Snow

Upset, Sam went to meet with Karli, but with Bucky and Aspen by his side. 

“Karli !” Said Sam calling out to her, fuming “You called my sister ? That’s how we’re gonna play this ?”

“I would never hurt her. I wanted to understand you better.” She said, glancing behind Sam, "I see you, um, didn’t come alone.”

Sam demanded she end this now, but she assured him she doesn’t want to hurt him, that he was only a tool in the regime she was trying to destroy. Before the convo goes any further, Sharon called Sam, “Hey, Sam, new Cap is moving, looks like he’s found them, or maybe they found him.”

Karli watched as the three of them directed themselves towards the location Sharon sent Sam. They dispersed as they tried to reach Walker’s location first. Karli followed Bucky as he ran down the street whereas Sam flew off, taking Aspen with him.

Sam arrived first and put Aspen on the ground before landing. Walker was fighting a couple of Flag Smashers on his own and threw the shield clean through a wall and flung the Flag Smashers across rooms, which caused Sam to question, “What’d you do ?”

“They’ve got Lemar.” answered John as Sam had his back turned and a Flag Smasher ran up to him, Bucky made his appearance known by punching the guy away, “You’re welcome.” 

Bucky engaged in a fight with another Flag Smasher when Walker was attacked with a knife. He used the shield to defend himself as the knife was dragged across it causing sparks to appear. Walker used his force to sweep the knife from the Flag Smasher’s hand, it flew towards Bucky when Aspen arrived in the room after getting rid of other members, seeing the knife she gasped when Bucky leaned back and caught it mid-air, “What’s with all the knives ?” Walker said. Bucky disarmed his own opponent before flicking the knife up in a twirl before throwing it into the ground by a Flag Smasher’s head. 

In a skirmish between all parties, Hoskins regained consciousness and stumbled into the room and crashed into Karli to prevent her from killing Walker. Enraged, Karli grabs Hoskins and slams him across the wall, killing him instantly, stopping all confrontation. 

Horrified, Karli and the Flag Smashers flee, as Sam, Aspen and Bucky take a moment to process what happened, while Walker tries to revive his friend.

In his despair of avenging his friend’s death, Walker stood up and ran outside to pursue a Flag Smasher out into a populated town square.

The three of them also followed Walker in order to try to avoid worse conflicts. Their attention fell on a group of civilians gathered in a circle around someone. Walker had pinned the rebel to the ground, who pleaded he didn’t do it. Blinded by rage and grief, Walker delivered several fatal blows with the shield. Aspen pushed her way into the crowd to witness what was going on only to be met with the worse.

As Sam and Bucky made their way towards Aspen and arrived too late to stop it, Karli, hidden within the growing crowd, all looked on in horror. 

Walker, breathing heavily, looked up and saw a crowd of people all recording him on their cellphones, as he stood in the center with his face, hands, and shield all covered in blood. 

It looked at first glance that his chest had been bashed in. But it wasn’t all true, he had been beheaded. John Walker aka Captain America had just beheaded someone. In front of people.

She took heaving breaths, shaking from the emotions of what she had witnessed and how she was feeling. Aspen could feel the ice beneath her skin, as she attempted to control her powers. Everyone was lost in what they had just witnessed to notice Aspen losing control. 

Her eyes were gleaming ice blue and her hands were shaking. She knew just how dangerous her powers could be when related to such strong emotions. 

She backed up and moved away from the crowd as much as possible so as not to hurt anyone. She was doing her best to calm her breathing, slow her pulse and control herself. Again and again she inhaled and slowly exhaled. 

Thinking about Wakanda helped her enormously. Remembering the breeze swaying with the grass around, feeling the chilly dew of the night setting. 

In a few minutes, she managed to calm down and regain control over her emotions as well as her powers.

Opening her eyes, the crowd had been deliberately dispersed and Walker had run off, as well as Sam and Bucky who must have followed him.

She ran, following their tracks, which led her to a remote corner of town to a disused building where she found the three men fighting over the shield. 

When she stepped in, Walker had knocked out Bucky, he was tearing the wings off of Sam’s Falcon suit, and nearly executed him the way he did the Flag Smasher.

Wanting at all costs to separate them and end their incessant fighting, she raised her arm upwards with a simple movement and inherited a wall of ice that protected Sam and Bucky from Walker's wrath.

Once Sam and Bucky were put aside, she turned to face John and exclaimed: "John ! Don't make your case worse. Give us back the shield."

