History Has It’s Eyes On You(r Performance)
The episode opens with Maverick typing a voting reason for one of the CECU shows, as some of his contestants peer on from the outside.
Maverick: It is time for me to cook!
Ramune: HOLY SHIT IS THAT THE ROOM WHERE IT HAPPENS?!
Cat In The Hat: No one really knew how the game was played, the art of the charade, how the sausage gets made.
Luz: I just assume that voting happens. But I guess no one else was in the room where it happened.
Maverick: Why do I hear Hamilton references?!
Captain America: What does their comments have to do with our first Secretary of the Treasury, Alexander Hamilton?
Maverick: Because Hamilton has a musical called Hamilton that they quoted.
Confessional:
Lucy: Even historical figures are getting commercialized. What a world we live in.
Confessional End
Snow White: Maverick, did I hear you say musical? Can I hear some of it, pretty please?
Maverick: You know, Minions! Show them a screening of Hamilton in the movie theater! And now I can finally cook!
Lucy: There isn’t even a kitchen! How are you cooking?!
Maverick: It’s a metaphor from a Toy Story Kingdom Hearts meme that represents letting me do something cool! Now let me do something cool and cook!
Maverick snaps the contestants to the theater, as he gets to work. Volo comes in to see Maverick’s voting reason.
Volo: Ah, so this is where you did all your infamous manipulating.
Maverick: Yep, built out my whole reputation here.
Volo: Why did you stop manipulating anyway?
Maverick: Who says I stopped? Maybe for now, but I don’t want to fade into obscurity!
Volo: You do have this show though.
Maverick: Fair enough.
Ramune: Hey! Why are you letting that bozo in the room where it happens?!
Maverick: I’ll ask you a question first! How did you come back so fast?!
Ramune: I won’t tell you my ways!
Sonic: I was the one to bring her here, by the way.
Ramune: Hey!
Sonic: Gotta go fast!
Ramune: Get back here!
Sonic and Ramune chase each other back to the screening, where the other contestants are watching Hamilton: An American Musical.
Peacemaker: I like this guy, doing whatever it takes to achieve the greater good.
Goomba: We always love the little guy becoming successful in this house.
Cat In The Hat: I always love the rhyming of rap! It makes my finger want to tap!
Wyldstyle: At least the music’s not boring contemporary garbage like most musicals.
Snow White: I don’t see why you don’t like music such as that though! It’s a beautiful way to express your feelings!
Wyldstyle: That’s exactly why I don’t like it.
The death of Philip Schuyler, as well as its following song, It’s Quiet Uptown, plays. This inevitably gets some of the characters feeling emotionally invested.
Anne: 😭😭😭
Jacques: Why is she crying at the death of that kid! He's annoying!
Anne: How could you be so heartless?!
Jacques: I don’t see why you would care so much.
Suddenly, the screen turns off.
Berdly: No! NO! I WAS SO INVESTED! YOU DON’T JUST CUT TO BLACK WHEN YOU’EE INVESTED!
Out of the shadows, Junko Enoshima reveals herself as the one who pulled the plug.
Junko: (Now in vulgar mode) I DID IT! I CAUSED YOU TO NOT KNOW THE ENDING! LOOK AT ALL THE DESPAIR ON YOUR FACES! I’M BACK!
Confessional:
Junko: (Now in statistical mode) After my experience with (shudders) Baby Shark and their lack of despair, I needed to do something grand in order for me to feel pleasure again. Honestly, I went easy on them. I’m disappointed in myself.
Confessional End
Anne: What you did was despicable! Absolutely despicable!
Junko: (Now In cutesy mode) Ah, despicable me. Thanks for the compliment.
Vector: I’m supposed to be the despicable one here!
Junko: Oh boo-hoo.
Maverick teleports in the room.
Maverick: First voting time! Now!
Luz: Woo! We can finally get rid of the worst contestant!
Jacques: Watch all of your expectations be subverted!
Anne: Wait! But I need to finish-
Maverick: You’ll finish it later. Let’s go!
Maverick teleports The Simpletons, as well as Chloe, Pacifica, and Junko to the elimination area, which is now remodeled to be like the Oscars stage but with comfortable chairs for the contestants to sit on. Volo is on the stage, while some of the Minions are watching in the audience.
Chloe: Why are me, Pacifica, and Junko here? Last time I checked we didn’t lose.
Junko: (Now in depressed mode) Or maybe Maverick put us up for elimination for the sake of it. What a good way to gain despair…
Maverick: Wrong! You girls are just here because some voters mentioned you in the voting reasons!
Confessional:
Pacifica: This is it. My way to get information on Maverick.
Confessional End
Maverick: So! We got eleven votes. Disappointing. We lost a little over ¼ of our voters.
Pacifica: That’s deserved if you ask me.
Maverick: Shut up. Anyway, as for the reward votes, Anne and Lucy got zero.
Anne: Are you telling me Jacques got an immunity vote?!
Jacques: Hah! And you all thought I was instantly gone!
Volo: Your votes says “JFC, this was the poorest team coordination I have seen, I get it is the first episode but I was nearly inclined to not eliminate Jacques and even give him immunity because he did the challenge. I know the audacity. Until he attacked the other guy that could help with the challenge, so I don't know who or what is deserving. So I will do this, I will both save and eliminate Jacass and see what happens.”
Anne: See? They still hate you.
Lucy: If only you could have sucked up on listening to Baby Shark. Then Jacques getting an immunity vote would have never happened!
Anne: I still have no regrets.
Jacques: Watch! I will have more votes that actually praise me!
Maverick: Actually, that was your only immunity vote.
Luz: Hah!
Jacques: Hmph!
Maverick: Mr. Snake, you also only have one immunity vote. And it’s without any voting reason attached to it.
Mr. Snake: Oh well, not like I’m in much danger anyway.
Maverick: Berdly, Luz. You two got the bulk of the immunity votes! Let’s see them, shall we!
Volo: Berdly, your first immunity vote reads “Gamers rise up! - Certaminis”
Berdly: You heard the voter! Let us rise, gamers! And take our rightful crown!
Volo: Luz, your first vote asks you to “Say potato.”
Luz: Uh… potato?
Volo: Good, you said it. Berdly, your next vote says “funny.”
Berdly: An appreciator of my impeccable humor, I see.
Maverick: Isn’t there more on that vote?
Volo: No, not that I know.
Berdly: You won’t keep any secrets from me! Let me have that!
Volo: NO NO NO NO NO!
Berdly tussles with Volo, before taking the voting reason.
Berdly: Let’s see… “funny” Heard that before, oh, here we go… “also volo, since you wanted it so much, i'll ridicule you some more. and for no reason? really? there's many things i do for no reason but insulting you is something you 100% deserve. you're the guy who literally went out of his way to both spread misinformation and give people a confidence hit just because you lost. and that's far from the worst you've done OR even the first bad thing you've done, that's just something you've done that everyone knows about. so don't pull this "i ridicule you for no reason" bull…poop when you've done things to clearly deserve it.
on an unrelated note of my beef with volo, pretty solid episodes so far maverick. just felt like complimenting someone after ranting about that piece of shit named volo”
Maverick: Yay! Compliment!
Volo: …
Maverick: Oh yeah, sorry Volo.
