First Day And We’re Already Killing Each Other
We see a yellow pill thing that we call a Minion. This Minion is named Dave, and he relaxes in his room, until some triangle guy barges in.
Maverick: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! THAT’S IT! I CAN’T PROCRASTINATE ANY MORE! I CANNOT LET MY PLANS SLIP THROUGH MY FINGERS! DAVE!
This triangle, the one known as Maverick, is the leader of Dave and his clan of Minions. He is also a voter who creates many of the plots of the Character Elimination Cinematic Universe, so if you’re reading this you probably already know him. If not, then go read them!
Maverick: Gather the Minions! It’s finally time…
We enter what seems to be a massive mall, specifically one of the fun ones that have all those cool experience stuff, where hundreds of yellow pills known as the Minions goofing around. I’d describe what they were doing, but you already know what they would be like if you’ve watched any scene with a Minion in it ever. It’s just the Minions hanging around here, as if they were the last creatures in the universe, until the Maverick comes in.
Maverick: Minions! Gather up onto the MEGA STAGE! I have some news.
Once all the Minions gather up on the MEGA STAGE, Maverick gets a microphone out to speak to the crowd.
Maverick: Hello everybody! It is I, your leader, the one and only, the GREAT MAVERICK!
The Minions burst into standing applause.
Maverick: You already know how our plans go, but our plans have recently hit a roadblock. Our main ally known as Dipper Pines, has recently been eliminated from the show Characters Do Challenges And Things. With his and Volo’s elimination, I realized that I can’t stop procrastinating anymore. Yet, I still have. Because of course I have. But, after starting the new show DICKS with some other hosts you already know, I have realized that it is finally time! Yes, you heard that right! It is finally time! Bring in the gauntlet!
The Minions all start to cheer. It is quite the bonanza. While this is happening, a gauntlet, not unlike the one the mighty Thanos used to wear, opens up from the ground. Once it comes up, Maverick takes it, and puts it on.
Maverick: LET’S HAVE A MERRY SEXMAS EVERYONE!
The Minions gasp at Maverick saying something so… dirty.
Maverick: I thought we all agreed on that name. Actually, I don’t really like that name either. Uh… how about Maverick’s Awesome, Stupendous, Supremely Extraordinary Show?Yeah! That works!
One Minion snickers as he realizes the show’s abbreviation when you turn “Extraordinary” into “EX.”
Maverick: Have a Merry MASSES Day everyone!
SNAP!
Suddenly, 24 living beings, including a young boy who people perceive as a weirdo just by him being nice and pure, a mentally insane reality TV host, an even more mentally insane death game creator who obsesses over the feeling of despair, a princess who was poisoned by an apple but was brought back to life by some creepy prince who kissed her dead corpse despite him knowing her for like 5 minutes, some lady who is sad that her fish died, a Pokemon who likes violence way too much, some nerd bird who pretends to be super smart yet actually just feeds off knowledge from others, a young girl who constantly likes to gaslight another gullible child to kick a football so she can lift it before he kicks it and have his back broken, a LEGO minifigure who likes to be edgy to hide her original popstar persona, some guy with DIRECTION AND MAGNITUDE, a kid who’s the sidekick of the smartest and most vulgar man in the multiverse, a man who desires peace with all his heart and will kill any man, woman, or child in order to get it, a platypus who is definitely normal and not a secret agent, a snotty blonde rich girl, another snotty blonde rich girl who isn’t as bad because she actually kept her character development, a Goomba (that’s it just some random Goomba), a super fast hedgehog who once had a rivalry with the plumber that terrorized the Goomba’s species, a superhero who lives in the wrong decade, a fecking rich asshole and irredeemable piece of scum who deserves nothing but 1,000 years of pain and suffering in the scorching fires of hell, a formerly positive optimistic girl who has be broken by trauma, a girl who died but was about to become a literal god and come back to life (you know, until she was stolen for this show) just because she had cool character development and was nice to a bunch of frogs, a criminal snake who denies that’s it’s possible for him to have any positive or nice traits, some cat who likes to rhyme (and yes that’s not a lie!) and the Captain Of The Royal Guard, who also just so happens to be a literal fish, have all been zapped into a black void being watched by Maverick and the Minions above. The characters, startled, go up into groups made up the characters currently closest to them.
Morty: Aw geez, what universe did I randomly pop into now?
Perry: (Chitters)
Snow White: What a wonderful creature! Hello, I’m Snow White!
Perry: (Chitters)
Osma: I used to have a wonderful creature once. He was a beautiful fish named Fishy. Why?! Why did he have to die?! Curse you B- oh wait I’m not supposed to talk about him.