Like an angry bull seeing red, John rushed in the direction of Aspen. She tried to reason with him but he didn't listen.

Aspen understood that she would not be able to reason with him and stopped him in his tracks by immobilizing his feet with ice with a simple flick of her wrist.

He almost fell and straightened up, taking the shield and shattering the ice that held him.

Then she did it again, she blocked him again, “I can go on like this all day you know ?” Said Aspen as John seemed to be wearing himself out much faster than her, while she remained impassive and didn't move an inch while facing his wrath.

Her attention shifted from him for a moment to see through the ice Bucky and Sam getting up. When she turned her head again towards John, he had thrown the shield in her direction and she couldn't avoid it in time. The shield hit her hard in the chest and fell to the ground just like her, as John smashed the ice with his fists. In her fall, she lifted the ice wall to let Bucky and Sam take the lip facing John.

In a three-way grip for the shield, Sam used the little he had left of his repulsors to rip the shield from John. Pinning Walker in a hold, Bucky pushed against Walker’s arm while Sam attempted to pull the shield off. Sam and Bucky both grunted as they succeeded in breaking Walker’s arm and removing the shield. Walker screamed in pain, before getting to his feet. All exhausted and battered from the battle, Bucky grabs the shield from the ground, tosses it to Sam, and walks off towards Aspen, helping her get up. 

Emotional, Sam looks at the still bloody and battered shield as he tries to wipe off the blood.

At one of the resettlement camps, they learned that the GRC was conducting raids to try to find Karli, but they only found her followers instead. 

First Lieutenant Joaquin Torres told them that Captain America killing a foreign national in public has triggered an international incident, and as expected, folks higher up in the payroll had now taken jurisdiction. 

Besides, Karli was laying extra low; she was a ghost thanks to people helping her from all over the world, on all platforms. Imparting some wisdom, Torres told them to sit tight for the time being — “Sometimes there’s nothing to do until there’s something to do.”

So Sam left for the United States while Bucky and Aspen were on a plane heading to Sokovia to drop Bucky off there and then take Aspen wherever she wanted. Bucky had been very clear about having to do this alone, then he didn't say a word, rehashing past events.

The plane landed a few hours later in Sokovia but none of them moved despite the plane door being open.

The beauty of the sky. The soft sound of the wind on the trees. The coldness of the fresh air. The warmth of Bucky’s body on the seat.

Aspen studied his features, her eyes glimmering with a soft and delicate concern as she offered her hand for him to hold. His eyes were focused on the cargo plane floor, dozens of emotions written on his face, pain, sorrow, exhaustion, hopelessness, and so much else. His body was tense, and he was seconds from breaking down.

He moved slowly and reached for Aspen’s hand, squeezing it in his and releasing a faint sigh, as if her presence was a reminder that everything would be fine. She intertwined her fingers in his and brought his trembling hand to her lap, reaching down with her second hand to rub it softly and ease some of his tension.

"...I'm sorry." He said in a quiet voice, eyes on the floor, trying to avoid looking at her, “I’m sorry you were dragged into this mess”. Her chest felt cold. It felt full and yet devoid of air. This wasn't the discrete, lingering kind of sadness that left her wanting to be left alone. No, she wanted to scream. She wanted to rage at the unfairness of the world until she was nothing but an empty shell.

She took a deep breath and swallowed. Now was about him. She would focus on that later, because he didn't need to deal with her feelings, not at this moment. No, now he needed her to be strong for him.

"You shouldn't have to apologize. I don't want you to apologize, I... Getting involved into this was my choice, not yours. It's not your fault. If you're going to go through this, then I'm going through it with you, okay ? Together. I'd do it all over again even if I could go back in time."

"It's unfair ! You shouldn't have to go through this, you didn't do anything !" Bucky argued, but she didn't let him speak one more word. She understood what he was talking about immediately, about constantly having to bend down, to fight, to see the image of their dear friend tainted, to still suffer because of Hydra and the trauma of what they did.

"You shouldn't have to go through this either ! Just... Let me be there for you, damn it... You don't have to go through this alone. I don't want you to go through this alone. It's you and I, always, even if it sucks sometimes. I wouldn't have it any other way."

He tried to swallow it in, but he couldn't. He couldn't hold on anymore. He brought his hand to his mouth and let out a heartbreaking sob. He stood up and started pacing towards the end of the plane. A second sob, then a third one, and Aspen watched as he broke down in front of her.

