An Interview For The MASSES!
We open on a scene where The contestants, Maverick, Volo, the Barbie and Kens hosting their shows, and a few of the Minions are gathered up on a stage. The scene is being filmed by Camerawoman Barbie, as Interviewer Barbie is seen hosting the event.
Interviewer Barbie: Hello everyone! And welcome to the “You Can Do Anything” Talent Show pre show!
A Random Ken: Which also doubles for the way cooler Ultra Awesome Super Cool Talent Show Extravaganza, hosted by us Kens!
Interviewer Barbie: Today we’ll be asking our contestants, as well as other members of the production, questions sent in from you viewers at home!
A Random Ken: This is going to be so sick! Isn’t that right Barbie?
Interviewer Barbie: That’s right! Anyway, you can leave now Ken.
A Random Ken: Oh… okay…
The random Ken leaves the scene, clearly disappointed in Barbie not wanting him around.
Interviewer Barbie: With him gone, let’s start the questions! First question, “To anyone that isn't Maverick, Volo, or Ramune, what are your thoughts on Guy Blanko?”
Luz: I hate that guy!He lies just to cause drama!
Chris: That’s exactly why I love that guy!
Junko: (Now in cutesy mode) He just loves giving us despair! And I think that’s great!
Luz: I think these answers tell us everything. The contestants who actually like him are the ones who are very obviously malicious villains.
Chris: I think there’s nothing wrong with being a malicious villain! They make the best drama!
Pacifica: And some of us want things to be peace and drama free!
Chris: Look, without drama, everything’s boring! We’d be nowhere without it!
Interviewer Barbie: Personally, I disagree!We got rid of all of the drama in our world and everything’s great!
Chris: Then your world’s probably boring.
Interviewer Barbie: Ignoring the guy who insulted our world, let’s move on to the next question! “To Maverick: why are you an ORIGINAL CHARACTER DO NOT STEAL kinda guy?”
Maverick: I’ll be honest, I have no idea what you’re even talking about. It’s not like I don’t steal original characters! Ramune is technically an original character, and I stole her!
Ramune: I am truly one of a kind!
Interviewer Barbie: Next up, “To Volo: You didn't answer my question last time! Sussy amongus crewmate sus impostor vent baka amogus!?”
Volo: What even is this? Is it that you think that I’m the spy?! I’m not the spy at all! I don’t even know what “sussy,” “amongus,” and “vent baka” even mean! Stop asking these pointless questions!
Interviewer Barbie: Next, we have a ton of questions for Peacemaker! “To Peacemaker: Does peacekeeping comprises activities, especially military ones, intended to create conditions that favor lasting peace?”
Peacemaker: Peacemaking is totally intended to create conditions that favor lasting peace!
Interviewer Barbie: “Does research generally find that peacekeeping reduces civilian and battlefield deaths, as well as reduce the risk of renewed warfare?”
Peacemaker: In order to keep the peace, sometimes we have to have innocent civilians and soldiers on the battlefield die. They are sacrifices that are needed in order for warfare to be reduced overall!
Interviewer Barbie: “Within the United Nations (UN) group of nation-state governments and organizations, is there a general understanding that at the international level, peacekeepers monitor and observe peace processes in post-conflict areas, and may assist ex-combatants in implementing peace agreement commitments that they have undertaken?”
Peacemaker: There is such a general understanding! When it comes to implementing peace…
Blah, blah, blah, he says other stuff about implementing peace. You get the gist by now.
Interviewer Barbie: “May such assistance come in many forms, including confidence-building measures, power-sharing arrangements, electoral support, strengthening the rule of law, and economic and social development?”
Peacemaker: It can come in the types of assistance you’ve mentioned! It’s just that sometimes, they can fail, and in those times you have to resort to violence in order to obtain peace instead!
Interviewer Barbie: “Accordingly, can the UN peacekeepers (often referred to as Blue Berets or Blue Helmets because of their light blue berets or helmets) include soldiers, police officers, and civilian personnel?”