Ramune: Say it.
Osma: No.
Ramune: (Brings her GUN out.) SAY IT.
Osma: …Fine, his name is… Bruno.
Ramune: Ah, the power of having my gun back! Rocky was holding me back! And no more being stuck in that ball! Curse you Rocky and your dumb punishments!
Morty: What’s the problem with this Bruno guy anyway?
Osma: (Singing) He told my fish would die, the next day dead!
Snow White: Oh that’s so tragic! Love the singing though! Singing is always a way to express your feelings well! (Also starts to sing) He was so romantic… I could not resist… Someday my prince will come. Someday we’ll meet again. And away to his castle we’ll go. To be happy forever I know. Someday when spring is here. We’ll find our love anew. And birds will sing. And wedding bells will ring. Someday when my dreams will-
Mr. Snake: Will you shut up about those dumb dreams?! Those are all just a bunch of unrealistic promises you make to yourself that will never happen!
Snow White: Why must you be so rude?! You poor, sad snake.
Mr. Snake: Stop comforting me! I don’t need it. (He actually kinda needs it.)
Morty: That random snake who looks like he’s from a furry Oceans movie has a point though. I’ve been to multiple parts of the multiverse and you could argue that all of this is pointless in the end. Also, how do we know that the prince isn’t some creepy guy trying to get in with you for your body or royalty? You can’t just trust everyone like that. Even my creator turned out to be a creep.
Snow White: You two are too depressing! There are plenty of good things! Like this cute animal fella!
Perry: (Chitters)
Morty: You mean the platypus? Yeah, he definitely seems like a perfectly normal platypus. One of the few creatures with nothing to hide whatsoever.
We cut to another group of people. Chris McLean is finishing his explanation of his life story, while the people around him don’t pay attention, bored.
Chris: All those accomplishments and you still don’t recognize me?! I’m Chris McLean! And you are all uncultured!
Chloe: Why would I care about you? You seem pathetic and ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous!
Chris: You’re ridiculous! Not respecting an icon such as me!
Chloe: I don’t even know who you are?! And if I don’t care about you then you’re not an icon!
Pacifica: Why would it matter if you don’t care about someone? Your opinion isn’t what’s supposed to determine someone’s status!
Chloe: Oh, and you haven’t been like that either? You sure seem like the type of girl who would do the same thing! Tell me, you judged people like that before as well.
Pacifica: I…
Chloe: Hah! I knew it!
Pacifica: (mutters) I can’t believe I was once like this.
Jacques: Look you all, it is clear who is the most rich and powerful in this lineup.
Chloe: And that’s me right?
Jacques: What?! No!
Pacifica: Yeah, obviously not. I’m probably the only one here with any dignity.
Jacques: Nope! Not in any way! It’s me! It’s always been me! You two are just lowlifes who will never see any success in comparison to me!
Chris: Wow. At least the other two would make for fun contestants. You’re just lame dude.
Jacques: Lame?! Lame?! I am Jacques Schnee! I am the CEO of the Schnee Dust Company! I am probably richer than both of you combined! I-
Pacifica: Let’s just leave this man. This is just sad.
Chris and Chloe: Agreed.
Jacques: Hey! You can’t just leave me! You are all pathetic! You’ll never be anywhere near as great as me!
Chris: Me as a baby is 10 times as great as you!
Jacques: Y-you! You won’t-
He realizes that they already left. A girl with pink hair is seen near him, looking tearful.
Junko: How sad… getting abandoned by your own kind, what despair you must feel inside of you.
Jacques: Despair? Hah! I don’t feel despair! You seem to be the one who’s in despair, you low-life!
Junko: If you think about it, we’re all low-lives inside. None of us will even be anything in one hundred years, we’ll all be nothing in the end…
Some random Goomba walks in.
Junko: (Points at the Goomba) Look at that thing, what will it be worth in the end? Just like all of us, nothing.
Goomba: Hey, I find that offensive! I can’t be worth nothing after all I’ve been through!
Junko: (Now in cutesy mode) Aw… you must have been through a lot. What must have it been like? What was the despair that you have endured? Was it torturous? Was it PAINFUL inside?
Goomba: I have seen all my comrades die in battle, stomped on by the red plumber with no remorse… Why was I spared? Why did the plumber jump over me? Why must they die like that? Why must they all die like worthless pawns in the game of life?!
Junko: How beautiful!
Goomba: Beautiful?! How can you find all that death and despair beautiful?!
