With No Kiss Goodnight
It has been days since Peters desperate and Miguel's equally as genuine apology. Neither of them are doing all that great but like always Peter is faring off better than Miguel.
Peter was too a man of his word so when takes a break he takes one. He almost feels guilty when he catches glimpses of Miguel walking around HQ buy he figures that if he's seeing him then he's doing well enough and that's good enough for him.
In his spare time since he's not checking in on Miguel daily he does a lot more than usual. For instance he's taken up meditation per Bens suggestion and while it didn't do much he can't say that he didn't feel any better afterwards.
He wonders if Miguel has tried meditation and he wonders it the entire way through and so ironically enough his meditation riles him up more then it calmes him down.
In that extra time Peter has also talk to people, besides teenagers, about his problem and by people he means MJ. There's probably a funny joke about going to your co parent about pre-relationship relationships but he couldn't bring himself to care.
"So he apologized?"
"Yeah. Really good too. But I just dont know how to forgive him yet."
"So don't. Wait until you can because if he's a great as you say then hurting both of you like that isn't worth it."
Peter squints at the setting sun taking in as much as he can because he's fine with the discomfort as long as it means he can see something he loves..
"How do you know so much?"
It's a hesitant question because he knows he's the reason. There's no other option.
"You weren't that easy to love either Peter. The only difference is you're really trying this time.
Peter looks for a defense. Something that screams his innocence but he only finds guilt at the forefront.
"I was trying then, I just was stupid and scared."
"Yeah? So was I."
"You didn’t deserve that MJ. I'm sorry."
It's the second apology of the week and it hurts less than the first.
"It was part me too."
MJ smiles up at Peter and they ease back into the comfortable silence that had grown around them.
"Remind you of anything?" Mj asks.
Peter doesn't realize it yet but it does and thats because it was too close for comfort situation wise.
"Should it?"
"I hope it does."
They dont talk much after that only about their schedule for Mayday. MJ has a few all nighters so Mayday will be daddy more than normal this week.
But he's never minded and he doest mind it two days later when the baby is strapped to his chest as he's taking down some low ranked villain. The best part Mayday shot him with a web. Like the proud father he is Peter immediately grabs his phone to take a picture of the web she shot, smack dab on the mouth, she really does take after her father.
He thinks about rushing to show Miguel because he knows that no matter how much he complains he loves the 'May' Dayly news. It was a stupid name he'd thought of but he giggles all the same as when he first suggested it. Then he remembers he's currently avoiding Miguel because right now seeing his face hurts like a bee sting to an artery.
So he sticks with keeping it to himself because Peter has a million of them lodged away in his pink robe and a million more tucked away in his fuzzy slippers. He was always good at keeping secrets. I mean he's Spiderman after all!
Returning back at HQ he drops off a report and heads to the cafeteria after all a baby is only well fed as its mother. And while that may only be true when the baby is still in the womb and the person eating is actually a woman it counts in this scenario too.
They get in line and Peter selects most of the food groups and when Mayday sees the Empanadas she points to them and kicks a bit.
"Not this time Mayday."
He knows that Mayday can't really understand him but she still looks at him with big eyes that are confused as to why they aren't picking up the food.
He goes to their normal table and sees two empty spaces and he feels both relief and a crushing weight. He eats slower than he normally does and he helps Mayday through her mushed peas.
She doesnt like them and she keeps trying to spit them back out and she keeps babbling and keeps making sounds that sound like Miguel's nickname because that's how close they were and Peter ignores it until he can't.
"He's not here right now May." He says coaxing her down wiping her face with a napkin trying to avoid the stares some people are giving them. It all feels like s tightrope act and at his point his feet have slipped and he's hanging on for dear life.
There's a line of whispers that his hearing can pick up on and it's nothing nice.
"Guess he lost his best friend privileges with Miguel."
He rolls his eyes quietly and finishes feeding Mayday as best he can before cleaning up and leaving. On his way out he sees Miguel and he smiles lightly. He knows that Miguel sees him too because they make direct eye contact but Miguel just smiles in a way that Peter wouldn't have recognized if he didn't know him so well then turns around and leaves.
Peter supposes thats on him, after all he did tell Miguel that he wouldn't be interacting with him until he was ready and neither of them know when that is. So he doesn't feel that upset when he gets a response he incited.
It should be a good thing.
The days go on like this for Miguel as well. He'll brood in his room because he supposes he does do it a lot. Leaves at inhuman times and then returns. It's been happening for so long that one of the volunteer kitchen staff has an alarm set so they can help Miguel with anything if necessary.
They don't mind until this happens for three weeks in a row.
"If you don't mind me asking, why are you only sneaking out at night? You're not a mouse. Sir."
He's quiet because he's not a mouse but he feels as timid as one and so his tone never raises much higher than a much too quiet inside voice.
"Because even man prefers to move unseen."
"Maybe you do. But I don't know anybody else who does."
Miguel just looks at the person in front of him and it's a face he doesn't recognize.
"You are?"
"Peter."
He shouldve guessed that. "Right."