Pacifica: Wow, working with someone as untrustworthy as him. Even more reasons to not trust you.
Maverick: Hey! We’re both innocent!
Volo: And BFDI Rocky is a fraud who thinks I spread misinformation and give others confidence hits just because of his bias towards me.
Maverick: BDFI Rocky is actually pretty cool, but other than that, he’s wrong about Volo!
Confessional:
Luz: Yeah, that was totally just him being biased. Definitely not Volo trying to deny him being a jerk…
Confessional End
Volo: Luz’s next vote says “i poisoned the water supply
whoops
- void”
Luz: Are we sure that was an accident?
Berdly: He said whoops! He has to be telling the truth! Because no liar would say whoops!
Volo: Next Berdly vote says “Same reasons as the last time
Also, because I have a warning.
In another CECU show called YAIDCOA, a madlad named W. D. Gaster has been kidnapping people all across the CECU. In his first initial appearance, he expressed specific interest in people from his franchise Undertale and by extension, also Deltarune.
Where is Berdly from again? DELTARUNE. HE IS AT RISK OF SHIT AND I AM WARNING HIM RN, IF YOU SEE WINGDINGS, RUN.
ACTUALLY, GASTER HAS BEEN KIDNAPPING EVERYONE. SO EVERYONE IS IN DANGER!!!!!”
Maverick: Bruh, he only captured like, 4 characters.
Anne: Who were those four characters?
Maverick: Don’t worry, no one from your world. Just Kokichi, who’s from Junko’s world but is not known by her yet.
Junko: (Now in analytical mode) Perhaps this peasant that the triangle calls Kokichi becomes one of my future victims…
Maverick: There’s Lugia, who’s known by Volo and Ramune but the former hates them and the latter isn’t here.
Volo: Also it’s probably a good thing that bastard got kidnapped.
Maverick: There’s Kris, the only Deltarune character who actually got kidnapped so far.
Berdly: So he’s the one who got captured? My rival? That’s not too bad.
Maverick: And there’s… actually there’s no one else.
Volo: How about Eda?
Luz: Eda?
Maverick: Look, it’s technically-
Luz: WHAT HAS GASTER DONE TO EDA?!
Maverick: Don’t worry, the Eda Gaster kidnapped isn’t your Eda. It’s an alternate version.
Luz: It’s still someone’s Eda! Imagine what that universe’s version of Luz has to deal with if she finds out!
Maverick: Well that’s not the Luz I have here so it’s fine.
Luz: But-
Maverick: I said it’s fine!
Confessional:
Berdly: I’m gonna say it. The one who looks like my genius geometry work is suspiciously sus.
Confessional End
Volo: Luz, your next vote says “Shade: Just in case anyone gets any funny ideas about voting characters that don't deserve to go, also since DS does this all the time, I brought a few contestants of mine to talk a bit here, have at it!
Madeline: Just gonna throw this out here, don't give up on hope Luz, I know how depression can affect someone, it took me a while, and an entire mountain to climb that challenge, but I'm certain you can overcome whatever you are dealing with, wether it be mental of physical, good luck girl, you can do it!”
Luz: Don’t worry, I’m doing fine, but thanks!
Volo: “Jaiden: Also someone is here to hi to you, Even if it took a lot of explaining about how the timelines we're working with are basically all jumbled up.
Collector: Hi Luz!”
Luz: …
Anne: Luz?
Cue the realistic depiction of a panic attack.
Lucy: Calm down! (She slaps her.)
Luz panics even more.
Berdly: You imbecile! You’re making it even worse!
Jacques slaps Luz multiple times despite Berdly saying that, making the panic attack even worse.
Mr. Snake: Get off her you idiot!
He bites Jacques and drags him away.
Junko: (Now in a new mode… with her hiding her face behind a plush bear for some reason) Puhuhu! This is the despair I live for!
Anne: Shut up Junko! Luz, just take deep breaths. On my count.
Luz takes deep breaths on Anne’s count, making her calm down.
Luz: That’s better. Thanks guys.
Jacques: I’m not saying you’re welcome.
Luz: I’m not talking about you.
Volo: Alright, let’s continue this. “I don't have much to Say other than gooooood luck, and sorry if I'm doing anything bad at your time, see you once the shows are over!”
Luz: That’s weird, last time I saw them, they were about to turn the Boiling Isles into their own playground and risk the lives of the people I love. Why are they not acting too bad here?
Maverick: It’s called multiversal shenanigans.
Volo: Also, there’s this: “Queen: And I'm Just Here To Wish Burghley: Good Luck, Even If The Vote Isn't For You (LoL)”
Berdly: My name is not Burghley! It’s Berdly! After all I’ve done it should probably be Lord Berdly by now! Why do you still think my name is Burghley?! After all we’ve been through! Anyway, thank you for the good luck.
Maverick: So! The immunity winner, with a whopping 54.5% of the votes, is Berdly!
Berdly: Yes! It seems that the ones with the highest IQ always end up as the champion! I am the Lord once more!
Maverick: Now getting to the elimination votes. Whoever is safe gets the award, this golden statue of the Baby Shark!
Junko gags looking at the statue .
Maverick: Anyway, wow. Just, wow.
Jacques: Let me guess, I “shockingly” didn’t get eliminated. Except it’s not shocking since I saw that coming!
Maverick: Nah, it’s the fact that literally every voter voted you out. Here’s your statues everyone.
Maverick throws a statue to everyone on The Simpletons except for Jacques.
Jacques: What?!
Luz: Woo!
Anne: We won today!
Lucy: Victory is ours!
Berdly: Lord Berdly never loses!
Mr. Snake: …Eh. We all saw it coming.
Maverick: Oh yeah, and Berdly, since you won immunity and you didn’t get out, you can have a prize! Except I made up that rule just now so that the immunity win could mean something! So, I have to give you something on the spot! Spot… oh! Here's a Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse themed crown I got from Burger King!
Berdly: Yes! A crown to reinstate my rule as your lord!
Confessional:
Luz: That sight gave me memories of my first adventure in the Boiling Isles… and seeing King so happy finding it, knowing that I finally had people who understood me… Eda, King, Lilith, Hooty, I miss you guys. And I promise that I’ll find you all and make everything right again…
Confessional End
Jacques: Fine, I’m leaving!
Maverick: Not yet! You still have to read all the votes dissing you!
Volo: This will be fun. “I hate that bastard. He’s on my top 10 list of worst CECU characters. - Certaminis”
Jacques: See! I’m only in the top ten worst!
Luz: Trust me, you don’t want to end up in the same category as Caillou.
Volo: “___( )
( _)
(_ __))
(( _____)
(_________)----'
_/ /
/ _/
_/ /
/ __/
_/ /
/__/
//
/'” “
Maverick: Hot-diggity-dog.
Volo: “I don’t need to ask why I voted for him cause it’s pretty obvious”
Jacques: How is it obvious?! All of these low class idiots are way worse.
Chloe: I’m also high class yet think you’re way worse than them, even if they are low class idiots.
Berdly: But I’m a high class genius! As you saw earlier, I even personally know a queen!
Chloe: Fair enough, but you’re still lame.
Berdly: 🥺
Volo: This one just says “white hair.”
