My World Is You

It was Friday. 

Usually Peter hung out at Ned’s house or Ned came over and they played video games until the sun went down, only stopping to pee or shove more candy and chips in their mouths. 

But this Friday, Peter was sitting on the couch in the living room and pouting while refusing to eat his lunch. It wasn’t healthy because Tony knew he would refuse to eat even that. 

“Kid, you gotta eat.” Tony picked up the plate of shepherd's pie, Peter’s favourite meal. He would feed it to him if he had to. “If you want your body to heal, then you need to give your body energy to heal.” 

Peter covered his face with a pillow. “No. I’m not hungry.” 

Tony sighed and placed a hand on Peter’s thigh. “All you had today was milk and like two strawberries. It’s almost three. C’mon.” He waited for an answer but there was none. “Don’t make me do the airplane…” He teased. Peter took the pillow off his face to give his dad a death glare instead. 

“I’m not a baby, dad.” 

Tony still brought the spoon up to his lips and Peter moved his head away, lips clamped shut. “Peter. C’mon, take one bite then you’ll see how good it is.” 

“I’m. Not. Hungry.” 

“I. Don’t. Care.” Tony snapped back and forced Peter into a sitting position. He placed a pillow on Peter’s lap and placed the plate there. “Eat at least half.” 

Peter looked at the spoon then he looked at his arm in a cast and his wrist in a cast. He couldn’t do anything for himself and he definitely couldn’t eat so he pushed the plate off the couch, watching it clatter onto the carpet. He would have ran away but he couldn’t move. So instead he threw himself back down onto the couch and began sobbing. 

He expected his dad to yell at him. To tell him to clean it up. But instead there was a gentle hand rubbing his back but nothing was said to him. 

“What’s going on in here?” May walked into the living room to see the mess. Since coming home from the hospital yesterday, May and Tony haven't spoken any words to each other that weren't about Peter’s well-being and Tony wanted to keep it that way. 

He didn’t know if he wanted to stay with her. 

She cheated on him, lied to him for years, and broke his heart. 

He wasn’t Peter’s father. 

That was a fact Tony was coming to terms with. 

The boy he’s loved more than life itself, the boy he’d do anything for, the boy he raised wasn’t his. 

He still loved Peter of course, that hasn’t changed. But his love for May, the way he thought about her sure did. He just wasn’t sure what it meant yet. 

“It’s fine. He just got frustrated.” Tony tried to clean up as much of the food as possible, he’d do the rest later. He then dumped it in the garbage and filled up a small bowl of shepherd's pie, enough for about five bites but he knew the large amount of food overwhelmed Peter like it usually did. 

Tony knew him. 

If Peter was given a large portion of food, he became overwhelmed and refused to eat it. So Tony learned earlier on to give him small portions and Peter always finished it and asked for more. 

He walked back over to the couch and rubbed Peter’s back. “Hey. That was a reasonable way to express yourself, buddy. I understand that this is really hard for you but I want you to know that it’s temporary and you’ll get these casts off so soon. I can promise you that.” 

Peter shook his head. “I’m g-g-gonna have them on forever!” 

“No. You won’t. I promise you that.” 

After some coaxing, Tony managed to get Peter to sit up and get him to take a few bites of the food until it was gone. Tony didn’t praise him, not wanting to make it a big deal. 

He could see that Peter was annoyed and anything would set him off. 

“Would you want more?” 

Peter nodded, taking a sip of his grape juice. 

At least he was eating, Tony was grateful for that. 

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“So what the hell do you want me to do?! I’m doing everything I can to make sure that he heals and he doesn’t find out right now. He can’t.” Tony and May were fighting. 

They usually held off until Peter was asleep and he was practically sleeping all day today so that meant they fought a lot. 

It was Monday. 

Peter was healing quickly and rarely complained of pain but that just meant that he complained of not being allowed to walk anywhere if it didn’t hurt. Tony and May only allowed him to walk to the bathroom with supervised visits but Peter wanted to walk all around the house, even up and down the stairs which Tony caught him doing the other day when he left his sight for ten minutes. 

