where'd all the time go
Steve stood there in his room holding the last box of all his belongings, staring at the empty walls, thinking of all the memories this places holds. These memories are soon to just be ghosts that haunt this house, his home, Steve doesn't want to leave. He looks off into the little window slightly off the ground, a nook if you will, that Steve liked to call the ‘nest’ because on cold autumn nights he would grab all his blankets, pillows and stuffies and curl up and just watch the leaves fall on to the pavements below - his mum called this nesting. The nest was where he had his first kiss, where he said his first ‘i love you’, where he first snook off to go to a parties at Peggys. Peggy… he was going to have to leave Peggy- his love, his best girl … Steve was shit at goodbyes but he really didn't want to do this one. They had decided that breaking up would be the best idea if Steve was moving back to america, Peggy didn’t believe in long distance, she is too practical for that delusion. He was meant to be going to meet her right now to say their last goodbyes before he left for America, but he couldn’t move it was like his feet were stuck to the ground, like his body- his heart was telling him ‘no’.
“Hey Stevie, we have to go in 5 otherwise we are going to be late” his mum said,
as she turned the corner to his room, she leaned against the door frame, her dress slowly blowing from the breeze coming from the old english styled windows, she had a soft smile on her face arms crossed looking at Steve. Steve turned, still not moving from the spot his feet where glued to.
“Okay mum, I’ll be right down” he whispered,
truth was Steve didn't want to leave - this wasn't his plan, he wanted to go to oxford university with Peggy and study fine art…but his dads job needs him back in America, and Steve got a scholarship at MIT to study Brain and Cognitive Sciences, that his dad set up for him, Steve didn't even get a say in the matter.
This really pissed Steve off because not only was his dad uprooting his life for a SECOND time, making him move away from everything he knows and loves (even though he is 19 and could live in a flat with Peggy alone - which he explained to his parents but his dad was having none of it), but also he was being forced to study something he has no interest in because its a more ‘stable and practical’ set up for his future.
Steve was getting angry just thinking about it, but Sarah (his mum) could sense this, so she slowly walked over to her son, took the box from his hands and placed it on the floor, she slowly wrapped her arms around his muscular waist (this still shocked her because until very recently Steve had always been this skinny little guy but since puberty hit he didn't stop growing) and brought him into a hug. He maybe taller than her now her head only going up to his chest but she stroked her sons head trying to calm him down.
“I know its hard sweetie and I know your life is here but think of all the new adventures you are going to have, all the new friends you can make”
’new friends’ was a stretch, Steve didn't really have any friends over here, he only really had Peggy. He spends most of his time studying or playing on his switch… all his ‘friends’ are just Peggys friends - they just tolerate him because hes dating her.
“You never know you might see someone there that you knew before we moved to England, you are an American honey, born and raised for 9 years. You are strong and cleaver, you can do whatever you set you mind to” - more like whatever dad sets his mind to- “now come on, I’ll get this box. You just get your butt in the car before your dad has a fransy about being late.”
Steve sighed but agreed, finally peeling his feet off the ground following his mum out the door, turning around for one last look at his home before closing the door, locking in all those ghosts.
Steve slides into the back seat of his dads car closing the door behind him, his mum turns around and gives him a knowing smile.
“Okie Steve, we’re going to drop you off at the cafe and you’ll have an hour to say goodbye to Peggy before we have to leave for the airport.”, his dad said very matter of factly, Steve nodded and looked out the window looking at his house as it got smaller and smaller until they turned the corner.
That's it. Its over. He’s never going back there. He’s going ‘home’. He watches as they pass his old school, pass the park Peggys friends would invite him to hang out at, pass the corner shop he would buy drinks from because he looked the oldest and his ‘friends’ wanted a drink, pass the library where he spent most of his time, passed the street he got beat up at multiple times… all clearly fond memories.
They finally reached the quaint highstreet lined with charity shops and hairdressers, with a few different cafes dotted around. They slowed down in front of ‘Les Paris Cafe’, which is where Steve and Peggy had their first date almost 6 years ago - Steve smiled thinking back to the memory: small, skinny, awkward 13 year old Steve anxiously fiddling with his coat zip too scared to take Peggys hand as they walked out of the cafe. Wow, how far they had come! Steve thought, briefly, about where they could go to and where they could do it one last time before he left- but he fought against it knowing that it wasn’t right and wasn’t fair on Peggy or himself.
“Okay Stevie, we’ll be back here at 1:30 to come pick you up. Don’t be late.”, Sarah said, as Steve opened the door to step out, he nodded his head and closed the door. He felt the same as he did all those years ago, just as scared, just as anxious, with and additional feeling of dread and sadness. He waited just outside the cafe, next to the wide window letting you see into the busy atmosphere of the cafe.
