nuh uh (fym nuh uh)

12:03 P.M., Tuesday

'hobibi' to 'paviar'

hobibi: if a man were to crash at your house in order to hide from the wrath he invoked in a twenty-three year old delusional daughterless man child who lost a fight to a married daughterful woman would you help him or no

paviar: i cant with you sometimes bie

hobibi: yes or no

paviar: you know you're welcome here anytime

paviar: even if the reason you're coming over is because you pulled a prank on our boss

hobibi: okay first off i didnt pull a prank on michelle

paviar: uhuh

hobibi: he pulled a prank on ME

paviar: no way

hobibi: i can feel the sarcasm emanating from my refrigerator mate dont lie to me

paviar: youre using a fridge?

hobibi: a fridge i conveniently won in a lottery

hobibi: it came with a screen

paviar: what happened to your nokia?

hobibi: its as hard as bricks so i threw it at my doc ock and now he's in a coma and under her majesty's pleasure

hobibi: my nokia fell into the gutter as a reward

paviar: oh hobie

hobibi: ANYWAY michael thought it was funny to have lyla of all people replace my fcking apple juice with vinegar

hobibi: VINEGAR

hobibi: so i glue gunned his hair to his pillow

paviar: HOBIE

hobibi: IT IS A VALID REACTION 

paviar: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT

hobibi: ITS HIS FAULT FOR TAKING TWO L'S IN A ROW

paviar: have you ever even consider that maybe lyla just did it for kicks ON HER OWN unprompted and that miguel took absolutely NO PART in it?

hobibi: lyla can do no wrong so im blaming it all on that bloody rank smarmy gormless blinkered twat

paviar: oh my god hobie why

hobibi: meh, im sure lyla can help cool his oven

hobibi: so dont get your knickers in a twist, love

hobibi: i'll live

paviar: you know sometimes i wonder what im doing associating with you in the first place 

hobibi: aw love you too

hobibi: im at yo window, open up

paviar: 🙄

☆☆☆

"The next time you piss off Miguel again, I'm not taking your side anymore," Paviar said as he begrudgingly opened the window to let his crime-inducing partner in.

"Ay, you don't even gotta stress about that, mate," Hobibi did little to reassure, letting himself in.

"He won't even know it was me."

Somewhere in the Arachno-Humanoid Poly-Multiverse, Mikael is taking a huge shit in rage. Nobody please question why his hair looks like a balding dead rat.

☆☆☆

3:07 A.M., Tuesday

'adoption center'

margobabes<3: somebody tell me why is miguel tweaking like a 15-year old told him he was gonna go save his father

milesmorales: what

gwandaa: man must be back on them rapture shots again

applesauce: you kids are supposed to be asleep

margobabes<3: kinda hard to sleep when your landlord ragin like somebody's got a complete family and he dont

milesmorales: hey noir, did you talk it out with peter?

call forth the rats: eh, more like he degraded my self-esteem and proceeded to cyberbully me

applesauce: you seriously wanna go through it again

call forth the rats: see, he's not even denying it

applesauce: i did /not/ cyberbully you, neither did i degrade what you apparently call self-esteem

call forth the rats: see, hes even doing it right now

applesauce: stop it

applesauce: its fine miles, we've argued about it, but we've come to a peaceful agreement

call forth the rats: just about as peaceful as world war two

applesauce: do you ever shut up or do you just feel the need for attention

milesmorales: okay so youve made up but the tension is still there

milesmorales: got it

applesauce: well, sort of, yeah, but i'd argue that we've actually ended the squabble on even grounds

call forth the rats: liarrrrrr

applesauce: i am sitting two meters away from you and will start throwing hands if need be do not test me

call forth the rats: okay, i'm sorry, please forgive me

applesauce: you are forgiven

milesmorales: lmao what

call forth the rats: hey why is my nickname call forth the rats that is super uncool

call forth the rats: i asked for a super cool nickname miles >:(

milemorales: would you have preferred broke hobo spiderman

call forth the rats: i am married and have a daughter

margobabes<3: probably why miguel's ass yellin all night

applesauce: i actually would genuinely love to know why

gwandaa: mustve remembered the huge L mj gave him

milesmorales: or the fact that my dad still alive

call forth the rats: is nobody ready to move on from the fight its been two days already

margobabes<3: incorrect its still tuesday

call forth the rats: its three oh nine am, it is now a wednesday

margobabes<3: semantics

milesmorales: its a part of spidey history there is no moving on from it

pavprabhakar: okay who was going to tell me that instant ramen at 3AM is a cultural experience 

pavprabhakar: oh i thought you guys were not awake

pavprabhakar: nvm

gwandaa: cant sleep either pav?

