I want us to work
He should be asleep.
He should be closer to Wade's heated skin.
He should be happy that they finally have found some sense of normalcy in their chaotic lives, but of course, Peters's dreams are still full of his beloved boyfriend drenched in blood. Deadpool’s finger is on the trigger. Peter breaks out in a sweat even though he is cold. Deadpool shoots. He feels himself drain from his body and then he wakes.
He should feel safe by Wade's side but he is still terrified to no end when he sees Deadpool. In his mind, they are not the same. Wade makes pancakes and leaves a big mess no matter how much Peter tells him to clean along the way. Wade kisses Peter when he sees him get worked up by something small.
Deadpool on the other hand tells jokes while murdering people. Deadpool has no mercy when he has decided someone should die by his hands.
Peter knows he should tell Wade about this, but Peter is afraid of what he would say. Most likely because he knows what Wade would say to a question that has plagued his mind.
Did Wade like killing? Did murdering someone make him feel good? Did it make him feel accomplished?
Peter is afraid because he thinks the answer would be yes and that his fear would be justified.
Peter got up from the bed and took a long warm shower to calm down before he started to cry. Peter has never been a quiet crier and he knew he definitely would have to tell Wade about why if he woke up because of the sound. The water feels good on his skin. He can almost pretend that everything is as it should be and that it was just a nightmare that meant nothing. Then he prays that he can hold it up the whole day.
He then dries himself off and looks in the mirror. His heart drops, he looks like utter shit. Wade was gonna notice. No. Peter was gonna keep this relationship going even if he was tearing at the seams. Peter then plans out his entire day step by step so he could avoid lies and his boyfriend.
First step first. He sneaks out of the apartment and then down the street to the deli. He then thanked the lucky stars that they were even open at 03:47 am. He orders two sandwiches and makes sure Wade’s is perfect. He runs back to the apartment lays the sandwich in the fridge and writes a note to go with it.
“Couldn’t sleep. Got you your favourite from our place. See you before dinner. Love Spidey.”
He reads it five times too much before putting it on the fridge.
He then gets his old backpack and finds his suit and shoves it in and jumps out the window.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He swings from building to building. There is surprisingly little action in the big city today. He decided that he would just sit on a roof and eat the rest of his meal. The clock is now 11 am.
He mostly used his time to think about what he should tell Wade. It has been almost a whole month since Peter started pushing him away. He understands that Wade has felt it too. He hates himself for not being able to move forward. He can not help it.
While Peter was deep in thought he feels his senses tingle.
He stood up fast and turned around, but when he saw who it was wished he didn't look.
“Well well well! If it isn't little mister let's make our boyfriend worry by making him wake up alone for the hundred time!”
Peter wanted to apologize right way, but in his mind being angry instead of sorry made more sense.
“Ohh I am so sorry your majesty. Let me just do every single thing you want all the time! And I am so sorry for breathing without your permission, how horrible of me!”
Peter then took a bow to be over dramatic. Deadpool just stood there and for once said nothing. He was quiet, but you could feel the rage and confusion pouring out of him.
“Just stop. I am tired of this baby boy. Tell me already! … I know it’s hard but you avoiding me is suffocating.”
All of Peter’s anger disappeared and despair took its place. Peter almost broke, but he was not letting go of this just yet. He wanted no, needed to keep this working.
“I have just been sleeping poorly and you know how I get. It’s not that bad.. is it?”
He tried his best to sound unaware, but then Deadpool laughed a dark and un humored laugh.
“You don’t love me anymore baby. You don’t let me touch you and you flinch away from my kisses. You run way every day meet me for dinner where all I do is talk while you stare into your food and then you go out again. Just tell me what I did!”
Then Peter broke. How could he think that Peter didn’t love him.
“I love you more than I love my self. I love you, but you terrify me. I have not been sleeping by your side because every time I do I dream of you killing me and the people I care about.”
Wade then took off his mask and walked five steps closer.
“So finally you see me for the monster I am?”