“Hey Steve…” said a calm, slightly sad voice from behind him. He turned around to see Peggy, his Peggy, standing there, eyes looking over every part of him like she was trying to memorize everything for the last time.
She came in for a hug, pressing tightly around Steves waist, Steve squeezed back just as tight. He was taking in everything he could: how she smelt of roses; her soft brown hair was blowing in the breeze slightly tickling his face; the way she only squeezed tighter when he did; the way he could hear her heart beating against his chest. He loved everything about her, and she loved everything about him, she didn’t want to let go not ever, but she knew that this was for the best and that long distance never worked. She thought ending things mutually, on a healthy note, instead of months down the line where one of them has broken the other persons heart from cheating or arguing because they haven't talk properly in months. It just wouldn’t work.
Steve pulled away first, still not fully unwrapping her from his strong grip, he looked at her chocolate brown eyes and said just above a whisper, “Shall we go in?”, Peggy reached for his hand and pulled him inside. They sat down in a booth right in front of the window, having a nice open view of the world below them.
They order their drinks and talk for a while not ever really mentioning the elephant in the room, neither one of them wanting to acknowledge the reality. Until Peggy reaches out and places her hands in the middle of the table, red nails slightly sparkling in the sunlight, indicating for Steve to take them. So he did just that, his hand fully encapsulating hers, he squeezed them and pointed his attention to Peggy.
“I know we had this plan, this plan that we would go off to university together and live in a small apartment… maybe get a cat… and live a quiet life loving and caring for one another. I truly do love you, more than you will ever know, I think you are the most handsome and sweetest man to walk this earth and I’ve been so lucky to have been able to call you mine for six years. I don’t want to tarnish what we have by trying to make long distance work, I want to remember you as the beautiful, strong, caring, loving guy who could never hurt me. I have to stop being so selfish though and let someone else be as happy as you’ve made me. I’ll always be here for you, you were my best friend before you were my boyfriend and I won’t let distance change that.” Peggy said never breaking eye contact with Steve once to show she meant every word of it.
She had tears in her eyes and so did Steve, he gave a little sniff before saying, “Oh Peg, my best girl, I don’t think I will ever love someone as I love you. I’m going to miss you more than anything, I’ll message you everyday and make sure you know I got there safe. You truly are so beautiful.” Steve kissed her hands and leaned in to wipe away the tears that had started to fall down Peggys soft, pink cheeks.
He stood up, keeping his hand in hers and lead her outside into the cold autumn air, he kept walking until he reached the park next to the cafe and pushed her against a tree kissing her passionately.
Peggy, at first surprised, didn’t react until Steve wrapped one hand around her face and let the other one drift down her lower back. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed back just as hard, she closed her eyes taking in the sensation of his lips on hers, the way he tasted like strawberries from the slice of cheesecake he had earlier, she loved the way he pushed further into her trying to feel every part of her body. Steve slowed down the kiss, moving his hands up and down her body trying to memorize all of her, he could feel himself getting hard as she softly licked his bottom lip for entry, he gladly accepted and parted his lips. He could taste the coffee on her tongue as they danced around each other.
After what felt like eternity, they heard a loud *beeeeeeppppp*, breaking them from their trance they jumped and turned to where the noise was coming from. Steve let go of Peggy instantly, whipping his mouth slightly before noticing it was his parents.
“Oh shit! It’s half one already?!” He said more to himself than Peggy, Peggy gave a polite wave to the direction of the car before she put her hand on Steves lower back telling him, silently, that it was time to go.
They walked back up to the park entrance, Peggy turned to Steve planted a soft kiss on his cheek before saying “I’m going to miss you Cap” and Steve whispered back “you’ll always be my best girl”.
Peggy then turned to Steves parents with a smile on her face, “Have a safe trip, Mr and Mrs Rogers” before waving, she stepped back letting Steve get into the car.
“Good to see you again Peggy, thank you.” Sarah said with a sympathetic smile, as his dad started to slowly drove off in the direction of the airport.
That was it. It was actually over. Steve could feel the prick of tears starting to form but refused to acknowledge them as he looked out the window.
—-------------------------------------
Bucky's pov
“Pass the Doritos dude”, Clint asked, kicking Bucky lightly in the leg to get his attention.
Bucky chuckled to himself and leaned over to pass the bag of chips to his friend. Clint had come over uninvited, like he usually did on weekends, he came offering weed and snacks so how could he deny his best friend.
Clint always came over to Buckys because his parents were never home and they could be as annoying and loud as they wanted. Plus Clint loved Bucky's room, it was small only able to fit a queen sized bed and a closet - Bucky had figured out a way to shove a desk between his bed and the wall so he could have a TV in his room to watch films and play games.