Junko: (Now in vulgar mode) HAHAHAHAHAHA HOW CAN YOU NOT FIND DESPAIR BEAUTIFUL?!
As Goomba starts to cry and Junko continues to laugh like the maniac she is, a certain Captain sees this and goes up to them.
Captain America: Hey! What do you think you’re doing?!
Junko: Making this loser depressed!
Captain America: So you’re a bully, well, I never liked them. So stop that!
Junko: What are you going to do? Even with all those muscles, and abs you won’t be able to stop all the bullies in the world! It’s impossible! The world will always be filled with despair!
Captain America: Sure, I can’t stop every bully in the world, but there’s no reason for me not to try!
Junko: Then let’s see you try to stop this!
Junko then suddenly attacks Goomba, but right before she can hit him, Cap blocks her with his shield. Some of the others see this, and start to watch the fight break out.
Morty: HOLY SHIT IS THAT CAPTAIN AMERICA FROM THE MCU?!
Ramune: Yes! Our first fight! The drama begins!
Rowley: Why would you want fights and drama?!
Mr. Snake: Because they’re fun to watch, duh.
Rowley: But my parents said that stuff is bad!
Chris: Then your parents must have bad taste, because this is juicy! It’s the American propaganda man versus the pink haired representation of depression! Who will win! Find out, right here, right now, on TOTAL. DRAMA… SOMETHING!
Junko: (Now in queen mode) You’re a shield user? Shields are used for protection, yet all of you peasants will soon cease to exist, so what’s even the point of protecting those that will eventually be gone?! Won’t you ever get bored of it?!
Chris: Wow! What will he say to this biting comment?
Morty: He’s gonna say “I can do this all day,” just watch. This is always so predictable.
Captain America: I can do this all day.
Morty: He said it! He said the quote!
Pacifica: Why are you cheering like a madman? Didn’t you just predict that?
Morty: What can I say, I like references and will always cheer when they happen even if they’re tacky and predictable.
The fight goes on, but a bird nerd named Berdly comes in to try and stop it.
Berdly: Fear not, as I, the great and beautiful Berdly, will come to stop this fight!
As he charges in to stop the fight, Junko kicks him in the chicken nuggets chicken nuggets.
Berdly: On second thought, I might as well rest here.
Vector: You won’t be able to stop them, but I can, with my epic PIRANHA LAUNCHER! OH YEAH!
He shoots the piranha at Junko, and it hits her breast.
Vector: Yes! You’ll never be better than Vector!
Berdly: I’m probably better than you!
Vector: Then who was the one who shot her with the piranha gun then?! Me!
Ramune: What an L.
Berdly: Excuse me, but you shall not accuse me of being an L you Simpleton!
Ramune: You look like an L to me.
While all this was happening, Junko was screaming in pain from the piranha. However, the scream seems… joyful?
Morty: Not the first universe I’ve been to where people like pain.
Berdly: How is it possible for people to like pain?!
Junko: BECAUSE THE DESPAIR YOU FEEL WHEN YOU GET PAIN IS SO… SO INCREDIBLE!
Undyne: Hey! What’s all this commotion about?!
Berdly: Chief Undyne? Finally, you could stop this madness!
Undyne: Madness? Finally!
Berdly: You want this?!
Undyne: I haven’t had anyone to fight since going up on the surface! I’ve missed this! So, who are we fighting?
Berdly: Uh, the pink haired one.
Undyne: The pink haired one it is then! NGAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
She charges in to fight Junko.
Chris: And a new challenger approaches!
Ramune: We’re joining the fight now? Count me in!
Chris: Another fighter joins the ring!
Ramune then starts to fight not only Junko, but also Undyne.
Undyne: Not me you dingus! The pink haired one is the bad guy!
Ramune: Pink haired, red haired, I don’t care. I just want to join you guys!
Chris: It’s become a free for all! Every man is for themselves!
Morty: Well, might as well join.
Osma: I WILL AVENGE YOU, MY FISHY!
And… yeah it just becomes chaos from here. Everyone is out here brawling each other. Well, everyone except for the princess, the wimpy kid’s friend, and the perfectly normal platypus.
Rowley: Guys! Stop! Joshie said to respect-
Mr. Snake: Does anyone give a damn about what Joshie says?!
Rowley: Joshie is a-
Jacques: I’m done with this embarrassing kid!
Jacques goes to attack Rowley, until…
Perry: (Bites Jacques.)
Jacques: OW!
Perry has joined the fight.
Rowley: Even the platypus is fighting now?!
Perry: (Chitters.)
Goomba: Just run and hide, kid. Like what the princess is doing.
