Spent Out Like A Light
There's a little thing called irony and the way it works is to make Miguel's life a living hell. He messed up bad but it wasn't something he could easily admit out loud, after all he'd spent so much time being wrong that actually saying so, would kill him he thinks.
So he doesnt say anything even though he knows he should because that's all he need to do. Irony was a little thing but it's proving to be the biggest force in Miguel life. Like when he makes himself coffee and uses the, 'world's best boss' mug Parker had bought him. Or when he, a severely introverted person, forced himself through a crowd of Spiderpeople to avoid the man that he hurt. Or at least one of them.
Logically speaking Miguel shouldn't feel as sad as he does because he very stupidly did this and no matter how many small gestures he did to still show Parker he was sorry, like reserving his favorite table in the cafeteria or lessening his work load, he knew that it would take more than that.
Ask anyone and they wouldn't tell you because no one thinks about it but, in these situations, little love is just as small as the mistake is big. Right now the appropriate ratio would be 100 ants to an elephant, so not quite there yet.
Theres a swirling feeling in Miguel's stomach as he considers the possibility of facing Parker again and he can't tell if it's guilt or shame so he settles for both because there's something so powerful about both that almost causes him to make another mistake.
"Lyla?" Miguel asks and she instantly pops up looking at her nails.
"Nuh uh Miguel I told you not to whine to me." She turns her back to him and he sighs.
"Just help me fix this." Miguel demands and he can't help the growl that comes from his mouth.
"Wat am I supposed to do. You're the one who shut down on him."
Her position changes again and she sits in the air pointing at the man.
"I know."
"You better. See this is what I meant. You got too backed up and BOOM you exploded all over your legs and Peters leg. Now he's upset and you'll be stuck eternally brooding because you're too scared to be okay with entrusting yourself to someone."
"Can we really not go back to the diarrhea thing?"
"It was constipation. There's a big difference between the two."
"I don't. Care."
Miguel sighs. He supposes as stupid and gross Lylas analogy was it was accurate and he can't just sit there with feces on his leg for forever and he can't leave Peter like that either so he decides to man up. Although if this promise was anything like his attempts to confess to the man then he'd be better off going to therapy.
That was a joke.
It doesn't take long for Miguel to plan it out but it takes days for him to actually get Peter near him. Turns out giving someone the cold shoulder invokes a mutual response or well deserved treatment. That's fine he could live with that. He can't live with knowledge that Peter probably hates him and so he hates himself even more.
The both of them share much in common mentally it's kind of funny to watch it all play out. Much like Miguel, Peter is also trying to think of a way to apologize for what he'd said. Irony plays a force in his life too. So when he's done reciting and remembering he decides to talk to Miguel actually calm and poised.
Peter expects to hear unpleasant things and he can only hope its been enough days since their last disagreement but he can never be sure with Miguel and that never used to be a problem. But what can he say, Peter is a pacifist at heart and so he thinks that maybe they can resolve this even if it takes a few scratches.
He'd be willing to bleed his love out of a million of tiny scratches if it meant Miguel could feel that love and he's okay with that because there's something about his guilt that confuses and reassures him. It was shit and he had no disguise of coping to hide it behind but he doesn't need one.
"He's just overwhelmed, and so are you." Peter tells himself and he knows it's true because it is but he can't help but feel upset at the other. He tabs it away and leaves for tommorow when the sun will actually be in the sky.
Miguel does the same except he is in much worse condition. He's ready to drop and either from a lack of water or food he feels like shit. He blames it on the humidity of his room and continues throughout the rest of the night.
He doesn't do much in the morning except for actually sustain himself and figuring out his apology. He plans through it with Lyla there to tell him if he's being stupid.
"So take responsibility."
Lyla nods.
"Apologize. Explain the behavior without excusing it. And then ask for forgiveness."
"Almost perfect, just make sure you actually ask, for forgiveness and get him a gift."
"Like what? It's not like they have cards that say, 'hey sorry I was a big piece of crap please forgive me'."
"No but you could make one." Lyla suggest ahrugging the smile on her face mischievous.
"Yeah, I'm not gonna do that."
"Your loss."
"Okay so tommorow I'll find him,"
"If you can."
"Yes if I can and then-"
There's the sound of an opening door and both of them freeze and look at the visitor. Neither of them was sure what to expect but Peter wasn't really it. Suprised Miguel pushes back against his chair and he curses himself.
This was not a part of the plan. There's no gift waiting for Peters collecting and there certainly isn't an actually practiced speech. But that's okay beside neither was Peters event though he had planned a speech. Looking back now it was kinda pointless because he instantly forgot everything.
