Chapter 1
I hated my life. Sometimes a person wants to be someone else...looks at others and thinks...why can't I be someone else?
I remember when I was 7...I used to go with my friend Claudia to her house. We did our homework, then there was a delicious dinner cooked by her mother, and then we played until the evening. I always thought then, why can't there be something like this in my house? Why doesn't my mom do this?
In my house there were only arguments about money and debts.
I was a bullied child, many times I thought about suicide.
Loki suddenly came into my life.
I met him very late... when I was 18 my father died. Then I was skipping school a lot in that time...I went to the cinema. I didn't like superhero movies, but it was popular. The first MCU movie I went to was Captain Marvel. I was alone in the cinema room because I was there during the hours when people are at school or at work.
I didn't enjoy the movie, but overall it was about getting through another day at the time.
The next movie was Endgame....
I went to Endgame knowing nothing! Having only watched one movie and only knowing Spider-Man from cartoon!
I sat through the whole movie trying to understand what was happening on the screen... I didn't even notice Loki then, it was a short scene, I was trying to understand the movie... I just missed him then.
When the movie ended...I knew what I had to do...watch the previous movies to understand what was happening on the screen.
I haven't watched the MCU movies in chronological order. I didn't even know what the correct chronology was.
I first saw him in The Avengers.
A young girl who doesn't have a kind soul... hating to look at herself in the mirror, constantly tormented by bad people who are her ''family''.
And I watch the handsome Loki kill the Shield agents.
I loved him at first sight.
He was so strong, handsome, ruthless. I didn't care what the characters thought...
I was interested in politics, but I had no connections to ever try. Add my social anxiety, my family's bad opinion (you can't handle it!)...I've never tried. But I read, listened to lectures and podcasts. I've always liked history. I learned about corruption, incompetence, lack of respect for human rights... I quickly decided that Loki would be a better ruler than human rule (funny that subsequent films confirmed my arguments... Hydra actually ruled the world in 2012).
I loved Loki with all my heart.
I watched the rest of his videos, read metas, analyses, fanfictions.... Then I watched the series.... Personally, I wanted to rip Mobius and Sylvie apart for treating Loki. Add Kevin Feige and all MCU for doing it to Loki. I loved him with all my heart...but there was a sadness in my heart that even if he were real...he would never look at me. I was fat, with pimples on my face... I lived my love for him... he was the only meaning of my life... a bright spot in a dark life with no prospects. And suddently....I woke up here...in MCU.
Here is my story...