wade’s head. “I brought you here for one reason and one reason only.”
“Oh, is this the part where you say “No, I am your father!”?” Deadpool asked, only to receive more rivets impaling him, though his only response was to moan in sensual pleasure. “Oh, harder daddy!!”
All for One snarled and focused. It took more effort than it would have if it had just been a Quirk, but All for One could feel the copy of Wade’s Healing Factor appearing within himself.
“Ooooh…. Tingly!” Wade said, unbothered by the feeling of his power being copied and added to the supervillain.
[Wait, how did All for One copy our power if it was given to us by artificial means?]
[Well, it did originally come from Wolverine, whose powers of regeneration are natural, so I guess that’s close enough for his Quirk to take it. Or maybe we’re going by the movie version where his power appeared to be natural.]
[Or, most likely, the author didn’t bother to double check, and by the time he realized this, was too lazy to change it.]
[That too.]
“Yes….! I can feel it working…!” All for One cackled, tossing Wade aside. The villain stood up out of the chair he sat in. He pulled the wires and tubes from his body, laughing as he could feel his internal injuries vanish in moments. All for One used a rivet to chop off his hand, the appendage returning within a minute, and without the scars it had gained from previous battles. Cackling with glee, All for One used his rivets to cut away more scarred tissue from his body, letting his new healing factor replace the damages with stronger, healthier organs and bones. His eyes once again became visible, allowing him to see without the use of his numerous stolen quirks for the first time in years. His lungs could breathe unfiltered oxygen once more, and his silver hair even started growing back!
Removing his unneeded oxygen mask, All for One took a deep breath, and sighed. “Thank you for this, Mr. Wilson. For this gift, I’ll make your death swift.” All for One turned to the man, currently on the ground, surrounded by blood, his shoulders shaking in… laughter..? “May I ask what’s so funny?”
“Oooh boy, you are NOT a Marvellite, huh Thumbface??” Wade Wilson asked from the ground, coughing up blood with each word even as his injuries closed up.
“What… are you talking about…?” One for All asked, tilting his head, and trying to ignore the light headache forming.
“Well, you see, you’re not the first person who’s tried to take my powers. Absorbing Man did once, but he got both my healing factor AND my cancer, whereas you only got my power due to how your Quirk works, much like when the Skrulls tried copying it. But my power, while coming from Wolverine, was modified to be used by my cancer ridden body. The healing factor’s always active, constantly generating new, healthy cells to replace the dead cancer ones, but without that cancer to keep it in check… well, now you’re just making new healthy cells nonstop, and those cells are making their own cells nonstop, and so on.”
[Check Deadpool, Volume 3, One of Us (Part III), Last Refuge of a Scoundrel for proof if you don’t believe the author!]
“...that’s ridiculous. Cancer doesn’t work that way.” All for One stated flatly. “Cancer just drains energy from living cells to fuel itself, it doesn’t….” All for One winced, holding his stomach. “Kill them.”
“It’s starting…!” Wade smiled, widely, his tone like an eager child about to watch his favorite cartoon.
“It’s just….” All for One winced. “It’s just a minor- AGH!” the Demon King fell to his knees. Already he could feel his arm and leg swelling up, followed by his foot, and his pectorals. They were inflating like hideous balloons, painfully tearing through his suit, and he could feel his face and back following suit.
“Oh damn! Looks like you’re gonna pop soon!” Wade chuckled. “I wish I had some popcorn! Though I’m kind of surprised it happened so soon. The Skrulls who copied my power took a while to get this side effect, though clearly the author doesn’t give a crap about continuity, since he’s been shoving different canons through a wood-chipper and duct taping it back together to form this world.”
If Deadpool actually had any sense, he would know better than to insult the man who literally controls his every action. But as it was, Deadpool’s power coursed through All for One, his briefly healthy body becoming painfully swollen, and from the depths of his subconscious, a voice rang out, reading out the exact words that the reader of this fanfic was looking over.
“Wait… who is that?!” All for One looked around, panicked even as his eyes became enclosed in tumors. Switching to the Quirks that gave him extra senses, he yelled in shock, looking upon the face of the nerd reading the fanfic. “Who is that?! What are they doing?!”
“Welcome to the club of Fourth Wall Breakers, All for One!” Deadpool exclaimed happily, blowing into a party horn. “Now you see the truth of existence!! We…. ARE FANFIC CHARACTERS!”
“AGH!!! NO!!!” All for One, going mad from hearing the narration spawned several rivets and started slicing off chunks of his own flesh, desperately attempting to stave off the encroaching madness born from the mind of the Merc with the- “SHUT UP!!! I AM THE MOST POWERFUL SUPERVILLAIN ALIVE!!”
