Soul

I'm trying to regain consciousness, I know I'm completely naked, and an attractive woman is entwined with my body. Our legs are somehow intertwined, and she has her head on my left shoulder and her hand on my belly. Her scent and the scent of sex are everywhere. I turn to my right, a book by Pizarnik and one by Plath are on her nightstand; I stretch to reach the clock, it's almost noon.

I don't even have a slight idea of how long we slept because I have no idea when our lovemaking session ended. Everything seems so confusing, so unreal, as if I hadn't lived it. There were so many emotions that I'll hardly be able to remember each and every one of them. I see the silhouette of my girlfriend; she's so beautiful.

My eyes rest on my breasts; there are marks from her on my skin, quite literally. My eyelids close.

“I can’t believe you’re here”, she says so softly that I can barely hear her before she captures my nipple with her lips.

“Love,” I take her hair in my hands and pull her closer to me. Her tongue is dancing over my chest, giving me indescribable pleasure.

“You have no idea how many times I dreamed of this, you in my bed and in every corner of my life”.

“I am completely yours, Kate.” Her gaze, Jesus Christ, her gaze is loaded with lust like I’ve never seen.

“You’re mine…” she replies in a husky voice before lowering her mouth to my breast again and sucking it forcefully. Leaving her words in a tangible way on my body. And she did it again and again on my other breast. Cause of death: Kate aroused.

I smile as I recall that part of the night; now I know how to... arouse my girlfriend. Her youth is expert and generous. There wasn't a moment during the night when she didn't put my well-being first. Many questions, glances, smiles, hesitations, ensuring that I was okay. I pull her closer to me, inhaling the scent of her hair. How can you love someone with such intensity? Counting the days, we reconnected just over six months ago, and she took over my entire life. And I ask myself again, is everything moving too fast between us? And if it is, why does it feel so right? I'm tired of second-guessing every step I take. Loving her has been the biggest step toward freedom I've ever taken in my life.

I carefully detach myself from her and head to the bathroom. I brush my teeth and put on a T-shirt from the laundry basket. It smells delicious, just like her. I put it on, knowing that it covers only a small part of my nudity, just enough to not feel so cold. I slip into the kitchen, trying not to make too much noise. I check the refrigerator; there's enough for a good breakfast. I chop some fruit while putting on the kettle. I gaze attentively at my hands for a moment, hands that did so much yesterday.

Of course, I didn’t last long. Kate’s tongue didn’t take long to find the spot where I exploded. I open my eyes to be met with my girlfriend’s beautiful smile. She searches for my lips, and I hold onto her. I grab her by the hair, trying to pull her as close to me as possible.

"I love you so much, detka," she whispers over my lips.

“I love you too, love,” she says as she pulls away from me, seeking my gaze while her hand tightens again on my breast before continuing its way down. Her fingers trace circles on my belly, slowly descending to where I want to feel her.

"Everything alright?" she asks, and I nod.

The circles reach my venus mound, a sigh escapes from me when what I want is to scream at her to go lower and unravel me. Her gentle dance is over my center, almost imperceptible, my hips move upwards seeking more contact, but she doesn’t allow it. She lies on her side, still watching me, and with her leg, she subtly opens my legs wider, preparing me. Finally, her middle finger finds its way from my entrance to my clitoris and stays there. I nod my head and close my eyes, ready. The circles resume on that part of my anatomy, and I tilt my head back, breathing irregularly. I can feel my wetness spreading, assisting her in her task. She applies a bit more pressure, and things start happening inside me.

“I want to touch you too,” I say in barely a whisper. With a big smile, she takes my hand and brings it to her mouth, kisses it, then sucks my middle finger and guides me to her intimacy. It’s warm and soft.

"I'm all yours," she says. I don't waste any time and tease her just like she's teasing me.

The sound of the bed a few meters away from me snaps me out of that pleasurable memory, and I smile. It seems like my thoughts are from years ago, so distant. It was so magical that it's hard for me to believe it was just a few hours ago. My smile grows bigger when I feel her steps trying to be stealthy behind me.