Snow White: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Goomba: You’ll never be able to convince them to stop. Coming closer to them will only cause you doom. Get away while you can!
Rowley: I’ve been told to never be a bystander though!
Goomba: Fine, your choice.
Peacemaker: What the fuck is happening here?!
Rowley: Help us! There’s a war here!
Peacemaker: War? I’ll stop this!
He then shoots Rowley in the face, killing him. Everyone else turns to him, shocked.
Peacemaker: I cherish peace with all my heart, and will kill any man, woman, or child in order to get it. So I will not hesitate to kill any of you motherfuckers if any of you break the peace, understand?!
Undyne: The only thing I understand is that you killed a child, you maniac, which means that you should go down! NGAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
He goes in to kill Undyne as well. It’s harder since she’s more of a fighter, but he is still able to have the upper edge and take her out.
Osma: You murdered the fish! I won’t let any more fish die! You shall fear my wra-
This shot was easy. Osma also falls dead. Junko laughs maniacally as this all happens, basking in the total despair in the room right now.
Peacemaker: Like I said, will kill anyone for peace.
Jacques: I like this man!
Captain America: Why would you do this?! You murdered an innocent child! He didn’t deserve to die!
Peacemaker: The war ended though, didn’t it? Peace has been restored thanks to me.
Junko: (In vulgar mode, now having stolen a bomb from the store.) Not if I have anything to do about it!
Chris: Explosives? Nice!
Junko: (Now in statistical mode) This bomb blows up in 30 seconds, and I am the only one who could disarm it. If you don’t go back into the despair-inducing fighting, you will all blow up and die.
Peacemaker: …Fine. For peace.
Goomba: Wait but I thought that you wanted to stop this fight for pe-
He gets stomped on by Ramune.
Ramune: I don’t care, let’s do this!
Yep, it all goes to chaos again. Sorry Peacemaker, you didn’t help things.
Snow White: Where’s a prince when you need him?!
Vector: You don’t need a prince when you have Vecto-
Vector is sliced by Undyne.
Undyne: This is what happens to lame guys who put piranhas in guns.
Snow White: Someday my prince will come… someday my prince will come… 😭😭😭
Berdly: We don’t need a prince! Sing for a therapist to come! They will definitely heal all this trauma!
We then see Luz Noceda, who runs into the battlefield. She hears what Berdly said, and goes over to him to warn him.
Luz: As someone who just dealt with one, trust me, you don’t want a therapist.
Berdly: What’s wrong with having a therapist?
We flashback to Luz having a talk at Lucy’s psychiatry booth.
Luz: And now Eda and King are stuck in the Demon Realm with the Collector, and Amity, Willow, and Gus are separated with their families! Who knows what the Collector could be doing?! Why do I always have to ruin everything… Lucy, please tell me how I can help my friends.
Lucy: The way I see it, thanks to you always having empathy with the people around you always ends up getting everyone into a worse situation. I say that the smartest move would be to be apathetic to their situations and focus on yourself. Case in point, me. I never care about anyone except for my beautiful self, and it causes me to have less self-doubt and helps me to become the confident person that I am today.
Luz: I can’t just ignore everyone! I’m the one who hurt them! I should be the one to fix my mistakes!
Lucy: See? This is what’s getting you to worry. I am giving a prescription for you to focus on yourself and not the others, and then you’ll be fine in no time! Now, hand over a nickel please.
Luz: Sorry, I don’t have any.
Lucy: You… don’t have any nickels? (She violently shakes Luz) YOU WENT TO ME EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE NO NICKELS?!
Luz: Since when was having nickels so important?
Lucy: I JUST LIKE THE SOUND OKAY! JUST GO AND FIND ONE AND GIVE IT TO ME!
Luz: Fine, geez. You need a chill pill. Wait, I think I have one… Okay, okay, NOW EAT THIS SUCKA!
(She takes out a plant glyph, and shoots it at her, trapping her. She uses this opportunity to run away.)
Lucy: I might have just experienced the origin of my wiccaphobia.
We return back to the present, where Berdly looks at Luz in awe.
Berdly: You’re a witch?! You can be my protector!
Luz: Look, I don’t know if I’ll be able-
Berdly: (With puppy eyes) Please?
Luz: Alright then! If anyone tries to hurt the bird, they’ll get a taste of-
Junko comes from behind and kills Berdly. Luz screams in anguish of her failure.
Junko: (Now in cutesy mode) Those screams are beauty to my ears.
We cut to a chili dog stand, where the remaining characters are chilling while the others are fighting and dying nearby.
Sonic: Ahhh… these chili dogs are delicious! Want some, brick girl?
