We Never Fight When I'm Away
Things have gotten better for both of them Miguel no longer avoids Peter entire being and actually smiles back at him when Peter does so. And Peter doesn't feel so terrible when around Miguel but thats because they have fought. And its hard to do that when youre botnin the same room for too long.
But they're still stolen glances and just that. Still no late night visits and shared meals over stupid conversations and that's okay because as long as you need means as long as you need without me and they're both fine with that. Until someone isn't.
There's no doubting that Miguel was getting restless awaiting Peters return but he meant it when he said he would wait, which is why every long distance interaction is started by Peter and ended by him as well.
Peter was, for once, doing worse out of the two and he thinks it has something to do with him still partially avoiding Miguel for weeks on end now. The only thing preventing him from thinking the other hates him is the way that Miguel returns the smiles he sends his way, and that makes him slightly better.
Though it helps Peter still has a problem. MJ helped him realize that but she could've been nicer about it.
Sharing a glass of wine, the two are at their normal meeting spot. On top of MJ's building at sunset.
"So you're still avoiding him even though you swear you're over it?" MJ asks taking a small sip.
Peter just plays with the keg of the glass.
"Yeah."
"So then, maybe just maybe, you're NOT over it." She's not suggesting it, she's telling him but that doesn't really matter because she's wrong.
"No I am over it."
MJ looks at him.
"I'm like 99% over it, the argument isn't what's bothering me."
"Then what is?"
"I don't know. I mean we've both had time to think about everything and-."
MJ cuts him off. "Oh my god."
"What? Why are you Oh my god-ing me?"
MJ laughs in his face and she laughs hard.
"OK wow. Laughing at someone going through a hard time is not okay."
"I'm sorry it's just, you never change you know that?"
Peter is confused to say the least. Was he a handful for MJ? Sure. Is he still one? Absolutely, but he's plenty different.
"Oh man you really don't get it do you?" It's sincere but teasing and Peter can't help the awkward laugh that exits him.
"Haha, no."
"Peter you did the exact same thing after our first argument. We took time and you had gotten so in your head about it that you convinced yourself I'd never love you again."
"I mean I wasn't that wrong."
"Yeah, but it took a couple years and a divorce for you to be right. And besides I still love you just not like that."
Peter considered her words. He wasn't doing that was he. Sure he was nervous that when he actually went to Miguel he would hate him because he's been just short of AWOL for upwards of a month but that was reasonable.
"I love you in a not like that way too." He repeats to MJ who shakes her head.
They watch the sun set for a bit. Peter thought it was funny how they'd chosen what'd he'd consider the second most romantic time of day to meet. On a rooftop watching as the sun goes down mixing reds, oranges, and pinks. He looks at MJ wo isn't looking at him and then he chuckles to himself.
"Youre an idiot."
Peter doesn't deny it and he knows that MJ doesn't mean it. They aren't late nights and shared meals, nor are they side eyes from inside jokes and silly conversation. But they're wine and a cool breeze with a rocky past and that's enough for both of them.
"And you, are a bully."
"Looks like you have a type."
Peter knows she's talking about Miguel and she kind of hit the nail on the head.
"I care about you. So do me a favor and don't mess it up this time, yeah?"
"Yeah."
MJ scrunches up her nose when she smiled and so does Miguel but Peter is comparing MJ to Miguel and not the other way around.
Maybe he was a bit unfair too.
48% of apologies never happen because people lie to themselves more than they think. A lot ots hard for people to realize that they're doing so because we spend so much time lying to ourselves and others. For instance that statistic is bull but it's easy to lie when you need to help yourslef out.
So Peter denies that he's forcing emotions onto his projection of Miguel and continues his day like normal and makes his way to HQ at night for the first time in a while and he picks up an empanada for the first time in a month and a voice comes form behind the door.
"Youre out here a bit early Miguel."
From behind the door appears a man that Peter doesn't recognize.
"Oh you're back! I take it you and Miguel made up then?"
Peter was confused to say the least. How did a stranger know he Miguel were on the best terms.
"What do you mean? We've been alright just needed to take a few days off."
"Its been a month."
"Its wierd that you know that."
"Maybe."
"No it definitely is."
"Agree to disagree."
"I'm not agreeing with anything."
"Well now you're being difficult."
They stand across from one another with two different expression before Peter shakes his head and walks away.
"I'm not gonna deal with this."
"Tell Miguel I say hi."
"I'm not telling him anything!"
Peter yells and he's not sure if he says that because he doesn't like the idea of Miguel fraternities with others or if it's because he's not going to see Miguel. The second one must be a lie because he went to grab dinner for Miguel and Peter prefers a good burger or slice of pizza so there's no way it was for him.
