Oh Noes! The Worst Has Happened!
The Family With 1 Working Braincell
Birb 1
And that is how you tame pigeons
Ребенок паук
Woah!
I wish I had known that seemingly useless information a week ago when those mean pigeons were stealing my sandwiches!
Murph had to chase them away!
Lord of the Beans
The same Murph that you mentioned as your one and only friend
Ребенок паук
I DISPROVED THAT STATEMENT BY ADDING QUEEN AND NOT FATHER TO A CHAT WITH YOU GUYS
YOU HAVE MET MY FRIENDS
Lord of the Beans
But you still introduced a cat as your only friend
Ребенок паук
You can’t prove anything
Мама паук
Where are these pigeons?
Is there any way to identify them from the nice ones?
And Snow, how do you feel about making pigeon nuggets?
Snowfield
You get the pigeons, I’ll cook the nuggets
Lady of the Beans
Do I need to remind you both of the “No cooking city animals” rule?
Ребенок паук
Excuse me, what?
Why would you have a rule like that?
Lord of the Beans
Hey, random question, Kid
Ребенок паук
Not a kid
Lord of the Beans
Anywayyy
How are things going at home?
Everything alright?
Ребенок паук
Honestly…..
No, nothing is alright anymore
Lord of the Beans
What’s wrong?
Birb 1
Are you okay?
Мама паук
Who do I have to murder?
Lady of the Beans
No murder
Well, maybe when it comes to this
Captain Language
Is everything alright?
Green Thumb
Do you need to see a doctor?
WGW
Do you need us to have a talk with someone?
Ребенок паук
No
It’s…. it’s about my Aunt
Birb 2
What about your aunt?
Snowfield
Did something happen?
Captain Language
Is she okay?
Green Thumb
Does she need to see a doctor?
Мама паук
Do I need to murder her?
Birb 1
SRL, no
….Unless certain circumstances are revealed
Мама паук
Fine
Lord of the Beans
Kid, why aren’t you replying?
Lady of the Beans
Anonymous?
Please tell us you’re alright
Tетя паук
What’s wrong with my nephew?
Is he okay?
Birb 2
We don’t know
He’s not replying
Мама паук
Ребенок паук
Please reply
X Marks the Hill
Kid?
EPG
All good?
#Couldn’tSaveHimself
Danger.
Мама паук
…..
#Couldn’tSaveHimself
Now I feel as if I am in danger
Мама паук
You are
Ребенок паук
Ahh sorry
I was making a sandwich
Please don’t kill him, MS!
Мама паук
Fine.
Lord of the Beans
KID THANK GOODNESS
Ребенок паук
Not a kid
Lord of the Beans
FINE
YOU’RE NOT A KID
JUST TELL US WHAT’S GOING ON WITH YOUR AUNT
Ребенок паук
Oh!
Right!
Her four-wheeler broke :(
She was looking forward to going four-wheeling through the desert with some friends
But it broke and she can’t go anymore :(((
Snowfield
That sucks
Four-wheeling is fun
Birb 2
Woah
You actually like something for once
Snowfield
I’ll have you know I like many things
Birb 2
Yeah right
Snowfield
Yeah
Right
I especially like kicking your butt in Mario Kart
Birb 2
YOU DO NOT KI-
Ребенок паук
Oh no
Birb 2
What?
Ребенок паук
It’s happened
Birb 1
What has happened?
Ребенок паук
I HAVE A CAT ON MY LAP
Birb 1
And that’s a problem?
Ребенок паук
Yes! Because now that the furry bean has decided to trust me enough to fall asleep on my lap I can never move lest I disturb him
Which means I am STUCK
My day plans are essentially ruined now that I have to set everything aside for an hour
Whyyyyyyy
Birb 2
I can see how that’s a problem
Ребенок паук
Oh no
Snowfield
What now?
Ребенок паук
He’s purring
What do I do?
X Marks the Hill
Don’t ask EPG, he’ll just tell you to throw it
EPG
Throw a cat one time, even if it was that cat, and a PERFECTLY REASONABLE thing to do, and no one lets you forget about it.
