What Makes a Monster?
To be entirely honest, Peter didn’t think that his day could change from a slow day around the spider society to trying to figure out what the hell happened during the kids training with Miguel.
He had just returned from a late lunch with M.J., which went great, and was planning on maybe checking in on the training or finding Jess to catch up on any news in the spider society. Peter had also brought Mayday along for the ride; his little bundle of joy always liked to swing and stick to everything in headquarters, which was slightly stressful for him at times.
But just as he was walking along one of the bridges, cooing at Mayday and playing with her red hair, his daughter did her usual grabby hands when she wanted something, and that something turned out to be Miguel, who was walking towards them.
It was weird when he got closer to the man; his presence wasn't even acknowledged. It was only when he laid his hand on Miguel's shoulder that he got a reaction. And that was when the sneaking suspicion that had been brewing in his gut was confirmed.
The growling and baring teeth that Miguel did wasn’t exactly new to Peter, he had walked in on his friend struggling with his strange spider-like actions, and usually Miguel would just brush him off or take another shot of the strange green drug.
But this felt different, and not in a good way, firstly Miguel wasn’t even speaking to him. Hell, it didn’t seem like anything he said was reaching Miguel, the man's face just held a pained look while his eyes darted around.
His eyes
It was not an unknown fact that Miguel had sharp red eyes, often seen as scary or blood red, as he had overheard some people refer to the color as. Though in Peter’s opinion they weren't blood red, more of a garnet-ish red. But when he looked at the wide eyes of his friend, it was like they were glowing, the deep red was now replaced with a bright scarlet, and even the whites of Miguel's eyes had a red-ish tint.
Then, before he knew it, Miguel just ran away after Peter attempted to calm him down by handing Mayday over, leaving him to stand in the middle of the bridge holding an equally confused Mayday.
Right now he was heading over to Miles’ universe to check up on the kid, making a quick stop to drop off Mayday with M.J. in his own universe. After Miguel's concerning behavior he had tried to get into Miguel's office, but the door didn’t budge, and after a while it was clear that he wasn’t going to get Miguel’s side of whatever had occurred.
So. Miles, it was. According to his short call with Gwen, Miles was attacked by Miguel during the training, and that must have triggered some PTSD, resulting in a panic attack.
That was…… odd? Unbelievable? Strange?
He really wished he had asked more questions during the phone call.
Whatever. Peter knew Miguel would never hurt any of the kids on purpose, sure during their training drills there were a couple bruises and scrapes, but that all got healed within minutes due to everyone's. But from what he could gather Miles had sustained a rather bloody hit to his arm, and that helped him piece together a reason why Miguel was acting weird.
Peter knew Miguel pretty well, and if there was one thing he knew his friend liked to not do was ask for help. Whether it be on a mission, on report and most Miguel most definitely hated for anyone to see him struggle.
He remembers the first time he had seen Miguel hold Mayday, it was hilarious. The man was so awkward but so gentle with the small bundle of joy. Peter was sure that Miguel had teared up a bit, but according to the man himself it was just a trick of the light. As funny as it was, Peter also remembers the pain on his friend's face and the way Miguel's voice shook as he insisted for Peter to take Mayday back.
After that he could see the little bit of pain and doubt in Miguel's red eyes that never seemed to go away. No matter what he was doing Miguel always looked so… sad. No, that wasn’t the right word. It was more like Miguel was always fighting with himself.
For all he knows the man might be. After all, his DNA is spider so maybe that has some more side effects than the animalistic sounds, Claws, and webbing. Maybe it had some mental side of it as well, if only Miguel would tell someone and not just push people away. People who care about him, whether his stubborn ass likes it or not.
Stepping out of the portal and into an alleyway on Earth something something, it was Miles’ earth that was easier to remember than a bunch of numbers, the weather was okay a few clouds here and there, but other than that a clear sky.
Peter was adorning his green jacket with some stained sweatpants and a gray shirt so he blended in pretty well with the crowds of New York. He had chosen not to open the portal near Miles’ house just for the purpose of a short walk where he could get his thoughts in order and have a makeshift plan in place.
Who knew one of the most difficult parts of being a mentor was giving good advice? To be fair he usually came up with his best work on the spot, he did teach Miles how to web swing in the middle of a chase with a villain, so that should get him some mentoring points. Right?
By now he could see the apparent building where Miles and his parents lived, alright time for some totally amazing mentoring. Hopefully.
A quick turn into the alleyway and a few seconds of checking to see if anyone was around before Peter started to crawl up the building. Second guessing himself slightly on which window was that one that led into Miles’ bedroom, he had already made that mistake once luckily no one was in the room he peered into at the time, or else that could have gone really bad.