“Good morning, my love”, I can feel her naked skin pressed against my back.

“Good morning, beautiful”, I turn to hug her, she smells like toothpaste. I give her a kiss that starts softly, but when I feel her hands gripping my backside firmly, I kiss her more passionately.

“I like your outfit, ”she says, lowering to kiss my neck. “I like you naked in my kitchen.”

“I thought you'd wake up hungry, and I didn't want to waste time changing.”

“Smart choice”, her hands knead me strongly; her fingers are gentle, and that gentleness is finding my intimacy again. “Come here”, I barely react when she lifts me and takes me to the table. She sits me on the cold wood, a mischievous smile on her face. She pulls a chair and sits in front of me. I feel warmth spread through my body, seeing myself so exposed to her. Her gaze tells me what she wants. “Put your leg over my shoulder, please”, she asks gently.

“Kate…” she kisses my calves almost with devotion, waiting for me to do what she asks. I do it, and she pulls the chair closer to the table with a slight tug, bringing me even closer. I can feel her breath.

“Let me confirm that yesterday wasn't a dream.”

“Darling, you don't nee…” I barely manage to say it before her eyes hypnotize me.

Without breaking eye contact, she sticks out her tongue and trails it over my sex. I close my eyes, and a loud sigh escapes from me. She takes her time, no rush; her expert tongue is working wonders on me. Her hand travels over my shaved pubic area before moving up to my breast and squeezing it firmly, even though it feels like it’s not enough. I grab her hair, and I’m experiencing it with the love of my life. The thought makes me open my eyes immediately, and unconsciously, I tense up.

“Everything alright, my love?”

“I need to feel you inside me”, I whisper to her. She smiles faintly.

“Then that’s what I want,” she says. While continuing to pleasure my clit, I can feel one of her fingers inside me. It’s gentle; she’s all gentleness. Always making sure I’m okay.

“More,” I pull her towards me so she’s on top. She uses the chair to climb up, and in a second her breasts are on mine.

“I’m yours,” I say before drawing her mouth to mine. It tastes like me, and it drives me wild.

We kiss with a primal fury as her fingers thrust in and out of me at a pace that’s making my eyes roll back. Her ragged breath and my moans fill the kitchen. In the distance, I hear the water boiling, mirroring how I feel right now. My hand moves down, seeking to pleasure her too, but I know I can barely move my fingers because she’s driving me crazy. The sound of her penetrating me is music to my ears, the indication that she’s making love to me, that she’s here with me.

“I’m close, are you too?” I nodded slightly.

“Kiss me,” I ask and she does.

We moan into each other’s mouths, and within seconds, we both explode together. Her name and the name of God mix as my release seems endless. She collapses on top of me, sweaty and perfect.

“Are you okay?” she asks without moving.

“I’ve never been better,” I reply. “I love you, Kate”.

“I love you, Nat, I always have,” my hands draw circles on her back. “Do you want breakfast, or do you want to go back to bed?”

“I want to have breakfast in bed with you.”

I sent a message to my mother saying that I will pick up Max soon. It's past three in the afternoon when we finally manage to stop touching each other. Including the bath where Kate, once again, showed off her skilled mouth.

It's a particularly cold day, very windy; I'm finishing putting on my jacket when my girlfriend enters the room again.

"Ready?" I love how she looks completely dressed in black. Her beautiful eyes stand out even more.

"Ready," I reply with a smile.

She takes my hand, and that's how we head out to the street. Kindly, she opens the car door for me to get in, before going to her side, she leaves a kiss on my cheek. She's so sweet, it makes my heart race just to see her. Once we start moving, she puts her hand possessively on my leg, and I love it.

"Your mother will tease us, won't she?" I laugh.

"A lot. Max being there will work in our favor, but Mom won't miss any opportunities she has."

When we arrive at the house, she asks me to wait for her to open the car door for me. As we head to the entrance, I take her hand, stealing a kiss from her. She smiles splendidly, and we hear footsteps approaching, so she limits herself to giving me a playful pat on the rear, which makes me laugh. I cling to her more when the door opens.

"But who do we have here? The lovebirds."