Wyldstyle: How can you eat chili dogs when there’s an apocalypse going on?! The Duplo invaders will come and Emmett will be lost without me… this is no time to relax and eat!
Sonic: As someone who fought literal gods multiple times before, I still believe that you can never go wrong with a chili dog!
Cat In The Hat: This food is quite great! I’m glad that it’s something I ate!
Sonic: See? The cat gets it!
Wyldstyle: I’m still too small to eat this thing.
Cat In The Hat: All you need is to try. It’s not like you’ll die. At least take a crumb. Not trying is dumb!
Wyldstyle: Fine, I’ll take a crumb, only so you’ll leave me alone.
She takes a crumb, which is actually a decent handful for her.
Wyldstyle: Not bad.
Sonic: That’s what I’m talking about!
Wyldstyle: I’m still not satisfied with just staying here. We need to find a way out of here.
She jumps down and runs away to explore and look for a way out. She doesn’t gain much ground, thanks to her small stature.
Sonic: You know what? Hop on.
Wildstyle hesitates for a second, but then hops onto Sonic’s hand.
Sonic: Gotta go fast!
Sonic then runs around at super speed, with Wildstyle barely holding on. She eventually falls off, and before Sonic notices, he catches on another site. And that is all the other contestants we got to know earlier laying dead on the ground, all except for two.
Sonic: W-what, what is this?!
Ramune: The remains of the bloodbath, of course.
Sonic: How did you do this?!
Ramune: Only the most based ones make it out of this battle alive. That is why me and the platypus are the only survivors.
Perry: (Chitters.)
Wildstyle, The Cat In The Hat, and Lucy arrive just in time to see the group of corpses.
Lucy: This will definitely help drive business up.
Sonic: Who’s this kid?
The Cat In The Hat: She tried to help the minifigure with her worries. But the girl is not good at helping with problems such as these.
Wyldstyle: All I’ve learned from this experience is that I should never hop on a speeding hedgehog ever again. Anyways, can we discuss the dead bodies and the animal with the gun?!
Ramune: Oh, yeah, I can take you guys down too, since you’re not a based platypus!
Finally, and I mean it’s about time, Maverick comes in with his Minions.
Maverick: Hot fuzz! What happened here?!
The Cat In The Hat: These people seem to have died. And the platypus is left with the most pride.
Perry: (Chitters.)
Maverick: Oh well, this doesn’t matter since I can bring everyone back to life anyway.
He snaps his fingers, making everyone go back to life.
Anne: If I had a nickel every time I was brought back to life, I’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice.
Morty: Since when were you here?
Anne: I was always here dude.
Morty: Oh, so you’re one of those background characters, got it.
Anne: Am I not being proactive enough?! I’ll show you! I will be more than what you say I am!
Maverick: Settle down Anne, you’re like the savior of two dimensions in your world. Pretty much the exact opposite of a background character. You shouldn’t worry about inferiority issues.
Osma: Wait, that girl’s a what now?
Maverick: I said what I said.
Osma: And to think I mostly spent my life crying about my dead fish.
Vector: Hey, are those the yellow twerps who made me lose my moon?!
Berdly: I still have my moon with me!
He showcases his small moon replica, probably made for school. Anne swats the moon away, remembering THAT moon.
Berdly: Hey!
Anne: Oh! Sorry, I just, you can say that I have a history with moons.
Vector sees his opportunity, and grabs the moon.
Vector: Yes! The moon is mine!
Anne: Stop him! He is not to be trusted with that!
A Minion comes up to him and kicks him in the chicken nuggets.
Vector: Ow! Watch it, you disgusting pill!
The Minion takes the moon for himself, laughing along the way.
Maverick: What do you have there Stuart?
He presents to him the moon.
Maverick: That’s not the real moon but it’s still cool.
Berdly: Yes! I see that you respect my craft and artistic ability, random triangle!
Maverick: I am not a random triangle! I am your host! The one and only-
Pacifica: Weirdmaggedon guy?!
Maverick: No I am not Bill and have nothing to do with Weirdmaggedon.
Ramune: Wait a second… Maverick?!
Maverick: Bingo!
Anne: You know this thing?!
Ramune: 👍
Mr. Snake: Since when are animals like you making thumbs ups without thumbs?! Because I need to know your secrets!
Ramune: An Eevee never reveals her secrets.
Mr. Snake: Screw you.
Chloe: Not even if you’re the only one who knows the secrets of the triangle man?
Ramune: Nope!
Chloe: Screw you twice!
