many unresolved issues
- - -
When Cora woke up, she allowed herself to play pretend for a couple of seconds, she basked in the smells, she let herself be immersed in the combination that was the smell of pine trees, lavender and expensive leather. Her head burrowed further into the prince's chest, she sighed at his heartbeat, kissing it periodically. But it had to end at some point. She slowly brought her eyes to his and just stared at him, for a very long time she just admired him
"I'm sorry I hurt you", she said finally, her eyes now opting to focus on the details in the God's sheets. It wasn't long before tender fingers guided her gaze back to his
"Want to tell me about the nightmares?", she rolled her eyes, if she had to hear that word one more time... but she nodded, after all, if someone deserved explanations it was the man in front of her
"I don't have the best track record, love-wise, I mean", she started, her legs crossed and her hands fidgeting as she tried to organize her thoughts. "I have power, a lot of it, power many want to hold, power many want to own, I'm lucky enough to be able to use said power to protect myself." Loki furrowed his brows at her words, she wasn't saying anything groundbreaking, he knew what she meant. "Sadly, I also have weaknesses, and being who I am, that will always terrify me, there's always a chance out there that I get hurt, I mean, sure, that's life, but, you know us deities, we can't just accept that we face misery similar to that of a mortal, we are above them, we should not be susceptible to loss and grief, that's for the puny carbon beings."
Her speech brought an amused smirk from Loki, she caught it and held herself back from pecking his lips, she did not deserve his smiles, and she most definitely did not deserve his kiss.
"Not long after I joined this team, there was a whole ordeal between Barnes, Rogers, and Stark, secrets were the main issue, Steve and Bucky hid something from Tony, hurtful shit.", she stopped when she once again saw the confused stare, "I promise there's a point here", she took in a breath, "Steve kind of called me out, he asked how it was fair that they got in trouble for it when I do just the same, I hide, I avoid, I downright lie", she sighed, the bitter taste of self-hatred poisoning her tongue, "I told them, your secrets are dangerous, to you and those around you, mine don't matter, but that's no longer accurate, now my secrets matter, now my lies hurt other people, and it's like a ship that's going so fast I've lost control of it, so either I find the way to pump the brakes or I crash and die"
"No one will let you crash and die", he scoffed, but she scoffed right back
"Exactly! That's the thing, it's not just me in the ship anymore, if I don't do this right, it's not just me anymore", both times she said it, she felt a shock run through her, all the way from her ring, through her spine, and to her heart. Her mind could only scream at Loki, please understand it's you, please understand I only want to protect you, please
"That's the price of love", he tried to bargain
"It's a very high price", she stammered back, stubbornness blinding her, fear speaking for her
The prince couldn't find the right words, what were the right words? What was he trying to accomplish? Was he going to beg for some woman to trust him? Him? No, that'd be pathetic. Was he going to just blindly accept the imbalance in her own words? And what of the way she had ignored him? They went on a beautiful date and the next time he tries to talk to her there's an ice wall in the middle, placed by her, and he's just going to accept it? She doesn't have the guts to end whatever this was? Fine, she doesn't need to, message received
Cora sees his mind race, his face flinching at his own thoughts. She curses at herself, she curses at his beautiful eyes, she curses at his beautiful lips, she curses at Odin, she curses Valhalla, she curses anyone that comes to mind. She sees his hesitancy, she can feel him retracting himself, rejecting her. It's clear, she's asking him to have patience and he's denying it. Message received.
There's a new kind of cold radiating from both of them, a sort of understanding, an erroneous one at that, Loki's mind is mourning the fact that Cora is clearly not willing to let him in. Cora's brain is zeroing on every sign that points out how unwilling to wait for her the God seems to be.
The two devils on her shoulder keep whispering fight or flight to her ears. Cora's cowardice takes ahold of her. Slowly detaching herself from the god, she stands up from the bed, and in doing so, steps out of the comfort of his sweet fragrance, she frowns. Her eyes are watering and she has no idea how to stop herself from not jumping to his arms, she knows he doesn't want her to.
He itches, his hands visibly twitch with the need of holding the grey-eyed woman in his arms again, he curses at himself to stop, to not overstep, this is clearly what she thinks is better, he won't force her to see him as worthy. His green eyes cloud with tears at that thought, he bitterly growls, out loud.
She hears him, and her blood might as well have frozen, she swallows down the sobs threatening to spill, a cloud of purple smoke surrounds her, her flight finally winning, and soon she was crumbling down on the docks far away from the rooms, far away from him and his lips
If the tears hadn't been clouding her vision, she would've seen how Loki tried to grab her wrist, had tried to stop her from leaving. No, instead she had no doubts that he wanted her as far from him as physically possible.