Peacemaker: Yes they can! Like I said, sometimes you need violence in order to obtain peace, and these guys are masters of committing violence for the greater good!
Maverick: Hey, this is taking up a lot of screen time-
Peacemaker: Let her continue! These are very important questions!
Interviewer Barbie: “Is the United Nations not the only organisation to implement peacekeeping missions?”
Peacemaker: There are plenty of other organizations that implement peacekeeping missions! The Suicide Squad is one of them! I should know, considering that I have been on the team before!
Interviewer Barbie: “Does non-UN peacekeeping forces include the NATO mission in Kosovo (with United Nations authorisation) and the Multinational Force and Observers on the Sinai Peninsula or the ones organised by the European Union (like EUFOR RCA, with UN authorisation) and the African Union (like the African Union Mission in Sudan)?”
Peacemaker: Yes.
Luz: Make this all stop…
Interviewer Barbie: “Under international law, are peacekeepers non-combatants due to their neutral stance in the conflict between two or more belligerent parties (to the same extent as neutral personnel and properties outside of peacekeeping duties) and are to be protected from attacks at all times?”
Peacemaker: Also yes!
Wyldstyle: You just answered with the same response! Only with an “also” now!
Lucy: I’m gonna pound whoever asked these questions! They should know that politics is one of the three things that should never be discussed with people!
Anne: What are the other two things we shouldn’t talk about?
Lucy: Religion and the Great Pumpkin.
Anne: What’s the Great Pump-
Lucy: NO.
Anne: Okay then.
Interviewer Barbie: Look, this is the last question, I promise! “And lastly, are you really a peacekeeper, or are you just a warmonger?”
Peacemaker: Of course I’m a peacekeeper! What bitch sent a question like this?! We’re moving on!
Maverick: Yes! Now we can finally have actual good non-political questions!
Interviewer Barbie: This next question is for you Maverick! “To Maverick: Can you pleeeease please please PWEASE (uwu) let Axel in Harlem cameo in your show??? Pwease??????/?”
Maverick: On second thought, I’d rather go back to the political questions.
Interviewer Barbie: Actually, we sent Axel in Harlem to have a special guest appearance because of this very question!
Maverick: WAIT NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Music blasts in as Axel in Harlem makes a very flashy entrance, as he-
Maverick: Nope! We’re not having him here!
Maverick snaps his fingers, and Axel in Harlem disintegrates into ash.
Interviewer Barbie: That answers your question dear viewer! Next up is a request to Berdly! “Berdly, please monologue about whatever you want for as long as you want. I will listen.”
Berdly: If it is a monologue you want, then it is a monologue you will get! I shall recount to you a famous legend from our world! Once upon a time, a LEGEND was whispered among shadows. It was a LEGEND of HOPE. It was a LEGEND of DREAMS. It was a LEGEND of LIGHT. It was a LEGEND of DARK. This is the legend of DELTA RUNE For millenia, LIGHT and DARK have lived in balance, Bringing peace to the WORLD. But if this harmony were to shatter… a terrible calamity would occur. The sky will run black with terror And the land will crack with fear. Then, her heart pounding… The EARTH will draw her final breath. Only then, shining with hope… Three HEROES appear at WORLDS' edge. A HUMAN, A MONSTER, And a PRINCE FROM THE DARK. Only they can seal the fountains And banish the ANGEL'S HEAVEN. Only then will balance be restored, And the WORLD saved from destruction. Today, the FOUNTAIN OF DARKNESS- The geyser that gives this land form- Stands tall at the center of the kingdom. But recently, another fountain has appeared on the horizon… And with it, the balance of LIGHT and DARK begins to shift… this is the LEGEND… of DELTARUNE.
Maverick: Huh, thought he would monologue for longer.
Berdly: Of course, this legend eventually became reality, as it has turned into a grand adventure starring yours truly, Berdly! As well as my dear friends Noelle, Kris, and Susie, as well as some weird goat from the Dark World named Ralsei! Let me recount to you this tale…
Maverick: (Whispers to Interviewer Barbie) I advise you to change the program for a few hours. This will take a while.