Maverick: Don’t worry, you don’t need anyone to tell you who I am because I will do it myself! Or not. Actually no, I won’t tell you.
Pacifica: Are we going to have to say screw you for the third time in a row?!
Maverick: No! Because I put it all on a presentation!
He then uses his gauntlet to teleport everyone into the movie theater, where a film is put on, a movie called Maverick. Top Gun: Maverick.
Anne: (Crying her heart out) That was so beautiful…
Junko: (Now in statistical mode) The parts with Maverick feeling despair on the trauma of his friend’s death was great, but it would have been a better movie if Rooster died and Maverick had to relive the despair that he failed Goose once more…
Berdly: Why were we shown some random movie about airplanes? Great movie with solid character drama mixed with amazing action sequences to create an incredible whole, but still.
Undyne: The answer is obvious. Because he’s a lying traitor who likes to trick people! Screw you, for the fourth time!
Maverick has been completely invested in the cinematic masterpiece that is Top Gun: Maverick the whole time, to the point where he wasn’t paying attention that the wrong movie was played. Ramune then slaps him awake.
Maverick: Hot fuzz! Minions!
We see a few Minions come down, having also been too enthralled by Top Gun: Maverick to realize their mistake.
Maverick: Why was the wrong movie played?
Vector: Because they’re dumb Minions!
Maverick: Shut up Vector.
One of the Minions blows a raspberry at him.
Maverick: Fine, Top Gun: Maverick is too good of a movie for me to even mind. But we can’t waste anymore time on filler! I procrastinated on starting this too much already! Here’s the real movie everyone.
What plays is a video showing how shows such as these work. How people compete in challenges and whoever loses goes up for elimination, and how you viewers reading this right now vote on who gets eliminated, and so on and so forth.
Chris: So… you and a bunch of other gods literally just ripped off my show.
Maverick: Kinda, yeah.
Chris: I’d say that you guys are sellouts, but you're essentially saying that a bunch of gods idolize me so it’s okay.
Maverick: I don’t idolize-
Chris: No, no, no. The gods idolize me. You can’t convince me otherwise.
Maverick: Fine, we idolize you. And I also watch Total Drama obsessively. Happy now?
Chris: Yes, yes I am.
Luz: Actually, I think this is a rip off of the show Epic Character Elimination Reboot. I’ve been on it before and this is basically the same thing.
Chris: I’d rather believe in a bunch of gods idolizing me.
Maverick: Anyways, let’s stop wasting time killing each other and fighting over moons! It’s time for the show to start! Now, I command everyone to join up with your teams as seen here!
The screen displays the groups.
Team 1: Rowley, Chris, Junko, Snow White, Osma, Ramune
Team 2: Perry, Wildstyle, Undyne, The Cat In The Hat, Sonic, Goomba
Team 3: Peacemaker, Chloe, Pacifica, Morty, Vector, Captain America
Team 4: Luz, Jacques, Anne, Mr. Snake, Berdly, Lucy
Maverick: Now, it’s time to make your team names! Once your name is decided, you write it on paper and put it in this box (he points to a box), to avoid any accidental names.
Team 1:
Osma: I want this name to be a tribute to my beloved fish, so I would like my team to be named Team Fishes.
Ramune: Booooo!!!!! That’s a lame name! And we’re not even the team with the actual fish in it!
Snow White: Well I think it’s a wonderful tribute to your fish Osma.
Rowley: Me too! You did a good job with that name!
Osma: Thank you, Fishy would be proud of it.
Chris: Well I’m not! I hosted multiple seasons of Total Drama and this is probably the worst team name I have ever seen!
Osma: Then if you’re such an expert on team names, what would you name this team?
Chris: I’ll name it after the best team name in the history of Total Drama, Team Chris Is Really Really Really Hot.
Osma: Really?
Chris: Yeah I said that word like, three times.
Ramune: Narcissist Alert! I repeat, Narcissist Alert! Also, you aren’t even that hot.
Chris: Take that back!
Ramune: No. 🙃
Rowley: Guys, I don’t get this name. How are you so hot when you’re not even sweating?
Everyone on the team except for Snow White looks on at him as if he had just committed a “bruh moment.”
Snow White: Don’t worry little one, I do not get it either.
Rowley: Maybe we can all agree on a name like Team Friendship!
Ramune: No.
Chris: That makes Team Fishes look like Team Chris Is Really Really Really Hot.
Osma: You say that like it’s a compliment.
Meanwhile, while everyone is discussing, Junko is watching everyone silently, cooking up a name of her own. Finally she is ready to bring out her very own team name suggestion.