Jacques: What’s wrong with my hair?! I bet Anne had leaves in hers at one point!
Confessional:
Anne: How was he able to guess that?!
Confessional End
Volo: “Wow, I wonder why? It's Jacques, let's get this over with.- Frost”
Jacques: I agree, I should leave now.
Junko: But we didn’t tear into you enough yet!
Maverick: She’s right, we have some of the juiciest ones still left to go! Such as this next one!
Volo: “Your life literally is as valuable as a summer ant. I'm just gonna stomp you, you're gonna keep coming back, I'm gonna seal up all my cracks, you're gonna keep coming back, why? Cause you keep smelling the syrup, you worthless bitchass fucker! You're gonna stay a useless fucker until you die. You serve no purpose in life, your purpose in life is to be the first boot in this show. Your purpose in life is to be a stepping stone in everyone else's success. Your life is nothing, you serve ZERO purpose. You should kill yourself, NOW! And give somebody else a piece of that oxygen and ozone layer that's covered up so we can breathe inside this blue trapped bubble. Cause what are you here for? To be eliminated? Kill yourself! I mean that with a hundred percent with a thousand percent.” Wow, this is actually really well done despite coming from my worst enemy.
Jacques: You think I’m going to kill myself?! I have too much pride for that!
Volo: “I said I would vote in both Jacques, and I would guess... actually who I am kidding this would be read one way or another, especially in that one weird alternate universe where Jac gets immunity somehow. Also, have you wondered why things are the way they are Maverick?”
Maverick: Honestly, I haven’t. Because if I did I would have an existential crisis.
Volo: “BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH. - DS”
Confessional:
Lucy: I have never seen that word in my life. Does it mean dog? Because I fail to see how Jacques is like a dog.
Confessional End
Volo: “Greetings, contestants. It is I, the sus detector.
Junko: Booooooooo!!!!!!!!!
Volo: Now with new-found motivation to detect, and perhaps even create. Jacques - ... ...let's see, we've got slavery, we've got worker/animal abuse, we've got brash behavior, blah blah blah... Yeah this guy's automatically doubleplusmegasus, no question. I'm not even going to detect anyone else.
Berdly: I knew it! I called it!
Volo: Also he sounds like a capitalist mf so I'ma do this: To all contestants, please find a golden hammer and a golden sickle and cross them in front of Jacques Schnee. He will become repulsed by the formed hammer and sickle symbol and will escape at the first opportunity, as he is a capitalist bitch. First to do so will get PayPal'd $500.
Maverick: Nice, thanks for the challenge idea.
Volo: Anyway, as for Maverick I've already PayPal'd you the promised $10 000, please check your account. I must say that I am very pleased by Junko being tortured in an unorthodox manner. - VoidInstructions the sus detector”
Maverick: Woo! Easy money!
Junko: (Now in vulgar mode) No! Not “Woo!” Putting me with those stupid sharks shouldn’t be rewarded!
Maverick: But it is, so I have to take it.
Volo: “Hey guys, it's Jackal again, aka Guy Blanko! Shut up Chloe, I can tell when someone calls me a loser.
Chloe: Yeah, and you’re still a loser.
Maverick: Actual based comment right here.
Volo: “Anyways, I don't really have anything much to say, but I dare Jacques to bury himself in a hole for 1000 billion Lien (that's the currency in Remnant if you don't know) or admit the Faunus aren't that bad for 10,000 billion.”
Jacques: I will do neither. Because I have too much pride.
Volo: “Oh, and Pacifica, I should mention something. I was the one that got Dipper eliminated in CDCAT, lul!”
Maverick: …YOU WHAT?!
Volo: “Betcha didn't know that Maverick, huh? How's it feel? Bet you feel pretty bad that I'm the reason you lost one of your primary torture victims.”
Maverick: Okay! That’s it! That’s the last straw! You’re my main rival! And you’re going down!
Junko: (Now in cute mode) Yay! Karma filled with despair!
Confessional:
Pacifica: You know, it looked like that Guy Blanko guy freed Dipper from Maverick’s grasp. I actually might have to say thanks for that, Guy Blanko.
Maverick teleports into the confessional.
Pacifica: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Maverick: NO ONE THANKS GUY BLANKO FOR THAT!
Pacifica: But he saved Dipper from your torture!
Maverick: No! He just made poor Dipper depressed and had him lose all hope!
Pacifica: Oh…
Maverick: And this is what happens when you praise evil maniacs before knowing about their actions.
Confessional End
Volo: “That's all I have to say for now. Oh, that, and you should check out this video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-_O7nl0Ii0&list=PL3KnTfyhrIlcudeMemKd6rZFGDWyK23vx&index=4&ab_channel=JohnFrye”
Maverick plays the video, revealing it to be a video about ocean waves.
Maverick: This is… actually kinda nice. It’s honestly kind of weird, because Guy Blanko is a piece of-
Then that part plays.
Maverick: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! SCREW YOU GUY BLANKOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Confessional:
Junko: I love this place.
Confessional End
Maverick: Alright! I’m done! Let’s end this!
Volo: Here’s the last vote: “Soldier: Do I Even have to explain maggots?! I may have committed some war crimes in my time at the battlefield, but at least I did it for My country, and My team! This un-American maggot is the worst asshole I have ever seen in My life. To everyone else in his team, give him a good ol' kick in the Star Sprangled Banner, or in Scout's words, the nutsack, and now, a word from everyone who has to Say something to this maggot! You better hope there's a hacky-sack in Hell, hippie! You Will not be missed!
Sarge: You're one big Son of a Bitch.
Ryuko: Fuck You asshole!
Peppino: You're-a one big MOTHER-FUCKER!
Hornet: And if we we're to explain what Doom Slayer is trying to Say, we would be banned from multiple countries on múltiple universes, so here's a video You worthless wrench. The video starts and it shows Doom Slayer with a dummy. He then extends the Doom Blade and slices the dummies arms and legs off, somehow, blood comes out (it's fake blood don't worry) he then rips the dummies heart out and sticks a grenade to it, before shoving it down the dummies "throat" all the way at the middle of it's suppossed "esophagus" before burning the dummy with his Flame Thrower, finally throwing the mangled burning dummy to the skies, where it promptly explodes. Slayer looks at the camera, points, and does the slit throat sign. The video ends.”
Jacques: Almost makes me want to consider doing what the stupid bell wants me to do.
Maverick: It seems that a lot of people want that. Now here’s your elimination card.
CONTESTANT NAME: Jacques Schnee
GENDER: Male
UNIVERSE: RWBY
TEAM: The Simpletons
CHALLENGES WON: 0
CHALLENGES LOST: 1
REWARDS WON: NONE
ELIMINATION/PUNISHMENT VOTES: 16
IMMUNITY/PRIZE VOTES: 1
FINAL PLACEMENT: 24/24
Sonic: Here’s your golden hammer and sickle Maverick.
Maverick: Where did you come from?!
Sonic: Oh, just overheard sus detector’s deal, then stole a dimension traveling thing from some sleeping yellow pill to go to the Smash Bros world, get in a fight with my plumber rival-
Goomba: I watched the fight! It was amazing therapy!
Sonic: Oh yeah, Goomba tagged along because he wanted to see the plumber who caused him so much trauma to get beaten up.