"What the hell are you doing here, Lena?"

"Mom invited me to have lunch with her and my little genius. Coincidentally, you're here too," I roll my eyes.

"Hello, Kate Bishop. Did you have any trouble?" We burst into laughter.

"Everything's wonderful," she replies with a hint of humor.

"But how rude of me. Please come in. We've been waiting for you," I smile. I wouldn't be Yelena if she weren't a pain in the ass. "Is it my imagination, or can't you walk very well?"

"Come here, you syka!" I run back after Lena while I hear my girlfriend's laughter behind me."

When we returned after taking two laps around my mom's yard, we entered the house in a civilized manner, both of us red and sweaty after the unexpected race. Mom is serving food while Max is sitting on Kate's lap, telling her something.

"Mummy!" Says my little one as soon as she sees me and runs to me. I pick her up in my arms and spin her in the air.

"I'm afraid I won't be able to do this in a few months, you're huge, muffin."

"I missed you so much."

"And I missed you, malen’kiya. Did you take care of granny?"

"Yes, we ate chocolate, but she told me not to tell you anything."

"I think you've already broken that pact."

"It was just a little, so I don't see a problem in telling you."

"Very well", I smile and give her a loud kiss on the cheek. I leave her with Kate again before heading to the kitchen to help Mom. "Hello", I greet. She's in front of the stove, stirring something in a pot. She turns to look at me.

"You look radiant, my dear", my cheeks turn red, and I smile awkwardly. She hugs me tightly. "I'm so happy for you, so, so happy."

“Me too”, Lena says. “Love is overflowing between you two. It's more than obvious that you love each other”, it's so weird to hear her speak seriously. “Now, how was it?” She raises her eyebrows amusingly. I knew something was coming.

“I definitely won't be discussing that with you.”

“I called Lena to ask the questions, but I want to know the details.”

“Mom! I'm not going to talk about that with you two.”

“Okay, Mom. If she doesn't want to say anything, it's because it was terrible.”

“Of course not!” I reply immediately and realize what she just did. “I hate you.”

“So it was that good, huh?” She puts her arms on the table, and I get lost thinking about what we did in the morning. Her mouth on me, I can still feel it. “It seems it was very good; you're lost in thought.”

“No, I just…” my traitorous eyes return to the table. Lena notices my particular attention to the object.

“It can't be! On the damn table?!”

“Shut up, Yelena.”

“Damn, right!” I hear my girlfriend shout. I close my eyes while my mom and Lena make incomprehensible sounds of disbelief.

“Oh, my God!” Mom sounds surprised. “Wasn't it uncomfortable?”

“I won't say more”, my face is burning, and these women are having a blast.

“I don't need to know more”, my sister says. “It's a pity she's taken; I wouldn't mind trying with her.”

“In your dreams.” I say with a smile.

“Calm down, your wife is head over heels for you”, Mom laughs at what Lena says.

“So it's not just me who thinks she's the right one.”

After the uncomfortable meal with Mom and Lena making all kinds of comments, we returned home. Kate made sure Max was settled in the back seat and then opened the door for me. We looked like a family, a small family that still had many questions in the air. When we arrived home, my daughter immediately went to her room for her bow, arrows, and painting supplies.

"Muffin, Kate is tired," I tell her before she disappears through the door.

"Don't worry, I'm fine. I want to spend time with her too."

"Sure?" She nods, and I lean in to kiss her. "I love you."

"I love you too, my love."

"Wine?"

"I'd love some."

After one or two hours of archery practice with my girlfriend and daughter, we spent the rest of the day painting for a couple of hours until Max fell asleep on the carpet. Kate never showed any signs of tiredness. She enjoyed spending time with my daughter, and that filled my soul. Witnessing their interaction was witnessing the love they shared. I feel so fortunate to have them. When I return after putting my daughter to bed, my girlfriend is lying on the couch with her eyes closed.

"Tired?" I ask. Carefully, I lie down next to her and place a kiss on her neck.

"A little," she says, and I leave a kiss on her neck.

“Last night was amazing, thank you.”