"Hi." The greeting is terse and Miguel can only bring himself to nod slightly in return.
"I know that you are upset at me and I'm upset at you but I wanted to. Apologize?"
Miguel just stares at him thrown off by the sudden visit. Witnessing one of the most embarrassing moments of her life Lyla whispers.
"Youre blowing it dude!"
Snapping out of it Miguel finally speaks. "I actually had something I wanted to say."
"No let me finish."
"Peter I insist-"
"Just listen to me okay!" Peters breathing hard and he looks like a cornered animal getting ready to attack.
Miguel quiets down easing up in his chair a bit his eyes still fluttering around the room only temporarily meeting Peters.
"I was very rude that day and while both sides could've handled it better I should've been understanding of your emotional state and I'm sorry if I crossed a line. Still."
The sounding of Peters desperate breaths linger in the air and Miguel can only look at him confused as to why he was apologizing and processing the apology at the same time. But Peter doesn't know that because Peter isnt psychic and that dumb stare sets Peter off again.
"Seriously? Again with this shit? Miguel I don't know what you want from me."
What Peter doesn't understand is that Miguel doesn't want anything from him in fact he never has but Miguel needs him to look at him again with anything other than anguish and so he sighs.
"You did nothing wrong, honest. I."
Miguel needs to say something good now and actually make up for this.
"You." Lyla prods.
"I was stupid and I took it out on you and I didn't know how to admit that, and I still dont."
Peter smiles a bit at a response.
Miguel needs that expression more and he need its all the time.
"Seems like you get it a bit though."
"Parker I-."
Peter looks at him hopefully probably expecting a snarky remark or a half assed apology which to be fair it is because he hadn't even started drafting.
"Peter. I'm sorry and I don't know how to fix what I did and I'm just-." It kills Miguel so much to say this that he is quite literally left speechless but he almost gets through it before hes interrupted once again.
" So what? I'm just supposed to put up with that?"
Miguel stares at the man across from him in shock unsure why. It wasn't uncommon for Peter to call him out on his BS. Perhaps it was the setting, the place and time, the intimacy, and maybe it was the lack of distance that normally lessened the blow of his friend's input. Miguel sighs.
"No. You shouldn't put up with that from anyone and especially not me.
There's something guilty about Miguels eyes and Peter finds it in himself to forgive him. Part of him doesn't know if he does it because it seems safe enough to do so or because he genuinely accepts it.
"Look I know that you've been through stuff but, im trying so hard to make this work and I know you have been too but, Miguel." Peters so overwhelmed with emotion that he can even finish his sentence and so Miguel covers finishing his apology.
"I've been a jerk. And a bit more than that, I'm sorry and I don't know how else to say it. I messed up and you have every right to be upset and if you could, can you forgive me?
Its a heartfelt apology and he means every word and Peter can tell so he too lightens up as they continue.
Do you know they funny thing about cleaning up shit off of a leg? Sometimes some gets left on the back and it's in a place that hard to see. That very piece of shit plagues Peters mind after the apology.
"That was very nice Miguel. You really are a jerk and I do forgive you."
And just like that Miguel feels as though he's won the lottery. For the first time in probably forever Miguel genuinely apologized for something he did and even though he doesn't deserve it his apology was accepted.
"But, you hurt me really bad. Do you know how bad I felt trying to talk to you co vinced I was the one who'd committed a crime against you? Do you know how much if an asshole I felt like trying to talk to you just to be ignored.
Miguel thinks it's funny how Peter perfectly took on the guilty role and he thinks it's ironic that he did so.
"I'd love to get back to hanging out every night but I can't just. Not so soon."
"Take as long as you need Peter."
Peter recognizes the inside joke but doesn't have it in himself to laugh although maybe he will a month from now. If they don't screw this all up again. That is.
"Yeah."
It's not long after that interaction that Peter winds up leaving. That was progress, the both know this but they were far away from where they used to be and Miguel worries if they'll ever get back there. If they don't, it's his fault and he knows it.
So sitting one and a million multiverses apart they evaluate a lot of things and in their separation they both vow to each other and themselves that when they talk they'll leave this all in the dust. Peter will stop worrying and Miguel will get better even if he was never really bad.
That's also a joke.
"Maybe you should go to therapy. You know. Talk it out woth someone?" Lyla suggest and he voice lacks the usual teasing tone.
Do you know how bad things have to get before the AI you made notices. Especially when dealing with emotions. It's ironic and much like those emotions it's stupid just like him.