Miguel sighs skipping past the empanadas and settling for wheat he can only assume is a burger. He takes a few of them actually.
"Woah trying something new I see!" New Peter exclaims and fixes up a few for him.
Miguel's about to leave when new Peter asks him another question.
"Also. Why don't you come here during lunch anymore, I saw Peter up here a few days ago but you weren't being dragged with. So what's the deal?"
Miguel snaps his head back to the volunteer who looks at him with a cheeky smile.
"Mind your my business."
"How can I, it's all everyones talking about."
"Goodnight." Miguel turns away ignoring the man who just whines.
When he returns to his office Lyla pops up.
"Look at you! The talk of the town."
"Yeah I don't really care for it."
Lyla rolls her eyes eyeing the burger before Miguel.
"Wow, you're really sad you know that?"
"Its a burger. I'm literally eating food."
Lyla hugs his cheek before putting her hand over his mouth.
"Its okay. Miguel I miss him too. The only difference is that I didn't make him feel like a piece of crap."
"OK I get it."
"Like you did."
"I know."
"When you ignored him for no reason."
"Thank you for reminding me Lyla I definitely forgot all of that."
"For many days on end."
Miguel's wants to swat at her but she right next to his cheek and holographic so he lets it go.
He's sorry for himself and apologetic for Peter so he does nothing but re-watch the moments he'd secretly recorded. Every laugh of Peters that he snorted which in turn caused more laughter. Every side eye they'd give eachother both inside and outside his office when hearing an inside only they knew. Everytime Peter would make a stupid dare just to do it himself and fail. It makes him laugh softly at first and then it grows.
He's laught his ass of rewatching the old videos and it let's something out of a very old and sealed bottle that he can't seem to close back up. Before he knows it he's pouring out in seconds and he's the most self aware he's ever been.
Miguel feels an endless torrent of things he's never named and doesn't know, but somewhere in the process he loses himself to what was and suddenly, its like what used to be is all he's ever known. So when he watches the videos and thinks back on them he laughs loudly, so loudly that it feels like he's laughing with Peter, and he's coming to terms with everything and he's doing it so fast that he's getting sick.
He's sick because he knows that this is all he's ever wanted to know and when he gets Peters trust back it's all he ever will know because he won't confuse his guilt with defense, and he won't confuse his silence with an answer, and he won't confuse his stoicism with who he is, and he won't confuse his love with his fear, and he won't confuse himself with silly elementary terminology like 'like' like, and he won't confuse Peter with an overwatered plant, and he won't confuse his love with danger, and he won't confuse his excuses as words, and he won't confuse Peter with his anxiety, and he won't confuse who he is with who he sees himself as, and he won't confuse Peter, and he won't confuse Peter, and he wont confuse Peter, and he wont confuse Peter because he's done so much to him already and Peter lets him and he's unsure if it's because of this new emotion he's rediscovered.
There's a small but significant difference between like and love and he likes and loves Peter but he doesn't show the love part very well. And Peter was right to be upset about everything and Miguel likes him so he understood that. But Miguel also loves him so he couldn't just sit by while waiting for their reconciliation to fix himself up and work on loving Peter because he never stops.
"All I'm saying is knowing when you're wrong goes a long way."
Miguel stares at him
"Not that you're often wrong, that is."
Miguel feels too much and nothing all at once.
Miguel can walk up to Peter and ask him if he'd have the time to talk and Peter would have the perfect chance to chew him apart and show him why he should never be vulnerable again. Like Miguel did to him. But he wouldn't. And Miguel could walk to Peter but he won't because as much time as you need is meant to go uninterrupted and so he sits at his desk feeling things, and he sits down feeling love unapologetically and its so stupid to him but its not as confusing.
Its a breaking point and Miguel has been trying to crack it for ages but once you name something as strong as love it can break any part of you without trouble he guesses.
He catches his breath and there a weightlessness to him he's never felt before and he thinks that Lyla is wrong. If he was backed up before he definitely wasn't now but he figures its only a matter of time before the daily grind of running this place chips at him again.
"If you fill a glass halfway?-"
"It half empty."
"I didn't finish you pessimist."
Even if that is the case and he begins to reharbor his taging eyes and bitchy attitude Miguel, with his cup half full, lays down dreaming of the life he briefly knew before three weeks ago and he dreams of it but with a less confused him.
He thinks Peter would like this change and he hopes he will.
He's learned a few things about himself.
Number 1. He still loves his daughter and she'd always be in his heart no matter what red head kid he'd let in.
Number 2. He still likes silence even if it caused him to face the music because he deserves to face his actions.
Number 3. He loves Peter and the name Parker has turned into a term of endearment more than it is a sign of his emotional weakness.
Number 4. He likes stargazing.(with Peter)
Number 5. He was just about the biggest dick on planet Earth but he was more stubborn than he was prideful and it took work to get there.
Number 6. He'd wait for anything that meant getting back the 'good life' back.
So now it was a matter of waiting for Peter, and maybe that meant waiting for as long as he knew him, it hurts Miguel to think about it like that but karmas a bitch just like him.