Now where we do go
Tony raced into the bathroom in the hallway and locked the door behind him.
He placed his hand over his chest and felt his heart racing so he tried to calm down but he couldn’t so he turned the sink on and splashed his face with cold water.
Peter isn’t your biological son.
You aren’t Peter’s biological father.
Those words rang over and over again in Tony’s head.
Peter wasn’t his.
He looked at himself in the mirror, suddenly hating the reflection staring back at him.
Then he thought about what this meant.
May cheated on him.
Did she know?
Did Peter know? Surely Peter didn’t know, how could he. Did he sense that Tony wasn’t his real father?
Tony felt sick. “Fuck.” He slammed his hands down on the counter. “Fuck!”
He had no fucking idea how this could be happening. How? How? And why?
Why the hell did May cheat on him? And how the fuck didn’t he notice it.
Was he that stupid.
Peter looked like him… he thought so.
Everyone always pointed out how Peter was a spitting image of his father. They had the same hair, same eyes, same nose… although they looked totally different from the baby pictures of the two, Tony always assumed it was because Peter took after May’s looks there… but now he knew it was because Peter probably looked like his real father.
Oh god.
Tony pushed open the stall and threw up into the toilet. How the fuck did this happen.
He had no idea where to go from here.
He fucking loved Peter more than anything or anyone hes ever loved before and ever will love.
Peter was his entire world.
Tony felt so sick.
.
.
.
He didn’t know how long he was in that bathroom for, a million thoughts running through his mind.
When he finally gained the courage to go back to the room, he opened the door and saw May sitting in the chair he was once occupying.
She turned to look at him, offering him a tiny smile then looking back at Peter.
Tony looked between the two then focused on May, still not moving from his spot by the door.
When he didn’t sit down, May must have felt his eyes on her so she turned back to him. “You alright? I was surprised to come back and find you gone. I thought for sure you wouldn’t have left his side.” Tony continued to stare at her. “Are you okay?”
“Peter’s not my biological son.”
May’s face paled.
“Is that true? Did you know?”
May stood up, facing Tony. It looked like she was just as surprised about the information as he was but then she sighed and looked down at her feet.
“I’m sorry, Tony. I am so sorry.”
“Oh my god.” He couldn’t do this. He turned and braced himself against the wall.
“I’m so sorry-”
“How long?” He asked. “How long did you know for?”
“Tony-”
“How long?!” Tony yelled, a bit too loud so he looked at Peter and opened the door so they could talk about it in the hallway. He didn’t care about the show the nurses and doctors were getting from them.
“Tony. I’m sorry. I… I found out… over a year ago. I-”
“Oh my god. Oh my god. You knew. You fucking knew?” He was too angry to cry. “Why didn’t you tell me? How can- how the fuck can you decide to just keep this from me?!”
“I’m sorry! I didn’t want you to find out. Not like this. I… I was going to tell you… but our relationship hasn’t been too good over the past few months.”
Tony pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to gather his thoughts.
“Who is he?”
“Tony.”
“No. I want to know. I have a right to know who fucked my wife and who the actual father is of the kid I’ve been raising for the past twelve years, May!”
May cried into her hands. “Tony. Stop. You don’t need to know-”
“Tell me. Tell me!” He was getting way too angry and emotional. He just found out the boy he loved and raised wasn’t actually his. His heart was broken in the worst way. He looked at May and then towards the room then walked away.
He needed to go to his tower and be alone.
He couldn’t do this right now.
He needed some space to calm down.
And maybe have a drink or five.
As he walked out of the hospital doors, he hated every fiber in his being for leaving Peter but he couldn’t breathe in that hospital anymore and he most definitely couldn’t face Peter right now.
.
.
.
May walked back into the room and locked herself into the bathroom to silently cry into her lap so no one would hear her. Well, so Peter wouldn’t hear her.
She messed up big time. She knew that. But it was a mistake that happened twelve years ago. She didn’t think it would matter after everything they’ve been through but apparently it did. No, Tony was right. She should have told him.
Now she had to tell Peter.
She couldn’t do that. At least not right now.
After she managed to stop crying and dry her face of tears, she walked back into the room and stayed with her son well into the night and into the next morning until Peter decided to wake up.
Tony was still gone.
She didn’t expect him to come back anytime soon and she didn’t blame him.
Peter woke up and rubbed his tired eyes with the fingers sticking out of his casted wrist then looked around the room. “Mmm. Wh-where’s dad?”
