Chapter 9
It's the day.
Seola's request to help with the confession that Xiaoting agreed upon will happen this day.
What was supposed to be a week after their Gwangju trip was moved to another week when both parties were caught up in busy schedules.
It was favorable for the two as they had more time to prepare for it. During that time, Xiaoting and Seola were secretly getting in touch to talk about the date. The Chinese member suggested it would be best to do it in an exclusive place to avoid unnecessary attention. Where else could it be? Seola's apartment. Seola then, has to reason out to Yujin to make her stop coming to her place while they're at it.
It will happen in a small room that was decorated. Photos hanging on the wall. Fairy lights illuminate it. A low table clothed in a pink mat, Yujin's favorite color. A fluffy carpet spread on the floor. Flower petals are scattered around. Sweet Sakura scent diffused around the room. It was set to make it look like a picnic.
"She'll be here any moment, so I'll go now."
"Thank you so much for helping me do this."
"No worries. Just please don't mess this up. I didn't put my decorating skills for nothing."
Yujin came in a cream-colored cropped top and tattered jeans paired with white shoes. Her hair let down in a wavy styling. Seola texted her to come over because a date is prepared for her. She let herself in but was surprised to find no one there. She waited on the sofa calling out to the place's owner.
When she stops she belatedly noticed the faint music playing coming from a room. She went there. Opening the door, Yujin got the surprise she was not expecting one bit.
"Wow!" She uttered.
She stood at the doorway, touring the room with her eyes. When she didn't come in yet, a girl came out from behind the door.
"Hi." The girl greets, her voice tiny. She handed Yujin a messy bouquet.
"OH?!" Mouth agape, the leader is confused with all that is happening. She knows it's a date but not this kind, especially not with this setup. She wanted to ask why, but she just played along when she saw the smile on the girl's face.
Yujin went on adoring every little detail in the room - from the photos on the wall to the lights, to the petals scattered around. She takes photos of the set-up, and the girl takes pictures of her. The newly shot polaroids are clipped on the wall too.
"Let's eat?" Asked the host of the small event.
The two shared a light meal. A charcuterie board joins the wine bottle on the table.
And maybe it's the vibe but they laugh easily as they converse about trivial things. That's why Yujin resists ruining the mood, even though she's been itching to ask what this is all about. They ate and finished drinking about a quarter of the bottle.
Everything was going well, it was romantic, almost perfect. The girl is worried she might spoil the fun they're sharing, but she has to get to the reason why they planned it. She starts.
"I know you weren't expecting me to do this. But you didn't ask anything. Thanks for playing along before I get to read this." She said.
They are sitting face to face with each other and the table is not that wide but Yujin still leans in closer to listen.
"To Choi Yujin." The girl reads. "Surprising isn't it, that I am doing this? I could have just given you this letter and waited, but that is being a coward, so for once, I want to tell you what I feel for you."
The pause is very much welcomed. Yujin stares at the girl in front of her and sees that she too, is looking at her.
"You are an adorable person. I know you hear that a lot. And I don't want you to think otherwise just because it seems like I deliberately make you feel you're not. Please believe me when I say that when I pulled away after pushing myself to you, it hurts me as much."
"W-wait."
Yujin needs another pause. Her heart throbs profusely. She hears her words but her mind refuses to believe it's happening. She was already confused when she got here and saw that she was welcomed by this girl who is the least she is expecting to see. Now, this.
She exhales before looking at her eyes again.
She remembered what Seola said. Xiaoting will come to her first.
Seola is right.
Xiaoting is here.
Right in front of her.
Why is she here instead of Seola? She doesn't even know.
"Why are y-" Yujin barely finished. The younger girl stares at her waiting for her next words. From those eyes, she can sense the sincerity. With all the questions she has in her head, she lets her talk instead of asking. "Nothing. Please continue."
Xiaoting nodded.
"Yujin unnie, I know I miss all the timings already. But I just want to properly apologize for all that I have caused you. I'm sorry that I put you in those situations before. I'm sorry for treating you that way. I'm sorry that I often take back my words. I'm really sorry for turning things this way. I'm deeply sorry. For hurting you."
Xiaoting covers herself with the paper. Biting her lips, she's trying her best to hold her tears when she reached this part. She feels guilty yet also relieved that finally, she's able to let it out.
"Unnie, I know I can't make your pain or doubts go away with one apology. Just please let me make it up for you."
The receiver of the apology contemplates silently. In fairness, this girl has been taking care of her. Xiaoting is a sweet and kind person. If only she doesn't give her mixed signals. But that's it. There's the apology she has been waiting to hear. Xiaoting didn't just half-heartedly do it. She prepared a whole event for this.
However, there's still a question that has been sitting at the far end of her mind.
"Ting, can I ask a question?"
"Sure."
"Why?"
Vague. But Xiaoting knows what Yujin meant by that. It's the 'why were you doing that to me?' She has to give her that reason. She has to say it now.
"Uhm... it's because... It's... I-I..."
Seeing her hesitating to tell her a reason reminded Yujin that Xiaoting has been like this. She'll open a topic and when they get talking, the younger would divert her away from the discussion or tell her 'Forget it, it's nothing'. Xiaoting is careful not to spill away any information. It feels like there's really something the younger one is avoiding telling her.
"Ting, if you're just going to take back what you said, I really don't know anymore."
"No, unnie. I'm not going to... I-I'm... Wait, I-I just... wait."
Xiaoting heave a heavy sigh and gulp some wine. But while she's gaining her courage, Yujin is slowly losing her patience. Her frustration has reached its limit and she couldn't help but to show it.
"Ok. I'll ask you again. Why were you doing that in the first place? You know you were hurting me! You could have stopped when you apologize the first time, but you chose to continue. I mean, I understand you don't like me the same way b--"
"Stop. Please stop. You don't understand anything."
Yujin was cut-off from what she was saying. Xiaoting was quick to lean over and put a finger over her lips. The touch surprised her so she moved back and tried to calm down. When she does, she asked her again.
"Tell me, Ting. What do I don't understand?"
But Xiaoting's long silence triggers her remaining patience. It seems that the younger is back to leaving her unanswered, like always. She sighs.
"Ok then, keep your reasons to yourself. I'll think about your apology. I guess, we're back on square one. Again."
Was she being selfish in wanting to know the reason? Is she not deserving of an explanation? Yujin is thinking. A bitter chuckle escaped her.
"Sorry. Please excuse me."
The leader prepares to exit.
Seeing that made Xiaoting panic so she stumbled to stand up the moment she saw Yujin's back at her. She hurriedly wraps her in a back hug before the leader even opens the door.
"No, unnie, please. Stay with me, please."
As much as Yujin wanted to resist and leave, the following words that Xiaoting said prevented her from doing so.
"Unnie... it's because I like you."