Bonus Chapter
11 months, 30 days, 23 hours, and 58 minutes.
Gwen was clutching her phone tightly in her hands as the timer showed her that she had less than two minutes left. A whole year. It’s been almost a whole year since she ate the meal that had kickstarted her recovery. Thanks to her dad, she also knew the exact time she ate her pasta.
“‘I Am Sober’ has an eating disorder category, but they also want to know the time I starte-”
"9:48 pm," her father interrupted her.
Gwen’s eyes widened. He remembered the actual time?
“what?” Gwen asked, shocked and surprised at the same time.
“9:48 pm. I looked at the time on my phone the moment you took your first bite.”
And that was how she knew the exact moment she started her recovery. And that was also why she was holding her phone and staring at the screen as the timer on the app showed her that she was less than a minute away from reaching a full year of recovery.
Her hands were shaking. This all felt surreal to her. Her father’s hand was caressing her back as he sat next to her on the couch. She wondered what he was thinking, considering that he had been by her side since her recovery. Judging by the fact she saw him looking at the clock multiple times in the past hour, he must have been just as nervous and excited.
30 seconds.
Why was this so nerve-wrecking?
Mainly because the goal of reaching a full year seemed so far away at one point. And now, it was merely seconds away.
And for a long time, she lived with the fear of relapsing again. But she never did. Almost, but Gwen never went through with it. Now, this is what she called strength.
1 year.
“Oh my God,” Gwen whispered and released a deep breath.
She blinked multiple times, looked up, and then back at the timer, trying to make sure that what she was seeing was real.
Gwen was now officially a year into her recovery.
Her father squeezed her shoulder and pulled her closer to his side. “I’m so proud of you, Gwennie.”
“I can’t believe it,” Gwen said.
“But I do, I knew you could do it.”
“This feels like a dream.”
“I know, Gwen. I get it,” he said.
Gwen managed to take a screenshot of her milestone despite her shaky hands. She sent the screenshot to the group chat with her bandmates and the spider gang. And in less than a minute, she received several messages from all her friends congratulating her.
Sometimes the guilt still ate her up. Her friends had all struggled watching her ruin her own life like that. But they all reassured her and let her know that seeing her recover was the only thing they wanted.
Her body was still on a high as it tried to relax. But the mix of excitement and worry had her body on a rollercoaster.
Once Gwen calmed down, she closed her phone, released a sigh, and looked at her dad.
“I think this should be celebrated.”
He smirked at her. “Pasta at nine pm?”
“Absolutely.”
Gwen jumped up and walked towards the stove.
*
Gwen: Bring your ass over. I baked cake
After Gwen had woken up this morning, she had the sudden idea of baking a cake as a celebration. And after scrolling through her phone trying to find an easy recipe, she ended up making lemon cake.
And it smelled pretty damn good.
She wanted to spend the day with Miles, hence the urgent text message to him. And it seemed like he was pretty eager to see her, because not even five minutes later, there was a knock on their front door.
Gwen ran up to the front door and opened it to be instantly taken into his arms.
“I’m so proud of you, babe,” Miles said.
Gwen hugged him tightly and hid her face in between his neck.
“Thank you,” Gwen whispered, and hugged him a little closer.
Miles’ hand went under her shirt and caressed her back up and down. It was therapeutic for him, like a reminder that she was in full health again. He never wanted to feel her backbone again.
Miles left a kiss on her neck, put her feet back onto the floor and grabbed her hand with a smile on his face.
“I’m smelling lemon cake,” he said.
“You smelled right. Now c’mon, I picked out a movie for us.”
Before they ate their own share of the cake, they had sent pieces to their friends, Jess and left another one for her dad.
The two had spent the evening eating lemon cake, watching The Emperor’s New Groove and laughing. Gwen sat right in front of Miles, leaning on his chest as she played with his fingers.
“I…” Miles said and then sighed.
Gwen furrowed her eyebrows and then turned around to look at him.
“You what?” she asked.
Miles waited for a moment until he continued. “You haven’t said anything about any problems lately. You’re good, right?”
Miles was used to listening to her talk that it was strange to him for her to not talk about them anymore.
Gwen slightly smiled at him and said: “No, I’ve been good lately.”
Miles smiled at that and nodded his head. “That’s good to hear. I… I sometimes worry that you just don’t wanna tell me. I just wanna make sure that you’re okay.”
Gwen’s smile faded. “I’m so sorry for worrying you. I worried you all. You guys had given me a million chances to talk, and I always ran away.”
“Don’t apologize. As long as you talk now, it’s all good.”
Gwen nodded her head, but was silent for a moment.
“But I wanna move on,” Gwen said.
Miles raised his eyebrows in surprise.
“It’s just… the reason why I don’t talk about it anymore is because I… I just don’t want it to be a part of my life anymore. I wanna move on and completely forget about it.”
“Ar-are you sure ‘bout that?”
“I don’t even have therapy sessions any more. Even Spider-Psychologist says that I’m too happy to be Spider-Woman.”
“Okay, I believe you,” Miles lightly chuckled.
