Snow

After taking care of Zemo in Sokovia and returning him to the Wakandans, Bucky headed to Louisiana, joining Sam on his boat to help him and also to drop off the favor he called from the Wakandan.

They both worked a long part of the day on the boat without complaining, although Sam knew how to be teasing towards Bucky, before giving themselves a well-deserved break.

For a while neither of them spoke, they enjoyed their beer in silence while watching the sea.

“I thought Aspen would’ve stayed by your side” said Sam, breaking the silence, “She told me she had a thing to take care of” said Bucky calmly, trying not to show his feelings.

“You miss her already ?” asked Sam, trying to play matchmaker. 

Bucky thought to deny it for a moment and thought better of it, “Yeah… I know she went through a lot and so did I, but…”

“You think things have changed between you ?” Sam asked cautiously, “I don’t know, we didn’t really had a lot of time to talk about it”

“You know she said the same. She also told me she missed a lot the time she spent with you in Wakanda. What do you feel about her ?” asked Sam, aware that he sounded like a therapist. But the only thing he wanted was for his two best friends to be happy.

“Well, she had the sun on her lips. In one kiss, she used to be able to make me forget everything that tainted me.” Sam giggled at hearing Bucky's words, “Wow, okay, stop. That is enough. I don’t want to know more, thank you.”

“You think she’ll come back, Sam ?” asked Bucky, concerned about Aspen. “I don’t know…” he paused, “you should ask her yourself,” he said with a smile plastered on his face that went to his ears. 

After taking one of Tony's cars, along with an extra gift from him and a ten-hour drive, Aspen finally set foot outside of her car, breathing in the sea air.

“Ayo Captain ! Still got room for one more stray ?” yelled Aspen as she waved and walked towards them.

Bucky’s face immediately lit up upon hearing her voice. Sam addressed Bucky as Aspen got out of her car and couldn't hear them, “See ? She came back. She really cares about you Bucky, you both need each other”. 

He placed a kiss on Aspen's cheek as he left to join his neighbors and some family members, leaving her and Bucky on the boat so they could talk.

“Hey you,” she said as she walked on the boat towards Bucky, “everything went well with Zemo ?”

“Yeah, I handed him to Ayo and the Doras, took him to the raft, and you ?”

“I went to see Pepper and Morgan. Got to spend some time with them,” she paused, “Pepper gave me a letter as well as pictures and a gift all from Tony. I could show them to you if you want one day”. 

Bucky seemed happy to hear her say she was reuniting with her family, he knew how much Tony and Pepper had helped her in the past. He was truly happy for her.

For a moment they stared at each other without saying a word, each lost in the other's eyes.

She couldn’t stop loving him, nobody else had made her feel the way he did because there was never anyone else but him, nothing could ever measure up. Her issues only got the best of her and she accidentally pushed him away.

He was her first love. They went from friends to partners. She can't ever forget the way he treated her. How kind and comforting they were toward each other. They shared so many amazing memories that will stick with her for the rest of her life. Anyone could never compare to the way he made her feel. The way he would ruin the whole world just to get the chance to see her every day.

As for Bucky, he loves how she makes him happy and he loves her because she actually puts effort into him. Nobody had ever given him the love that she had given him and she was the only one that could ever love him this way. She makes him feel like he is worth something and he can’t help but love every little detail about her.

“I-” both spoke at the same time and laughed, “You first” she said. 

“I- I don't want to spend another day without you” he admitted, his words made her instantly blush, making her genuinely happy. 

The proximity of her being this close was killing him, if only he could kiss her right now at this moment, “I don't want to be alone, away from you either,” she admitted, “I love you Bucky.”

She stared at him with confusion etched on her features. Did he– Her words were his trigger. He heard everything he had dreamed of hearing for a long time. 

"You love me?" he asked as he looked up at her, those electric, bright, blue eyes looking at her. Really looking at her. He didn't say anything. For a moment, she thought she’d heard him wrong, "I do."

He released a breath he didn't even notice he held in, "You actually love me." he stated, barely above a whisper. He crossed the boat to where she stood. He towered over her slightly, and took her face in his hands. She felt her eyes burn from the tears of joy that threatened to fall free. She looked up at him and took in all of his features up close.

His dark brown hair. His eyes. Everything. Every feature of James Bucky Barnes, she took in.