“It was a dream”, her hands rest on my back. “It was much better than I imagined.”

“I was so nervous about messing it up... but... it was the best night of my life”, she stops moving her hands. She knows what I'm trying to say.

“Do you mean that?”

“Very seriously, love. I felt so loved and safe. I think I loved you even more yesterday.”

“I love you so much, Nat. You'll never understand what it meant to me to have you in my arms. If you want, I can spend my whole life making you feel like the most loved woman in the world.”

“I feel that way when I see you”, I cling to her neck. “Is it the same for you? Do you feel loved?”

“A lot. The fact that you let me see inside your heart and share your fears with me tells me how much you love me. You make me very happy, my love.”

“And you make us happy”, we stayed in silence for a while.

“It's getting late, I should go”, she says in a raspy voice.

“Stay with me tonight, I don't want to let you go yet. I had to share with you at that horrible dinner”, she laughs. “Please, don't go.”

“We better tidy up to sleep comfortably.”

“Of course not. I want you in my bed”, and in my life. Always. She slowly lifts my head, looking for my eyes.

“You're the love of my life, Nat. I knew it from the moment I became aware of how in love I was with you. I was too young, but I wasn't stupid, I knew I wouldn't have the slightest chance of winning your heart, but everything I ever wanted, I saw in you”, tears fill my eyes at her confession, and what I thought when she took me with her mouth comes to me. However, I'm unable to say it, so I just lean in to her, savoring the love in her lips.

It's been a week since Kate stayed at home with us, and since then, we've been preparing her birthday surprise. We've never talked about this, but I know her birthday from her file, back when the Rocket team harassed me. And not to brag, but I'm pretty sure she knows when mine is.

Max and I have gone over many possible gifts we can give her, and we've come to a couple of good conclusions. However, getting my daughter to keep the secret of what we have planned is the biggest challenge. Although I'm excited that she seems so enthusiastic about doing something for the girl she adores.

To make this go as smoothly as possible, I've also enlisted the help of my mom and Lena. I want it to be a very memorable day for her. She's spent every afternoon with us, but she hasn't stayed overnight again. I think it's more out of caution, even though Max knows the nature of our relationship, there are things that still escape her understanding. Today is the only day we have to prepare the surprise we have planned at home, so, with regret, I tell her that I won't be able to see her today because I have some matters to attend to with my mother.

“Ready, muffin?”

“I don't really like this shade of purple”, I plant a kiss on her hair.

“It was the first color you picked, and we don't have time for a change. I'm sorry.”

“Do you think she'll like it, Mummy?” I smile at our creation.

“She's going to love it”, I check my watch; it's past ten at night. My roomie should be fast asleep by this time. I'm about to say something when I hear my phone. “Hello, darling.”

“Hello, my love. I just wanted to know if you're already at home.”

“We just got back,” I signal to my daughter with my head to go to bed. I follow her and grab her pajamas from the closet. “How are you? I missed you a lot today”, she quickly changes before taking her place in bed. I kiss her on the head. “I'll be outside for a bit; I'll tell you something when I get back, okay?”

“Can you put her on the phone, please?” I do.

“Kate!” I adore Max’s joy when she hears my girlfriend's voice. She nods in response to something Kate is saying, looking very focused. “Tomorrow? But tomorrow”, I gesture with my hands, reminding her of our secret”... tomorrow, I'll do my homework so I can paint with you on Saturday and Sunday,” I'm not sure if I should be concerned about how well she's getting out of trouble. “I love you more than all the stars in the universe,” she giggles. “See you tomorrow, Kate”, she hands me the phone back.

“Now, I'll be right back, muffin,” I give my daughter a kiss on the forehead before leaving. “What did you tell her?”

“I'm afraid I can't tell you that,” there's complicity in her voice.

“Are you keeping secrets from me already?”

“For a long time, my love, but don't worry, there aren't many.”

“Well, that puts me at ease,” we stayed silent for a few moments.

“Were you serious about living together? When you're ready, of course.”

“Very serious. I—I've been thinking a lot these days, wondering if we're moving too fast or too slow. I just know it feels... right. I want to be with you.”