pavprabhakar: cant when your punk is a hungry insomniac and just shoved a fridge through your bedroom window

milesmorales: he did what

margobabes<3: damn, i thought miguel's screaming actually reached all the way to your dimension

pavprabhakar: miguel is still screaming?

gwandaa: wdym 'still'?

milesmorales: hobie's at your house?

margobabes<3: pav, do you know why miguel acting up like that?

hobiebrwn: oh that was me dw

call forth the rats: DW?

call forth the rats: BUDDY, THIS IS MIGUEL WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN DW?

milesmorales: what happened to 'dont be scared of my friend miguel, he doesnt bite?'

gwandaa: of course it was you hobie

hobiebrwn: ay calm down mr. peter, he cant get me where i am, hes too nice for that

milesmorales: what happened?

pavprabhakar: this badir got pranked by lyla, who apparently does no wrong, and blamed it all on miguel

hobiebrwn: i glue gunned his hair to his pillow

margobabes<3: LMAO YOU DID WHAT

hobiebrwn: glue gunned his hair to his pillow :)

applesauce: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

margobabes<3: AYOOOO I CANNOTTT 💀💀💀

call forth the rats: i cannot either, this is bad

margobabes<3: lmaooo no wonder he mad

applesauce: i cant believe you actually did that

call forth the rats: same sentence but imagine me saying it in disappointment and fear

applesauce: me when they suggested to go after the spot

call forth the rats: oh come on i thought we were already done with that

applesauce: i clearly still am sour over it

milesmorales: *salty

gwandaa: same thing rlly

hobiebrwn: hey on the brightside hes never going to see the light of day for a while

hobiebrwn: makes for an extended breaktime

hobiebrwn: enough for a beach day

milesmorales: you made it sound like you killed him lol

hobiebrwn: i mean i couldve 

pavprabhakar: no

hobiebrwn: but paviar wont let me

pavprabhakar: exactly

penini: hooray, extended recess!

hobiebrwn: hiya peni, hows the taser coming along

penini: oh yeah, been meaning to ask miles if I could go get those spots already

milemorales: sure, come over tmrw, the sooner the taser done, the better

call forth the rats: still cant believe you agreed to it

applesauce: and whos fault is that

call forth the rats: okay

margobabes<3: bro folded real quickly 

hobiebrwn: damn mr. noir whatd you do to him

pavprabhakar: oh yeah mr noir, mr parker, forgot to ask, howd the dms go?

call forth the rats: terribly

applesauce: shut up

call forth the rats: felt like my wife was yelling at me again

milesmorales: poor peter, always getting dunked on by girlbosses

margobabes<3: lmaoo not the implication that noir is a girlboss

applesauce: whats that

call forth the rats: hey, i can be my own boss thank you

applesauce: want me to go in the living room and ask mj that

call forth the rats: no

applesauce: see, whatd i tell ya

margobabes<3: noir what are you doing in peter's dimension anyway

applesauce: nothing, just chilling

milesmorales: whats going on here noir? 🤨

applesauce: NOTHING is going on

call forth the rats: he said he came to hang out with mj and mayday but would not leave my room

call forth the rats: suspicious

call forth the rats: its like you want to steal something

gwandaa: @applesauce ???

applesauce: you know what, its 3am, we now know why miguel is mad

hobiebrwn: lmao yeah his hair looks like a balding rat

applesauce: so we should go to SLEEP

margobabes<3: bro finally got a bald spot from all the stress

applesauce: sleeeeep

gwandaa: bro's head got caught lackin

applesauce: SLEEEEEP

milesmorales: the hairline was already bad enough, hobie had just gotta go after his head too

applesauce: /SLEEP/

hobiebrwn: its propaganda bro, it distracts you from the truth

milesmorales: how many times have you told me that everytime you broke the rules

hobiebrwn: never

call forth the rats: okay everyone i think we should sleep now

call forth the rats: big day ahead of us

call forth the rats: bad guys to fight and miguels to evade

call forth the rats: good night!