He leaned down, lips ghosting over hers. Ghosting. And kissed her.

She melted into the kiss and felt her arms wrap underneath his arms. They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity. And she loved it. She loved every moment, and she would continue to love every moment. 

The world seemed to fade around them as they kissed, each losing themselves in the arms of the other.

In the distance, Sam observed them briefly, he displayed a proud smile, happy to have been able to bring them closer to each other and that they were finally able to confess their feelings.

“It's the only relationship I would fight for heart and soul to end our lives together so please don't ever love anyone but me…” she said breathlessly, “How could I ever love anyone but you Snowflake ?” he said out of breath before kissing her again, his flesh arm wrapped around her side as her hands were around his neck.

In the distance, they heard Sam calling out for his sister, “Sarah ! You owe me 20 bucks !”

Hearing him, they both stopped and went to see Sam, holding each other’s hand while Bucky gave him a disapproving look.

“What ? I bet that I was going to bring you back together and I won” Sam said while counting the money in his hands that his sister had just given him reluctantly.

The rest of the afternoon passed quietly while everyone did their best to get the boat back on track. From here to there, Bucky and Aspen shared innocent looks while working on their parts of the boat. 

When the sun began to set, Sam went to see Bucky and Aspen who were working on the back of the boat.

“You two staying for dinner ? My sister already cooked for all of us.” he said as he sat on a wooden box while Bucky stood leaning against the dock. Both her and Bucky had almost finished their beers when Bucky spoke up, “We gotta get a hotel room for the night, crash you know.” Bucky said as he grabbed his jacket.

“So, you’re just going to set me up like that, huh ?” said Sam while Bucky shared a look with Aspen, “Well, we don’t want to make it weird for your family.” Sam scoffed, “Just stay here. The people in this town are the most welcoming people in the world. They don't care if you wear small T-shirts or if you have six toes or if your mom's your aunt.” Aspen laughed at Sam’s words as well as Bucky who gave a happy smile, “Okay, I get it. I mean, you know, the people are nice.” 

“Of course we’ll stay,” said Aspen, cutting in.

Before dinner, everyone went to take a shower so that they could go to dinner, and to possibly remove the sweat of the day.

During the meal, Sarah's sons asked all kinds of questions concerning the Avengers as well as their uncle as an Avenger, they also asked about Aspen's white hair and Bucky's vibranium arm. The questions about his arm unsettled him somewhat. Aspen noticed it and slid her hand under the table and squeezed it in support, all the while smiling at him. 

To surprise them and change the subject, she made a little demonstration of her powers by making a small snowflake appear from the tip of her fingers and then made it twirl around the table while the children looked amazed. Bucky found himself smiling at the reaction of the children, he was happy that Aspen had decided to accept her particularity.

She then helped Sam with the dishes while Sarah and Bucky got the couch ready.

“I’m sorry I don’t have more room for you, you’ll have to share the couch” apologized Sarah to Bucky which reassured her and told her it was nothing.

In the kitchen Sam complained about having to sleep in his nephew's bed while he dried the dishes Aspen was cleaning. Once they were finished, they went to Bucky who sat on the couch. As Sam went upstairs to bed, he spoke to his friends, "Don't do gross stuff on that couch ok ?"

Aspen and Bucky both looked at each other while Sam was no longer in sight.

“I can sleep on the floor if it makes you more comfortable” said Bucky as he was getting up, Aspen stopped him by reaching for his hand and taking it, “Nonsense, we used to share the same bed together in Wakanda, it’s no different here” she said while Bucky sat next to her.

She got between the couch and Bucky's side and pulled the blanket Sarah had placed over the back of the couch. Bucky wrapped it around her and put his arm around her waist, his hand resting on her back. She wedged her head between his shoulder and his neck. 

Bucky hummed and ran his fingers through her hair, tugging at some of the knots as her eyes began to close themselves before she fell asleep wrapped in his arms.

A few months earlier

“What’s wrong ?” Bucky asked, not knowing what inside her head was going to destroy everything between them. They both stood in front of the other, both sadden and tired looking on their faces.