Perry: (Chitters.)
Sonic: Oh yeah, and Perry also came for the sake of it. Anyway, I won against Mario, obviously, then I got the golden hammer I used in that fight, got the sickle I used in that fight and colored it gold, got some Olive Garden with the boys, their never ending pasta bowl never ends! I think I saw Peter Griffin there. And then we came back here!
Maverick: Did you give the multiversal traveling device back to Otto?
Sonic: Uh…
Sonic dashes to give the multiversal traveling device back and goes back in the blink of an eye.
Sonic: Yep!
Maverick: There goes the challenge idea. Oh, and sus detector, give him like, 500 rings. I don’t think his currency is in dollars. Anyways, go and cross them in front of Jacques.
Sonic crosses the hammer and sickle in front of Jacques. Jacques gags at the sight.
Confessional:
Junko: (Now in teddy bear mode) I saw despair in his eyes! No, I felt it! Puhuhu!
Confessional End
Jacques: …At least I’ll die 1,000 lien richer. Still not admitting that the Faunus aren’t bad though.
He digs a hole and gets inside it.
Jacques: …I’m done. (He smirks.) Come and get me, Wolf.
Maverick: Wolf…?
A WHISTLE is heard, an eerie one. Until…
SLICE!
The Wolf has come out, and Jacques has been beheaded.
Wolf: The ordeal is done. Jacques Schnee… is dead.
Gasps from the audience. Except from Mr. Snake and Lucy, who just stay there indifferently, and Junko, who laughs maniacally.
Maverick: I’ll… just snap him back?
He snaps, but Jacques remains dead. He snaps again, and again, and again, yet there still is a dead body. The Wolf is now burying the body.
Wolf: What’s the matter? Life flashing before your eyes?
Maverick: No… I just… gotta go!
Maverick teleports everyone back. He then goes to one specific Minion, one he knows as Dave.
Maverick: Dave! Just you and me can remember this. Not the other contestants. Not the other Minions. Not even Volo.
Dave nods, and then uses that mind erasing gun from Gravity Falls on everyone except for him and Maverick.
Anne: Is it just me, or do I not remember what happened after Jacques’ elimination?
Maverick: He doesn’t deserve to be remembered anyway! Now let’s get on with the show!
Chris: Took you long enough.
Maverick: Sooo… (mutters) need a safe one since I can’t get anyone killed because I might not be able to bring anyone back…
Snow White: Can we finish Hamilton later please? I was so invested!
Maverick: Hamilton… that’s it! Your next challenge is to recreate a Hamilton musical number!
Snow White: That sounds amazing!
Maverick: First though, you have to actually finish Hamilton. I’ve got something to deal with anyway. Volo! Supervise them!
Volo: I did not join this to be a babysitter!
Maverick: You were forced into this anyway, so it’s fine.
Maverick turns on Hamilton for the contestants, and then goes with Dave to a secret area for them to talk.
Maverick: How did Jacques die?!
Dave shrugs.
Maverick: Yeah he sucks and he was first boot bait and I don’t care about him dying, but I can’t let anyone else permanently die! That’s a very bad look for me! Also I don’t want any other contestants to die.
Dave: (Speaks Minion gibberish.)
Maverick: So Jacques’ DNA that I put into the tech connected to my gauntlet to make me able to revive them if they died went missing?!
Dave nods.
Maverick: Good thing everyone else still has theirs. I need guards, stat! Especially since I need the DNA of the guest star host of this episode as well.
Dave: (Makes a shocked Pikachu face.)
We cut to the contestants and Volo after they finished their watch of Hamilton.
Anne: Bravo! Incredible!
Confessional:
Osma: I kind of wish the man who wrote the songs could write songs like that for Fishy. Imagine, Fishy: The Musical!
Confessional End
Snow White: Honestly, even though I love music of every kind, and while I adored the musical, I do not really get how their songs work for some reason. Why are they talking instead of singing?
Morty: Man, you don’t have rap in your world?
Wyldstyle: Of course she’s stuck with her corny fairy tale music.
Snow White: How is it in any way corny?
Wyldstyle: That type of music is simply too childish and immature.
Snow White: Aw… it’s too bad you do not see the beauty of my music.
Captain America: I actually agree with Snow. I don’t get the music as well. Been living in the modern age for over a decade and I still don’t get it. Also the musical gives me flashbacks to when my heroism was commercialized. What ever happened to our good old fashioned values?
Morty: Our good old fashioned values were turned into an adult TV show with sex jokes.
Maverick: I have returned! Does everyone have their song choices?
Undyne: How would we know?! We just finished the d-
Berdly: I choose “You’ll Be Back!” Because it’s about a king, and I literally have a crown!”
Lucy: You choose that song and you don’t let me be the queen?!
Berdly: Well I have an actual crown, and the role is also for a guy so…
Lucy: Everything always has to do with gender roles nowadays.
Peacemaker: I choose “Cabinet Battle #2,” because I want to say “You’re out of your goddamn mind” to Cap here.
Captain America: Wow. That will definitely be something.
Osma: And I choose the reprise of “Stay Alive,” because I feel that the grief Hamilton and Eliza felt during Philip’s death resonated with me because of them having similar feelings to me when my beloved Fishy died.
Undyne: And I don’t think we have anything!
Goomba: You say that as if I’m not planning a huge, emotional epic right now.
Maverick: So everyone, start planning! You have… as much time as I feel like giving you guys!
The Simpletons planning:
Berdly: We all agree on me being the king, right?
Mr. Snake: If it means that I can chill for the rest of the challenge, then sure.
Luz: But Snakey, we need you for the last part where we all come up and do the final dance at the end!
Mr. Snake: I don’t even have legs! And also don’t call me Snakey!
Anne: Alright! We’re all in place! Let’s get this show rolling!
Confessional:
Lucy: They don’t know yet, but I will soon overthrow the monarchy like the rightful queen that I am…
Confessional End
Some Dumb Accidental Name Planning:
Captain America: Did you really choose that song so that you can argue with me?
Peacemaker: No, I chose that song to say “you’re out of your goddamn mind” to you.
Morty: Actually based. By the way, I’ll be president. I have an alternate version of me who’s the president of the Citadel after all.
Vector: And I’ll be the king!
Pacifica: The king isn’t even in the song.
Vector: I don’t care! I’m gonna show up and Vector all over the place with direction and magnitude! And no one is going to stop me!
Captain America: What even is the act of vectoring?
Vector: It’s a secret method of awesomeness!
Chloe: That’s it! I’m out. Like I care about seeing such an utterly stupid show.
Pacifica: But we need this show in order to not go up for elimination!
Chloe: I still don’t care. I’m probably safe anyway.
Confessional:
Pacifica: I swear, all the people who are bound to get eliminated like jinxing themselves.
Confessional End
Secret Agent Platypuses planning:
Wyldstyle: So, what’s this huge epic you hinted at Goomba?
Goomba: I say we blow it all out of the water, combining Guns And Ships, History Has Its Eyes On You, and Yorktown (The World Turned Upside Down) to craft a full story about the underdog known as Alexander Hamilton rising to take down evil!
Cat In The Hat: Underdog stories are great! There’s absolutely nothing to hate!