"You have to talk to me, Bucky." She whispered desperately. "You... Never tell me anything. I can't help you if I don't know how you feel, so... Help me out over here, alright ? I just, I want you to be okay." Several minutes passed. She lets him take his time. It was wrong of her to say that he didn't share his emotions when she was the same but it didn't matter to her, she wanted to make Bucky understand that she was there for him now.

"I..." He started, but his voice cracked and he coughed. "I can't bear this anymore, I'm not... It's too much, way too much. I've been feeling so alone, I... Where do I even start, there's so much to say..."

"We've got time." Aspen extended her hand and he grabbed it gently, giving it a squeeze. "Tell me everything."

Bucky looked at her with a sad smile. "Thank you, Snow. Thank you."

Bucky told her everything he had on his heart and conscience before leaving on his side. 

The pilot came toward Aspen, “Where to Miss ?” he asked her.

She took a moment to herself and thought about going back to her apartment but strangely it felt wrong.

“Atlanta, please.” she said as the pilot turned and went back to start the engine, “I have family to visit”

Around twelve hours later the plane landed at the International Airport of Atlanta. From there, she rented a car and drove about 25 miles northeast of Atlanta, which led her to a small cabin surrounded by trees and a beautiful lake.

A place she hadn't been since Tony's funeral. She parked on the side and stopped the engine and took a minute to think before setting foot outside. She climbed the stairs and stopped in front of the door. 

She, again, paused for a moment before thinking better of it. She gathered one’s courage and knocked on the door.

Seconds later, the door opens and reveals a woman with auburn hair, “Hi Pepper…” she says shyly before Pepper steps out and takes her into her arms. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner…” she said before being cut by Pepper, “Don’t apologize dear, everyone has their own way of grieving.” she said to Aspen before leading her inside. They couldn't speak any longer before they heard someone coming running in. 

“Sissy !” called out Morgan before jumping into Aspen’s arms who had lowered herself.

“My god how you have grown” she said to the little girl, “I missed you so much !” she said hugging tightly Aspen, “I missed you too little one” she answered slightly laughing. 

Morgan didn't want to leave Aspen for at least half an hour, so she took the opportunity to present all her dolls to her and invite her to have tea on her little table, and to play a magical snowball fight outside.

Aspen played along and hung out with Morgan, whom she treated like her little sister, until it was time for Morgan's nap, at which she told a story.

“I love you 3000” said the little girl, before closing her eyes. Satisfied, Aspen closed the door and went downstairs to join Pepper in the living room.

“She sees you as her big sister,” Pepper said, cutting off Aspen's thoughts, “I’m really proud to be” answered Aspen, “How's it going ?” she then asked. 

“Morgan is the sweetest girl, she really isn't picky except when it comes to her dad” said Pepper saddened. “It's natural, she will surely understand when she grows up” reassured Aspen, “I myself had a very hard time to overcome this. I miss him and Nat everyday”

“Me too” answered Pepper before taking a sip of her wine and offering her glass to Aspen. She accepted it and took a sip in turn. 

For a moment they stayed in silence, looking at the fireplace motionless. Pepper then, broke the silence, “I have something for you, before I forget” she said standing up and leaving to another room before coming back with a sealed envelope.

“Take all the time you need” she said and gave Aspen the envelope before sitting back down on the couch. 

She wondered for a moment what it could be before getting up and going out into the garden. She sat down on a bench surrounded by a large oak tree near the lake before opening it and finding a letter. She took a deep breath before reading it.

Aspen, 

If you read this letter that Pepper probably gave you, it means I’m no more. Knowing her, I'm sure she'll have waited a more than reasonable amount of time before giving you this letter.

So there you go, I know life has never been easy with you and I want you to know that I've always seen you as my own daughter.

Don't cry when you read this, but here's what I wanted to tell you in case everything doesn't go as planned…

I’m proud of you. I am proud of you for trying, even when it hurts. Do not let the things that have hurt you turn you into a person you are not. The things that hurt you may have left scars, but they did not destroy you. You survived, and there is hope in that.

Even after everything you have been through, you are still here. You should be so proud of how far you have come. 

One day you will look in the mirror and you will not recognize the person looking at you, because you have changed. You survived, even when you didn't feel able to, even when life was confused and messy and nothing made sense. You fought, you carried on, and that's the greatest reality of moving forward, that's the incredible result of overcoming the hardest parts of your journey. Even when you didn't feel like it, you were growing.

Pain can change someone in a way no one understands. It took me a lot of time to understand this. And Lord knows how much you suffered more than anyone should have in a thousands of lifetime, no one deserves such things.