milesmorales: nobody wondering what they even doing in peter b's dimension?

applesauce: go to sLEEP ALREADY

milesmorales: damn ok

gwandaa: night y'all

margobabes<3: wish me good luck, he still ragin

milesmorales: are his vocal chords not tired

margobabes<3: mans probably gonna just renew them with his lean, mean and green vaccine

gwandaa: *rapture shots

margobabes<3: uhuh

margobabes<3: gnnnnn

gwandaa: good night margo

milesmorales: what about me 🥺

gwandaa: good night miles

pavprabhakar: you can feel her roll her eyes fondly through the screen

gwandaa: GOOD NIGHT pav

pavprabhakar: 😛

hobiebrwn: welp, ive been busy all night, im gonna go kip down

pavprabhakar: you are eating curry and have done nothing productive but be a menace, you are not "kipping down" anytime soon

hobiebrwn: :)

pavprabhakar: but anyways good night

penini: oyasumi nasaiiiii!!!

☆☆☆

Spider Noir just wanted Peter B. Parker's kaleidoscope.

☆☆☆

7:03: A.M., Wednesday

'milesmorales' to 'pavprabhakar'

milesmorales: pav my broski

milesmorales: my bromo

milesmorales: my brotein

milesmorales: my brodeo

milesmorales: my brohan

milesmorales: my brochill

milesmorales: my brosicle

milesmorales: my broseph

milesmorales: my brocean

milesmorales: my brotastic brofessor

milesmorales: my han brolo

milesmorales: my broseidon

milesmorales: my bromance

milesmorales: my broba fett

milesmorales: my brohemian

milesmorales: my brotato chip

milesmorales: my brohammad

milesmorales: my brohan solo

milesmorales: my brohannah montana

milesmorales: my bromosexual

milesmorales: my bromosapien

pavprabhakar: it is ass o clock in the morning and we've known each other for three weeks

pavprabhakar: what do you want?

milesmorales: my brorannasaurus rex

milesmorales: my brorack brobama

milesmorales: oh youre finally awake!

milesmorales: any chance hobies with you?

pavprabhakar: the chutiya is sleeping like he didnt just commit an atrocious attempt to sabotage our boss' good hair day

pavprabhakar: why you askin?

milesmorales: okay

milesmorales: so peni and i are going to go get the spots

pavprabhakar: the spots what?

milesmorales: the /spots/, period

pavprabhakar: my bad, go on

milesmorales: right, so when we got to the atm, it was no longer there

pavprabhakar: where did the atm machine go?

milesmorales: exactly, thats the problem, so we tried to locate where it went

milesmorales: im sorry did you just call an atm an atm /machine/

pavprabhakar: yeah?

milesmorales: thats what the m in atm stands for: machine

milesmorales: this coming from the guy who stresses over chai tea

pavprabhakar: okay my bad, can we go back to the main topic please

milesmorales: i cannot believe the guy who stresses that CHAI is TEA is saying atm machine 

pavprabhakar: miles

milesmorales: whats next, who organization

pavprabhakar: miles please

milesmorales: cia agency

pavprabhakar: MILES

milesmorales: 😛

milesmorales: so anyways, peni tracked the atm (i dunno how, its peni) and we found out that its in a safe under the fbi

pavprabhakar: oh

pavprabhakar: wait, when did the government decide to get involved

milemorales: im getting there

milesmorales: anyhow, since its the fbi, its locked real tight, so peni tried to get past through it, but unfortunately big robots are very detected in there, security scanner or not, so peni cant blow it up discreetly, and there are no codes or panels to crack

milesmorales: the atm is just literally in a glass in the middle of nothing and requires a bridge to get to it, but only it requires an fbi agent's registered fingerprint to operate the bridge manually, and the lever apparently detects foreign dna, which is no problem for two spidey people, but only one of us can swing without needing a robot

milesmorales: my guess is the alchemax are somehow in on it because i dont think the fbi are that advanced that they could create dna detecting levers, to the point that even peni doesnt understand how it works, and shes smart, so we need some real thievering, and since you and hobie already have experience stealing

pavprabhakar: ahh, i see. you want me and hobie to help you and peni

milesmorales: yes pleasee, four people better than two

pavprabhakar: oh would you look at that, he woke up

milesmorales: thanks for waking him pav

pavprabhakar: oh no, i didnt

pavprabhakar: i mean i was going to, but apparently the "smell of anarchy" woke him up instead

milesmorales: what

pavprabhakar: madlad miles good to wake up to the smell of anarchy in the morning hows the spot hunt going

milesmorales: that doesnt sound like something you would say hobie

pavprabhakar: too bad, im making it something i would say right now

milesmorales: :l 

milesmorales: well to answer to your question, we found it locked under fbi

milesmorales: come steal it please?