Then he told Peter no and Peter had an hour long crying fit. 

Tony knew it was just the built up emotions so he just let it happen and held him. 

Now, he was pissed off and annoyed. 

And incredibly hurt. 

“The longer we wait, the harder it’ll be.” May insisted. 

Tony rolled his eyes. “And if we tell him now? While he can’t even use the bathroom by himself, you think that’ll be better? He’s trying to heal after falling off a fucking cliff. A fucking cliff, May! And you still didn’t tell me how it happened. Were you too busy talking to other people?” 

May glared at him. “Are you serious?! I told you everything. What? Do you blame me?” 

Tony took a second to answer that. 

He asked himself that question a lot. “I don’t know. Sometimes. I just keep wondering how that could happen. He’s twelve. He doesn’t know any better.” 

“No. He should have. He’s twelve. Not five. He should know not to walk too close to the edge.” 

Tony ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “Exactly! He’s twelve. He’s a boy and boys his age are curious about everything. So of course he wanted to look over the edge. You should have been there to tell him to back away. This is on you.” 

Truth be told, if he never found out the truth, if Peter was still his son, Tony didn’t think he would be blaming May like he did. Or he maybe would have kept it in. But he was blaming her. He needed something to expel his emotions on. 

May turned to face away from him to start crying. “I’m sorry! You don’t think I hate myself for this! You don’t think I blame myself too? So how do you think it feels to hear that the father of our child hates me for it…” May froze just as Tony did. 

Tony felt so numb. 

“Only I’m not his father.” He stated. 

May looked at him. 

“He’s not my son, May.” 

“Tony-” 

“No. No, you cheated on me. And lied. Why couldn’t you have done a blood test once you found out you were pregnant and had two men you were sleeping with. You can’t tell me the thought didn’t cross your mind that… this other guy, wasn’t the dad?” May had yet to tell Tony who the other man was, who Peter’s real father was. 

“If I did, and if you knew Peter wasn’t yours when I was pregnant with him, would you have stayed?” 

Tony thought about that. He didn’t know. He would like to say that he would stay but honestly, he probably would have left. “That’s an impossible question to answer.” He was actually grateful May didn’t get the test done because then he would have never met Peter and raised him. 

May just stared at the ground. 

“Why did you do it? What did I do wrong to make you cheat on me?” May was silent so Tony slapped the table, making her flinch. “I deserve to know.” 

May was crying openly now. “I’m so sorry.” 

“You already said that.” Tony was annoyed. He wanted to know everything but he knew it would only hurt him even more. “Just tell me, May. Enough with the fucking games.” 

“I’m…” May stopped herself from saying it. “I don’t know. It was so long ago, Tony. It doesn’t matter.” 

“But it does!” He yelled then remembered Peter was sleeping upstairs in their bed, only a sound machine on to block out their argument. “He’s not mine. That’s my baby and… he’s not even mine. He’s some other guys.” Tony had to sit down. He couldn’t take this anymore. “Has Peter met him? When he was younger, recently? At all?” 

“Never. Peter has never met him.” 

Tony was grateful for that. He nodded and stood up. “I’m going to bed. I can’t do this anymore.” 

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Peter sat on the floor, propped up by pillows to make it more comfortable. 

The hardest part of not being able to use his hands wasn’t not being able to use the bathroom himself but it was the fact that he couldn’t play with legos. 

He was grateful to at least watch his friend play. He was also grateful Ned was able to come over after school for a bit on a Wednesday evening. 

Peter looked over at his parents in the kitchen. He noticed they were acting weird. 

He thought it was because he was hurt, maybe his dad blamed his mom for what happened to him. He didn’t know but he didn’t like how they were acting so weird. He just wanted to get his casts off and for everything to go back to normal. 

“Look at this.” 

Ned brought his attention back to the legos on the floor where Ned had separated the pieces they needed now and those for later. 

“Wow. Maybe I can try…” Peter attempted to put the piece on but he couldn’t so he groaned and threw it, the piece sliding into the kitchen. He hated this. “Dad. I need to use the bathroom.” He did but he also just wanted a break. 