Interviewer Barbie: (Whispers to the audience) We’ll continue this later! See you next time on the “You Can Do Anything” Talent Show Preshow!
5 hours later…
Berdly: And we all lived happily ever after… that is until we inevitably do a third chapter of adventure! Who knows when that third chapter will happen? We’ve all been patiently waiting…
Interviewer Barbie: Now that Berdly’s monologue is FINALLY done, we can move on! Here’s our next question! “Rowley, you're cool. How do you stick by your true morals despite all the murder and cheating and whatnot around you? Same question to Snow White.”
Rowley: I think that if we stay kind and true to ourselves, we’ll be rewarded for our good behavior!
Snow White: I agree! Our dreams will always come true if we don’t give up!
Interviewer Barbie: “Chris, you've been a host of one of these things before, so you know all about the alliances, friendships, betrayals, and more that come with a competition. Who is the biggest potential traitor here?”
Chris: That’s easy! Junko! She’s the type who would betray a person close to her because of how much despair it’ll bring.
Junko: (Now in depressed mode) Just like that one time when I murdered the love of my life so I could feel that sweet feeling of despair…
Volo: I’m not even surprised…
Lucy: There’s no more shock value with these types of lines anymore!
Interviewer Barbie: “Osma, why did *that* particular fish matter so much to you?”
Osma: He was my only friend… the only one who was able to comfort me… the only one who gave me any joy… I MISS HIM SO MUCH!!!
Interviewer Barbie: “Perry, *chittering noises*”
Perry: (Chitters back.)
Interviewer Barbie: “Ramune, I know this isn't a question but shoot Volo again please. It happened in the CDCAT finale but it's gotta happen again come on it would be so cool maverick please give the gun just for this.”
Ramune: Yes! Give me the gun Maverick!
Volo: No! Don’t hand her the gun!
Ramune: Do it! It would be so epic!
Maverick: Nope, I’m not letting you shoot my co-host! I would never betray Volo like that!
Undyne: Hey, I have a bunch of spears! Ramune! Take him down with this!
Undyne gives Ramune a spear.
Ramune: YES. You’re done for Volo!
Ramune throws a spear at Volo’s arm. It hits his arm successfully.
Volo: Gah!
Ramune: Yes! Now you will feel the pain without you needing to die!
Volo: Screw you!
Interviewer Barbie: “Let’s move on to our next question before things get too violent, shall we? Volo, fuck you! Again! Ramune please shoot him! Again!”
Volo: Wait, I thought you didn’t want things to get more vi-
His other arm is hit by a spear thrown by Ramune.
Volo: Ow!
Ramune: Woohoo!
Undyne: Good job Ramune! It’s about time we got revenge on the ones who torment us!
Volo: Maverick! Stop this at once!
Maverick: Uh… okay.
Maverick takes out a gun and shoots Volo, killing him. Everyone looks at the now dead Volo in shock.
Maverick: Look, if I didn’t kill him here you guys would keep on torturing him. I did him a favor. Moving on!
Interviewer Barbie: Next question, Lucy, which idiot here is most likely to fall for the football trick?
Lucy: You’re basically asking me who’s the most gullible member of the cast. Hmm… I’ll say Anne!
Anne: What the heck?! I’m not that gullible!
Lucy: There are a lot of character flaws that you have. I bet you don’t even have the skills to kick a football.
Anne: Of course I can kick a football! I’ll do it right now!
Lucy: Let’s do it then! I’ll hold up a football, and you’ll kick it.
Anne: Sounds easy! This surely has no way of backfiring against me.
Anne runs up to kick the football, but Lucy takes it out of the ground right as Anne tries to kick it, causing her to fall to the ground. Lucy stares down at Anne.
Lucy: My judgment is always accurate.
Interviewer Barbie: Sonic, S O N C
Sonic: I still have no idea what that’s supposed to stand for. Anyway, are there any more questions for me?
Interviewer Barbie: (Skims the rest of the questions.) No, actually.