- - -
Deities tend to egotistically believe the world goes around them and their moods. It's always been like that, they're all a bunch of narcissists to some degree, there's no denying that. If you'd asked everyone pre-Cora and Loki's fight, they would unanimously agree that Tony was the most petty, arrogant, foul person when crossed. If you asked everyone post-Cora and Loki's fight, you would only see their eyes glazing over with the flashbacks. 'The bad week' historians would call it in the future
That same night, after Cora had so unceremoniously left the room, Stark was Mr Great Timing, and called for a bonding night, an excuse to try the newest Avengers themed board game. Cora had reluctantly put on her happy face, thankful for the nap she actually had enjoyed, her calm before the storm. At least she felt more in control of her magic to confront the rest of her housemates.
The Monopoly board was set, half of the team had learnt from previous experiences and had refrained from joining That left Tony, Natasha, Pietro, Cora, and Steve, going against each other, while the rest used the five as their means of entertainment for the evening, choosing a player and betting on them winning.
Loki had been more than pleased to hide in the library, nose deep in another story, where he could focus on some fictional character's misery instead of his own. The god of thunder had other plans, so half an hour into game night, the two brothers finally walked in, Thor was loud in his greetings, bringing everyone's attention to them, and from beside Natasha, a stiff Cora spat short greetings and threw the dices.
The raven-haired prince had sat down, idle chatter going all around, the group until that point was blissfully oblivious to the tension between the resident ancient sorcerers. Cora pursed her lips when she landed on a "CHANCE" space, thanking Wanda when she handed her the card at the top of the deck. The idle chatter was startled and they all jumped in astonishment when endless curses started pouring out of Cora's mouth and she angrily threw her pawn to the jail box.
Tony, Clint and Sam laughed, but a pointed glare from her now purple and furious eyes had them shut up, "I hate your game nights, Anthony", she snarled, now twirling a dagger in each hand.
The man in question gulped down his whiskey and smirked that smirk that tells everyone that he's thought of a comeback that'll put him in danger. No one cared enough to stop him, he always finds a way to upset someone during those games.
"Don't lash out at me, 's not my fault the god isn't satisfying you"
No one batted an eye when lilac engulfed Stark and threw him out of the closest window, nor when three daggers engulfed in green followed him on his way down. They did however stare in shock when she blew the board game to pieces and left in a cloud of smoke, and Natasha was ready to start interrogating the god of mischief, when in a furious dark green shine he was gone as well.
Everyone stared at the blown up board game, Tony now in his Iron-Man suit broke the silence first
"Well, we need something else to bet on now", eyeing the purple pawn and the green pawn thrown in the ground, "And I know just what on", his mischievous chuckle was followed by everyone grabbing back the money they'd put on the pool and dispersing to do their own things, meanwhile Tony just moaned in the background about no one following his lead.
- - -
By 10am the following morning Cora thought she had the all clear to get out of her room. Loki would wake at 8am, then have tea and something sweet for breakfast, then he'd go back to his room, and wouldn't leave his room again until 11am, when he had to leave for the group of recruits he had volunteered to train (he lost a bet with Bucky).
Her chest hurt as she remembered how secretly nervous he had been the day before he had to introduce himself, he had confided in her, and they'd spent the rest of the night trying on different outfits and going over the recruit's files, learning their strengths and weaknesses, the more he knew the less surprises they could throw at him.
She rid herself of the memory by stepping out of her room, but her hairs stood when she heard the click of the door to her left, Loki's. She looked up cautiously, waiting to come face to face with him, instead she saw nothing. She sighed and went on through her morning
From the other side of the door, Loki's chest heaved, if anyone could see him he'd die of embarrassment, he felt like a pervert, spying the woman through the crack of his door, waiting for her to step out, and for what? He didn't know whether he planned on ambushing her, maybe he could brush past her indifferently. He shook his head, he just wanted to see her.
That thought vanished when he actually heard her come out, and instead of sucking it up, he shut the door and grabbed at the roots of his hair in rage, he could hear Cora's voice teasing him, what a pussy, she would say. She'd be right.
- - -
The second Steve received the files for the mission, he practically bolted out of his office, loudly asking FRIDAY for Cora Francis' whereabouts. He had never experienced grey hairs, but after the last two breakfasts they'd shared he had found at least three.
He sighed when he passed the common room, saying hi to Dum-E who was fixing the broken window, he sighed again when he saw the marks on the wall where Loki had thrown his daggers in a fit, then refrained from cursing out loud when he saw the TV screen was shattered completely, and the coffee table was thrown out of its place
"Could you tell me who was it?", he asked aloud, his hands massaging his temples
"It was Cora, Captain, would you like me to broadcast the footage?", he sighed but nodded. A hologram showed the scene, Cora was with Natasha, Wanda and Pietro, watching the news, when the reporters started their Avengers segment, apparently, Loki had been seen doing healing work in a Hospital's ER. The PR team had nailed it, slowly but surely he was gaining some sort of stable support from part of society. Not Coralina's though, the second they showed his face, she sent the coffee table flying towards the television, then stormed out.
