magic and crowns

- - -

A breeze hit her. Why was it so cold?

She inhaled deeply and shuddered

No.

She looked around her in a frenzy, but she already knew exactly where she was. That fucking forest.

Suddenly her chest started aching, the desperation was palpable

She looked down at her hands and saw the blood first, then she saw the ground, and she saw her

Right, it's going to be that kind of dream, okay.

"Get up, I'm not in the mood to relive old shit" she snarled, kicking the body to get her to get up

"You let her get hurt" was all she muttered, but it echoed, and soon, it was all she could hear

Then it was all she could see

And, somehow, it got infinitely worse when Lenora showed up in her field of vision, a much younger version of her daughter

She stood there, looking up at her with no light in her eyes, her clothes were wet, and her skin wasn't porcelain, it looked ghastly

"You let me get hurt" 

Cora tried to get to her, but her arms slipped right through her, next thing she knew was she was gone, she was standing alone, in the darkness and different voices spoke from behind her, yet no matter how quickly she turned around, no one was there

There was her mother's voice, "We're not so different after all'

There was Odin's, "I taught you better"

There was Lenora's, "Your fault"

There was her sister's, "What a waste of potential"

An then they started appearing, all circling around her, everyone she ever loved, slowly suffocating her. Each of them whispering to her soul the worst things she thought of herself.

Then her daughter came to view again, this time she managed to get a grasp of her hands

"Honey, you have to listen to me, I'm sorry, I never intended for anything to happen to you, I'm so, so sorry" she was pleading, begging for a ghost's forgiveness

"You let her hurt me"

"I found you, I got to you, you're okay, Lenora, you're safe, it wasn't too late", please, believe me, please forgive me, was all she could think

Lenora smiled wickedly, then a melody started ringing around her ears, "Cora needs to understand, she wasn't made for happiness" she sang tauntingly

"Stop it"

"When will she understand? Pain and loss is all she'll get"

"STOP IT!" 

"You really were considering telling him the truth, weren't you? Good luck with that" the fairy scuffed, "Should I get my affairs in order? I mean, you're just going to let me get killed this time, right?"

Cora didn't even get the chance to answer, Lenora was gone with the wind, she was left alone, and a sob racked through her whole body, bringing her to her knees

- - -

Breathing proved to be a particularly difficult task the second she woke up, it took her exactly ten minutes to stop sobbing, then an extra two hours until she felt normal enough to get out of her room and see the rest of the team. She had had to put many illusions on herself to hide things she couldn't control, like the dark circles around her eyes, or the puffiness of her nose, or the faint red lines across her face where she apparently had clawed around in a desperate attempt to wake herself up. Why should she bother her friends? They don't have to be worrying over her, or, even worse, taking care of her, that's her job.

"Just put on your big girl pants and go see your-" family she'd been just about to say, but she shook her head to rid her of that silly thought, "-friends" she smiled to the mirror and got out of her room

When she got to the common room, there were a few of the heroes scattered around, she had to shake herself to forget all the things her friends had to say about her in her dreams, just dreams, Cora. It was already 11am, a somewhat late time for Cora to be emerging from her room, she was more of a 9am kind of gal, which Pietro had no problem pointing the second he saw her

"Someone had a rough night" he whistled, Cora snapped her eyes to his, which widened in fright. He disappeared in a blue rash, and was back not a second later back in front of the woman, a plate on his hands. "Saved you breakfast" he smiled nervously

"Thanks, Flashy" she smiled, ruffling his head a bit and sitting on her self-designated armchair, instantly diving for the pancakes Clint had made for them in that morning, letting out a nearly silent hum of satisfaction. It was then that she noticed the God of Mischief, and all the memories from her restless night came rushing back to her, and she didn't seem to have the option of just shaking herself off. With a wave of nausea, she mumbled some excuse that no one quite understood and scurried out of the room

In the couches, the heroes looked to each other, seeing if anyone might know what was happening with the woman, confusion led to worry, especially for the raven-haired prince with a bouncing leg, pretending he wasn't itching to run and see what was wrong, don't overstep, he told himself, she'll come to you