May kissed his forehead and pressed a straw to his lips. “He just went home to shower.” Peter nodded, looking somewhat disappointed at that information. “Are you in any pain? Do you want me to call a nurse?”
Peter shook his head and tried to sit up straighter. “I’m fine. When will dad be back?” He looked around the room and saw his jacket still sitting on the chair so he looked towards the bathroom, thinking he went in there.
His mom hesitated and Peter noticed her eyes were all red. “Not yet. He just needs some time to shower. He’s been here a lot.”
“Oh.” Peter nodded. He knew his dad must have been bored of simply sitting here for so long so although he was hurt his dad wasn’t here, he understood. “Um… I’m hungry. Can I-can I eat something?”
May forced a smile and stood up, telling him she’ll be back with food then she left, leaving Peter alone.
While he was waiting, the doctor walked into the room and sat in the chair beside his bed. “Hey, Pete, my favourite patient.”
Peter blushed. “You definitely say that to all your patients.”
“Only my patients who fall one hundred feet off a cliff and survive.” Dr. Cho winked at him, giving him a little nudge then she stood up to check his bandage. “How are you feeling?”
“Um… good.” He blushed again but for a different reason. “I’d like to go pee in the toilet…”
Dr. Cho nodded. She understood his frustration. “Maybe today. Let’s check your head.”
Peter nodded. He felt perfectly fine. “Um… what-what about… everything else?”
The doctor moved around him, taking a while to answer. “How about we wait for your parents to come back first before we discuss anything else.”
Peter nodded. “My dad went to go shower at home. He might be a while. He was here too much.”
Dr. Cho knew it wasn’t to shower. She was the one who told the man the boy he raised wasn’t his son after all.
May walked in with a tray of food. Oatmeal with jello and crackers. Peter would prefer chocolate chip pancakes but this will do. “Thank you. Chocolate milk?” He asked hopefully.
“The nurse said to eat this first. Chocolate milk might be too hard on your body.”
“So,” Dr. Cho began. “Peter was asking about his injuries. It looks like his head is healing very nicely. I’d like to get an MRI today just to make sure but I’m not concerned.”
“When can I walk?” The boy whined, eating his jello first.
Dr. Cho sat on the edge of his bed and Peter knew that wasn’t a good sign. He put down his jello. “So it’s not good news.”
“The good news is that you’re alive and not a carrot lying on the bed.” That got the boy to smile, especially with the finger that poked his stomach. “But these injuries will take a while to heal. It could take up to six weeks.”
The smile immediately fell from Peter’s face. “Six weeks?! No way. I’m not staying in this ugly hospital bed for six weeks. Not gonna happen.” He would have crossed his arms over his chest but he couldn’t so he settled on kicking the one leg out that wasn’t in a cast. Great.
“You’re not going to stay in the hospital for six weeks. You’ll go home. Rest. Get to have ice cream for breakfast if you request it.”
Peter smirked a bit then the smile left his face. “But I can’t walk, Dr. Cho. Take these casts off.”
“Peter. I'll tell you what, if you take it easy and rest for three weeks, I can promise you that I’ll take a look at your arm and ankle casts to see if they can come off. I won’t promise I’ll take them off, but I promise I’ll take an early look at them.”
“Pinky promise.” The twelve year old held up his much smaller finger to the doctor, making an unbreakable promise in the most childlike way.
Doctor Cho left after that so Peter was left with his food with his mom who sat oddly quietly by. He didn’t realize just how hungry he was since he actually ate all his food and still asked for chocolate milk after.
The nurse walked in with a chocolate milk in hand. “Alright, Peter. Since you’ve been cleared to move around, it’s time for your shower. A real one.”
Peter took the chocolate milk from her. “Thanks.” He shook it and handed it to his mom to open up. “But I don’t need a shower.” He wasn’t going to shower in front of a nurse. Even if she was one of the few here that already gave him a sponge bath. Still. He refused to.
“Peter. You haven’t showered in over a week.” May stated annoyingly bluntly.
Peter gave her a dirty look then drank his chocolate milk, effectively ignoring both of them.
“Peter.” May sighed as Tony walked in. She jumped, not expecting him to have returned so soon. Or at all.
Tony ignored May completely and walked over to Peter. “Hi.”
“Hi dad. I missed you.” He admitted, still feeling guilty for wanting his dad here after he’s been there all week with him. Tony smiled down at him and Peter noticed how red his eyes were. He took another sip of his chocolate milk.
“Tony. The nurse says it’s time for Peter’s shower. But he’s refusing to.” May explained, not even getting acknowledged by the older man so she crossed her arms over her chest.