X Marks the Hill
You threw that cat at my face
EPG
Still a perfectly reasonable thing
Birb 1
I got it
Smile and enjoy the vibrations and sound
WGW
Um, pet him?
Ребенок паук
Pet him?
But what if I scare him away?
I DON’T WANT TO SCARE HIM AWAY
But wait
If I do not pet the cat, will he become dissatisfied and no longer purr?
Will he leave?!?!?!
Birb 2
I thought it was a problem there was a cat on your lap
Ребенок паук
It is
….kinda
I find I enjoy having a cat on my lap
And the purring
Birb 2
So now it’s not a problem?
Ребенок паук
Stop asking me such hard questions!
How am I supposed to know?!
WGW
Well you are the one with the cat
Birb 1
And you’re the one this question effects
Lord of the Beans
I don’t know what you’re talking about kid
That question should be easy
I absolutely always know exactly what my feelings are and how to react to them
Ребенок паук
Not a kid
Lady of the Beans
Pfft
Nice joke, Hon
Birb 1
What’s the cat’s name?
Ребенок паук
Murph
He’s super nice
Which is just another reason I shouldn’t disturb him
He looks so cute and content all curled up on my lap
Birb 1
Then pet him!
It’ll give you something to do and it’ll feel good for him
Ребенок паук
But what if he doesn’t like the pets?
And the effort petting him requires
Do I really want to use that much energy?
Snowfield
Kid, that’s just sad
You would literally just be petting a cat
That requires one hand and it could be lazy pets too
Ребенок паук
Again, not a kid
And eh, it’s a gen z thing I guess
Birb 1
Well think about it this way
There’s a high chance petting him would make him purr louder
Ребенок паук
Really?!
Birb 1
Do I ever lie?
Мама паук
Yes
Snowfield
Yes
Birb 2
All the time
Lord of the Beans
It’s kinda annoying
Snowfield
Pffft
You’re one to talk about being annoying
Lord of the Beans
Hey!
Birb 1
Well my point still stands
Ребенок паук
*gasp*
It worked
I didn’t even know he could purr louder
Wait
What is he doing?
That kinda scared me, I thought he was going to leave
Snowfield
Well don’t leave us in suspense
Ребенок паук
He’s like lifting his butt up in the air when I pet it
It’s kinda weird
Birb 1
Oh, yeah, That’s a cat thing
I call it the elevator butt
It means he likes the pets
And that he trusts you
Ребенок паук
Oh cool
But still kinda weird
Birb 1
The ways of a cat
Cats are mythical creatures that few yearn to understand
Ребенок паук
You sure know a lot about cats
Birb 1
Yeah, I live on a farm and we have five cats
One of them is actually gonna have kittens soon
My wife’s not super happy about that
She says she already has enough children to manage
….Now that I think about it I actually think she’s counting me in that
Ребенок паук
Wait you live on a farm?
I thought you all lived together
So do you all live on a farm?
Snowfield
No
Ребенок паук
So you all don’t live together
Мама паук
No
Ребенок паук
Wait, no you don’t or no you do
Snowfield
Maybe
Ребенок паук
Wait now I’m so confused
Мама паук
Good
WGW
Good job
You managed to keep a secret for once
Snowfield
I also own a cat if we’re talking about cats
She’s pure white and she’s the best
Her name’s Alpine
Birb 2
I didn’t think I would like anything about you but then Alpine came along
So I stand corrected
But I still don’t like you
Snowfield
The feelings mutual
Birb 2
Good
Snowfield
Good
Tетя паук
Aw, look at the two boys pretending to hate each other
Birb 2
Pretending?!
We do hate each other
Мама паук
Sure
That’s why you guys always play Mario Kart together
And are so protective over each other
Snowfield
I don’t know what you’re talking about
I’m not protective
Captain Language
You totally are
There’s no fooling us
Мама паук
I sometimes sort of also have a cat
Her name is Liho
She’s pure black and a stray I feed that lets me pet her sometimes
She reminds me of me
Ребенок паук
That’s so cool that you guys have cats
Does anyone else have a cat?