Tony rinsed his hands and walked over, helping Peter to his feet and walking slowly behind him as they made their way into the bathroom where Tony shut the door and tugged down Peter’s pants and sat him on the toilet. “Poop or pee?” 

Peter stared at the ground. “Just pee.” He looked at his dad, seeing that he was looking at him with those sad eyes. He always looked sad these days. “Do you blame mom for what happened?” 

Tony didn’t expect to be asked that question. And definitely not from Peter. He kneeled down in front of him, knowing it was a bit awkward since Peter was currently sitting on the toilet but they were way past that. 

He didn’t want to lie to Peter. “I was so scared when I got the call that you were hurt. Then when I rushed to the hospital and saw them pull you out of the helicopter, I was scared I was never going to see you again. I am a little bit upset at your mom, but accidents happen and I’m trying to forgive her.” 

Peter narrowed his eyes at him. “So you do blame her?” 

Tony ran his fingers through Peter’s curls. “I’m trying to forgive her.” 

Peter nodded and looked down at his lap. “Are you mad at me? For-for falling?” 

“No, baby. No. Never. I could never be mad at you for that. Ever ever. I’m just so glad you’re okay.” He pressed a kiss to his temple and knew Peter was done now so he stood up. “Let’s go back so you can play with your friend before he has to leave.” 

Tony helped Peter get comfortable back on the floor then he left to give the boys some more privacy to play but still being close just in case Peter needed him. 

Him and Ned played in silence for a bit, both were enjoying each other’s company and too focused on building legos but then Ned interrupted the silence. 

“Did it hurt?” 

Peter looked at him. “What?” 

“Did it hurt?” Ned repeated. “You know… when you fell off the cliff?” The boy was too young to have a filter and understand how his question could hurt Peter. 

Peter looked down. He didn’t like to think about it much. He already had nightmares of falling almost every time he closed his eyes. Thankfully his dad hadn’t left his side since. 

“Yeah. Kinda.” 

“Oh. That must have hurt a lot.” 

Peter got a flashback of landing in the tree branch and feeling his bones shatter in his wrist and then landing on the rocks down below and screaming. Everything happened so fast. He tumbled down that hill, only stopping when his wrist got caught in the tree and that was enough to feel his bones shattering in his wrist. He nodded. “Yeah. It hurt. We should build a roof on this so it looks cooler.” He suggested, trying to change the subject. 

Ned didn’t take the hint though. “Was it scary? I would’ve been so scared. My mom and dad said it’s a miracle that you’re alive and that you should have technically died from that fall.” 

Peter looked towards the kitchen but he didn’t see his dad there to take him from this extremely scary and triggering conversation. He took a breath. “Well… I’m alive. I survived. And… I’m sorry, Ned, but I- I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” He looked at Ned. “I’m actually… kinda tired. I think-I think I’ll go to bed early tonight. Um,” 

Ned seemed to understand. “Oh. I’m sorry, Peter. I didn’t mean to make you sad. I was just curious. That’s all.” 

Peter nodded. He wished he could stand up to leave. “It’s okay.” He looked down, hating himself for making his friend angry at him. 

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Peter was finally excited about something. 

It had been almost two weeks since getting sent home and he was so over the casts. 

Now, they were waiting in the doctor's office to see if he was going to get his casts off. Finally. 

He was laying down on the bed, feeling the paper crinkle underneath him and the cold air run over his half naked body. He stared at the ceiling, hating the silence that passed over them. 

His parents rarely spoke to each other anymore and it wasn’t hard to miss. 

He saw the way his dad would leave the room whenever his mom would walk in and how even though Peter was fine now, his dad still slept with him every night and he hadn’t slept with his mom since the accident. 

Peter hated them acting so weird. 

He turned over on the bed and made eye contact with his dad. 

“You okay?” Peter nodded. 

“Are you?” Peter asked. 

His dad chuckled. “Yeah. Just eager to hear the news.” 

The door to the office opened and the doctor walked in holding the x-ray scans Peter just got taken. 