pavprabhakar: on our way, bruvva, you and peni hang tight

pavprabhakar: see you miles

milesmorales: hooray! see ya guys!

☆☆☆

7:08 A.M., Wednesday 

'margorie antoinette the IVCX' to 'gwenola bar the white'

margorie antoinette the IVCX: i smell shit cooking up without us

gwenola bar the white: i will never get over how your spidey senses are so attuned to drama

margorie antoinette the IVCX: you know it

margorie antoinette the ICVX: meet up same spot? 

gwenola bar the white: meet up same spot

gwenola bar the white: tell me all the deets there!

margorie antoinette the ICVX: sure sure! <3

gwenola bar the white: ♡

☆☆☆

"Alright, Peni?" 

"Morning, Miles!"

That's what the brit and Pavitr said as they exited the portal. Peni and Miles had relocated to the roof of the FBI headquarters for the sake of making the meeting inconspicuous.

As about as inconspicuous as they can be when you're meeting up with huge giant fucking robot and punk disco lights.

"Hobie, Pav! Good to see you guys again!" Miles greeted them with open arms. 

"Hello, guys! Thanks for dropping by!" Peni's robot greeted them with open arms.

The four had a hug, with the disco lights just leaning into the touch and not contributing any warmth. Peni's robot lifted them off the grounded.

After their happy little somewhat reunion, Miles repeated the gist for Hobie, who listened nonchalantly, not really bothered about adding one more crime to the many ones he's committed.

"Ay, well, nothing like a bit of anarchism for breakfast in the morning, hey?" Hobie, all pumped about the R&R: robbery and relaxation, said. 

"Does he always become like this when anarchy is involved?" Miles, who doesn't know a fraction of it, asked.

"Man, you don't even know the half of it," Pavitr, who knew the whole of it, answered.

"Well, let's get going then, guys!" Peni, who is there, cheered.

The four broke into the headquarters with more ease than Miguel had when he tried replacing his bald spot with a wig (Lyla kept on deleting it once he placed it on his head perfectly. I guess you could say: wig snatched). 

Of course, there was the trouble of an FBI agent or security guard happening to see them, but they just webbed them out of the way and moved on.

Except for one.

"Hobie, what did you do, I said no killing!"

"What? He looked like an important person, you know how I react around important persons!"

"Oh my god, how are we even going to hide the body?"

"I'm guessing he really does this a lot when high on anarchy, huh."

"He does. It can give anyone a migraine."

"Don't even exaggerate it like that, sunshine, it was just a reflex. 'Sides, America now has one less politician to deal with."

"We don't even know if it was a politician."

"Ooh, I have a suggestion! I can vaporize the body like it was never there."

"How? Your robot's not here."

"Nope, but I brought its arm with me. Its detachable, don't worry. I'm gonna vaporize it now."

"You're my absolute favorite, Peni."

"Aw, thanks!"

"Watch out, Peni, Hobie's gonna start taking advantage of your leniency."

"Oh shut up, man, I'm not the government."

"Mmhm. Oh hey look, a bagel!"

One murder and two bagel breaks later they reached their destination. The three spiders stuck to the ceiling, Peni on Pav's back because "he's the comfiest spiderman."

You know, you'd think for an organization like the FBI, they'd guard top secret information with their life, but I guess if you're lax and only think about human adversaries, you wouldn't even post at least one guard at the entrance to the prize.

Spider Man is not human.

"So its just that lever then?" Hobie asked.

"Mmhm," Peni hummed in agreement. "I thought it'd be linked to a panel or something so that whoever made it could operate or install its programa and data, but no, not even a drive that could be inserted in a computer." She pulled out her robot's arm and scanned the lever to prove her point. Schematics and data popped out as soon as the scanning was done.