Goomba: Yep, as an overlooked war veteran myself, I always resonate with underdog stories!
Undyne: So, what badass role will I play?
Goomba: Laurens.
Undyne: Laurens?! That guy doesn’t even survive past the end of Act One!
Goomba: Well, Sonic has the role of Lafayette, considering he’s perfect for the guy’s boundless energy, Cat has Burr since he’s the one who can rhyme the best, Wyldstyle has Washington-
Wyldstyle: Why do I have Washington? I don’t need to do any of this, you can give the role to Undyne-
Goomba: Except I heard your singing voice. It’s way too good for a minor role.
Wyldstyle: H-how did you hear about it?
Sonic: It’s because I saw this CD you dropped earlier and me and Goomba listened to it!
Wyldstyle: That… thing is definitely not mine.
Goomba: You mean you didn’t sing Everything Is Awesome?
Wyldstyle: Nope. Actually, I despise that song.
Sonic: Then sing right now to prove you don’t have the same voice.
Wyldstyle: Uh… (She sings a song. What song? Idk. All you need to know is that her voice is surprisingly good.)
Goomba: You lied and your voice is great! You’re still Washington!
Wyldstyle: Fine, fine…
Confessional:
Wyldstyle: How did they get me to spill my super dark secret past?! Are they secret agents?! Because they’re not even the actual secret agent of the team!
Confessional End
Undyne: I’ll show you my singing! Then you won’t give me a role as lame as Laurens!
Confessional:
Sonic: Undyne’s singing? You guessed it-
Confessional:
Goomba: It-
Confessional:
Wyldstyle: Was-
Confessional:
Cat In The Hat: Bad. Just like the singing of Vlad!
Confessional End
Goomba: Nope, you’re still Laurens.
Undyne: Come on! What about the spy?
Goomba: Oh yeah! That’s Perry’s role! With someone to dub his lines of course. Wait, where’s Perry?
Perry has gone to a secret spot away from the contestants to talk to Major Monogram.
Major Monogram: Agent P! This watch has tracked recent dialogue from Maverick that suggests that we are in more danger than we might have suspected! Take a look:
The watch shows the death of Jacques.
Major Monogram: The death was erased from the minds of the contestants, which means that this is classified information that Maverick clearly doesn’t want us to know! Your job is to find out the root of the problem without getting caught by Maverick or Dave! Monogram, out!
Perry goes back to the others.
Sonic: Oh, there you are Perry! Are you ready to play your big, epic, theatrical role?
Perry: (Chitters enthusiastically, but with a hint of worry.)
A Bunch Of Losers With Nothing But Despair Planning:
Osma: Here are the roles. Chris and I will play Hamilton and Eliza, Rowley plays the doctor, while Snow White plays Philip. Junko and Ramune get no roles, because I do not trust them!
Snow White: I will sing my heart out for you all!
Chris: And I will return to my glory days as a talented actor!
Rowley: Excuse me, but isn’t Philip a guy? Why is he played by a girl?
Chris: It’s acting dude. Not real life. So it doesn’t matter.
Ramune: Guys! Guys! Me and Junko had the most amazing idea!
Osma: What is it?
Junko: (Now in depressed mode) We show the last part of the song before the Stay Alive reprise…
Ramune: And we actually shoot the person playing Philip for dramatic effect!
Snow White: Oh… That's certainly an idea…
Junko: (Now in statistical mode) Let me guess, you’re playing Philip and will have to be killed for this show?
Snow White: I guess so…
Osma: Don’t worry. Maverick will just revive you anyway.
Confessional:
Junko: (Now in teddy bear mode) I know that Maverick’s gauntlet isn’t working, and that Snow White will die permanently! Puhuhu!!! Oh how I will adore the despair this event will bring when everyone realizes that Snow White is gone… FOREVER!
Confessional End
We return to the stage that looks like the Oscar stage, with the Minions in the audience and Maverick, Volo, and Dave sitting on fancy looking chairs as the judges. There is one more fancy looking chair for the super secret guest judge. Maverick gets up to the stage, and pulls out a microphone, to speak to the audience.
Maverick: Hello everyone! I hope you’re all ecstatic tonight, as we’re here watching our beloved contestants recreate iconic moments from the Broadway sensation Hamilton!
Cheers and whatnot.
Maverick: But before we get to that, let me introduce to you our guest host for today… no one! I can’t think of anyone to guest star! So no one guest starring it is!
The Minions boo, as they were cheated out of something that they were promised to have earlier in the episode.
Maverick: Alright, I’ll erase that from your memory.
The memory of the Minions are erased, but you viewers still remember getting cheated out of a guest star. Maybe next time.
Maverick: Our first number is The Simpletons, recreating King George The Third’s magnum opus, You’ll Be Back!
The curtain rises to reveal Berdly in a crude king costume, complete with his Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse themed Burger King crown.
Berdly: You say,
The price of my love's not a price that you're willing to pay.
You cryyyy,
In your tea, which you hurl in the sea when you see me go by.
Lucy comes from behind to steal Berdly’s crown, and his spotlight.
Lucy: Why so sad?
Remember, we made an arrangement when you went away.
Berdly: (Takes back his crown) Now, you're making me mad!
Remember, despite our estrangement, I'm your man…
And so commences the battle for the crown. (Whoever is singing currently has the crown btw.)
Lucy: You'll be back, soon, you'll see.
You'll remember you belong to me.
Berdly: You'll be back, time will tell.
You'll remember that I served you well.
Lucy: Oceans rise, empires fall.
We have seen each other through it all.
Berdly: And when push comes to shove…
I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love!
Lucy: Da-da-da, dat-da, dat, da-da-da, da-ya-da!
Da-da, dat, dat, da-ya-da!
Berdly: Da-da-da, dat-da, dat, da-da-da, da-ya-da!
Da-da, dat, dat, da-ya!
Lucy: You say our love is draining, and you can't go oooooonnnnnn!
Berdly: You'll be the one complainin' when I am goooooonnneeee!
Lucy: And no, don't change the subject!
Berdly: 'Cause you're my favorite subject.
Lucy: My sweet, submissive subject.
Berdly: My loyal, royal subject.
Lucy: Forever…
Berdly: And ever…
Lucy: And ever…
Berdly: And ever…
Lucy: And everrrrrrrrr…
Berdly tries to take the crown again, while Lucy tries to keep it in her grasp. As their tussle continues… the crown rips into two.
Berdly: No! Not my beautiful crown!
Lucy: You ruined it! This was supposed to be my star turn!
Anne: (From backstage) Maybe now you can both have the crown and we can actually not lose for the second time in a row!
Berdly: That works.
Lucy: The spotlight is not meant to be shared…
Anne: SHARE IT YOU EGOMANIAC!
Lucy: Fine…
Confessional:
Lucy: I mean, we’re probably all egomaniacs deep down inside.
Confessional Ends
Berdly: You'll be back, like before.
I will fight the fight and win the war.
Lucy: For your love, for your praise
And I'll love you 'til my dying days!
Berdly: When you're gone, I'll go mad!
So don't throw away this thing we had.
Lucy: 'Cause when push, comes to shove, I will…
Lucy and Berdly: Kill your friends and family! To remind you of my love…
Da-da-da, dat-da, dat, da-da-da, da-ya-da!