Sliding the window up with his sticky hands and peering inside the teenagers room Peter was thankfully met with the sight of Miles working on what looked like some school work while sitting on his bed.
The teen had headphones secured around his ears, so he didn’t notice Peter's presence at first, but after a quick double take he had his attention.
"Heard you had a pretty exciting day at training." He gave his best attempt at a joke which thankfully got a small smile to appear on Miles’ lips before the teen muttered a response.
"Heh… yeah" Miles mumbled while using that hand on his uninjured arm to close up the textbook that lay in his lap before using it to rub his bandaged forearm. Seeing the kid be this quiet was unnerving, but now was no time to get caught up in his head. Right now he needed to make sure everything was okay.
Peter made his way over to Miles, plopping down on the edge of the bed and looking over at the kid. From the look of it he wasn’t even doing homework just doodling on the edges of what looked like some wordy worksheet. That made sense the kid probably had a lot on his mind right now.
"How’s the arm?" He asked. Miles looking up with a confused look on his face prompted him to give a quick explanation. "Gwen told me, but I wanted to get your side of the story. You’d be surprised at the difference that makes."
Miles didn’t look at him, instead choosing to fidget with a mechanical pencil while he softly spoke. "My arm is fine," The teen said, shifting the bandaged appendage so Peter could fully see. "It’ll be healed in a couple days at least, but..." Miles trailed off absentmindedly tapping the pencil on his leg.
He let out a sign before speaking, dancing around the subject wasn’t going to help either of them. "Is everything alright with you and Miguel?" He asked the question, earning the eye contact of the teen. "Gwen said he attacked you but I get the feeling hearing the story from you might help fill in a couple of the plot holes."
The room was quiet for a couple seconds as Miles hesitated to respond, but eventually the teen spoke, his voice less of a mutter than it was before.
"I don’t get it. I don’t—urgh!! It was just—nothing seemed weird! It was nothing that we hadn’t done before, just some light sparring, but then I felt his claws go into my arm and my spider sense went off." Miles was tense, his voice carrying a slight shake while sounding hopelessly confused. "Next thing I knew my venom blast went off and I sorta freaked out. God, it’s so stupid"
Miles curled his knees closer to his chest, resting his chin on his kneecaps. It hurt Peter to see the kid like this, he withheld himself from making some stupid joke to lighten the mood and instead put on his best mentor advice voice.
"First off kid, panic attacks aren’t stupid. They suck ass—butt, they suck butt." He unceremoniously censored himself, he could see a smile quirk at Miles’ lips which made him smile. "Secondly, I don’t think Miguel would ever purposely try to hurt you."
Miles’ eyebrows furrowed and he could practically hear the little gears turning in the teens head.
"Listen, Miles’" Peter laid his hand on the teen's shoulder, prompting the teen to look up at him. "I get it if you need a break from the society after this, you’ve been through a lot so nobody would blame you if you need a break."
Miles’ head shot up from where it rested on his kneecaps. "What! No! I-I don’t want to quit! I just—I urgh!!" Miles leaned his head back against the walls of the teens room, bringing his hands up to press against his face.
"Okay, okay. No break, you don’t want a break. Got it" Peter corrected himself. This was not what he expected, wasn’t it normal for a teenager to like alone time. Well what about Miles was normal, the kid was a superhero and had gone through more crappy stuff in his life than most people saw in their entire lives.
Peter probably shouldn’t have read that book about ‘How to Parent a Teenager’ . All it said was a bunch of shit about rules and consequences that seemed a bit harsh in his humble opinion. Maybe he should check a couple universes to see if there was a copy of ‘How to Parent a Superpowered Teenager Who Deserves So Much Better That What Life Has Given Him’.
Patting his hands on his legs awkwardly he let out another long breath. "So, what do you want to do?"
Miles dropped his hands from rubbing his face, letting his arms hang limply at his sides. "I don’t think Miguel meant to hurt me." He said making eye contact with Peter, who was listening intently to the teen. "I can’t explain it but he didn’t seem like himself, it was like halfway through our fight something changed. His moves didn’t look normal and he growled—like actually growled!"
The teen waved his hands around for emphasis while he spoke, gradually growing louder before looking at Peter for his response and he couldn’t see his own face but based on the concern that painted Miles’ face when they remade eye contact it probably wasn’t the most helpful expression.
In his defense, Peter was still attempting to piece together Miguel's strange behaviors with the story Miles was telling and it was getting slightly more worrying by a second. First off, Miles had said that Miguel growled at him which was a big red flag. Sure his friend making animal-like noises wasn’t new to him or Miles, Peter knew that all the teenagers, Jess, and himself had heard Miguel grow or hiss at least once.