"Thank you, FRIDAY", Steve started walking again towards the kitchen, his mind trying to keep up with the situation at the compound. Two members of his team were acting irrationally, both of them way too powerful, the best way to make sure no one died was to make sure there was as little pent-up aggression as possible. The mission was easy, far enough from civilians that none would be caught in the crossfire, and the goal was to get rid of research, a group trying to create another mass destruction weapon. So, pure destruction, great for blowing off steam.
Natasha was the first to see him, quick as ever, she smirked when she saw the files in his hands and pointed in Cora's direction. Steve stopped himself from chuckling and instead politely cleared his throat as he approached Cora while she was meal prepping like crazy, chopping and seasoning, and baking and mixing.
"Well, good morning, Captain Rogers, how is your pretty cute self feeling on this marvelous day?", she exclaimed the second she saw him, her smile was almost a bit too wide, and her cheeriness was just a bit too forced. But in any case, Steve tried to keep his face neutral, if she wanted to speak, she knew she could count on him, alas that ended up translating in a very obvious pity look in his eyes that Cora saw and rolled her eyes at immediately.
"Seriously? You're gonna- you're going to look at me like that?", the rage was palpable, he swore she looked red. She was breathing in and out rather harshly, and Steve knew what was coming. The magic lovers had a toddler's temper. The only thing he could think of was deflecting her attention elsewhere, that's how he finds himself waving the file in front of your eyes slowly yet quickly at the same time, it was clever, it got her to focus on snatching the folder from Steve's hand, rather than his head from his body.
She smiled when she recognized it as an assignment, she quickly hugged him and thanked him, profusely, he turned to his reflection on the oven and plucked another grey hair. He was tired of the mood changes.
- - -
The raven-haired prince couldn't shut his eyes, he hated it. It was the fifth mission this week and it was only wednesday, was the captain trying to get her killed? Every night, he was the last one in the kitchen, he hung around the couches, the ones closest to the elevator, and yet when the early hours of the morning reached with no sign of Cora's return and he would, disheartenedly walk to his room, he still couldn't bring himself to fall asleep.
Cora is more than capable. He had to stop telling himself that, that was not the problem, he did not doubt the woman, but what if something did happen? His mind selfishly couldn't help but sulk over the fact that he wasn't in any favorable position to even offer a helping hand should she need it. He was useless.
Then as his head spiraled on and on, he would hear the almost not loud enough chime from the elevator doors opening and closing, then the careful footsteps, the tired kind. He would sense how Cora stopped her steps as she passed his door, hovering, coward. She would soon get to her door and shut herself out. The sudden welcoming of sleep was bittersweet, finally he could rest, but he hated the fact he couldn't be blissed with ignorance. Alas he suffered the knowledge that the culprit for his insomnia had a face and name.
Each night was the same, for the past three nights, she was who knows where, fighting who knows who, and Loki only allowed himself peace when he knew she was safe. That night was no different, everyone had cleared their plates, with loud praises towards Sam, he really had outdone himself with the lasagna. Left in the couches were the God of Mischief, Peter Parker and Pietro. The two young men observed the nervous up and down of Loki's feet, the constant checking of the hour, the annoying sighs that surged every minute
"So, how much longer?", Pietro's heavy accent broke through the silence, directing himself to Loki who could only morph his face into an exasperated confused one, "When are you two going to kiss and make-up? If I have to listen to contractors working on the building because one of you two babies just had to throw on a fucking tantrum" he stopped himself, "I'm going crazy", he wheezed out
After that, he decided that it would be better to retire to his room and keep an ear out for when Cora finally made it back from there. He readied himself for a sleepless night. He made sure to be stocked up on books
- - -
Surprisingly, sleep found him without leaving room to argue, it just took him.
Loki tried to keep control of his dreams, it was an acquired skill, one that had started as a trick to avoid dull dream, but later in life it had become necessary in order to have a few peaceful hours of rest. His desperation was quick to rise bile to his mouth when he realized there was no controlling this one, he was just in for the ride.
He was walked through a forest, his senses aware but calm, in the distance he could make out figures walking in a group, following the same path he was, only they were farther. He is tempted to do something, catch their attention or follow them, the moon was high and the shadows it provided would make it easy to move without being seen. All of course, if his dreams would let him
Then he's forced awake. Confusion flooded him, he knew he's awake, but once again, he was out of control. He should've felt panicked, he should've been going into shock or fighting with all his might. Instead he just lets it happen, he knows he has to, how does he know that?