Da-da, dat, dat, da-ya-da!
Da-da-da, dat-da, dat, da-da-da, da-ya-da!
Da-da, dat- everybody!
All The Simpletons come out to do one final dance that’s similar to that dance the Radio City Rockettes do. Yes, even Mr. Snake comes out. Now thinking about it, how is Mr. Snake able to dance like that without legs?
The Simpletons: Da-da-da, dat-da, dat, da-da-da, da-ya-da!
Da-da, dat, dat, da-ya-da!
Da-da-da, dat-da, dat, da-da-da, da-ya-da!
Da-da-da, dat, da-ya-da-ah…
Maverick: Give it up for the Simpletons!
Applause and such.
Maverick: And now… for judgment time!
Luz: Shouldn’t we wait for whoever’s in that fourth chair-
Maverick: I SAID IT’S JUDGMENT TIME!
Volo: Most of that was arguing. I respect conflict for power though, so I give the performance a 7/10.
Maverick: If you think about it, the fight for the crown represents a lot of interesting stuff I won’t get too deep into. Also, Berdly as the King is genius casting. 7/10.
Berdly: You see Lucy? Me as the King was genius casting! Not you, me!
Lucy: (Growls, because she can somehow do that.)
Dave: (Speaks gibberish while also giving a so-so look. It’s a 5/10.)
Maverick: Add the scores together, and it’s a 19/30!
Luz: That’s completely average!
Mr. Snake: Not bad for being the most humiliating experience of my life!
Anne: Mediocrity is comforting!
Lucy: And you can thank that mediocrity to me! Wait-
Berdly: Anyway, this has been your Lord Berdly, and I wish my incredible audience of yellow pills a good night!
Maverick: But I’m supposed to close you out- oh wait they’re gone. Next up is are the Secret Agent Platypuses, who have what is apparently a passionate epic of mastery?
The curtain rises as the next performance comes to light.
Cat In The Hat: How does a ragtag volunteer army in need of a shower
Somehow defeat a global superpower?
How do we emerge victorious from the quagmire?
Leave the battlefield waving Betsy Ross' flag higher?
Yo, turns out we have a secret weapon
An immigrant, you know and love, who's unafraid to step in
He's constantly confusin', confoundin' the British henchmen
Ev'ryone give it up for America's favorite fighting Frenchman!
Background Singers That Came Out Of Nowhere: Lafayette!
Sonic: I'm takin' this horse by the reins makin'
Redcoats redder with bloodstains
Background Singers That Still Are From Somewhere Where I Don’t Know: Lafayette!
Sonic: And I'm never gonna stop until I make 'em
Drop and burn 'em up and scatter their remains, I'm
Background Singers That Will Forever Have The Mystery On Where They Came From: Lafayette!
Sonic: Watch me engagin' em! Escapin' em!
Enragin' em! I'm-
Background Singers That Sing In The Background: Lafayette!
Sonic: I go to France for more funds
Background Singers That Are Still Backround Singers, Despite Their Lack Of Background: Lafayette!
Sonic: I come back with more guns
And ships
And so the balance shifts
Wyldstyle: We rendezvous with Rochambeau, consolidate their gifts
Sonic: We can end this war at Yorktown, cut them off at sea, but
For this to succeed, there is someone else we need
Wyldstyle: I know
The Background Singers That Don’t Have An Identity: Hamilton!
Sonic: Sir, he knows what to do in a trench
Ingenuitive and fluent in French, I mean-
The Background Singers That Exist Apparently: Hamilton!
Sonic: Sir, you're gonna have to use him eventually
What's he gonna do on the bench ami?
Background Singers That May Or May Not Have A Life Outside Of This: Hamilton!
Sonic: No one has more resilience
Or matches my practical tactical brilliance
Background Singers That Are Not In The Forefront: Hamilton!
Sonic: You wanna fight for your land back?
Background Singers Who Do Exactly What You Think They Do: Hamilton!
Wyldstyle: I need my right-hand man back!
Sonic: Ah! Uh, get ya right-hand man, back
You know you gotta get ya right-hand man back
I mean you gotta put some thought
Into the letter but the sooner the better
To get your right-hand man back
Wyldstyle: Alexander Hamilton
Troops are waiting in the field for you
If you join us right now, together we can turn the tide
Oh, Alexander Hamilton
I have soldiers that will yield for you
If we manage to get this right
They'll surrender by early light
The world will never be the same, Alexander…
Maverick: Wow, that was actually really good-
Goomba: Hey! No disrupting the performance!
Maverick: So we’re still doing this. Okay.
Wyldstyle: I was younger than you are now
When I was given my first command
I led my men straight into a massacre
I witnessed their deaths firsthand
I made every mistake and felt the shame rise in me
And even now I lie awake, knowing history has its eyes on me
History has its eyes on me
Let me tell you what I wish I'd known
When I was young and dreamed of glory
You have no control who lives, who dies, who tells your story
I know that we can win
I know that greatness lies in you
But remember from here on in, history has its eyes on you (Whoa, whoa)
Wyldstyle And Goomba: History has its eyes on you
Maverick: (Claps) Woo!
Wyldstyle: We’re still going Maverick!
Maverick: You’re gonna do half the show now aren’t you?
The Background Singers Who Are Back Again, And It’s About Time Too: The battle of Yorktown, 1781
Sonic: Monsieur Hamilton
Goomba: Monsieur Lafayette
Sonic: In command where you belong
Goomba: How you say, no sweat
Sonic: Finally on the field, we've had quite a run
Sonic And Goomba: Immigrants, we get the job done
The high five, and the audience cheers and whatnot
Goomba: So what happens if we win?
Sonic: I go back to France
I bring freedom to my people
If I'm given the chance
Goomba: We'll be with you when you do
Sonic: Go lead your men
Goomba: I see you on the other side
Sonic: 'Til we meet again, let's go!
Goomba and OH MY GOD ARE WE HAVING RANDOM BACKGROUND DANCERS NOW (Random Dancers And Undyne That Is): I am not throwin' away my shot!
I am not throwin' away my shot!
Hey yo, I'm just like my country
I'm young scrappy and hungry
And I'm not throwin' away my shot!
I am not throwin' away my shot!
'Til the world turns upside down
'Til the world turns upside down!
Goomba: I imagine death so much, it feels more like a memory
This is where it gets me, on my feet the enemy ahead of me
If this is the end of me, at least I have a friend with me
Weapon in my hand, a command, and my men with me
Then I remember my Eliza's expecting me
Not only that, my Eliza's expecting
We gotta go, gotta get the job done
Gotta start a new nation, gotta meet my son!
Take the bullets out your gun!
The bullets out your gun!
We move undercover and we move as one
Through the night, we have one shot to live
Another day
We cannot let a stray gunshot give us away
We will fight up close, seize the moment and stay in it
It's either that or meet the business end of a bayonet
The code word is "Rochambeau", dig me?
The Background Dancers Dancing In The Background: Rochambeau!
Goomba: You have your orders now, go, man, go!
And so the American experiment begins
With my friends all scattered to the winds
Laurens is in South Carolina, redefining bravery
Undyne: (Unenthusiastically) We'll never be free until we end slavery!
Goomba: When we finally drive the British away
Lafayette is there waiting in Chesapeake Bay!