But all that was usually during a mission or in a light manner, like when Peter was bothering Miguel in his office. He had never heard Miguel growl during a training session, and based off of the way Miles was acting it hadn’t happened on the days Peter wasn’t there either.
Something was definitely going on with Miguel.
"Okay um that…" He trailed off for a second, briefly looking at Miles, considering if it would be better for Peter to just leave the kid out of it. Who is he kidding, Miles was too good of a person to let this go. "I agree with you, I actually ran into Miguel a little after when I’m guessing this whole thing started. He was not himself then either."
Peter wasn’t going to spill all of Miguel's secrets. He knew his friend didn’t like the weird looks that the physical effects of his powers gained him, and although Miguel never told him directly it was quite clear to Peter that the effects the spider half of Miguel had on his mind was something that wasn’t pleasant all the time.
There was a slight chance Miles had already piece together some of the reasons behind Miguel's strange behaviors at times, the kid was insanely smart and a lot of people didn’t realize it.
"So what’s going to happen?" Miles asked his voice, taking on a softer questioning tone with an underlying hint of worry that made Peter want to hug the kid. "I didn’t even see him after training, Hobie said he left while I was panicking."
Peter looked at Miles, he didn’t know what to do to be honest. Miguel had locked himself in his office and the only option seemed to be playing the waiting game, hoping that their friend would come out tomorrow and they could return to their strange form of normality.
He got up from his seat on the edge of Miles’ bed clapping his hands together and putting on a smile before speaking. "Don’t worry Miles, Miguel is stubborn enough that whatever is happening he should be back to our grumpy friend tomorrow."
"Oh and," He added, pointing over to the school work that was abandoned on the covers. "Try and do some homework."
Miles gave him a bored sigh at the mention of the school work, the teen didn’t look like he was going to follow what Peter said and not worry, dang why did the teen have to be such a good person.
The forced smile he had put on softened to a genuine one as he spread his arms in invitation. Miles hopped off the bed and into his awaiting arms, the teen burying his face in the fabric of his jacket.
They stayed like that for about a minute, Peter wasn’t going to pull away until the kid was ready to, until Miles’ muffled voice broke the silence.
"I didn’t mess up, did I?"
And oh, that made him want to lecture the teen so he knew just how amazing and great of a person he was and that there was no way any of this was his fault. But, instead he squeezed Miles before placing his hands on the teens shoulders and looking straight in to his eyes.
"No. Don’t even let that idea get into your head Miles." For emphasis Peter lightly flicked the teens forehead earning an annoyed ‘Hey!’. "You didn’t mess anything up and I don’t even need to ask Miguel to know that he doesn’t blame you either. Got it?"
Miles chuckled, sniffing slightly like he was tearing up during the hug, and playfully nudged Peter's shoulder before plopping down back onto his bed.
"Yeah I got it."
"Say it." Peter pressed. Miles needed to hear himself say it or else as soon as he left the kids mind would go crazy with blaming himself.
"W-what!" Miles exclaimed, raising a confused eyebrow at Peter, who was still standing next to the bed patiently.
"Repeat after me then" He said, giving Miles a grin. "I Miles Morales"
"I Miles Morales" Miles repeated begrudgingly leaning back so the teen was laying on the bed with his feet hanging off the edge.
"Didn’t mess anything up"
"Didn’t mess anything up"
"And!" Peter added perking up with his finger held up in the air.
"And?" Questioned Miles.
"I have the best mentor in the entire multiverse." Peter smirked while Miles shot him an unbelieving look.
"And my mentor is the best old homeless Spider-Man in the multiverse" The teen laughed as Peter deflated and defended himself.
"I am not homeless! Or old, thank you very much." He crossed his arms and turned his head away to hide the smile that was appearing on his face.
There was still blood left on his hands.
Miles’ blood, now dried but still terrifying to look at, to think about how it got there. He had tried to get it off, scraping his claws into the walls of his office, rubbing his palms red until he drew his own blood from the scratching.
Why was it that he could hurt the people around him, that his claws could glide through solid metal without a hitch but as soon as he tried to draw a single drop of blood from his own body they refused to cooperate.
The lights from the monitors still felt too bright, he didn’t even have any extra screens projected. The permanent screen light was enough to make him want to break it just to make the room darker.
Miguel sat on his platform, it was raised to its highest point and instead of sitting in a chair he was planted on the floor leaning against the front of one of the control panels.
As soon as he was able to think straight he went onto the platform and raised it. Whether it was helping or just a form of personal exile he wasn’t quite sure. Why he did it was all mixed together in his memories, clouded by panic and his spider side making choices for him.
The instincts that buzzed in his mind after… The incident during training was now a dull after thought in his head. He probably should feel better, right? There was no little spider in his head that told him to protect or that he was safe, his thoughts felt so much quieter.