Aspen looked at him, and spoke with her voice filled with sobs, “I feel a little…” she cleared her throat, “a little bit like I failed.” a sob escaped her mouth, “I’m watching people move on with their lives,“ another sob,  “and they’re all moving forward and it’s like I’m stuck here, standing still…”

She took her time to breathe before speaking again, “I’m not trying to hurt you” she said while shaking her head, “I’m just-” she paused, shakingly breathing in, “I’m so tired of disappointing you” 

Bucky stared at her, standing stone-faced in front of her, blinking several times to keep the tears that threatened to fall at bay, “I know” he said.

“I’m so sorry” she said while crying, “Aspen…” said Bucky in a whisper. He never called her by her own name, he always used her nickname, and hearing it felt like getting stabbed, “You and I have been trying so hard…” he paused, “I don’t wanna be one of the people who makes you put yourself last.” he said, unable to look her in the face any longer as the tears streamed down her face.

“So that’s it ? The fact that we love each other means nothing ?” she said sobbing, “I do love you, but-” he paused again, “maybe sometimes loving each other just isn’t enough” he said lowering his head to hide his tears. “Are you sure this is what you want ?”

He took a moment to answer, but when it finally came, “Yeah” he whispered and turned around to walk towards the door, she felt stabbed in the back.

“So that’s it you’re just gonna walk away ?” she said, sobbing. A storm loomed inside her, and as she watched Bucky leave the apartment, she gave free rein to her emotions and dark snowflakes fell heavily onto the wooden floor.

He turned to face her again before speaking up, “You’re a paradox, you want to be happy yet you think of things that make you sad. You say you don’t care but you really do. You crave love but reject it when it comes your way,” he paused and swallowed, “you’re a conflicted contradiction. If you can’t figure yourself out, there's no way anyone else can.” He said and turned again, before walking toward the door and leaving.

“Please don’t go away, please…” she paused, “No one’s ever stuck with me for so long before. When I look at you, I can feel it, and-and I-I look at you and I… I’m home.”

But Bucky didn’t look back.

It had been a very hard time for both of them. That night, she just cried herself to sleep, pretending he was beside her. She lets her face bury in his chest crying. Which was her pillow. 

When she woke up that morning, bright rays of sun hit her skin and she felt like weights had been put on her chest and she couldn’t breathe in the world.

She sat up straight, not acknowledging that he won’t be in her apartment anymore. She turns over and faces the wall. She sat wondering and confused.

She wanted to cry, not being able to believe he wasn’t right here. When she went to get up she fell in a huge dark hole and it felt like it never ended. She hit the ground very hard leaving tears in her eyes and gasping for air.

She's not sure what woke her up in the middle of the night, whether it was Bucky's lack of body heat or the light breeze blowing from the front door. She pushed back the blanket before wrapping it around her and got up slowly so as not to make a noise before heading for the door. She poked her head out and noticed Bucky sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall of the house.

She then went out to join him, crouching down in front of him, putting a hand on his knee.

“Do you ever sleep ?” she asks, watching him in the darkness. Bucky's eyes then landed on her, her beautiful white hair reflecting with the light of the moon making her look like an angel of the night.

“I once had a nightmare where I wasn’t able to save you.” He paused, looking away, “I haven’t slept since. That’s why I always kept an eye on you, even from afar.” he said while admitting that he always kept an eye on her. Even after they ‘broke up’. He felt the need deep inside himself to be sure that she was alright. Almost everyday he sat outside that little café across the street she used to love to go to and kept an eye on her.

Aspen's eyes softened upon hearing Bucky's words. She always knew he was protective of the people he cared about so it didn't surprise her to know that even from afar he protected her and made sure she was okay.

However, after seeing Aspen again in Berlin and discovering her condition, he was very angry at himself for not having crossed that street to go to see her.

She reached for his hand, “But I’m here, and I’m alright,” she paused, making contact with his skin, “see, I’m real.”

“I shouldn’t have left you. It was wrong of me,” he paused, “I just- felt like I wasn't good enough for you, I still ain’t…”

She cut him off, “That’s not what I think.”, she said while she sat crossed legs in front of him, her hand still in his. “Really ?”

“Bucky, you are everything I could ever need on the good days and the bad. You give me a reason to look forward to tomorrow when stepping one foot in front of the other feels impossible.” she paused, “Sometimes it's hard for me to communicate how I feel because I don't always understand why I feel what I feel. But I'm getting there.” She chuckled lightly, "I know this might sound silly but I promise I will love you, not only in those moments where you shine and finally feel as if you are enough, but I will love you even in your darkest moments where you try to shut everyone out because you don’t feel as if you deserve to be loved. I promise.”