It was Clint who'd had enough and spoke up, "Just go, dude, you're killing us", Loki didn't dignify the comment, nor the hums of agreement, with a reply, instead he stood up and calmly called the elevator. He felt weird, his hands were clammy, his throat felt tight, and he couldn't control it, worrying felt sickening, he wasn't used to it, but it wasn't the time to be picky over his feelings, he needed to find Cora, maybe he could help

His plan was cut short as the second the doors to the elevator opened he was met with the woman, now with sunglasses covering her eyes and her Sanctum robes peaking out of her bag. He gulped down the worry and let her step out, about to open his mouth, she beat him to it

"I'm going to the Sanctum, they need some help, be back later!", she said, regarding the whole room but the prince, with a fake and charming smile adorning her face, she pursed her lips and started making her way out of the room, wanting a stroll before opening the portal to the city

"C'mon, Sabrina, share with us, what you doing? Need back-up?", Stark called, using his usual teasing voice to hide some genuine concern, as he does. 

"No worries, just Wong needing some help with some books", she said, the same smile, even more strained, though it slightly fell when she caught Bruce looking at her with a confused look

"Cory, Wong's on his way to help us in the lab, remember? Your suggestion?", he said, almost unsure if she was playing with them, her laugh in response almost fooled them, but it was a bit more high-pitched than usual, and even the scientist picked up a thing or two from living with trained spies and assassins

The woman only waved again and walked out, but not before seeing the same look of worry in everyone else's eyes. As soon as she was far enough from the compound, she closed her eyes and entered the mirror dimension, immediately falling to her knees, a guttural scream breaking through her, ripping her vocal chords and echoing all around her body and bouncing from each fragment of glass. She let each and every sob out until she had nothing more to scream, she didn't even notice when shards of glass broke and flew around her, some passed by her side, but when some cut her slightly, she knew she had to calm down, she needed to calm down

It was after ten more minutes of trying to put herself together and failing that she managed to leave the mirror dimension and tend to some of the worst wounds. She had a long day of using strong magic, and she'd need to save energy, so she decided it'd be just easier to put on a better illusion and open the portal to the sanctum, once and for all.

- - -

Nothing. She looked through every possible source, she read every book that had the word nightmare somewhere, she tried every potion she could find, she tried herbs, she tried meditations, any religion or cult, everyone who had at some point sworn to have found the answer to getting rid of nightmares. She tried her own recipe a thousand different times, making the dosage immensely stronger to see if it worked. Nothing.

Five days it had been, and everyone was sure after she'd come back from the Sanctum that day, it had all gone back to normal, she apologised and explained she'd had a rough night, but was all better after some soothing herbal tea from Stephen, and to prove it, she went back to joining the soldiers on their runs, baking with Wanda, helping Parker with his homework. Every morning she woke up with more scratches along her face, each a reminder that her mind had her as its prisoner, and she couldn't even claw her way out, every morning the illusions she had to put over herself grew stronger. 

I digress, not everyone thought everything was back to normal, because for one God of Mischief it had been increasingly obvious that he was getting shunned. No matter where or when, if Cora found herself in the same space as him, she would made some excuse to get away. the first few times, he'd tried to stop her, then, he'd tried to find her after some time had passed, but soon enough, with each encounter -if you could even call them that- going horribly, he started worrying less, and hurting more, what did he do wrong?. He'd get his answers the next day.

That morning, the God of Mischief had found it impossible to keep his focus on the outrageous story his brother was blabbing about, the second Cora entered the room he could only manage half-assed attempts at sounding interested, but his eyes were still seating on her as much as he tried to fight it. He decided to just let it be

That's when he notices it, and he must've not been too preoccupied with hiding his expressions, because he straightened up on instinct and his brother immediately turned to him, eyes alert and worried, that look you can find exclusively in older siblings, and that's when Thor notices as well

They both look at each other, there are no hidden messages in their eyes, what you saw is what it was, their eyebrows furrowed, their eyes both widening slightly, confusion and fear

Cora was startled when she heard Loki's voice in her head, she cursed herself, she had to be way too out of it to get startled by in a telepathic link, even less a now regular link, and, fuck, she could almost see the worry around Loki's air, he'd noticed