That makes sense, the effects of his drug were designed to keep his spider DNA from overtaking the human side. Well at least that was what one dose was designed to do. He hadn’t tested what would happen after more.
He had only meant to inject himself with a single capsule of the glowing green drug but it didn’t work. Well, it did but not how it normally did. Usually he could feel the relief of the instincts disappearing into the back of his mind soon after the injection. But this time it didn’t do that.
Then again his memory was still a blurred mix of instinct and conscious choice so maybe it did work but he didn’t register it until the second injection.
Or was it the third?
Maybe fourth?
No. no. He didn’t do four injections. His shaking hands had made him drop a capsule which was still shattered on the ground in a taunting green puddle.
The glass shards were spread around the platform, having spread out as it shattered. He was probably sitting on some shards right now, how long would it take for glass cuts to heal?
Gashes from his talons would take days to heal.
Miles would take days to heal.
Because of him.
Subconsciously Miguel moved his gaze from the wall he was staring at to his hands. His talons were retracted but there was still blood on his hands, some blotches on his suit as well.
His eyes were dry from the staring making it even more uncomfortable to keep his eyes open. Placing his unbloodied hand over his eyes to block out the light and to keep him from staring at the blood anymore, Miguel tried to focus on his breathing.
He had placed his hand where his palm rested upon his cheek bone while his fingers blocked out most of the light from the monitors. Two taloned fingers were positioned above and below his left eye.
Just a simple thought, extend.
There was no pain, because of course there wasn’t. His talons only hurt others, they would never let him hurt himself. It was irritating.
He could cut through the flesh of the people he loved. Because of something he wanted, because of his selfishness, a whole universe millions of families were gone.
The taste of blood wasn’t something that was foreign to Miguel. He could almost feel the uncomfortable feeling of his teeth breaking through the layers of flesh, the sickening iron taste coating his tongue.
He had almost done it to Miles. During the chase, when he had Miles pinned and his hand was around the kid's neck there was a thought, an idea. To use his paralyzing venom, to sink his teeth into Miles’ shoulder to stop him.
Was he desperate?
Or bloodthirsty?
Throwing his hand off of his face with a growl that was freely let out of his throat Miguel got up from his slumped seat on the floor of his platform.
He could have killed Miles during that chase, he remembered the feeling of him not holding back. Not thinking of how to catch the kid but how to stop him, by whatever means necessary.
What if he didn’t sheath his talons when he grabbed Miles by the throat.
He could have done it. He could have ended the kids life right there with the talons that held the blood of so many others.
"Are you sure you're even a Spider-Man?!"
Was he?
Was he even allowed to call himself Spider-Man?
Spider-Man was a hero, Spider-Man laughed and entertained villains during fights with witty quips and snarky comments. Spider-Man stuck to walls and crawled around with agility and grace. Spider-Man had a sixth sense that helped him save people.
Miguel had deadly talons that he used to scrape and dig into walls.
Miguel couldn’t even save his own daughter and she wasn’t even his daughter.
If he wasn’t a Spider-Man, what did that make him?
A villain?
A monster?
He leaned against his work table, there were scraps scattered around, prototypes abandoned on the sides, loose screws and tools laid out without any semblance of order.
Orange light reflected off of something laying next to a pile of wires.
Miguel picked it up.
It was a pair of wire cutters. They were heavy duty, a little smaller than the size of his hand, he used them to cut wires to size and he also used them to make screws the correct size as well as cutting through a few metals.
He spread the handles apart, allowing the pincers of the tool to split.
The blades could cut through metal. He ran his knuckle against the sharp blade, a small dribble of blood ran down his finger before the wound closed.
Unsheathing the talons that were still painted with the dried blood of Miles. Miguel placed the cutters around the talon protruding out of his thumb.
The metallic steel reflected the orange light as his talon sat in between its two jaws.
He closed his fist around the handles of the wire cutter causing a jolt of pain to shoot through his hand.
The jaws of the tool hadn’t met in the middle, now just embedded into the material of his talon. Red blood oozed out of the wound running down his hand but Miguel didn’t stop.
Another squeeze of the handles was met with a snip and even more pain almost causing him to drop the tool. His talon flung off the platform as it was detached from the nail bed. More blood poured out of the open wound on his finger, it was still jolting with pain but it dulled to a heartbeat as his healing kicked in.
Miguel ran his thumb across the table, his breath hitching as more pain was brought on by the action. But it didn’t cut the table. The only mark was the streak of his blood.
Something was telling him that this was bad. Something in the back of his mind but it was dulled, like a thick fog blocking some of his thoughts from fully forming.
Maybe if the fog hadn’t been there he would have stopped at his thumb.