Junko: (Now in cutesy mode) Guys! I have an amazing name!
Rowley: Oooh, what is it?
Ramune: It’s definitely a better name than Team Friendship.
Junko: How about… A Bunch Of Losers With Nothing But Despair!
Ramune: That’s more like it!
Chris: Believe it or not, that’s probably the best team name anyone other than me has said.
Junko: Aw man!
Snow White: What’s wrong? The others seem to like your name.
Junko: (Now in crying mode) I was hoping to cause despair to you all by giving us a horrible team name and putting it in the box so that you’d all be embarrassed and ashamed that you’re stuck with it. Although… I do like feeling the despair of you guys not feeling despair.
Rowley: If it makes you feel better, I dislike the name!
Osma: Also did she say that we’re stuck with this name-
Maverick: And Team 1’s name is officially called A Bunch Of Losers With Nothing But Despair!
Osma: You know, I’ll take it.
Team 2:
Undyne: Alright team! We need our name to strike fear in the hearts of our opponents!
Wyldstyle: A name that distracts them with dread!
Goomba: A name that avenges all the comrades we have lost with pride!
Perry: (Chitters. With pride.)
Undyne: I’m going to pretend that you said something meaningful as well.
The Cat In The Hat: This name will show our worth! The greatest name ever seen on the Earth!
Wyldstyle: Even if we aren’t even on Earth right now?
Goomba: Give him a break. He has to rhyme with every sentence he makes. Sometimes that can be hard. Plus, distracts them with dread? What does that even mean?
Wyldstyle: It means that they’ll be so distracted by our name we can take them down easier!
Goomba: Then wouldn’t a dumb name be better? Like, the platypus probably has a better name!
Sonic: Guys! Guys! Stop going crazy about this name! As long as it’s better than the lame names that Eggman comes up with, it probably doesn’t matter.
Perry: (Chitters in agreement.)
Sonic: You know what? Let’s just make this quick. I’ll name it after the platypus.
Undyne: The platypus?! That sounds ridiculous! What’s the name gonna be? Is it gonna be after the sound he makes? Huh?! Is our team name gonna be Nnnnnnnggggggghhhhhhh?
Sonic: You’re assuming I’m as bad at creating names as Eggman. I was just thinking of Secret Agent Platypuses.
Wyldstyle: What does secret agents have to do with Perry?
Sonic: I dunno, maybe it’s that fedora I caught him trying to wear while we were having this very conversation.
Perry widens his eyes at this, as the rest of the team stares at him.
Wyldstyle: Yeah, like the platypus is some secret agent with a double life.
Perry: (Chitters in relief.)
Sonic: Do you have anything better?
Wyldstyle: I do actually. The name is-
In the time when Wildstyle says this, Sonic writes the name and runs up to the box in a dash.
Maverick: And Team 2’s name is Secret Agent Platypuses!
Wyldstyle: Oh come on!
Team 3:
Pacifica: Why do I have to be stuck with this fake wannabe of a girl?!
Chloe: You’re saying that as if I was the fake wannabe!
Pacifica: Because you are, you selfish little prick!
Chloe: Since when have you been Miss Goody Two Shoes?!
Captain America: We cannot just keep on fighting like the other teams, we need this team to be in order if we want to do well!
Peacemaker: If you really want our team to be in order you should let me do my thing!
Captain America: Again, killing innocent people does not bring peace.
Peacemaker: Sometimes you have to do whatever it takes to achieve the greater good.
Morty: Don’t we have to create a team nam-
Vector: I’ll take charge and give you a good name! As long as you make me, the great Vector, the leader you all deserve!
Morty: Oh fuck off.
Peacemaker: I also agree, fuck off all of you.
Captain America: Language.
Peacemaker: You can’t stop me from having free speech!
Vector: And you can’t stop me from being the best of all of you!
Pacifica: At this point I’m fine with our team name even being some dumb accidental name, as long as I can get away from all of you.
Morty: Yeah, that can work.
Morty writes down what Pacifica said, and puts it in the box.
Maverick: So Team 3’s team name is, oh come on! Seriously?! I did this so we can avoid the dumb accidental names! Fine, Team 3’s name is Some Dumb Accidental Name!
Chloe: Hah! Who’s the loser now?!
Pacifica: Clearly, it’s the idiot who purposely put this name in the box.
Morty: Yeah, that’s on me. And I have no regrets.
Team 4:
Luz: Alrighty, who here likes Azura?
Mr. Snake: Yeah, as if you’re implying that a bunch of randos from different universes actually like the same franchise.
Berdly: Even as a certified proud nerd I’ve never heard of it.