'Why are you putting illusions on yourself, what happened?', his voice surrounded her, her lips parted as she made eye contact with him, and then she saw Thor and his face; Why do they worry? Stop worrying, she thought to herself

'Because we care', great, now she'd done it, she hadn't even realized the fact she hadn't concealed that little thought from him

She decided to get up with her almost empty plate towards the kitchen, nothing out of the normal on the outside, really not feeling the desire to have even a fraction of another soul with their eyes on her, she was glad the only other telepathic Avenger was out on a mission. She shook herself almost invisibly, and turned around to signal the gods that they could follow so they'd have a private conversation.

"I'd gladly accept your apologies and get on with my day", she mumbled as she cleaned her dishes

"Apologies for what?", Thor said in confusion, which granted him an eyeroll from Loki

"Well, I believe because Lady Cora here, finds it abominably insulting to have someone concerned about her, isn't that so, darling?", Cora just rolled her eyes and turned off the sink to safely turn around to look at them

They were very comical, if she hadn't been feeling so vulnerable, and her fight or fly hadn't been being pushed to its limits since before she'd even woken up, if all that hadn't happened, she would've probably made a joke about them looking like movie bodyguards, with their deep frowns and their arms crossed across their chests.

"I woke up disheveled, just didn't feel like bringing attention to myself", she sighed exasperated, "Look how well that's going" she muttered under her breath, Thor wasn't one for patience in situations like this, and Loki was left staring at Cora, his mind going a hundred miles per hour, trying to figure the unfigurable woman out, before his brother messed it up. His eyes then locked with hers, and he had to fight the urge to bang his head against the nearest wall, how blind could you have been?, he chastised himself

The youngest of the Gods sighed and stopped his brother from pressuring further, clearly, it wouldn't do any good if Thor kept poking and poking. She was on edge, it was like seeing a wild animal waiting to be unleashed, and he understood, he'd seen the same look in his mirror, after nights of memories. The look of the haunted. 

"Okay, we get it, we were just worried" he nodded, with a quick look, he tried to let his brother know he'd not given up, just follow my lead, urging him to agree, he did, though very reluctantly, itching to get to the bottom of whatever was troubling his friend, but thankfully, Loki was more than doted on the arts of persuasion, "I did mean to talk to you, illusions aside-" he began, almost putting a hand on her waist, before clearing his throat and slowly walking out of the kitchen and towards the elevator, Thor didn't need instructions to know he wasn't meant to follow them, so he grabbed more coffee and another raspberry pop tart.

"-I actually wanted to show you something in my room" he finished calmly, not giving away anything. He looked down at Cora, who was smiling mischievously at him, a playful smile on her lips, he had to clear his throat before he could speak again, "Keep it in your pants, Coralina" he muttered once they were given the privacy of the elevator's closed doors

The ride to their floor was quick and uneventful, save for the pit of dread forming in Cora's stomach, fear and guilt. She managed to hold her head high and followed the God inside his room, but immediately, the smell of scented candles made its way to her nostrils, and she had no doubt there was some relaxing magic in the air. The fact that she'd realized there was magic didn't make it any less effective

"What's all this about, Lokes?" she wondered, failing at stifling a yawn soon after

"This is your afternoon, Dove" he said, guiding her towards his bed, using quick work of his magic to change her into one of his robes, her favorite. "You can tell me about the nightmares and why they led you to avoid me" he said, his words coming out with a bitter tone, which he'd really tried not to let show, he shook his head, "for now, you just try to catch up on some sleep" he said, lightly tucking her in and giving her a kiss on her forehead

"I didn't tell you about the nightmares" she mumbled sleepily, "But I do wanna sleep" she added a bit more coherently, unconsciously grabbing a hold of Loki's arm and cuddling around it, "I'm sorry if I hurt you", words she would have kept to herself if she hadn't been so tired. She only got a slight hum of acknowledgement in response

"Well, I do need my arm back, darling", at the way her face scrunched in confusion and hurt, he shook his head, "Not going anywhere, I'll be sitting just by that chair, doing some reading" he said, moving his body so she could see the cozy armchair by one of the corners of the room. When she still only stared at him, he added, "Go on, darling, I'll be here when you wake up"