Immediately, Peter reached his hand out for his dad to take and Tony was right at his side, holding his hand, sensing that he needed the comfort. 

“Well, good news and bad news.” The doctor put the scans on the light box and Peter squeezed Tony’s hand the best he could with the cast on. “Good news is that the cast on Peter’s leg can come off. It has healed amazingly. The best I’ve seen in a long time. As long as there’s no pain when he walks on it, then it can stay off although still no jumping around too much. Your body still needs to heal.” 

Peter smiled up at his dad. He could finally walk properly again and not needing one of his parents to help him up and down the stairs or not being able to wear underwear because it couldn’t fit over the cast although he made his dad make one fit over the cast for today. It was either underwear or nothing. 

“And my other casts?” 

“Your arm cast can come off. It has healed amazingly too. The bones are in the proper places and I’m not concerned at all about it.” Peter squealed excitedly but Tony knew the bad news was coming now. “Now, Peter,” The doctor wheeled his chair up to be closer to Peter. “your wrist took the most damage. When you fell, your bones shattered into a bunch of tiny pieces that we had to put back into place during surgery. It will take a lot longer to heal and I’m afraid that even with physical therapy, you might not gain full function back in your hand.” 

Peter’s fearful face looked at his dad. “What does that mean?” 

Wow. Tony thought. How unfair. How fucking unfair. The thought of Peter not being able to ever gain function in his wrist again scared Tony so much. The poor boy didn’t need anymore pain for this lifetime. Tony didn’t want to be the one to tell him but Peter was looking at him to fix it and make him feel better. “Oh, buddy. It means that your wrist was really hurt. And it’s going to take a lot longer to heal. You will need to go to physical therapy for it.” 

“He will need to start physical therapy for his other injuries starting as soon as possible. I want him to be able to continue to heal properly.” 

Tears filled Peter’s eyes and he reached for Tony again with his broken wrist, soon he was going to be using both hands. Tony was happy he was getting his casts off but he hated that Peter might always have a permanent reminder of what happened to him. 

Tony helped him sit up and wrapped an arm around him. 

“Can we get these casts off today?” 

The doctor understood the emotional sensitivity of the situation and stood up, patting Peter’s back. “Yes. Someone will be in soon to get them off. We will be switching the cast on Peter’s wrist today but one will have to stay on. I’ll be back.” 

As he walked out of the room, Dr. Cho walked in. “How’s my favourite patient doing?” 

Peter wasn’t in the mood for anything other than getting his casts off. 

So Tony answered for him. “He’s getting his casts off now. Although he’s a bit upset that his wrist isn’t fully healed.” 

“It may never fully heal.” May added, from her spot in the far corner of the room. Peter looked at her then started crying harder. 

“Really, May?” Tony shook his head at her. That wasn’t necessary. 

“I’m sorry to hear that, Peter. It’s likely that the reason your wrist is so damaged is because it saved your life.” 

Tony looked at him. “What do you mean?” 

Dr. Cho looked away from the computer to look at Tony. “When he was brought into the hospital he was first taken to, they took him up for surgery and he had a camera strap wrapped around his wrist. Judging from the damage of his wrist, the camera got caught on a branch or a rock or something and slowed his fall down before he hit the bottom.” 

Tony felt the air leave his body. 

He had no idea. 

He bought Peter that camera for his birthday just weeks before. If he hadn’t given that to him, would his baby have hit the ground too hard. Would he have…

“Do you think it’ll heal? Fully heal?” 

“Given the proper time to heal and physical therapy, I don’t see why not.” 

Tony was relieved to hear at least some good news about it but he just wanted Peter alive and he was so everything after that was smooth sailing. They could work with that. Hopefully. 

“So I took a look at Peter’s brain scans from today and everything looks clear. Has he been complaining of headaches?” 

“No. None.” 

“Well, the other day he told me his head hurt. I gave him Tylenol and it went away.” May added and Tony snapped his head to look at her. 

“When was this? I didn’t know about this.” 

“It was the other day. Wednesday I think.” 

Tony narrowed his eyes at her. “Why didn’t you tell me? I had no idea about this.” 