"Our guess is Alchemax, like I told you, Pav," Miles reiterated. "Although I don't know what they want with the FBI."

"Maybe they're restarting from scratch, although I wouldn't call all this scratch," Pavitr shrugged.

"Cheeky buggers, the lot of them," Hobie quipped. "Let's go get it."

They swung over onto the ceiling and started crawling towards the ATM. As soon as they were above it, they jumped down on to the platform.

"It's almost too easy," the brit muttered. "I'd half expect an alarm to start popping off once we touch this glass pane."

"The lengths they went to get to this level of security," Pav clicked his tongue. "Wonder what they want with The Spot, cause what else would they secure this machine for?"

"To withdraw money," Miles joked. "Come on, let's get a sample."

He nodded at Peni, who readied her arm— the robotic one, mind you. But before she could even touch the glass, Hobie stood in her way.

"Or how about we just steal the whole thing and bring it back to Peni's? Y'know, for safekeeping and for her to experiment on?"

"You know we don't really need to do that right?" Pav questioned.

"Just think about it: if the Alchemax is really involved in this, then us stealing this knick knack would be defeating them and the government. It's a solid deal!" Hobie reasoned.

The three spiders looked at each other questioningly, then back at Hobie, who looked like he just killed the president. He probably did.

"Meh, I guess it wouldn't hurt to have this little side trip," Miles said.

"I don't mind having another doodad back at my place," Peni smiled.

"Eh," was all Pav said.

"You guys are great," Hobie commented and turned to smash the glass with his guitar.

"HOBART BROWN!"

"DUDE!"

"I thought he was an expert in stealing? Stealing usually means being sneaky right?"

"Loose up, you people," Hobie dismissed. "I'm just making a statement."

"Oh, does that statement happen to be, 'Hello, we are stealing something very valuable to you guys, you have to come to our location!'?" Pav chided.

"Dude, maybe come off the anarchy high, yeah?" Miles suggested. 

Hobie was too busy trying to put the ATM inside his pocket to listen.

"You can't hold it like that, your hand will just go inside the hole. Here, let me help," Peni instructed.

"Are we just gonna ignore the fact that he probably alerted at least a dozen guards to our location?" Miles worried.

"Not us, just him," Pavitr sighed and went over to help.

The doodad was a bit of a lightweight thanks to all the holes The Spot gave it, but there was the problem of smuggling back out the headquarters. As far as they were concerned, the ceiling went to another floor of the building, and the non-existent ground beneath them leads to nothing. 

"We have to hurry and find a way to transport this, or else we would be spotted," Miles said, pun unintended. They'd use the watch's portal to transport the damn thing to Peni's world, but they refuse to go through the loopyhole in between Mile's world and Peni's with a whole damn ATM, and even then, they'd still have to go back for Peni's robot, which may be stolen or held hostage during their migraine-inducing trip between dimensions. They dont even know how the portal would react to The Spot's holes, and they don't exactly have a stabilizer with them. All the stabilizers are with Miguel and Jessica, who was at her dimension having family time, and it'd be rude to disturb them. As for Miguel— nobody wants to touch Miguel with a ten-foot pole, except maybe Hobart.

That was an absolute no-go.

In the end, they decided to just drag it with them, Miles and Pav being in charge of the ATM, with Hobie and Peni up front on the look out. They probably should've brought a map with them, or at least bother to memorize the entire complex, because when they tried to go back the way they came, there were more agents and staff than before, obviously alerted by the crash. So they took a left, then a right, then a left, down the stairs, another left, and now they don't know where they are.

What they do know is that the green lights were a bad design choice.

"Hobie, where are we?" Peni asked.

"I haven't got a scooby doo, Pens," Hobie admitted.

"Wow," Pavitr said. "Thanks for making this harder than it should be, Bie."

"Eh, well, if we do get spotted, then at least I've got an excuse to start brawlin'," the brit shrugged.

"That just made me more determined to not be spotted."

"Where's that door at the end of the hallway lead to?" Peni genuinely wonders.

Sure enough, there was a door at the end of the hallway. No knob, just its rectangle silhouette so that you know that it's a door.