Anne: Actually, I think Marcy likes that franchise?
Maverick randomly appears.
Maverick: I heard the word Marcy!
Anne: Yeah, I said her name.
Maverick: Sorry, it’s just… oh it’s nothing.
Anne: Huh, that’s weird.
Luz: Anyways, I thought of naming our team after Azura’s-
Jacques: You’re dumb.
Luz: Hey!
Lucy: I mean she did forget to give me my nickel for my service.
Anne: I’m not dealing with this arguing that’s been plaguing everyone anymore! Let’s just all agree to make a compromise. So everyone, say a name and we’ll combine it together!
Mr. Snake: You really want us to… share our names?! (He laughs, HARD.)
Berdly: Combine my idea with the names from these Simpletons?! You are absurd!
Lucy: We all know that these blockheads will ruin the beautiful name I thought up of. Plus, logic knows that a girl is not going to team up with a person who swindles her.
Luz: Look, I’ll give you your nickel. Does anyone have a nickel?
Everyone shakes their heads no.
Luz: Uh… you can have a flower? (She uses a plant glyph to make a flower.)
Lucy: Flowers don’t help my business grow financially.
Jacques: You’re a businesswoman, aren’t you? Maybe we can make a deal that benefits the both of us while leaving everyone else in the dust!
Lucy: I would love to leave everyone in the dust, but men like you probably exploit slaves for your gain, or something like that.
Jacques: In fact I do exploit slaves to my benefit. I don’t see anything wrong with it.
Everyone turns their eyes to him.
Luz: You think… exploiting slaves… IS GOOD?!
Jacques: Yes, I do.
Mr. Snake: Yeesh, and I thought I was bad.
Luz: WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! BELOS?!
Jacques: No, but he seems like a fine man.
Luz.. well she blows up at this. As in she immediately sends a fire glyph straight to him. Jacques dodges it.
Jacques: You! (He points at Anne.) Stop her at once!
Anne: I would, but I like seeing karma. There’s just something so satisfying about it.
Luz sends another fire glyph, this time successfully incinerating Jacques. The others cheer at this.
Anne: Woo! You go girlboss!
Luz: If only defeating Belos or The Collector was as easy as this…
While this was happening, Berdly delivered the team name to the box.
Maverick: And the last team, Team 4’s name is The Simpletons! Hey, it’s almost like the Simpsons. Nice.
The team glares at Berdly.
Berdly: Look, it fits the vibe of you all.
Maverick: Alright everyone! Team names are over, and now we have come into the meat of the game!
Mr. Snake: Hey triangle man! What are you going to do with that guy the witch girl burned on fire?
Maverick: Are you telling me there was another death? Wow.
Luz: He deserved it!
Maverick: Well, that was useless, as he will now be brought back to life! Actually, it would be kind of funny if he stays dead until the next episode.
Chris: This is taking too long! I would have already gotten to the challenge by now!
Maverick: Oh, yeah, the challenge. The episode’s already long enough… so we’ll see these fine contestants compete in a challenge next time! But of course, I want to get this voting started! So viewers at home, vote for your favorite contestants and your least favorites. The one with the most votes in the favorites poll gets an advantage! The one with the least gets a disadvantage!
Chris: I already have a dedicated fanbase, this should be an easy win!
Vector: You have no chance at winning against the one and only Vector!
Rowley: Or maybe they vote for the one who isn’t a mean jerk. Maybe they’ll vote for someone who’s actually nice.
Sonic: Don’t worry, they’ll vote for the mean jerks… as the ones with the disadvantage!
Anne: I don’t think you should worry about that when there’s literally someone who likes exploiting slaves in this show.
Maverick: Oh yeah. That guy is probably doomed. But there’s still a chance that it could be someone else! So go vote in the link below!
VOTING IS CLOSED!
Maverick: As for the contestants, you all can go relax and mingle. Or you can all fight again, I don’t care. And for all you viewers, this has been your amazing host, the Maverick, and I’ll see you next time in Maverick’s Awesome, Stupendous, Supremely Awesome Show!
Volo: You didn’t even make me relevant at all! You said that I was going to be important-
Ramune: Maverick, stop him, make him irrelevant!
Volo: NO YOU PATHETIC EEVEE! I’M SUPPOSED TO BE A MAJOR CHARACTER-
Maverick: Look Volo I’ll make you important later but I need to end the show now.
Volo: We had an agreement Maverick!
Ramune: LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maverick: Anyways everyone,
Volo: No! I won't-
Maverick: We have to say goodbye, much to Volo’s disappointment! Farewell everyone!