She felt weak and small, she was battling against herself, but apparently sleep-deprivation was the perfect excuse to not feel as guilty for her selfishness, "Please, would you stay in bed with me? You can stay reading, I just really don't want to feel alone, I-" she sighed, stupid, "Sorry, I have no right, thank you, really" she tried backing down with her best charming smile, but Loki just frowned

Next thing she knew, he was getting in bed next to her, his arm instantly going around her and her head finding its place falling on his chest, "Thank you" she sighed, her thoughts somehow quieting the second his scent invaded her

"Well, what better way to make sure I can fight off the nightmares?" he replied teasingly, she laughed quietly and within two minutes her tight hold on him had lessened, and her breathing now had soft snores thrown into the mix

The God of Mischief on the other hand couldn't find it in himself to sleep, he came to the conclusion that he had taken his previous statement seriously, he wanted to stay alert to make sure there wasn't a cell in her that wasn't relaxed and resting. At some point during Cora's nap, her illusions faded, and left were was the canvas of faint and furious marks of scratches and the thankfully not too prominent eyebags. His heart ached at the faded lines, hating the fact she'd been hiding it all long enough for her wounds to already start closing.

He sighed and looked down, and there his breath hitched, there were some wounds that could have only come from the mirror dimension, he recognised them, they wouldn't heal without magic, and she had only been covering them up.

He knew he couldn't be close to the only person who could understand the way life left a print in their minds, every Avenger could, they all knew what nightmares were, so, he let a faint sense of pride wash over him at the knowledge that Cora had let him in, not Natasha, not Thor, not Tony, not anyone else, just him. He shook his head to rid himself of such selfish thoughts.

He tucked a strand of her grey hair behind her ear, the he let his fingers lightly each and every scratch, a light green glow taking care of the marks until her face was once again fully healed, then he pushed more powerful magic and let it hover over her whole body as it healed the damage the shards of glass had made. When he was done, she looked alive, and real, not the mask she'd had on during the past days, she even had an almost invisible grin in her sleep. She looked peaceful, and he did allow himself to feel pride over that.

- - -

Again? Was her brain really that uninspired? Always that same damned forest

She figured it wouldn't be long before bodies of her loved ones started to appear, dead and taunting, she'd really like to speed the process up

Sensing a presence behind her, she was ready to be faced with one of her many fears, she made fists of her hands, and tried to even her breathing, they were always meaner when they sensed her distress. But instead...

"Dad?" she muttered, her eyes widening in surprise and confusion, her lips slowly stretching into a smile. In front of her stood a slim man, grey eyes and dark purple hair, tall on his two feet and clad in black robes, his tan skin adorned by battle scars and smile lines

"Hi, Coralina", the man boomed, opening his arms, which she gladly jumped into, accepting the hug 

They both held on tight, savouring the moment, before she had to start asking

"What are you doing here? I thought you were dead!" she exclaimed, there wasn't anger in her tone, but she did have to admit that she wasn't sure her mind wasn't just playing tricks on her

"Very alive, thank you, your majesty", he laughed, playfully bowing, "I'm here because you needed me here"

"You're coming back then? Done with the mystery, there's a beautiful cottage in Valhalla with your name on it", she tried to sound lively, but the anxiousness and curiosity seeped through her, it made him look down in shame

"Sorry, my daughter, I still can't, and before you ask me, no, I can't explain, not yet", he sighed, his eyes holding regret, "I do come with some free advice"

"Which you expect me to follow because..."