"Um, you know what, freaky green atmosphere, ominous hallway, door being the only thing at the end, we should probably just try our luck with the watch," Miles said.

"You watch too many horror movies, mate. Come on, let's just find a way out of here," Hobie prompted and started walking towards the door.

The others, torn between just standing in the hallway waiting for someone to find them and following Hobie into what could potentially be a trap, followed Hobie into what potentially could be a trap.

As soon as the neared the door however, their spidey senses started popping off.

"See? Ominous hallway is correct! We should just turn around and go…"

Unfortunately for Miles, the door was a motion sensor door. So it opened.

Just like in every cliché movie, the spideys were blinded momentarily by the bright light as the door slowly opened, which was very contrary to the moody hallway behind them. As soon as the blindness faded though, they were met with scientists who were busy sciencing.

Familiar scientists, who thankfully haven't noticed them yet.

"Well, isn't this familiar," Miles drawled, a not too fond memory popping up in mind.

"So we were right! The Alchemax were somehow in on this!" Peni said.

"Guess is they needed more access and legality to do their weird shit without drawing suspicion," Pav mused.

"Well, note to them, the green lights draw plenty suspicion," Hobie criticized.

"Hey look, there's an exit!" Peni pointed out. Sure enough, there was a door, with a handle this time, that had the sign 'EXIT' in big red letters at the top.

Convenient.

"So, speaking from experience," Miles started, "we do not wanna start walking amongst them. Everyone to ceiling, silently."

Everybody followed Miles' instruction.

"So what's the plan?" Pavitr asked. "We can't just hop down and exit our way out of here, can we?"

"Yeah, well, I already thought of that," Miles offered, quite proud of himself. "See, we just keep crawling across the ceiling, and hope against hope that the scientists below won't catch us."

He webbed a doodad and brought it back to him. "Then, when we're near the exit, I turn invisible, jump down and throw this goober far away from us, and once their attention is directed to the thing, I opened the door and signal you guys to bust the hell out of here."

"What's the signal?" Peni asked.

"The goober crashing," Miles answered. "Cause I'm gonna throw it at that glass thingy over there."

"Hey, like I did with my guitar," Hobie mused.

"Yeah, but this is time its for our convenience, not our inconvenience," Pavitr said.

"You're a worry wart, you know that?" Hobie chuckled. "You've got that Pav-level luck of yours, so you of all people shouldn't be worrying."

As soon as he said that, the universe gave them a reason to start worrying.

"Oh my god, look, there's four Spider-men up in the ceiling!" A scientist, who for some reason wanted to looked up at the ceiling, pointed out.

"I'm a Spider-girl!" Peni made her statement clear.

"Is it a bad time to mention that the luck only extends to me?" Pav wondered seconds before a laser was aimed and shot directly at where they were sticking.

"Terrible timing, love. Move!" Hobie called out as he swung away from the lasers, stepping on each scientist's head as he dodged all the shots, deflecting what he couldn’t sidestep with his guitar. Being the dramatic punk that he is, he did a double backflip and landed on a couple of crates, then striked his guitar with a pose. This caused a couple of very breakable jars and vials to break.

"That was my life's work!" one of the Alchemax guys yelled out in devastation. He grabbed the nearest weapon (in this case a microscope) and ran after the Spider-Punk, who just leaped out of the way with a riff. Even if he didn't, the scientist wouldn't have gotten him anyway because Miles flew in with a spin kick to the guy's face. He wouldn't be waking for a while.

"Maybe find another work to waste your life on, buddy," he joked.

"Take care of the ATM!" Miles yelled out as he dodged an employee's ill attempt at throwing a punch and returned the favor with a chair to the stomach.

"I'll do it, you guys keep fighting!" Peni yelled out, grabbing the ATM from Pavitr who was frantically dodging around with grace, and immediately ran towards the exit, shooting anyone in her way with her robot arm. "Cover me!"

Hands now free from carrying any heavy burden, Pavitr backflipped with each laser shot burning into the space where he last stood. His spidey senses conveniently alerted him to a scientist behind his back, so he naturally pulled himself close to the floor as soon as he was on his hands in the middle of a backflip and grabbed the scientist with his legs, then throwing the unfortunate soul into the midst of the laser-shooting frenzy. It was almost like bowling: he crashed into a couple of armed work friends.