Sonic: Then I’m not sitting around waiting in here. I’ve been way too bored for too many hours! Catch you later guys!
Sonic runs out of the room, probably to get some chili dogs or something.
Interviewer Barbie: Let’s move on. “Undyne, you're cool. I can't think of a question right now uhhhhhh something something lesbian fish”
Undyne: Thanks for the support!
Interviewer Barbie: “Vector help how do I do vectors in mathematics I am struggling”
Vector: Vectors are quantities that have direction and magnitude! Just like me! Whenever you’re struggling with vectors just think of how much direction and magnitude I have, and you’ll be doing great!
Interviewer Barbie: “Jacques- oh wait, Jacques is still dead. Hooray!”
Wyldstyle: Are we really cheering that much about someone being dead?
Maverick: Counterpoint, he’s Jacques. And Jacques is a total bitch.
Murmurs of agreement are heard.
Interviewer Barbie: Maverick, thoughts on The Maverick, the guy from OMORI who claims to be the one, the only, Maverick?
Maverick: I don’t even know who he is. All I know is that not only is he not the best Maverick, he isn’t even the second best Maverick! Tom Cruise’s Maverick clears him! Get wrecked you wannabe Maverick that I never even knew existed!
Interviewer Barbie: “Death, can you like. postpone my death schedule for a bit i got college applications so i'll be busy. wait does death even count as someone i can ask”
Maverick: No! Don’t summon-
An ominous whistle is heard.Maverick goes silent. Death is seen lurking in the background, his eyes on the manipulative triangle.
Audience Member Barbie: Wait, don’t we ignore feelings of death?
Interviewer Barbie: You’re right! We should ignore those feelings of death! You should too, dear viewer! Let’s see what else we have! “Alright the questions are too much so the rest are rapid fire:
Luz, you're cool, congrats on your placement in ECER.
Wyldstyle, you're kinda sus but alright.
Anne, you're also cool and what even was the puzzle a picture of?
Anne: Two adorable koalas making the Titanic pose on a ship!
Interviewer Barbie: Captain America, uhh... also cool
Morty I voted to eliminate you earlier but my thoughts have since changed,
Mr. Snake follow your heart or something,
Mr. Snake: Don’t worry! I won’t listen to your advice!
Interviewer Barbie: Chloe- wait nevermind
Cat in the- shit nevermind
Pacifica, Chloe is like you from Dollar Tree,
Goomba, you can fight for what you believe in since you know death is impermanent,
Peacemaker, uhh... I actually have no idea.
And last but definitely least, Junko, fuck you with the force of a thousand Volos! But in a more joking manner than despairful!”
Junko: (Now In Queen Mode) Saying that in a joking manner is disrespectful! I would rather have despair!
Interviewer Barbie: Next question is “To one Chris McLean,
I have been made aware that, supposedly, you have 'spit a pit of flames' over 'this killer bass' and that you have dissed 'squid game's resident saw descendent', who was 'enforcing [an] old knob's psychotic lessons'.
Thoughts?
Sincerely,” someone who didn’t write their name at the end of the message.
Chris: The Killer Bass was the weaker team in Total Drama Island when it came to competence, so it makes sense for me to “spit a pit of flames” over them. Also Squid Game, Saw, and all of their descendants are way worse than Total Drama, since they don’t have a host as charismatic as me! Also, your message makes no sense!
Interviewer Barbie: Next up is an interview message from one of the CECU’s most popular hosts: “hi ramune, it's your ex-host bfdi rocky here. now i should know the answer to this already but i need proof of an answer so a certain SOMEONE stops being a negative little bitch and stops thinking th9 6y547t8ghruoivebnfj”
Ramune: Don’t worry BFDI Rocky! Volo is as good as dead!