“You were sleeping. You were up with him the whole night before and I wanted you to sleep in. It’s not a big deal.” 

Tony scuffed. “Not a big deal? So our son’s health isn’t a big deal?” Tony stopped. He wasn’t going to argue about this in front of Peter but he wasn’t going to drop it either. 

“Why were you up all night with him? Was he having trouble sleeping?” 

Tony turned to Dr. Cho, tightening his hold on Peter. “No… Uh, he had a stomach ache. He basically spent the whole night sitting on the toilet and I stayed with him.” 

Dr. Cho typed some stuff down. “How has his sleeping been? Full nine to ten hours? Nightmares?” 

Tony looked at May briefly. “He’s never been a good sleeper. He wakes up a lot throughout the night but he’s always been like that. And he’s always had nightmares but they definitely got worse since… the accident.” 

Dr. Cho typed that out. “Okay so I want you to take note of any headaches he has, eye strains, complaining of aches, Tylenol is okay but you should always tell your partner when a dose was given and how much so there isn’t a chance of overdosing him.” He directed that at May. “I’m going to see him for a check up again when he comes in for PT.” She stood up. “Otherwise I’ll see my favourite patient then. Bye, Peter.” 

“Bye.” Peter mumbled and laid his head on his dad’s shoulder. “I wanna go home now.” 

“Without getting your casts off first?” 

Peter barely smiled and Tony knew he was really tired and upset. 

A little bit later, two people walked in with equipment and Tony was so happy to finally have these things off. He wanted to move on from this. 

Peter leaned against his dad’s chest while they used a drill to cut the casts off. Tony covered his hands over Peter’s ears to help him remain calm. The whole process took about fifteen minutes and underneath his skin was all pink and raw. They wiped it down with a wet cloth but now that he could actually move his arm, fingers, leg and toes, a smile was on his face. 

He carefully stretched his leg out and turned on his knees to fully face his dad. “Look. Two legs. Two arms.” 

“Wow, baby. Look at you. I’m so proud of you.” Tony leaned over to kiss his forehead. “I love you so so much. So much.” 

Peter felt his heart bubble up inside. “I love you too.” 

His mom rubbed his legs. “Look at these legs. I forgot you had two.” Peter giggled. “I’m proud of you, honey.” 

“Thanks.” Peter turned to the two people who cut him free. “Thank you.” 

“You’re more than welcome. Now let’s get this one cut off. When it’s off, try not to move it, we will place a new one of you. A smaller one, it’ll be easier to move around but still keep it in place.” 

When it came off, Tony expected it to be all red and covered with stitches and maybe even scars but it looked perfectly fine. He held Peter a bit tighter. “Does it hurt?” Peter shook his head and carefully turned his hand over to reveal a pink healing surgical scar along his wrist. He tensed you and turned his head on his dad’s shoulder. “You’re okay. I’m here.” 

He didn’t care at that moment about getting a new, more comfortable cast on again. 

He just wanted to go home. 

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Tony opened up Peter’s bedroom door and saw him watching a YouTube video with his headphones in so Tony shut it and walked downstairs. 

He had to stop Peter from running up and down the stairs just because Peter could and he wanted to. So Tony gave him a cup of milk and told him to go do something quiet in his bedroom. 

Now Tony wanted to talk to May. 

“We should set some rules down. I know we’re not on the best of terms right now but you can’t be keeping things from me about my kid. He’s still my kid, May. I don’t care.” 

“I know. I didn’t keep anything from you.” 

“His headache. You giving him medicine. You don’t think I need to know that? Huh?” 

May slammed the plastic cup onto the sink. “I’m trying my best. I know this is my fault. Everything is my fault. I messed up. I didn’t really think about telling you. Okay? I’ve got a lot on my mind.” 

“You do?! What about me?” 

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.” 

Tony leaned against the counter, trying to gather his thoughts. 

“We need to tell him.” May said. 

Tony looked at her. 

“He deserves to know.” 