Immediately after that, Pavitr webslinged himself across the room, taking care of any scientist that dare interrupt Peni with either a bangle to the face or a web to the throat. He may have hanged a guy or two.

Hobie and Miles were having fun in the back, more fun on Hobie's part than Miles, who was happily kneeing Alchemax workers in the stomach or shoving their "life's work" down their esophagus. Miles was more convenience than fun: web them to the floor, shock them if they refuse to stay put. 

"We should go help Peni and Pav!" Miles suggested as he stuffed a man into an icebox. 

"Way ahead of ya, blud!" Hobie swang past him with a screaming scientist in a chokehold.

They joined Pavitr in putting down more of the attackers, but its seems that for every man they web, ten more take their place. Sure enough, guards swarmed into the room. Some asshat must have called for back up.

"There's too many of them!" Pav yelled out as he webbed dozens of scientists together and used them as his own DIY human bangle. 

"Plenty enough, I'm having a feast!" Hobie was thrilled.

"We should focus more on getting out than on attacking!" Miles reminded them.

"That might be a challenge, they're swarming the exit!" Peni called their attention.

"Madarchodd…" Pavitr muttered under his breath.

Like Peni said, the exit was being swarmed by really really armed soldiers, all set with shields and everything, not fazed at all by the presence of four Spider-people or why are they even guarding the door against them.

Probably hired by Alchemax.

"Just keep moving!" Miles commanded, sticking to a swinging hanging light with a table in a hand, swiping the bad guys and blocking their attacks.

"Duck!" Pavitr called out as he swung a huge robot something (it was probably in the works, which is why none of them could figure out what it is) to knock out hundreds of them at the same time. But more kept coming.

"We're not gonna make it!" Peni yelled as she held on tight to the ATM, almost crushing it with the force she was using to hug it, and it was already pretty deteriorated thanks to the spots all over it.

"We have to!" Miles raised his voice to be heard above all the commotion. Pavitr shot a web down somebody's throat (it was their fault since they were screaming out loud). Hobie lopped a guy's head off with his guitar. Peni shot a man in the solar plexus. Miles punched someone. It seemed like they were actually going to make it, but then a giant cyborg-looking bot stepped in their way. 

A scientist cheered in the background.

"I should've just brought my damn robot," Peni grumbled.

Pavitr sucked in air between his teeth, "Khotey ki aulad."

The giant robot aimed its laser barrel arm at them, and the sound of it gearing up to fry teenagers could be heard. 

It never was able to shoot them though, because suddenly its arm was chopped clean off. 

Margo's avatar materialized next to the fallen robotic limb.

"Now there's five of them!" a guard yelled, then promptly got knocked out with a kick to the throat.

"Make that six," Gwen smiled as she admired her handiwork.

"You guys came!" Peni cheered. "Wait, how did you know we're here?"

"Thank Margo's spidey sense," Gwen smirked. "She lives, and I mean lives, for the action."

"What would you boys do without us?" Margo clicked her tongue as she leaned against the laser arm.

"Die."

"Blow them up."

"Live."

"You guys are amazing!"

The shock the newcomers inflicted in the enemy wore off, and it was a battlefield again. Margo yelled at the four to keep moving while she and Gwen dealt with the robot, who was using his now-useless arm as a weapon. He did not use it for long, though, because Margo lept into the air, tucked her legs in, started spinning down and crushed the arm into bits by webbing it towards her and absolutely demolishing it with a kick.

The robot, vulnerable over the loss of a weapon, also earned the loss of a head as Gwen webbed its singular eye that was gearing to beam a wide range laser at them, blocking the hole and blowing up his head as a result. Apparently that wasn't its weak spot since it was still moving and swing its good arm around. However, without sight to guide it, it was swinging it around in vain, so Margo and Gwen just webbed its good arm to the floor, and as Gwen ripped the arm off the robot, Margo turned the poor machine into a donut. As if doing that wasn't enough for her, she filtered her way inside the big guy and ripped out the wires in it. 

The robot is now no longer functional.

The two girls fist bumped and joined the others in brutally damaging their adversaries, and were now able to go to the exit with ease. There probably was the prospect of the guards, but Hobie and his vendetta against cops easily took care of them, webbing a couple of time bombs to their heads and blowing them up.

As to be expected from Hobart Brown.