Gwen smiled and said: “I promise I’ll talk when something goes on in my mind. I just… really wanna move on. I can’t remember the last time I had the urge to relapse.”
“I get it.” Miles said. “I do.”
Gwen swallowed down the lump in her throat. “It just hurts to think about it. ‘S not like I’m in pain right now. It’s just the memories. And I don’t have to or wanna think about them.”
Gwen let out a shaky breath, and Miles took her hand in his.
“Let’s just no longer talk about it until I have to, ‘kay?” Gwen asked.
Miles nodded his head, lifted up his pinky finger, and said: “Pinky promise.”
Gwen smiled and interlocked their fingers. “Pinky promise.”
She released their fingers and immediately hugged him tightly.
“Thank you,” Gwen whispered into his chest.
*
Miguel had no Spider-Senses, but despite that, he could sense something different about his apartment. He narrowed his eyes and slowly walked towards the living room. His eyes immediately caught sight of the plate with the piece of cake.
“Huh,” he breathed out, and walked closer to it.
Once he stood in front of the coffee table, he saw the note that was left next to the plate. Miguel picked it up and read it.
Thank you for everything.
~Gwen S.
Miguel smiled at the note. He knew the date. He’d never tell anyone, but Gwen’s recovery had been one of the most stressful things he had witnessed ever since his daughter’s death. He had felt the stress relieve itself each time he saw her improve and get better.
He had saved the date she had started recovery on his phone, and last week he had already gotten a notification that the anniversary was close. It had left him with all kinds of emotions, but most importantly pride.
“Well done, Gwen,” Miguel mumbled, got a fork from the kitchen and sat down to eat the cake.
*
The breeze of the night wind felt relaxing.
Gwen had a blanket around herself as she sat on top of their own roof, and enjoyed the view of the city at night. After having gotten off her sugar high, and Miles had left to go back to his own universe, Gwen decided to spend some time alone outside.
Sighing in content, Gwen took a sip from her chamomile tea and tried not to gag. She had read online that it helped falling asleep, and it certainly did. But after drinking this at least four times, Gwen still thought this was disgusting.
Despite the disgusting taste of the tea, Gwen was relatively calm and at peace. Her mind was quiet, her body was relaxed and her mood just as good.
‘I did it, man. I did it,’ Gwen thought.
As Gwen closed her eyes, she saw the entire event of last year replaying in her mind like a movie. Vivid memories of her time at the med bay, the breakdowns in the bathroom, the therapy sessions, the meals and so much more.
The memories always got to her, but that was probably because they didn’t feel like memories. They brought back every emotion Gwen felt back then and caused her to react every time.
“Shit,” Gwen whispered to herself as a tear rolled down her face.
“Feel your emotions. Feel them all as much as you can until they purge,” her therapist had told her.
All her issues had started because she had once tried to suppress everything. She was never going to make the same mistake again. So now she allowed herself to cry every time, unapologetically so.
“Just cry, you idiot. Cry,” Gwen told herself.
Always prepared. Gwen had a tissue in her pockets, took it out and wiped her face and blew her stuffy nose. The crying was no longer much of an issue. Nowadays, they were always followed by her laughing. No idea why she laughed, but Gwen didn’t mind. It made crying a lot easier. It helped moving on, even right now.
Gwen took out her phone and went through some of the pictures she took in the past year. She avoided looking at some of them, especially those she took during the early days of her recovery.
But now as she looked at them, she found her mirror selfies.
“God,” Gwen said. ‘Was I really that skinny?’
Even three months into her recovery had she been really skinny. Back then, she saw herself as normal. But compared to now, she was so frail looking. Gwen slowly looked down at her own body. Muscle-ly arms and legs, and defined abs.
Two weeks ago, Miles thought it would be a good idea to sneak up on her from behind to hug her, and out of reflex, she grabbed him by his collar and smashed him to the ground with only one arm. Gwen doubted she could’ve done it back in the day.
“You did it, girl,” Gwen said with a light smile.
Then she scrolled back to the most important picture, her childhood picture. There she was, baby Gwen smiling brightly at the camera. Gwen smiled back at her as the tears dried on her face. Leave it to baby Gwen to turn her into a menace. Gwen started reusing old schemes that pissed off her dancing instructors, to piss Miguel off now. Hobie was certainly proud of her.
Sometimes it seemed wild to her. How did a single picture save her from nearly dying?
But it all made sense to her. It was not just a picture. It was thinking of the little child that deserved to live her best life. There had been moments where Gwen had become a little too emotional looking at the picture.
But Gwen truly believed it now. She deserved more and better out of this life.
‘Who would I be without you?’ Gwen thought as she stared at the picture.
A baby saved her life. Gwen saved her own life. Not Miguel or Jess, not her dad, not Miles or her friends. They had all helped her when she needed them. But Gwen was the one who had saved herself.
This was a reason for her to celebrate every day by simply being happy.
“Cheers, babe,” she said and took another sip of her tea.
Gwen immediately spit it out as it had gotten cold and even more disgusting.
“Jesus, I’ll never drink this shit again.”