“I know he deserves to know.” Tony just didn’t want him to know. He was terrified that Peter was going to hate him and not want him to be his dad anymore. If Peter knew the truth, Tony was scared Peter would choose his real father over him. 

Maybe they would have some sort of connection or something. 

“But maybe we should wait.” 

“We waited until he got his casts off. We should tell him now. He’s not in a bad mood.” 

Tony looked towards the stairs. “I’m scared he’ll hate me.” May was silent for a long time so Tony looked towards her. Was this confirmation that Peter would in fact hate him? 

“Don’t think like that. Despite everything, you raised him. You’re all he's ever known.” 

Tony felt strong hatred towards May. 

He hated himself for feeling that way but he did. He felt like she betrayed him and Peter and in a way, she did. 

“Let’s go tell him now. He needs to know, Tony. It’s better we do it now and allow him time to accept this.” 

Tony had no idea what kind of affects this was going to have on Peter later in life. 

Would he develop depression, anxiety, abandonment issues? Tony was terrified of that. 

But May was right. They had to tell him because Peter deserved to know the truth. 

So they made three bowls of chocolate ice cream and headed upstairs, both of them taking calming breaths outside of Peter’s bedroom door in preparation. 

Then Tony knocked and opened the door, smiling at him. “Hey, buddy. Mom and I brought you ice cream.” Tony sat down on his bed, handing him a bowl. To be honest, Tony didn’t feel like eating ice cream but he wanted to make Peter feel as comfortable as possible. 

“Oh. Thanks. I can eat it in my bed?” Peter asked, sitting on his knees and looking at his mom who had a strict no food in the bedroom rule. 

Tony reached over to ruffle his baby soft curls. 

He didn’t have as many curls as he did when he was a baby but it was still just as soft. 

“Yeah. Go for it.” Tony smiled but it was sad. And he noticed Peter was sitting on his knees, something Tony hasn’t seen him do in a long time. “So,” He began, terrified of Peter knowing the truth. “mom and I wanted to talk to you.” 

Peter took a slow bite of his ice cream. “Oh. About what?” 

“Well, before we start, I just wanted to say that mom and I love you so very much. You’re our perfect little boy and nothing will ever change that. No matter what.” Dammit. Tony was going to start crying. “And I want you to know that I love you more than anything. And nothing will ever ever change that.” Tony tickled under his chin, getting a nervous laugh from him. 

“Dad. What is it?” 

“Well…” Tony looked at May. How the fuck does he tell his twelve year old son that he isn’t his father. He just had to start at the beginning. “When you had your accident and they brought you to the hospital, you were losing a lot of blood and you needed more. So I said that I would give you my blood but I had to get tested to see if I was a match. And I wasn’t.” 

Peter looked down. “Oh.” 

“But since they had to test my blood, they found something else.” Peter looked at him, fearful and Tony realized that he wasn’t doing a very good job at explaining this. Tony reached out to hold Peter’s hands, ice cream forgotten. “They found out that our blood doesn’t match.” Tony swallowed. “That means that biologically we aren’t related.” 

Peter’s face scrunched up. “What does that mean?” 

Tony looked at May who had tears in her eyes. 

“It means, baby, that I love you so much but… but you aren’t biologically my son. And I’m not biologically your father.” 

Peter pulled his hands away from Tony and Tony’s heart dropped. What did he do? He should have never told Peter. 

“I-I don’t understand.” Peter looked at May. “Mom?” 

“Baby. I’m so sorry. We wanted to tell you sooner but we wanted you to heal first and-” 

“No.” Peter backed away from them. “Is it true? Are-are you really not my dad?” 

Tony hesitated but nodded his head. 

Peter covered a hand over his face and started crying. He shoved his face into his bedding and cried. Both parents just looked at each other, not knowing what to do. 

“Peter-” 

“No!” Peter sat up and pulled away from Tony, giving him a look of betrayal. “You’re-you’re not my dad? I-I’m not yours?” 

Tony was trying so hard not to break down with Peter. “Biologically, no. In every other way, yes.” 

Peter didn’t seem to hear the second part. 

He got out of bed and took off running out of his bedroom.