“I want to be with you too; thinking about time, well, I only do that when I don't see you. It 's eternal.”

“You're an incurable romantic, love.”

“I'm being honest; I don't care if you want to move in tomorrow or next year. As long as the three of us are okay, the rest will come gradually, don't you think?”

“My girlfriend is eloquent.”

“Your girlfriend will be thinking a lot about you tonight in her bed. In fact, I'm sitting right across from it in my new favorite spot.”

“Your new spot...?”

“The kitchen table.”

“Oh, that spot,” I hear her laugh.

“Someone's blushing.”

“That's not hard to guess, Sherlock,” I flop down on the couch. “Someone should think about... my hands.”

“Are you trying to seduce me over the phone?”

“Enjoy it before it gets awkward and weird,” we both burst into laughter.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. We're going to miss you a lot today.”

“I miss you both too,” she sighs. “Can I pick up Max from school?” The plan couldn't be going better.

“I'd love that. I need to see that precious face as soon as possible.”

“We have a deal then.”

“We do. Goodnight, detka.”

“Goodnight, my love.”

Now I understand it, that thing about time feeling eternal. Maybe it feels that way because I've arrived much earlier than usual.

I'm nervous and I've resisted the huge temptation to text her and wish her a happy birthday. I wonder why I haven't said anything about this special day. Apparently, she's also very anxious because it's not long before I see her car approaching. I'm sitting on one of the benches in front of the school, and as she gets out of the car, I walk slowly toward her. When I reach her, she's just getting out of the car.

“Hey, you're early,” I put my hands on her shoulders.

“I was hoping you'd already be here,” she gently connects our lips. I don't let her go, deepening the kiss. I feel her hands gripping my hips tightly. “I don't want to undress you in front of Max's school,” she says with her lips pressed against mine.

“I'm sorry; I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too,” she leans her forehead against mine. “Let's go to the amusement park today; today, I just want to spend the day with my favorite people.

“It's hard to say no when you put it like that,” I hugged her tightly. “Let's go get our little muffin,” I take her hand, and we head to get my daughter.

Kate and Max hum a song playing on the radio. Funny thing is, neither of them knows the lyrics, so incomprehensible sounds come from them. Just as planned, my mother's call comes in.

“Hello, Mom.”

“Hello, Nat, I was wondering if you both want to come have lunch with me?” The volume on my phone is a bit louder than usual so my girlfriend can hear.

“Mom, I have plans to have lunch with Kate.”

“That's fine, love, we can go with your mother,” the beautiful driver says immediately. She has fallen into the trap.

“Hold on a second,” I tell my mother. I really want to smile. “Are you sure? Do you want to keep being tortured?” she nods.

“No problem for me,” I lean in to give her a kiss on the cheek.

“You're something else,” I picked up the phone again. “We'll be there in a little while, Mom. Thanks for the invitation.”

My heart pounds as my girlfriend turns to go to my mother's house. I want everything to be perfect for her. I want her to feel loved and special, just like she makes us feel. Lena has been keeping me informed about the preparations since morning, and I know the party couldn't be in better hands. I turn to look at Max, who takes her gift out of her backpack, but I signal with my head that she shouldn't.

By the time we park in front of my mom's house, my heart is about to burst. What if she doesn't like it? I mean, surprises are nice, but in the end, they're still surprises. Not everyone takes them the same way, and that's okay, but I don't know if that's the case with my golden-eyed beauty.

“My love?” Kate asks. I shake my head. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I'm sorry. Silly things, I hope,” I sigh. “Come on, muffin.”

“Can I put my backpack down? I don't think I've properly shown it to granny yet.”

“Of course, malen’kiya, you can do that,” with Max between us, we walked to the front door. As we enter, it's not completely closed. “This is weird,” I furrow my brow.

“Wait here; I'll check it out,” my girlfriend goes ahead. “Don't come in until I tell you, okay?” I nod. It doesn't take long before we hear the impromptu chorus.