Hearing Aspen's words, Bucky straightened up, grabbed her face and kissed her passionately.

“I will always,” he kissed her again, “always,” then again another kiss, “always be here for you in every and any situation. You will never have to go through anything alone ever again. I’ll be here for you, always.” he said in a breath before kissing her again, longer this time.

Their kiss was no longer chaste, it was passionate, wanted, filled with desire. Aspen opened her mouth slightly and let Bucky penetrate her with his tongue. Both coming into contact with each other, discovering each other's interiors, each tooth, each corner. Their tongues were stuck in an endless, sensual dance.

Tiny, delicate flakes fell around them and shimmered with moonlight as he kissed her and she let her emotions run wild.

After a while, Aspen broke the kiss, out of breath while Bucky said, “I always counted down the days until I saw you again. These moments with you were the only times I felt like my true self.”

Aspen nestled next to Bucky, resting her head against his arm as she shared her blanket with him while they gazed at the moon for a moment.

After a while longer, they went back inside and laid down on the couch. Aspen on top of Bucky, which had his arms around her holding her as they fell back asleep for the rest of the night.

The next morning, Bucky slowly woke up to the sound of Sarah's sons playing happily outside. As he opened his eyes, he noticed Aspen’s absence against his body on the couch and decided to get up to join her, wherever she might be.

As she watched the boys playing with Steve's shield and then Sam, she sat down on the green grass that was once below her feet, but now was underneath her whole body, she could feel the green grass tickling her ear, she laid there thinking of all her worries and concerns as they seemed to melt off, she almost wanted to just lay there and take a nap, she got up and sat down crisscrossed. A yawn escaped her lips. She could feel the crisp air tickle her nose as she breathed in and out.

She looked in the distance and watched AJ and Cass, she saw how they played, how they looked so carefree and happy. She smiled slightly at the kids and thought about the family she desperately wished she could have back. A tear rolled down her cheek as she thought how that could never happen. She let all her tears fall down, she smiled, and layed back down on the grass. She felt all her worries and concerns come back, she closed her eyes, hoping maybe the ground would just consume her.

She opened her eyes again, slowly, and saw a shadow over her, her eyesight was a bit blurry from her tears. She saw Bucky standing over her, "Why are you crying ?" he asked with a soothing voice.

She stared at him almost as if he was a stranger. "Oh it’s nothing" she said as Bucky sat down next to her and wiped away her tears, "Please don't cry" Bucky pleaded, she sniffed and gave Bucky a slight smile, he smiled back and grabbed her hand and pulled her up, now she was sitting down on the grass that was once under her whole body, "Hey, how about we go get that ice cream Sarah told us she kept in her freezer ?" 

She nodded her head, "Alright let's go" he said, Bucky got up and extended his hand out to her, she grabbed his hand and got up as well. She stretched and looked back at Bucky. He looked at her and said "Come on let's go", she walked next to him and smiled slightly, a true smile of happiness. 

Back with each their ice cream, they sat down on the grass again and looked at Sam's nephews. They were having fun fighting each other for fakes, while Cass held the shield, Aj was throwing punches at his brother while imitating the noises.

The whole scene made Bucky chuckle a little as he watched them, “They look so carefree”.

“Yeah” Aspen said as she sighed. Bucky noticed the sudden mood change, “Wanna tell me why you were crying earlier ?” he asked. Aspen waved her hand as she spoke, “It’s nothing really… Aj and Cass reminded me of Morgan and I, of the family that we have and which is broken now, as everyone went in separate ways. I felt like something was robbed from me” she admitted.

“It's true that everyone has taken a different path, but that doesn't mean you're alone. I'm here, Sam too, and Pepper and Morgan. Clint and his family, but also Scott. It's true that we lost two pillars of this wonderful family and that Steve chose his own path leading him to his happy ending, but it's also grown, this Strange and his wizards, the space freaks and many others” Bucky reassured. “You’re right,” she said, chuckling.

As they finished their ice cream, Aj and Cass noticed their presence and quickly put away the shield before fleeing into the house. At the same time, Sam emerged from the other side of the garden after wrapping the trees in mattresses and joined them.

He then addressed Bucky, “Can I ask you a favor ?”