{Are we though?? Doctor Doom is still at the top of SHIELD’s most wanted list.}
{Wait.. holy crap we exist!!}
“What are those things hovering above me?!”
“Oh, those are wordboxes.” Deadpool helpfully supplied as he poked around the lab, growing more bored by the minute. “I know, kinda hard to see it when this is a purely text format, but they’re like those wordboxes in comics. Oh wait, here it’s manga, right?”
“SHUT UP!!! SHUT UUUUUUP!!” All for One clutched his head, screaming and mutilating himself more and more to try and silence the voices, the wordboxes, and the narration being written by the man he was glaring at. Wait what?! Oh crap, All for One just reached through the screen, aiming his rivets at the writer’s very panicked face!!
“YOU!!! YOU WILL REVERSE THIS!!!” All for One shouted, but before he could move he found himself pinned by an elephant- no, a statue of an elephant made of osmium! “HOW?!”
“And that’s why we don’t mess with narrators.” Deadpool quipped, eating a taco. “They can control anything and everything in this world. But usually they’re just some fat loser sitting beneath my mom- HEY!”
I warned you. Don’t insult the narrator.
“Well joke’s on you! My mom’s dead!” Deadpool said.
[Wait, is she??]
“Huh, you know, I’m actually not sure.” Deadpool put a hand to his chin, tapping his wrist stump in thought- oh, wait, All for One was still kicking.
“ENOUGH OF THIS!!”” All for One forced himself up, even as more rivets grew from his back, out of control and flailing. “I will… not be bested…. By some insane madman!”
“Well that’s the thumb calling the merc scarred. Wait, what’s that even supposed to-” Deadpool was promptly interrupted by a rivet stabbing into his stomach.
*STAB!!!*
“OW, MY APPENDIX!” Deadpool glared at the tumor ridden villain. “Fine, you wanna get some action scenes?!!?” He drew a pair of pistols labeled Ebony Butter & Ivory Margarine. “Then let’s go, Darth Potatohead!”
Deadpool ripped himself off of the rivets, firing his pistols at the Demon King. “BANG! BANG BANG BANG!! BANGA-BANG BANG!”
The shots riddled across the Quirk Thief’s body, the wounds healing over in moments, who retaliated with a grotesque arm throwing a forward punch. Each blow that connected shattered Deadpool’s bones, but he was able to move through the pain and allow himself to heal over. In addition, Deadpool was able to ignore it thanks to years of putting up with unending pain.
“Yeah, it sucked, but hey, it means I’m not bothered by most damages, and unlike most people without a pain sensation, I can heal from any damages without a problem!”
“SHTOP TAHLKING!!” All for One yelled, his lips bloated.
{Yeah, he’s trying to kill you!}
{At least take this seriously.}
“Can’t!! This is what people wanna see!” Deadpool shot back, before shooting back with a pistol. A rivet tried to impale the merc, but he dodged and sliced it off, his katana chopping through the appendage without issue. “Me, annoying the shit out of people while making pop culture references!”
All for One grew spears and bones from his hands, throwing out his arms, which stretched like rubber, the blow nearly liquefying the merc.
[Wait, aren’t those quirks from his Nomu?]
[Well, he probably has copies of the quirks he gives out, like Muscle Augmentation from-]
“Yeah, no one gives a shit about the explanations or analyzing!” Deadpool interrupted, healing from his injuries in seconds. All for One tried to move again, but the sheer weight of his out of control cells made him unable to move. It was clear the man was going to go critical soon. And the results would not be pretty.
.:My lord, what’s going on- OH ESSEX’S BALLS!!:.
All for One painfully turned to a screen, showing the retching Doctor. “Ah need… Ah corpshe…! A nahmu…! SHOMETHING AH CAHN TRANSHFER THISH POHWAH TOO!!”
.:Ri-right away!!:. The Doctor got to work, preparing a Nomu.
“So, since neither of us are marking real progress in killing each other, and the narrator won’t let me unalive you because of plot bullshit, I think I’m just gonna go.” Deadpool got up, and, with a double middle finger, pressed the button on his teleportation belt, vanishing in a flash of light.
All for One couldn’t even seethe, in too much pain to move anything except his new rivets. Moving faster than he ever thought possible even with his quirks, the villain started removing chunks of deformed flesh from himself. He wasn’t acting surgical or neat, like when he first got the Healing Factor. He wasn’t even slicing off most of them. In pained desperation, the man was going so far as to rip out chunks of his own flesh and branding it until he could get down to a barely manageable level. But it was clear that even this ridiculous speed wasn’t enough… the Healing Factor was exponentially increasing his Cell’s healing, and all the Quirks within him were adding to its power. There was no way to keep up with it for a sustainable time.
{Wait, I have an idea!!}
“Shu ohp, shu ohp!!” All for One growled out as he continued his mad self mutilation.