“I don’t need a shower, dad. I just want to go home.”
The nurse pulled the blankets off Peter. “You aren’t cleared to go home yet.” Peter tugged the blankets back on himself so the nurse pulled them off the bed. “These need to be washed too. Time to get up.”
Peter looked up at Tony hopefully and Tony understood what he was asking for. After all, he would be embarrassed being twelve years old and having a young pretty blonde woman trying to bathe him.
He held his hand out for Peter. “Let’s go. I’ll help you.”
Peter sat up, swinging his legs off the bed but hesitating. He knew he was allowed to walk from the bed to the bathroom but he was scared to. “Dad?”
Tony didn’t know why Peter calling him that made him want to cry.
He didn’t deserve that title anymore.
He wasn’t Peter’s dad, after all.
He pushed those feelings aside and lifted the boy up. He was always extremely light and small but with the extra casts on his body, he was almost thirty pounds heavier. “Have you gained an extra thirty pounds since the last time I saw you?” He teased, getting a giggle out of the boy.
The boy tucked his face into his fathers neck, smiling against him. “Dad. That’s not me.”
Tony kicked the door shut then opened up the shower curtain and placed Peter in the chair. “I’m just messing with you.” He undid the strings on his hospital gown, noticing how nicely the stitches on his head were healing. The hair was even growing back a lot quicker than Tony expected it to.
He tossed the gown onto the floor and went to turn the shower on but stopped. “Stay here. I gotta wrap up your casts.”
Peter looked down at his body now that he was naked and could see everything. He was covered in bruises and scrapes. There were two big bandages from the organs that were removed and around it were bruises, scabs and marks all over his body.
It scared him so he looked away and saw his dad walk in. “Daddy.”
Tony’s heart broke. Both because his baby was in pain and also because Peter wasn’t really his baby.
He shut the door and approached him, kneeling down to be closer to him. “What’s wrong?”
Peter’s bottom lip trembled. “I’m-I’m… really hurt. Right?”
Tony could see all the healing bruises and old scabs on his body. He saw it all before but it was Peter’s first time really seeing it all. “You were. But now you’re healing. The hard part is over. I promise you, you’ll heal. Then you’ll be back to jumping off the walls in no time, giving your daddy more grey hairs.”
Tony began crying too. Because he was emotional over seeing Peter so upset but also because how the hell was he going to tell Peter he wasn’t his father. And would Peter still want him in his life after that?
He pressed a kiss to his forehead and wrapped up all his casts then took the shower handle off the wall and set it to the right temperature before getting his son, no, Peter cleaned up.
.
.
.
Tony was watching Peter sleep. He had another hard time falling asleep tonight because he couldn’t get comfortable and move his body the way he wanted to.
That left Tony to use tactics he used to use when Peter woke up from the rare nightmares and needed help falling asleep. Only now it was like they were living a nightmare because Tony just found out Peter wasn’t his son and on top of that, Peter had almost broken every bone in his tiny body.
He was holding the hand that didn’t have a cast on it, rubbing his thumb over the scabs there.
May was still there but Tony hadn’t said a word to her since their fight yesterday. He couldn’t bear to even look at her.
“Tony. You can’t ignore me forever.” May walked to sit on the other side of Peter’s bed so Tony had no choice but to look at her. “We need to talk about this.”
“What’s there to talk about.” Tony didn’t even want to admit it. “He isn’t my son. You cheated on me. And you knew for over a year and didn’t tell me.”
May looked down guiltily. “I’m sorry, Tony. I… was scared to tell you.”
“How did you find out?” Tony was curious and had so many questions but mainly he was heartbroken. He had no idea what this would mean for his future now with Peter.
May sighed. “I… I bumped into Peter’s father,”
Tony stood up and braced himself against the wall. He couldn’t listen to this. To hear May refer to someone else as Peter’s father. He turned to her. “I raised him. Does that mean nothing anymore? I was there when he was born, I changed his diapers, dealt with teething, terrible twos, I did all that. I was the one who potty trained him and-and taught him how to ride a bike. Does that not mean anything anymore?”
May had tears falling down her face. “It does mean something. I’m sorry, Tony. I… I- this is why I didn’t want to tell you. Or Peter.”
God, Tony didn’t want to have to tell Peter.
May wiped the tears off her face. “I’m sorry. I found out because… I recently started talking to… him. And when he found out I had a son, and when his birthday was… he told me to get a paternity test done. So I did.”
“When?”