How did we know that this plan would work?
We had a spy on the inside, that's right
Hercules Mulligan!
Perry comes out, and the crowd goes wild, and ballistic, and all the other adjectives that mean the same thing. He can’t sing though, so he has a 😱 BACKGROUND SINGER to dub his lines. He sounds like Troy Bolton for some reason.
A Pesky Background Singer Who Sounds Like Troy Bolton For Some Reason: A tailor spyin' on the British government!
I take their measurements, information and then I smuggle it!
To my brother's revolutionary covenant
I'm runnin' with the Sons of Liberty and I am lovin' it!
See, that's what happens when you up against the ruffians
We in the shit now, somebody gotta shovel it!
Hercules Mulligan, I need no introduction
When you knock me down I get the fuck back up again!
Even More Pesky Background Singers: Left! Right! Hold!
Go!
What! What! What!
Goomba: After a week of fighting, a young man in a red coat stands on a parapet
Sonic: We lower our guns as he frantically
waves a white handkerchief
The Freaking Troy Bolton Sounding Background Singer: And just like that, it's over, we tend to our wounded, we count our dead
Undyne: Black and white soldiers wonder alike if this really means freedom
Wyldstyle: Not yet
Goomba: We negotiate the terms of surrender
I see George Washington smile
We escort their men out of Yorktown
They stagger home single file
Tens of thousands of people flood the streets
There are screams and church bells ringing
And as our fallen foes retreat
I hear the drinking song they're singing
The Background Singers Doing Their Thing As Usual: The world turned upside down
The world turned upside down
The world turned upside down
The world turned upside down
Down, down, down, down
Sonic: Freedom for America, freedom for France!
Background Singers Who Still Sing Despite Not Having The Spotlight: Down, down, down
Goomba: Gotta start a new nation, gotta meet my son
Background Singers That I Don’t Know What To Say About Anymore: Down, down, down
The Main Characters Who Aren’t Background Singers: We won!
We won!
We won!
We won!
Everyone: The world turned upside down!
Volo: PLEASE TELL ME WE’RE DONE!
Undyne: Yeah, yeah, we’re done.
Confessional:
Wyldstyle: Don’t tell anyone from my world that I liked singing there! Especially Emmett! Don’t make him know a thing unless you want a brick on your foot!
Confessional Ends
Maverick: I give it a 9/10! Impressed by the ambition!
Dave: (Random gibberish while looking giddy and ecstatic. A strong 9/10.)
Volo: Eh, I give it a 2/10. Way too long.
Everyone gasps.
Goomba: Way too long?! Do you even have patience?! Are you not even thinking of the craft that went into this?! I will not be underestimated again! I will not be overlooked like how us Goombas are over and over again! Do you hear me?!
Volo: I do not.
Goomba: OH. YOU’RE GOING TO-
Maverick: Look! Look! You have 20/30 points! Two more than The Simpletons! You’re safe! You have nothing to worry about!
Cheers from the Secret Agent Platypuses, except from Goomba.
Confessional:
Sonic: No wonder Goomba was such perfect casting for Hamilton, they both can never be satisfied.
Confessional Ends
Maverick: Also, was that Troy Bolton as the background singer doing the dubbing for Hercules Mulligan?
The background singer peeks from the curtain, and it is indeed Troy Bolton. Cheers and gasps and surprise and all that jazz.
Troy: Look, after I graduated I became a freelance singer for anyone in the multiverse. Gotta put my experience on musicals in high school to good use after all.
Maverick: See?! I didn’t lie! I just subverted your expectations to make the guest star appearance a surprise because I’m a brilliant genius like that!
Claps and all that.
Troy: Man, now thinking about it, why am I still doing this? I haven’t seen Gabrielle in over a decade because of my multiversal escapades as a background singer. Unless I want to continue to scream my head out, I’m going to get my head in the game and see her after the show is over, and you all can bet on it.
Maverick: Sure, do that. But… we have to continue moving so…
Volo: Goodbye! Farewell! Let’s get this over with…
Maverick: Next up is Some Dumb Accidental Name, with the rivalry of Captain America and Peacemaker coming to a head in a rap battle! One known as Cabinet Battle #2!
Morty: The issue on the table:
France is on the verge of war with England.
Now do we provide I don’t know… something? To the French?
Or do we stay out of it?
Remember, my decision on this matter
Is not… whatever! It doesn’t matter!
The only person you have to convince is this guy right here.
Jefferson, you have the floor sir.
Captain America: When we were on death's door when we were needy
We made a promise, we signed a treaty.
We needed money and guns and half a chance,
Uhh who provided those funds? (France)
In return they didn't ask for land,
Only the promise that we'd lend a hand
And stand with them if they fought against oppressors
And revolution is messy but now is the time to stand.
Stand with our brothers as they fight against tyranny.
I know that Alexander Hamilton is here
And he would rather not have this debate.
I remind you that he is not Secretary of State!
He knows nothing of loyalty. (nothing)
Smells like new money
Dresses like fake royalty.
Desperate to rise above his station.
Everything he does betrays the ideals our nation.
Hey, and if you don't know now you know Mr. President.
Morty: Thank you Secretary Jefferson
Secretary Hamilton your response.
Peacemaker: …You must be out of your GODDAMNED mind!
If you think
The president is gonna blah blah blah blah blah!
Of something I don’t care!
It’s about chess I think!
But you’re out of your fucking mind you’re crazy!
For peace we have to make sacrifices unless you’re lazy!
We have to do stuff that’s dark and you don’t like that!
Freedom from Mr. America is where’s it’s at!
Captain America: Come on, why are we rapping about this?
I don’t even know what we’re doing at this moment?
Aren’t we supposed to be rapping a song from Hamilton?
But know it’s your flawed ideals we’re rapping on!
Vector dances an epic dance.
Vector: It’s Vectoring time!
Your king Vector!
It’s time to rhyme!
About Vector!
Iconic genius that doesn’t care about politics!
Unlike these two who are going on with it!
The Minions boo, probably because of Vector’s past rivalry with them. Not the rap. It was Vectorlicious.
Maverick: Alright Vector, you can go!
Vector: But I’m not done Vectoring!
Peacemaker: And I haven’t finished my rap argument about peace!
Chloe: (From backstage) And I already knew that you were all losers and I didn’t have to do anything on this stupid show because I’m way better than you all and will easily destroy you all in this competition!
Captain America: You know what? You at least believe in something Peacemaker. Let’s just put this all aside for now.
Peacemaker: You know, I’ll take that… for now.
They shake hands.
Volo: Alright, close the curtain! I want to finish this!
Maverick: Sorry guys, but your performance lost momentum. We have to move on.
Vector: But I need to show you my incredible skills-
The Minions cheer for Vector’s fall as the curtain closes.
Maverick: So… Vector’s quote “secret method of awesomeness” was certainly something. 5/10 because while it was way off base, had weak acting from Morty, and didn’t follow the show at all, I respect having an original rap with an actual interesting debate.
Confessional:
Maverick: And also Vector’s Vectoring was kind of neat but I can’t say that in front of the Minions.
Confessional Ends
Volo: 4/10 because while it still sucked at least it was shorter and held my attention more than the last one.