Interviewer Barbie: Oh! And there’s another note in the bottom! "so my computer ended up getting destroyed while trying to input this question, and now i need to find a replacement because try as i might, the replacements i try and make myself end up running worse which is no good! to remedy this, i'll ask a different question from before: chris, let's say you had to host a new season of total drama consisting of 14 people all from the show you're competing on now, MASSES. who would you pick to get the best, most drama inducing and most importantly, best for ratings season? your options aren't just limited to the contestants, but also maverick himself and volo if you really wanted to include them)”
Chris: I’m getting a lot of questions today! Must speak to my everlasting popularity! Here’s who I’d say would be good for Total Drama! Junko would be an amazing villain, Ramune would bring some fun chaos, Luz could have some juicy angst, Peacemaker would give us some funny violence, Berdly can play the “annoying nerd” stereotype well, Perry would be that one random character who everyone likes, Lucy would have some enjoyable snark, Sonic would be seen as a cool, chill guy that could be fun for people to watch, Undyne has some good passion that would work well in the show, Vector could be a funny wannabe who is sometimes successful but mostly a flop, Captain America can work nicely as the straight man of the group, Pacifica isn’t awful as the redeemed mean girl trope that everyone likes, Wyldstyle has an alright edge to her, and I don’t hate Mr. Snake as much as everyone else left! There you have it! My theoretical cast out of everyone here!
Interviewer Barbie: “A bit early or a bit late, but to all the contestants:
How would you say your chances of victory are?”
Chris: Very likely! I’m famous, so of course the viewers would want me to win!
Snow White: 🎶I have a solid chance!🎶
Rowley: I’d like to stay positive and say that I’d also have a good chance!
Osma: I have no idea what my odds are! They’re probably average! But then again, I like fishes that are average, so I like those chances!
Ramune: I’m a fan favorite from CDCAT! I think I got this!
Junko: (Analytical Mode) I have a 95.238% chance of losing.
Captain America: I’d like to be humble and say that I have a moderate chance.
Peacemaker: I’d like to be more than humble and say that I have a chance that’s higher than moderate!
Goomba: I have more of a chance at winning the game than my fellow Goombas have of living a long life without getting stomped on!
Undyne: My chances are way better than a lot of the others here!
Wyldstyle: I’ll be brutally honest, after I almost went home last vote, my chances are low.
Luz: I got an advantage in my first vote, so that’s a decent sign that I could maybe do well…
Anne: I think I can do it! Hopefully my fans will carry me all the way through!
Lucy: These blockheads have no chance against someone as lovely as me!
Berdly: I can already see that I am a favorite of the fans! I have a strong chance!
Morty: Aw geez… I dunno… I probably have okay chances.
Vector: The win will be as good as mine!
Pacifica: I’d usually be arrogant and say that I’d crush the competition. Anyway, I’d probably crush my competition.
Perry: (Chitters optimistically.)
Sonic runs back for a moment.
Sonic: Just so you know, I think I definitely have good chances of winning! Now that I’ve answered this question, I’m gonna go back to do something more interesting. Gotta go fast!
Sonic once again leaves in a dash.
Interviewer Barbie: Now that we’ve all heard your thoughts, here’s the next message! “WOOOOH. MAGANDANG UMAGA/HAPON/GABI MGA BOBO‼️⁉️⁉️‼️
Here’s the questions(ishy ish ish) I got:…
Maverick: Apology accepted, mate. Dont worry, you’re not the only one who thought Filipino was some sort of code. (Also I cried for 4 months waiting for this).”
Maverick: Nice to know that you have accepted my apology! Hopefully I won’t misinterpret any foreign languages as secret codes anymore, and I hope that we won’t have to wait 4 months for a new MASSES entry anymore!
(Note: Sadly, we had to wait 4 months for the next MASSES entry.)
Interviewer Barbie: “Barbies and the Kens: Thoughts on the contestants.” Well… I like them! Except for the crazy one who always goes on about death and despair. Don’t you agree, audience?
The audience cheers in support.
A Random Ken: These guys are gonna teach us about the patriarchy!
Interviewer Barbie: Okay… let’s continue this then! “Contestants: Thoughts on the Barbies and the Kens.”
Pacifica: I think you girls are causing us to have self-esteem issues because of your impossible image of perfection.
The Barbies start to cry as they think about how they might have hurt the girls they were supposed to inspire.