“Tony-”
“When, May?”
“June last year. I took Peter to the doctors and told him it was for a checkup.” May looked down. She was so ashamed.
Tony tried to think of what went on that time last year. June was when May went on a girls trip to Miami, leaving Tony with Peter for five days. Although Tony didn’t mind taking care of Peter, he never thought May was doing anything but a girls trip. “Is that why you went to Miami?”
May was avoiding eye contact with him so Tony knew he was right.
“I didn’t go with him. I did go on a girls trip but it wasn’t to shop and party. I… went with Caroline and Maddie and… asked them what I should do.”
“What? Like if you should leave me and be with him. Who is he? Do I know him?”
“Tony. I’m not going to tell you who he is because it doesn’t matter.”
“It sure as hell does matter, May!” Tony looked at Peter and lowered his voice. “Because that man is the biological father of my kid.”
Peter began shifting in his sleep, either from the arguing or being uncomfortable. Maybe both. He opened his eyes and reached an automatic hand out for Tony. “Daddy. Mm. Hurts.”
“What hurts, baby? Does your head hurt?” Tony was immediately at his side, taking in every time Peter called him daddy because he knew it wouldn’t be for much longer when he learnt the truth.
The twelve year olds eyes began watering. He shook his head and held up his casted wrist. “Mm. My hand. It hurts. A lot.”
“Okay. Okay. Let me call the nurse.” Tony pressed the call button and not even a minute later, a nurse walked in. “Hi. He’s complaining of his wrist hurting him. Can you give him more pain meds? Or something to help?”
The nurse checked over his chart and vitals. “I can give him something to manage the pain but it will make him really sleepy. Thankfully he needs the rest.”
Tony agreed to that and less than two minutes later, Peter’s eyes were rolling back in his head and he was out like a light.
Tony didn’t finish his conversation with May. He didn’t want to talk to her anymore. Not right now.
.
.
.
“Good news, Peter. You get to go home today.” Dr. Cho announced as she walked into the room, holding a clipboard.
Tony sighed in relief then thought about what that meant for them now. Peter had been in the hospital for over two weeks. He knew he wasn’t Peter’s biological dad for a few days now and they had to tell Peter.
Tony didn’t want to keep this from him.
He couldn’t.
He just wanted Peter to heal a bit more. And he was. He was healing incredibly well so he was able to go home. Tony was so proud of him for being such a trooper this whole time.
Despite all the tears and refusing to try and stand up. That was difficult but Tony didn’t blame him.
The doctor unhooked Peter from the heart monitor and ruffled his hair. “I got to admit, I’m going to miss my favourite patient.” Peter smiled shyly. “I’ll see you again in one week and we can see about getting these two casts off.”
Peter held up his broken arm. It wasn’t too bad and was already healing quickly. Just not quick enough for Peter. And he had no hands to use for himself. His broken wrist barely allowed him to do anything. “I just want at least one hand.”
Dr. Cho agreed. “Very soon. Bed rest is what you need. Better yet, couch rest, ask your parents for all the ice cream you can eat. Doctors orders.”
“Thank you.” Tony patted the doctors back and stuck his hand out for her. He was genuinely thanking her for saving his kid's life. “Thank you for everything, Dr. Cho. I can’t thank you enough.”
“Of course. He was an excellent patient.”
Peter grinned.
He allowed his dad to help him sit up and turn him so he was sitting sideways on the bed then Tony kneeled down and stretched the track pants over Peter’s cast.
“Dad. Underwear first.”
“Sorry, bud. Underwear will not fit over this cast. You’ll just have to go commando until it comes off. It’s not like anyone will know but your mom and I, don’t worry.” Tony got the track pants on him, mindful of his hips when he lifted his butt off the bed. “Comfy?”
Peter shrugged. “It’s fine. I just want to go home.”
Tony wanted that too. He helped Peter get a shirt on and one sock then he lifted him into the wheelchair and Peter groaned. “Will I have to stay in this… until I can walk?”
“I don’t think so. You'll just get a nice ride down to the car then straight to the couch. Or the bed. Whatever you want.” Tony forced a smile on his face even though he was breaking inside. He was over the moon with gratitude that Peter was okay and that he didn’t have any long term issues from the fall but Peter wasn’t his son. And Tony couldn’t come to terms with that.
He also didn’t know what it meant now.
.
.
.
Peter flipped through endless channels, wanting something to watch but he couldn’t find anything and that was frustrating the already emotional child.
Tony gently took the remote from Peter’s hand. “How about we stop with the tv for tonight and we get you into bed.”