He recognized his power, it wasn't the first time, but it had been a long time since his very essence used him as a means to an end, taking the reigns and only letting him watch from the back of his mind. He is not the biggest fan. But curiosity always gets the upper hand with him, and when he found himself entering Cora's room, Loki felt even more at a loss
He ran to her, she dropped to her knees and he did the same, he slowly regained some control, but his magic is still there, still in charge, it just gave him enough to help her, from what? He knows he has to help, but...
Then he sees the gash on her side, from her left armpit to the opposite hip, there were grey pieces of something like shrapnel but not quite pressed into the wound and her magic was clearly unable to heal with it, a look at Cora's eyes and it was clear she was way too out of it to act on her own, he gulps.
He pushes the thought of how she is the reason he was being controlled by his own magic aside, and brings to the front all his power, delicately but urgently tending to the worst of it, wincing at her groans, whispering sweet nothings at her sobs. He held his hand over her forehead, and a second later the fogginess that clouded her brain, cleared.
Cora came to, and in a way Loki did as well, seeing the other. She was overwhelmed by the desire to kiss him, to feel his breath so close it melted into hers. The mission and all the pain were put to the back of her mind as Loki in all his glory knelt by her side. She had to restrain herself, she knew she still did not deserve his kisses. She wouldn't ever own up to it, but this time, Coralina Francis lost; she looked at his lips, and she knew she'd lost. She brought her eyes back to his, shame and fear in her irises.
But then Loki cupped her cheek with his hand. The God and the Queen still on the floor, blood and magic everywhere, he felt sparks, real and scary and fabulous sparks. Cora's mind was screaming at her to run, to escape, it would be better for everyone. But something kept her from moving, something needed to prove her just how wrong she was
It wasn't until his lips were firmly pressed to hers that they could feel quiet. No external noise, no pressure, nor expectations, just them
It wasn't sweet and giggly like their kisses on their first date, nor quick and playful like the stolen kisses during training, in the kitchen, or during game nights. No, it was pure desperation coursing through their veins, they clashed like they couldn't bare to breath in air that hadn't been stolen from the other.
Their hands didn't stay anywhere long enough to describe, but they were panting and breath was starting to become necessary. The god allowed himself a wave of fresh air only when Cora tugged his head up and started kissing softly then roughly on his neck, nipping at just the perfect spot next to his apple
"Are you sure?", his words came out harshly, lust painted it, but it covered the loaded reality, was she sure?
She had an out, she took her lips from his neck, she looked at him and saw all the ways she could hurt him, all the ways he could hurt her, her hesitancy wasn't invisible, and Loki was anything but blind.
Their chests heaved and it was as if their hands had been frozen in space, they didn't move, they studied each other, they tried to step away
They tried.
Strands of green started to flow through him, surrounding them as they moved in between them, same thing was happening but in lilac, Cora's magic dancing and swaying with Loki's. Both of them were furiously running through the air, chasing and running and embracing all at the same time, the two of them silently followed the lights with their eyes, too mesmerized to do anything else. And when their eyes met again, they were goners
In the new light, Cora's grim and bloodied face had never looked clearer, and Loki's usual mask of indifference was completely shattered
Neither of them could say who leaned in first. Their lips crashed once more, a wave of relief flooded them as their tandems of pure and raw power kept dancing together through the room, just as much as the pure and raw need to be held within each other's arms.
His teeth bit softly on her lip, and the silent moan gave him all the permission he needed to slip his tongue and explore her mouth, she wasn't far behind, pulling on his hair to earn herself a groan that allowed her to fight back for dominance. Their hands once again had a mind of their own, he followed her curves and carved them to his memory, she traced every prominent vein and relished in his heartbeat
She took him by surprise straddling him, he took her by surprise when she pushed him down, their cores meeting and eliciting desperate groans from both, she slowly moved her hips, testing the waters, she hid her face on her neck and sucked on his pressure points until her tongue hurt, he tried his best to not rut into her like a wild animal
"You are testing my composure in a way- Norns, in a way no one ever has", his voice was raspy and his words were accentuated by cold hands holding her hips still. That caused her to look up at him, and there he knew that if ever he shall die, he'd die happy having seen Coralina Francis on top of him, with lust and something more adoring imploding in her eyes and flowing through the still dancing strands of magic, "Say the words"
"I'm sure, Loki", she all but whined, holding his face in her hands and kissing him all over again, "I missed you so much, maybe too much", she chuckled awkwardly, her fingers idly playing with the buttons on Loki's shirt, "I want you, my prince", the comment was playful and she batted her eyelashes, but he saw the genuine vulnerability behind and it brought a fond smile to his face
He grabbed her face with just as much need, with painful hunger and desire, his lips devoured hers in a deathly ballad, he had no urge to break from her touch, so out of breath he moved them to the comfort of his bed, hovering over her, he pressed his forehead to hers, and very quietly, just for them to hear, their little secret, he muttered, "You have me, dove"