"Because you're your parents daughter, and trust me, I want nothing more than for you to stray very far from our ways" he said, he sounded genuine, which confused her to no end. "Let me tell you a bit about your mother", he had to restrain a chuckle from the eye-roll he'd earned from the woman

"You left and six-hundred years later she killed herself, I know the story, old man, I lived through it", she countered, somewhat wishing the nightmare came back, at least that was familiar

"The thing about living through stories is that you'll more often than not, only stay with your side, I have mine, your mother had hers", she didn't give an answer, so he took it as an opportunity to go on, "Your mother was the love of my life, and when you were born, life gained an even stronger meaning, you and her were my motive, my love for you two", he was choking up, so he shook his head and kept going, "It's not judgement day, I will tell you my side, fully, but this is necessary, this conversation, in order for me to come back", she only nodded

"She was magical, the Goddess of Love, it was her gift, yet she seemed cursed to be let down by those she have her hear to. I wasn't the first, nor the worst, of her heartbreaks, I was just the last. Her first and worst was your sister's father, I don't think she ever healed from him, even when we were together. I know she was not the best, and everything positive I have to say about her, definitely does not align with your version, but, at least, know that it's all my fault"

"Spare me, you left, that's fucked up, she shipped me away, that's fucked up, but hey, thanks, now i know I'm even more like you guys than I thought!"

"She'd never given up on love", he stressed

"Until you!", she countered with a dry laugh

"You can't let your fears rule your life, you were destined for love! A great love-story! You deserve it, Coralina, and I need you to understand that!", it wasn't just fatherly love, and she noticed it, there was desperation, knowledge can drive some mad, and she was beginning to see the effects on him, whatever he couldn't say with words, he said through his eyes. But desperation came from her side as well, she threw her arms wildly at the air

"It's very easy to just say that, man!" she cried out, done for, tired of the same internal monologue she had with herself on a daily basis, only now, she also had to hear from her father? Unbelievable. "Do you think I enjoy being miserable? That I enjoy not letting myself get too close to anyone? It's not on a whim, I-"

"You got hurt", he tried, his voice a great soothing contrast, against the nervous ranting

"My daughter got hurt, dad, your granddaughter got hurt", she said, her voice now void of any emotion as she stared at him, "She's all that matters, she's my life, and I don't need any more love", after that last sentence, her throat hurt, it burned, and she must've shown panic on her face, because he sighed and it was gone

"You can't lie in here", he almost sounded disappointed, who it was pointed towards, no idea, but she just mimicked his voice, and he chuckled lightly

In a now defeated tone, she asked, "Tell me, how?"

"Baby steps, kiddo, baby steps", with that, he made some movements with his hands, and in between them, a fog cleared, showing Cora's sleeping body, still draped around the prince, sound asleep

The man could only smirk lightly at the light in his daughter's eyes the moment she set her sight on Loki. Cora's smile only brightened as she recognised the lullaby that the God of Mischief was singing to her. That's when the spiraling began once again. She was horrible, there this God was, on Midgard, arranging for her to have a nap because he somehow figured out what was going on when everyone else thought she was okay, there this God was, caring and worrying for her when all she'd done is lie and lie and lie, in order to what? Why? There this God was, waiting for her to be able to freely love him, and for what? 

"How about you shut that stupid voice and do something about it?", it was the no-nonsense tone that brought her out of it, thankfully

"I don't know what I can do, dad, I'm still scared", he just sighed and put a hand on her shoulder, looking at her and then at the sleeping figure below

"I think that's an awful lot of illusions, don't you, honey?", he said, clasping his hands in front of him with a knowing smile, Cora slightly shuddered but nodded, closing her eyes and breathing in deeply, then breathing out slowly.

When she opened her eyes, her illusions had faded, and she saw everything that Loki did. She saw the primary worry, how he almost jumped in fright, then she saw his eyes water and how he wiped them before he could cry. What made it for her was how delicately he tended to her wounds, after months around him, seeing her use his powers, he always made quick work of his healing, but there, he took such care, he was so intricate to make sure every last fraction of her was safe and sound, she smiled so hard she feared it might tear her face

When she turned, his father was looking at her with the same look he always had by the end of their encounters, the silent 'I gotta go', she shrugged meekly

"I might as well wake up, get this done with, right?" 

"No, child, enjoy this, it's the first time in a week that you can sleep safe and soundly, don't just throw that away, sleep", he said, his voice soothing, she wrapped her arms around him one last time, and turned around to look at the forest. She smiled as she realised there were streams of light seeping through the trees, and she could hear the chirping of birds, and tiny animals jumping from and towards the bushes. She breathed in deeply and took in the feeling of freedom she had missed so much