Peter crossed his arms over his chest the best he could. “No. I’m not tired. I want to go for a walk. I hate sitting here. I’m tired of sitting here.”
May went to the shop to buy a few things they would need and Tony was grateful she was gone. At least for the time being. Tony just couldn’t look at her.
Not only did she cheat on him, but she lied to him about something so major.
He ran his fingers through Peter’s curls. “Then I’ll move the tv into your room and we can watch tv until you fall asleep.”
Peter considered that idea. “Fine. What’s mom getting at the shop?”
“Just a few things. Let’s go. Up you get.” Tony lifted Peter up, really wanting these casts off so he could actually lift his child up without his back straining just a bit. He carried him into his bedroom and sat him on the edge of the bed. “Do you need to pee before you get comfortable in bed?”
Peter nodded.
“Alright.” Tony lifted him back up, carrying him into the bathroom and getting his pants pulled down before sitting him on the toilet. “Are you good if I leave?”
“Leave? Where?”
“Just to bring a tv into your room.” Tony would have to go all the way to the basement to get the extra tv but if that’s what it took to get Peter to sleep then so be it.
“Oh. Yeah. I’ll be here.” Because where else could he go.
Not only did Tony get a tv but he also brought extra pillows and blankets into Peter’s room since Tony decided he would be sleeping with him tonight. He couldn’t sleep with May right now. Maybe not ever again. He just couldn’t think about it.
“Dad? Dad? Dad?”
Tony rushed into the bathroom, half dressed since he had been changing into pyjamas. “Are you okay?”
“I’m done. I’ve been done.”
Tony lifted him back up, carrying him back into the bedroom and placing him on the bed. “Okay. Pyjamas now. Do you want shorts? Pants? What will it be?”
Peter didn’t care. He hated how he couldn’t do anything for himself and at least wanted one of his hands available. Tony noticed the tears that began falling and caressed his boys cheek.
“Oh baby. Don’t cry. This isn’t forever. I know you’re frustrated and this is hard but it isn’t forever. You'll heal.”
Peter cried harder. He was tired and uncomfortable. “I’ll never get better! I hate this!”
Tony just held him, kissing his temple and rocking him side to side the best he could. “You will. I promise you. How about you get pyjamas on and you get comfortable.” Peter gave a little nod so Tony grabbed his lego pyjama shorts with the matching top.
He had to stretch it over Peter’s casts but it fit at least.
May knocked on the bedroom door, opening it up just as Tony was getting his pants on. “Hi. How are things going?”
Tony looked at her briefly. “Good. I’m going to sleep in here with Peter tonight.”
May looked like she expected that. “Oh. Okay. Well, I’ll say goodnight to you two now.” She walked in to kiss Peter. “Call me if you need anything.” She handed Tony a bag and left.
“What’s that?” Peter asked.
Tony looked inside. It was Vaseline, a lego themed water bottle and children’s Tylenol. “Just this stuff. Nothing interesting.” He placed the bag on the floor but grabbed the water bottle to go wash and fill with water. “Anything else you want while I’m in the kitchen?”
Peter shrugged. He wanted to be able to walk. And get up on his own. “Nothing. I guess.”
Tony walked back to kiss his temple. “Peter. It’s temporary. You’ll feel better once you sleep.”
“I’ll feel better when I get these stupid casts off.”
“That too.”
.
.
.
Peter had a dream that he was falling.
He was falling and falling, no matter how hard he tried to wake himself up. Or maybe this was real. Maybe he was actually falling again.
He tried to scream but nothing came out so he kicked his legs but he couldn’t really do that either since his casts prevented that.
Peter continued falling, thrashing in the bed until he finally woke up and then he couldn’t stop crying. He sat upright in bed and looked around, barely able to see anything in the dark besides the moonlight coming in the bedroom windows.
Peter felt hands on him just like when he was at the bottom on the cliff but these hands were familiar. The calluses on them, the way they touched him so gently. Peter tried to suck in a breath of air but he was freaking out too much.
“Shh shh. Peter. You’re okay, you’re okay. I’m here. Dad’s here.” Tony pulled Peter onto his lap and brushed the sweaty curls off his forehead. “It’s okay. You’re okay. Hey, look at me.” He held Peter’s face in his hand, making him look at him. “I’m here. It was just a nightmare. You’re okay, bubs.”
It took the next thirty minutes for Peter to calm down and when he did, Tony simply laid him back down and got him back to sleep, keeping himself up with the worries of the future.