His feet take him where he doesn't want to be because MJ was right and he doesn't know how to not feel the way he does. He stands outside of the door for forever and considers turning back around but the Empanada was getting cold and the worst type of peace offering is cold food.
Peter man's up and slides his way through the doors of Miguel's office and slings the box of food at the man before showing himself. There's the sound of the box sliding across a desk before it's opened.
"Peter?"
Peter hesitates before showing just his face with a smile.
"The one and only."
Lyla pops up.
"There are thousands of Peters here."
"OK so the one out of thousands."
He jumps down and is level with Miguel who is chewing away at the offering. Peter watches him for two reaosns.
Number 1. This is the first time in months he's looked at him without Miguel caring, and he still appreciates the way Miguel gets shy.
Number 2. Its one of his favorite past times.
When Miguel notices Peters eyes on him he puts it down and clears his throat cheeks a bit red.
"I'm sorry for being a jerk," Peter lets him talk and the apology goes down easy this time.
"Are we cool?"
"We are so cool."
They both smile at eachother and Miguel wastes no time engaging in conversation. It's a nice change Peter thinks and he wishes he could enjoy it without convincing himself that something was going wrong.
"All I'm saying is knowing when you're wrong goes a long way."
Miguel stares at him
"Not that you're often wrong, that is."
Peter on the other hand is wrong a lot, like MJ said he's an idiot.
"You okay?"
Miguel asks him and he doesn't register it because outside of missions Miguel never asks about him.
"Yeah? Just wierd I guess."
"I mean it has been a while."
"Yeah."
Miguel means it as nothing more than a statement of fact but Peter recognizes the anger that he doctored in. Eventually Miguel's voice becomes a bit fuzzy and now everything has a hidden message pointing back to how he messed them up and no amount of apology form Miguel would convince him otherwise.
Miguel turns to look at him and he smiles back before seeing the change in his attitude. Miguels face goes flat and so Peter thinks he messed up again and he's upset at himself and so he looks down.
"You sure you okay? You know you don't have to rush anything right? I'm fine waiting for you." Miguel says.
There's something so sincer about his offer that Peter avoided his eyes. He does so because seeing too much might make him think Miguel means that in more than just a friendly way and there's no way thats true, but hes so convinced that maybe it could be when Miguel looks at him like he's the most important thing in the world.
"I'm fine."
"Youre a shit liar, you know that?"
Peter laughs.
"I do now."
It's harrowing for both of them but man Peters has a kick to it.
"Peter I'm serious don't be here of don't want to."
Now he had done it.
"I'm not kicking you out, but if it hurts you to be here or around ne then we can go somewhere else or you can take more time."
Peter knows that Miguel isn't rejecting his attempt a lot getting back into the swing of things but he feels that way and he has to prove MJ wrong.
"Miguel if I didn't want to be here I wouldn't have come."
"I get that but-"
"But nothing." Peter cuts him off with a playful slap and Miguel looks like he doesn't buy it at all.
"If you're sure."
There's a tense silence before Peter speaks up again.
"Oh and the lunch man? Says hi."
Not even ten minutes into reuniting they'd had another argument and for Peter its the end of their world. Maybe he had ruined their chemistry with the hiatus and maybe Miguels just being extra nice because he knows Peters in a vulnerable state and he doesn't want to deal with the clean up. After all Peter was a handful.
They hang out and Peter rarely jokes around and Miguel does most of the talking and it's wierd for both of them but Miguel tries to get them there because he wants what he had so and and if he has to stack every brick himself he'll do exactly that.
Peter leaves after thirty minutes and it's one of the shortest nights they've had together but they both relish it until it's spoils for them, although it only spoiled for Peter and Miguel is still tasting sweetness.
There's a bitterness to late nights that Peter only feels when he like this away from Miguel and feeling sorry for himself and lying to himself. Though maybe he shouldn't attribute that to late nights and more to himself because MJ was right and he was an idiot and possibly made things worse.
He finds himself on MJ's rooftop with MJ around midnight.
"You want to explain to me why im up this late."
"Its past midnight so it's actually early."
"I actually don't care."
Peter supposes technicalities dont matter right now so he lets the comment slide.
"OK so you mightve been right about me."
"Aren't I always?"
MJ poses it as a question but Peter knows it's anything but.
"We got into another fight because I told him I didn't mind being by him.
"Do you?"
"I dont!"
"So stop tricking yourself. From what I've heard a Miguel sounds like a straight forward guy if he hasn't said anything don't worry about it."
Peter doesn't say anything but MJ keeps going.
"Maybe if you'd stop psyching yourself out of dealing with your problems you wouldn't be so nervous when it matters."
Damn she was good.