It takes a lot to be the kind of person who challenges themselves to change; to confront all that is lost and haunted within them. I wish I could tell you when you will know, when your head will finally feel like it is floating above water, but healing is something you will never be able to time, or measure. Things will get lighter as you excavate the past from your mind, when you learn how to forgive it and befriend it.

Forgiveness is incredibly difficult if it’s yourself that needs it. It’s the most difficult labor. Regret, carelessness, anger, it all accumulates into one giant obstacle. I myself had to see the summit of my mountain of mistakes. Just know there’s no easy way to do it right, it’s one foot in front of the other. Recognize your progress and be contemptuous with it, acknowledge the journey you have left and push yourself to keep going, do not stop and think for a second that it’s all too much. Set your gaze forward, put your heart in motion, and set your mind to it. 

Forgive yourself for not knowing how much love you deserve, how strong you can be, and what splendor you are. Forgive yourself for not seeking what should be yours because you didn’t believe it could be yours. Forgive yourself for judging your tears, your pain, your grief.

So keep taking these steps. Keep facing the things you need to face. You are getting closer every single day, even when it does not feel that way.

No one better than yourself will ever fully be able to understand the internal battles you had to endure just to heal, just to grow, just to make it here today. Be proud of the way you fought to save yourself. Be proud of the way you survived.

Life will be filled with ups and downs, some leave without notice, the pain of the emptiness will show your strength, look into the void and it’ll stare back, once you look long enough you’ll see a bit of light, a bit of hope, we all focus on the void but never the light at the end of the tunnel, those who accept the dark will see more of the light. 

You must go on with the people you love in mind, make every moment worth it cause there is a single moment that will always be with you and you’ll always look back on it being either the most happiest time or the most depressing, so make the most of it before you or anyone else leaves this world, people will come and go, love everyone like they are your brother or sister, or one day you’ll come to regret it, there’s always light with dark, dark with light, Yin and Yang, the sun and the moon. 

You deserve that love, wherever it is with Bucky or anyone else, accept it, cherish it and give it back.

May you get through it all, I love you. Or like Morgan likes to say : I love you 3000.

Tony x Dad

PS : I hope you’re fine with me calling myself your dad, even if it feels strange to call you my daughter because you are around 80 and look like 30. And by the way, I’ve never been mad that you decided to choose Bucky over me ;) 

I'm not the jealous type. Okay maybe a little.

Reading those words, she found herself unable to contain the tears she kept at bay any longer, she collapsed and burst into tears, they were constantly streaming down her cheeks and kept coming.Tony had always managed to find the right words with her to appease her.

The letter still in her hands, her gaze rested on the horizon, on the other side of the lake as the tear-smeared tracks dried. This place was so soothing, no wonder why Tony choosed this place to live with his family.

She refolded the letter and put it back in the envelope before realizing it wasn't completely empty. There was still something inside. She opened the envelope and was able to find several photos, she then took them in her hands and looked at them.

Seeing the first photo made her smile as she immediately recognized every face on it, it had been taken a long time ago, during a family reunion with the Avengers as it is not done anymore, everyone gathered around the big table with a smile to their lips. Tony who chaired the table with on his right Pepper and Rodhey and on his left Steve then Sam and Natasha. Clint and his family as well as Scott and Hope. Thor, passing through Earth, was also present, not far away there was Wanda and Vision side by side and finally Aspen. In the background was an old delivery man, she had no idea what he was doing in the photo but why not after all… She didn’t really know who it was but he seemed really nice. Only Bruce was missing, lost somewhere in the universe. It used to be a wonderful time, before she and Steve went to track down Bucky.

She also saw old photos Tony unearthed in unknown ways, such as pre-serum Steve and Bucky arm in arm, other photos of Steve, of Bucky, of her and Natasha, another one with Pepper as well as one with baby Morgan when she was born, but also a more recent one of Bucky and her; thanks to T'Challa probably she thought. Bucky still had his long hair; it's true that he looked a bit like Jesus, she thought, damn you Sam.

The last picture had been taken by Steve, on it were Tony and her, laughing their heads off. She spent more time looking at this one. She was so happy and that time seemed to be light years away from now.

With tears in her eyes, she put all the photos and the letter back in the envelope so as not to damage them and wiped her eyes.

She used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It was not. The worst thing in life was to end up with regrets of not loving more, of not living more.

Determined to follow Tony's words from his letter, she decided to return to Sam and Bucky after warmly thanking Pepper and hugging Morgan, thus heading for Louisiana.