WGW
I also have a cat
His name is Merlin Peitro Maximoff
Ребенок паук
Oh yeah, I forgot about him
WGW
He can be pretty forgettable sometimes
Unless he’s hungry
Then he makes sure there’s no possible way I could forget about him
Lord of the Beans
Just like Sparky and GT
Birb 1
That sounds like a cat
Is he also super unnecessarily loud at 3 in the morning some nights in a way that seems like he’s doing it just to wake you up and bother you?
Or does he also walk in front of your computer screen and lay down on your keyboard so you have to stop whatever you’re doing and give him pets?
Sadness :(
Cat’s eyes reflect red because they are related to the Devil
Birb 1
No, they reflect more yellow
And tend to scare you in the middle of the night just for the fun of it
Sadness :(
Doesn’t matter, my point still stands
Ребенок паук
Whoa! Since when have you been on this chat?
Sadness :(
I have been on this chat for a long time child
I just lurk in the background
Ребенок паук
I’m not a child!
Lord of the Beans
….You lurk like a stalker
Sadness :(
Um, no.
Like the amazing head of security I am
Lurking in the background going unnoticed unless needed
Birb 1
Wait what you said just registered
You don’t like cats?!
Are you allergic?
Sadness :(
No
Birb 1
Did a cat give you some kind of trauma in your childhood years?
Sadness :(
No
Birb 1
Then you have no reason to dislike cats!
They are so nice
Usually
Sometimes
It depends on the cat
Sadness :(
My point still stands
Birb 1
But you’re missing out on so much!
Like cat purrs
Or them butting their head against yours
Or the warmth they excrete when they sit on your lap
Or their smell
…Except for when they have just gone to the bathroom because then they just smell like kitty litter and it’s awful
But you’re missing out on so much!
Sadness :(
Yeah, like having to change their kitty litter
Or them peeing all over my house when they don’t want to use the kitty litter
Or cleaning up their hairballs
Or getting scratches all over my arms and legs when they don’t want to be pet
The entitlement
Like when they go “Pet me!” and then you go to pet them and they go “Oh wait nevermind I’m still better than you always and you’re the worst go away.”
Ребенок паук
You sure know a lot for disliking cats so much
Sadness :(
Just because I don’t like cats doesn’t mean I haven’t had to deal with one
Sadly
Birb 1
It just sounds like you haven’t had to deal with the right cat yet
There’s a cat for everyone
Unless you’re allergic or they’ve given you some form of childhood trauma
Sadness :(
I really disagree with that statement
Birb 1
Well too bad!
It’s still true!
Sadness :(
No it’s not
I am the evidence that it’s not true
Lord of the Beans
It’s okay
Sadness :( just dislikes everything
Sadness :(
That is so not true
I like birds
Lord of the Beans
What? Since when?
Sadness :(
Since a long time ago
I even own a bird
Lord of the Beans
What? Since when?
Sadness :(
Since a long time ago
His name is Sunshine and he’s the prettiest Canary in the whole world
His songs are also the prettiest
Like sunshine to my soul
Hence his name and also his yellow color
He’s so intelligent
He can solve puzzles and recognizes me
I’ve trained him well and he’s so well behaved
I just love him and he loves me
He’s perfect
Lord of the Beans
How did I not know this about you
Sadness :(
Because you’re an ignorant soul
And didn’t care
Lord of the Beans
I care!
You’re one of the few people I care about!
You’re family!
Sadness :(
Well I thought you wouldn’t care about this
Lord of the Beans
Well you thought wrong
I care about the things you care about
And you clearly love Sunshine
Lady of the Beans
Same Sadness :(
I also care about what you care about
You shouldn’t ever think otherwise
Sadness :(
… That means a lot
Thanks
Lord of the Beans
(つ▀¯▀)つ
Sadness :(
⊂(・ヮ・⊂)
Lady of the Beans
(Ɔ˘⌣˘(-_-)˘⌣˘ C)