"Dude, that was sick!"

"Thanks, bro!"

"No, I literally mean it was sick."

"Don't worry Miles, you've got time to get used to it."

"Peni!" Margo yelled out to the little spider girl. "Catch!"

She threw a stabilizer at her, which Peni catched with ease. The girl stuck it to the ATM, and its familiar holographic red glow enveloped the thing.

"Alright, let's make a dimension hop for it!" Gwen yelled out.

"Wait, my robot!" Peni worried.

"Figures," Margo said. "Don't worry, I located it and brought it back to your dimension."

"Oh. Okay then. Thanks a lot! Let's go!" Peni was grateful.

Pavitr tapped on his watch to attune its location to Earth 51778. The sickening orange, red, and blue of the portal showed up, and they all braced themselves for a headache-fulfilling trip. Peni threw the ATM into the portal, and they all followed after, some bullets following in after them, but others missing with their Stormtrooper style aim.

The scientists watched dejected as the portal closed and their stray lasers flew into the air.

One may have hit a bagel store.

☆☆☆

"Aw, mate, that was wildin' back there!" Hobart, who hasn't seem to come down from the high yet, cheered.

"Yeah, it was!" Peni agreed, huffing and puffing from the exhaustion that was getting to her as she plopped down on a bean bag chair.

Everyone was huffing and puffing from the exhaustion that was getting to them as they plopped down on respective bean bag chairs. Except Hobart, he was squatting on the floor.

"I cannot believe you guys were going to steal something without us. Like, seriously, I thought you guys would include us when you get yourselves into trouble. This is a betrayal of the highest order!" Margo complained.

"What she said," Gwen huffed. "Is there anything to drink here, Pens?"

"I got a couple of juice boxes. How about that?"

"Sure," Gwen affirmed. "I'll take it."

Peni popped the robot's arm back into place and hopped back inside her comfort zone as she went on the hunt for juice boxes.

"Okay so first off, we weren't planning to call you guys, we being Peni and I," Miles started explaining. "But then the ATM was for some reason not where I last remembered it. So Peni tracked it, we found it under an Alchemax-infested FBI, we called Hobie and Pav because they have experience stealing things and there were some complications. Of course, things got out of hand, you guys came, and now we're here."

"And it seems that you brought the machine with you," Gwen observed.

"Yup. Hobie said it was so that the Alchemax would have a huge loss. It was a hassle, but I guess that's Spideys 1, Bad Guys 0."

"How'd you know to bring a stabilizer anyway?" Pav asked. 

"Spidey sense. Very very advanced," Margo lazily pointed at her temple as she counted the starlights on the ceiling. Somewhere between Mile's recap and Gwen's observing she transitioned from her avatar to her real good ol' normal self.

"I got the juice boxes! They're apple flavored!" Peni announced as she came back with a carton full of juice boxes.

"Intense flashbacks," Pavitr mused. 

"Shut up, man," Hobart lightly punched his shoulder.

As soon as Peni set down the carton, everybody's stomach started grumbling.

"So, uh, has anybody actually eaten breakfast before starting their morning with daily crime fighting?" Gwen questioned.

The answer was clearly no.

"There's a pancake house somewhere near here, let's go get breakfast there!" Peni suggested. 

"Fine by me. Uh, let me change first?" Miles rhetorically questioned. Everybody was still in their suit, except Margo, who was sporting pajamas.

Everyone looked at Margo.

"Uggh, fine," she relented. She snapped her fingers and hologrammed her friends some casual clothing.

"Hooray for Margo!" Pav exclaimed. "Now let's go eat, I'm starving and will start chowing on that ATM if we don't leave anytime soon."

"Hey look at that, you finally called it as it is," Miles commented.

"Do you think they sell instant ramen there?" Hobart wondered.

"It's a pancake house, there is no ramen in there," Margo rolled her eyes.

"The real question is if they come in different flavors," Gwen stated.

"Nope, just the toppings," Peni told her.

The six spiders walked over to the pancake house to eat their fill.

☆☆☆

8:09 A.M., Wednesday 

'adoption center'

applesauce: @everyone are you guys alright? i sensed something was off

applesauce: hello?

applesauce: guys?

applesauce: guys!

☆☆☆

Back at Earth 90214, Applesauce was worrying about his chaotic children.