{No, listen!!! You need to use the weather manipulating Quirk! The one we took from subject Nine!}
{What?! That’s ridiculous!}
{But that quirk damages cells!! The reason this power is out of control is because the cells aren’t being destroyed fast enough! But if we use a big enough Weather Manipulation…!}
{Then the backlash would slow down the Healing Factor’s growth!}
Desperate for any solution, All for One focused. He created lightning bolts, tornados, rain clouds in the room with him. He pushed the Quirk’s limits, forcing the weather outside to change in a several mile radius. People outside panicked. Heroes prepared to act. Everyone thought that an omega-level threat had appeared.
All for One did his best to ignore the writer’s unneeded blabbering. He would have tried threatening the man again, but he wasn’t sure that he would even be able to follow through on it before he died a painful, humiliating death with soiled pants.
But nevertheless, the Voice’s suggestion was working!
The growth of new cells was slowing! The rivets were slicing away enough flesh that he could properly move again!
But he could feel his stamina wearing down. Even with quirks that gave him energy, the Quirk Thief was having trouble keeping it up.
All for One stopped the Weather Manipulation, chopping off his legs, panting in exertion. He was now a collection of scars and blisters. Side effects of trying to use heat to slow down the growth.
At that moment, a Nomu appeared with Kurogiri.
All for One grabbed its leg. It was a fairly basic Nomu. Super strength and, super regeneration, and muscle augmentation. The standard package, one could say. Trying to ignore the words still flowing into his head, the insane revelations about everything, All for One, with much effort, forced the Healing Factor power into the Nomu, removing it from his own being.
{Well, I guess this is goodby
{Aw man, I liked exis
Silence.
Sweet silence.
All for One panted, looking around with his quirks. There was no fourth wall. No omniscient voice dictating his actions. No strange three-dimensional beings observing the story on a website. No inane chatter from two voices that he could somehow see.
Just silence… and pain.
All for One shakily got to his feet, looking himself over. He was at least capable of seeing normally again, and he didn’t require his breathing apparatus at the moment, but he could still feel a painful sensation in his lungs. He was covered in massive cuts and burns, only just barely healed by Healing Factor before he could remove it. He was missing three of the fingers on his left hand. His right ear was gone, along with a chunk of his right cheek, exposing muscle and bone. One of his feet would need to be replaced. Super Regeneration might be able to mitigate the damages, but the burns and scarring would likely remain.
And his hair was gone, burned away by a superheated rivet. Damn.
All in all, he looked like a burn ward patient… and felt just about the same as one.
A screech of pain drew All for One out of his musings, as the nomu he requested started bloating, uncontrollably, until-
*SPLAT!*
All for One sighed, calmly wiping away the rapidly rotting remains that landed on his face. In spite of the flaws, the Healing Factor had been useful, at first. He had been hoping he could store it in the necrotic creature, taking the power back only when he needed the healing. Given time, he was certain that the Doctor would have even been able to modify it into the perfect power that he needed. But alas, it was gone… and All for One was not going to risk a confrontation with Deadpool’s insanity once again just to obtain an imperfect power.
“Doctor… Clean up this mess… I need to lie down.” All for One muttered. He turned to the medical bed he had been laying on, but stopped when he spotted his reflection. At least now he looked more distinctive. Maybe he would get a nice cape. Something dark and ominous. With spikes.
Perhaps Mr. Wilson’s comments regarding his simple appearance had some merit…
Or perhaps that was the lingering insanity.
All for One should probably get that checked out.
“Aaaaand that was my encounter with Japan’s Number Thumb baddie!!”
Deadpool lounged about in a pool, wearing only his mask, Hello Kitty swim trunks, and red & black crocs, laying on an All Might-faced kiddie inner tube.
“So, what did we all learn today??”
[That the author is fucked up and enjoys writing villains getting their just desserts in painful, humiliating ways?]
I just take what I’m given and make the best of it.
[That’s what she said!]
“Well said!” Deadpool cheered, raising his bottle of tequila.
{“Hey!! Who the fuck are you and what’re you doing in my pool?!”}
Deadpool turned to the pool’s owner, a VERY angry looking cartel boss who bore a strange resemblance to Hector Salamanca.
[Like anyone remembers who that is.]
[Breaking Bad isn’t THAT old.]
{“Well, Senior, I’m Deadpool, and I was hired by some really upset families to murder you in retribution for your recent actions involving the drug trade.”} the merc cheerfully explained in perfect Spanish, getting up. {“As for why I’m in your pool… because it’s hot and I wanted to soak. Also, blood cleans up REALLY well around pool tiles.”}
{“Now then…”} Deadpool reached behind his swim trunks and pulled out a pistol. “Hasta la vista, baby.”