Snow White: Don’t listen to Pacifica! Me and plenty of other young women all over the world are inspired by your beauty and perfection!
Interviewer Barbie: Yeah! Don’t listen to Pacifica! We’re all still amazing!
The Barbies all cheer.
Pacifica: Way to go for ignoring my point…
A Random Ken: How about us Kens? You all think we’re cool?
A silence falls over the whole room.
Morty: Uh, I think you guys are cool.
The Kens erupt in cheers.
Interviewer Barbie: Alright, alright, quiet down! Let’s see what else this person has to say! “Allan: You are so real for everything but thoughts on life of being the only one of your kind”
Allan: (Standing awkwardly in the corner.) It’s nice to be appreciated.
Interviewer Barbie: “Snake:….Ya dont like being called emo, more over, ya dont like being called depressed. What do you want me to call ya now?! PRETTY PINK EMO PRINCESS OF ARROGANCE ITSELF?!?”
Mr. Snake: How about you call me Mr. Snake and leave me alone? That sounds great!
Interviewer Barbie: “Snowwhite: How the fuck can you sing.”
Snow White: 🎶Because I have good vocal cords!🎶
Interviewer Barbie: “To Everyone: How do you feel knowing that one day in your life, everything you once loved, seen, heard of, liked, and felt, will all disappear into a sheer nothingness. Everything will be forgotten one day, including you. Everything will stop, including the insides of your body. It’ll all stop working. You will be extinguished and forgotten one day, with noone ever noticing that you had just ceased from existence.
Ok thats all biii:3
-x”
…
Junko: (Now in vulgar mode)I like this guy!
Interviewer Barbie: We have one viewer that just said “Gay roomba gay roomba gay roomba gay roomba gay roomba gay roomba”
Goomba: I’m not gay! And I’m definitely not a roomba! I don’t even know what a roomba is!
Interviewer Barbie: Here is our last question of the day! “To Undyne: How well do you trust everyone (the contestants)?”
Undyne: Not at all! I totally believe that these guys would backstab me at any moment! Yes, even the fish lady!
Osma: Aw…
Undyne: Well, everyone except for Perry. He’s fine.
Perry: (Chitter of approval.)
Interviewer Barbie: To Chris: How does it feel to be a contestant in another show?
Chris: I feel like my all important power of hosting a show was given to someone way worse than me!
Maverick: Hey!
Chris: And I’m gonna make sure that it goes back to the person that it deserves! Me!
Maverick: Oh no you don’t! If you try anything I will ruin you the same way you ruined Topher’s confidence in himself!
Chris: Oh yeah… Topher… hated that guy… I’m not becoming just like him… right?
Maverick: You are becoming exactly like him.
Chris: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Interviewer Barbie: And lastly, “To the Kens: Why not gender equality?”
A Random Ken: Well-
Interviewer Barbie: That’s all we have for today! Stay tuned for the next episode of MASSES, featuring the “You Can Do Anything” Talent Show hosted by Talent Show Judge Barbie!
A Random Ken: What about my answer to the question-
Interviewer Barbie: Doesn’t matter! Let’s all have a giant blowout party with planned choreography and a bespoke song at my house!
The Barbies and Kens leave, as the interviews are over.
Maverick: Glad that’s done. Let’s go back to our dimension now. It’s not like we’ll be waiting half a year for this to continue!
Everyone gets in the pink vehicles they arrived in to leave Barbieland and go back to the mall base.
Maverick: “Another challenge done, another Maverick victory won! Time to get some well earned relaxation- HOT FUZZ, WHAT THE ACTUAL HECK ARE THESE GUYS DOING HERE?!”
In front of the mall there is a deluge of characters… characters from the hit CECU entry Crossover Conquest Redux, as this leads to CCR having a crossover with our very own MASSES! Here it is!: Crossover Conquest Redux’s Crossover With MASSES! (Yes this chapter of Crossover Conquest has been here for like, 4 months. That’s how long it took me to get to the freakin interviews. I hate my procrastination.)