“Surprise!” We enter behind her, and I see my mom, Eleanor, and Lena. The living room is filled with balloons, a huge 'Happy Birthday' sign is in the center, and on the table, there are all kinds of snacks and cake.

“Happy birthday, Kate!” my daughter runs to hug her.

“Were you an accomplice?” she nods while handing her the long box with her gift. “Thank you, beautiful,” my girlfriend kneels to pick her up and hugs her tightly.

Everyone congratulates my girlfriend and gives her their gifts. They tease her, and she goes along with it; I know she's leaving me for last. When everyone goes into the living room to sit down, including my daughter, that's when she approaches me with a mysterious smile.

“Happy birthday to the best girlfriend in the world,” I threw myself into her arms. Her face seeks my neck right away.

“Thanks for this.”

“You don't know how much willpower it took not to say anything in the car or call you at midnight to wish you a happy birthday and thank life for you. For your immense patience and your love,” I take her face in my hands.

“I love you, my love of my life,” she doesn't let me reply; she kisses me hard, and I let myself be carried away by her, by everything she is.

“Lovebirds, it's time to eat,” I hear my girlfriend's mother say.

“We're coming,” I say. Just like her, I run my hands over her beautiful face, enjoying the soft sensation of her skin against mine. “How can someone have a face like that?” She smiles shyly. "I wish I could give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes. Only then would you realize how special you are to me." I recited. She kisses the palm of my hands and leads us to the living room with the rest of the family.

The afternoon was simply wonderful; we ate, sang, and I had the opportunity to smear a bit of cake on her face, a gesture she returned when she kissed me and smeared cake on me as well. There are smiles on the faces of our companions, and you can see the affection they have for Isabella. The day couldn't have gone any better.

"I think it's time to open the gifts," Lena says with unusual joy. She goes to the couch, expecting us to do the same.

"Mine first!" Max shouts and goes for the box she gave earlier. She places it on my girlfriend's lap, who is already settling on the couch.

"Alright, sweetie, yours first," Kate carefully starts unwrapping the gift, stealing a glance at me. After a couple of seconds, she reveals the set of arrows with her name on them.

"Oh, this is beautiful. Thank you so much," she hugs my daughter tenderly and silently thanks me in my direction.

"Now, my turn," my mom hands her something wrapped that is quite obvious to be a book. "I think you'll like this." Kate pulls out an ancient version of a Shakespeare book.

"Wow, this must have cost you a fortune."

"In fact, I just called in a favor," my mom smiles. "Happy birthday, dear."

"I'll go," Lena hands over a card. "A pass to the store, for whatever you need."

"It's too much," my girlfriend replies immediately.

"Look, I know you're not a freeloader, so I'm not worried about you taking everything. Besides, you need some hot stuff."

"But that would make it burn, auntie," Max says with obvious confusion, and we burst into laughter.

"It's an expression, my dear," I explain.

By the time we get home, it's too late. So late that Max fell asleep on the way back from her grandmother's house. Kate carries her to my room while I turn on the lights in the living room for her to see the surprise. When she returns, she does exactly what I expected her to do: she freezes with emotion.

"Do you like it?" I ask, approaching her. I take her hand to bring her closer. In front of her, an area in the living room has been set up with three easels and wooden benches. "Since your classes are continuous, I thought it would be convenient for us to have a place for this. For us."

"It's wonderful," I see the mist in her eyes.

“Oh, darling, I didn't mean to upset you.

“Quite the opposite,” she stands in front of me. “I feel very loved,” she tells me softly.

“I'm glad to hear that,” I smile and pick up the little box on the sofa.

“I think I've done too much.”

“Let me get excited about this,” I give her a kiss on the corner of her lips. She carefully unwraps the gift, revealing a classic silver bracelet with a barely visible heart-shaped engraving in the center.

“Nat, it's beautiful.

“Do you mind looking inside?” she turns the object in her hands.

“Emily Dickinson 456…” she whispers.

“Never forget it.”

“The comparison to Jesus?” We burst into laughter. “Never.” I take her beautiful face in my hands and bring it close to mine. Yes, definitely, these winds have shown me a lot, especially the woman I want to spend the rest of my days with.