Dave: 1/10. Vector sucks!
Maverick: With that the score is a 10/30 and The Simpletons are safe! Now all that A Bunch Of Losers With Nothing But Despair have to do is get a higher score than that to be safe! Finally, we have our last performance of the night, presenting, A Bunch Of Losers With Nothing But Despair with the reprise of Stay Alive!
The curtain goes up to reveal Ramune and Snow White in a gun standoff.
Maverick: Wait, why are we here?
Ramune: For context, and… (holds up gun) FOR REALISTIC VALUE!
Perry: (Chitters nervously)
Snow White: My name is Philip
I am a poet
And I'm a little nervous, but I can't show it
I'm sorry, I'm a Hamilton with pride
You talk about my father, I cannot let it slide
Mister Eacker, how was the rest of your show?
Ramune: I'd rather skip the pleasantries, let's go
Grab your pistol
Snow White: Confer with your men
The duel will commence after we count to ten
Look 'em in the eye, aim no higher
Summon all the courage you require
Then slowly and clearly aim your gun towards the sky
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7-
Before Ramune takes her shot, Perry blocks it with a long arm contraption that he somehow got.
Ramune: BETRAYAL! FROM WHO I THOUGHT WAS THE ONLY BASED ONE HERE!
Maverick: Perry, why did you do that?!
Ramune: I’ll just do it again!
Perry blocks the shot again.
Junko: (Now in vulgar mode) Let a girl shoot when she wants to shoot!
Junko tries to stop Perry from preventing Ramune from killing Snow White, but Perry punches her in the breast before she is able to do so.
Confessional:
Junko: This is the third time my breast has been punched! What is this?! A recurring joke?!
Confessional Ends
Maverick: Wait, guys, I’m getting a call from Kevin. You guys take care of this while I call.
Ramune: Someone hold the traitorous platypus down while I shoot Snow White!
Snow White: On second thought, I don’t want to do this…
Confessional:
Snow White: And I thought singing without actually singing was the craziest part of the day.
Confessional Ends
Maverick: (Mutters) Oh no… if she’s shot here she’s gone forever… (Shouts) Wait, you can’t kill Snow White!
Ramune: Why?! You’ll revive her anyway!
Maverick: Um…
Troy: Hey guys! Maybe we can all work this out! Remember, we’re all in this together-
Ramune: THEN I’LL SHOOT THIS GUY INSTEAD!
Ramune… successfully shoots Troy.
Maverick: Oh shoot.
Confessional:
Perry: (Chitters in sadness as he holds his hat in mourning.)
Confessional Ends
Maverick: I NEED HIS DNA!
Junko: No! Let him die! For despair!
Junko holds Maverick down, while A Bunch Of Losers With Nothing But Despair continues the show, with Troy replacing Snow White, and Snow White herself being the background singer this time around.
Snow White: Stay alive… stay alive…
Chris: Where's my son?
Rowley: Mr. Hamilton, come in, they brought him in a half an hour ago
He lost a lot of blood on the way over
Snow White: Stay alive…
Chris: Is he alive?
Rowley: Yes, but you have to understand
The bullet entered just above his hip and lodged in his right arm
Chris: Can I see him please?
Rowley: I'm doing everything I can but the wound was already infected when he arrived
Chris: Philip
Troy: Pa!
I did exactly as you said, Pa
I held my head up high
Chris: I know, I know, shh
I know, I know, shh
I know you did everything just right
Even before we got to ten
Troy: I was aiming for the sky
Chris: I know, I know, shh
Troy: I was aiming for the sky
Chris: I know, I know, shh
I know, save your strength and stay alive!
Maverick: Oh wait, I can teleport.
Maverick teleports to the stage and takes a piece of Troy’s hair. He then teleports to the Gauntlet technology station. Will he save Troy? We’ll see…
Osma: Noooooo!
Chris: Eliza!
Osma: Is he breathing? Is he going to survive this?
Snow White: Stay alive…
Osma: Who did this, Alexander, did you know?
Troy: Mom, I'm so sorry for forgetting what you taught me
Osma: My son
Troy: We played piano
Osma: I taught you piano
Troy: You would put your hands on mine
Osma: You changed the melody every time
Troy: I would always change the line
Osma: Shh, I know, I know
Troy: I would always change the line
Osma: I know, I know
Un-deux-trois-quatre-cinq-six-sept-
huit-neuf
Troy: Un-deux-trois-quatre-cinq-six-sept- huit-neuf
Osma: Good
Un-deux-trois-quatre-cinq-six-sept-
huit-neuf
Troy: Un-deux-trois…
Osma: Sept-huit-neuf
Sept-huit
Troy has died.Maverick comes back. Everyone is in silence and suspense. Maverick snaps his fingers and…
Troy: Wow. That experience is nothing like anything I’ve experienced in my high school musicals.
He has been brought back to life. Celebration and all that stuff.
Confessional:
Junko: (Now in depressed mode) There’s nothing like being severely disappointed.
Confessional Ends
Maverick: Well, you all caused me a bunch of unnecessary stress. 1/10.
Volo: Ramune was in it. 1/10.
Dave: …
Maverick: Is this it? Is Dave crazy enough to save them?
Dave: (Says an entire essay’s worth of content on why that performance was a brilliant and beautiful masterpiece. In Minionese gibberish of course. It’s a 10/10!)
Shocked Pikachu faces from everyone in the audience.
Maverick: Wow. That completely convinced me that the performance was a beautiful masterpiece! And also, if you think about it, the stress was actually adrenaline, and adrenaline is cool! 10/10! And with that, the score is a 21/30, shockingly surpassing the score of Secret Agent Platypuses to be the highest score of the night!
Even more shocked Pikachu faces.
Goomba: How?! How is a performance that basically killed someone stronger than my multi part masterpiece performance?!
Maverick: Because it is.
Goomba: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Confessional:
Lucy: Another example on why we all are vain and vapid deep inside.
Confessional Ends
Maverick: And with that, the team going up for elimination is Some Dumb Accidental Name!
Vector: Except me! I’m safe!
Maverick: I mean if you want to use your immunity.
Vector: I’ll use it now because I won’t need it later! Boom! Vector is unstoppable!
Maverick: Alright voters, to vote for Peacemaker, Pacifica, Chloe, Morty, or Captain America for immunity or elimination down below!
VOTING IS CLOSED
We cut to later, long after the show is over…
Major Monogram: Agent P, it seems that Junko might be a major puzzle piece of the mystery surrounding everything.
Carl: Imagine Junko as a puzzle piece.
Major Monogram: I don’t get why you said that.
Carl: I just say random things sometimes sir.
Major Monogram: Anyway, find out what Junko is up to! Monogram out!
Perry turns off the watch, and goes out of his hiding space, until he is surrounded by Luz, Anne, and Pacifica.
Pacifica: Look, I usually find this type of investigating too nerdy, but my… (gags) friend is in trouble. So I’m trying to solve stuff now with these dorks here who also care too much about their loved ones.
Luz: And it seems that you’ve got some information! A new piece to the puzzle!
Anne: Imagine Perry as a puzzle piece.
Pacifica: Why would you say that?
Anne: Sorry. I just say random stuff sometimes for no reason.
Luz: Thank Titan I’m not the only one.