This made the room feel cosy and warm, he had posters cluttering the walls, Clint didn’t even know the true colors of them, fairy lights boarding his entire room radiating a soft glow. The side of his bed was pressed against a window that was never open because he didn’t like people looking into his room. His cat Alpine always curled up at the end of his bed leaving little balls of white fur around his room. Bucky loved this cat more than anything in the world, he would do anything for him.
Clint passed the bag of Doritos back to Bucky after shoving a handful into his mouth, “you haven’t got a lot of time to pack for college dude, how you going to pack your whole life up in two days?” Clint asked while taking a drag of his spliff, looking around Buckys room that he’s admired for so long.
“Well seems as you offered you can help, we can start right now if you want.” Bucky said as he reached behind him and threw a rogue pillow at Clint's head.
Clint groaned, passing the joint to Bucky before begrudgingly standing up, he pulled his phone out his pocket and started typing.
“If I have to help I’m getting Natasha in on this too, she’ll love to help…” Bucky gave a small laugh before turning on his bed to stand up next to Clint. Bucky quickly took the last drag and flicked the end into the homemade ashtray Nat had made him a few years back, before walking out his room to go grab some boxes.
“SHE’LL BE HERE IN FIVE”, Clint shouted from Buckys room.
“COOL THAT MEANS YOU CAN ORDER PIZZA FOR US WHILE I GET THE BOXES. SEEMS ITS YOUR FAULT WE’RE WORKING NOW! YOU’RE PAYING!”, Bucky shouted from down stairs going into the storage closet under the them to grab a few boxes.
“DON’T BLAME THIS ON ME! YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS BY NOW, I’M JUST TRYING TO LOOK OUT FOR MY BRO.” Clint pointed out laughing slightly, pulling up the dominos app on his phone anyway.
Not too long after Clint ordered the pizzas there was a knock at the door, this woke Alpine from her sleep making her jump from her spot on the bed next to Bucky before settling back down on his pillow. Clint jumped up off the floor where he was sitting, running down the stairs to open the door.
“Hey dumbass! Where's the other, slightly better looking, one?” Natasha said, shoving a bunch of flattened amazon boxes into Clint with a small smirk on her face as she walked in, Clint just rolled his eyes and closed the door behind her.
“NATALIA! ANGEL! COME UP, ALPINE NEEDS HER SNUGGLES” Bucky lazily shouted, from his room still laying flat on his bed not bothering to move. Natasha and Clint followed the sound of Buckys voice back to his room. Natasha scrunch up her face as she turned the corner to face Buckys room getting hit with the strong stench of weed.
“God Buck open a fucking window”, Nat said before reaching over Bucky and his bed to open it herself, “It stinks like shit up here, how are you dumbasses breathing?” she continues still with her scrunch up face.
Bucky lying flat on his back legs dangling off the side of his bed, looking straight up at the ceiling before his line of sight just became shadowed by Natashas face looking down on him,
“Look at that, not a single thought behind those eyes.” Nat said pointing at Bucky while looking at Clint defeated.
She sat down on the bed next to the window so that Alpine could climb on her lap for the snuggles she had been promised. Clint took a seat on the corner of the bed leaning his back against the wall carefully not to crease any of the pictures on the wall, he turned on the TV putting some random music on in the background.
“We’ll get to work packing all this shit up after we’ve had some pizza, I think Buck needs some energy before we start. It should be here in about 10 minuets” Clint said, looking at his phone to check the time, 6pm. Bucky gave them a thumbs up to show he is still present and aware of the plans.
He had been putting off packing- correction he had been putting off the idea of going to college all together. He had gotten into MIT, which still blew his mind, his parents had always said he was ‘the brainic’ of the family and that they never knew where he got it from, but he never thought he would have been accepted there, his dream college.
The thought of moving across states, away from Alpine, away from everything he’s ever known, was horrifying to him. He didn’t like to show this to anyone, or even himself, so he used procrastination as a way to not have to think about any of it.
He was lucky that Clint and Nat had also scrapped their way into MIT (barely), because they were Buckys true family and he was theirs. Clint and Nat didn’t really have any plans for the future and they didn’t mind just following bucky around - its not like MIT is a bad college to follow someone too anyway. So on Monday they were all shoving their belongings in the back of Natashas car and driving up to Boston together, ready to start their new lives.
There was a loud knock at the door, breaking Bucky away from his thoughts, Bucky slowly sat up, rubbing his face with the palms of his hands.
“You can go get it dude, I payed and you’re closest to the door” Clint pointed out, lightly jabbing Buckys back with his foot.
He quickly stood up, turning around to Clint as he walked out the room flipping him off with a smirk. Clint just laughed and flopped over to place his head on Natasha's lap, fighting Alpine for her attention.