Chapter 1
Terra was surprisingly close to Gamora’s current location. Not that she’s been checking their distance on every planet she’s been on recently. Definitely not.
The ship is unusually quiet. The Ravagers have all gone out to a bar. While Gamora prides herself for her skill for adapting in any situation, as she has proved again by living with the Ravagers, if possible, she would much rather not be in a bar. Which is how she finds herself all alone on their ship with her holo in her hands.
On the screen is her contact list. Most of them are from her time under Thanos. She tries to ignore all the memories coming to her back from her time with him as her eyes scan all the names, hesitating on all but one. Peter Quill.
Right before they parted ways again, Quill had come up to her with yet another polaroid photo. She was ready to decline right away before even seeing it, but he insisted. He’d told her she didn’t even need to look at the photo, but he needed her to at least have it. She didn’t look at the picture until she was safely back in her bunk with the Ravagers. She remembers how she nearly started crying, but was luckily able to blink the tears away fast enough for anyone else to see.
The picture was one of a planet she didn’t recognize. None of the guardians were in it, but the view was breathtaking. The sky had a purple hue and the stars were brighter than she’s ever seen before. There appeared to be no houses anywhere in the area, just a giant body of water and greenery. The flowers looked nearly as tall as her and the petals nearly identical to the color of her hair.
She had spent many nights staring at the picture, protecting it and keeping it safe from the other Ravagers. Nearly every night, before bed, she’d take the picture from under her pillow and if she was lucky enough, it would follow her into her dreams. It ironically took her quite a while to notice Quill’s messy writing on the back of it. The numbers in black marker.
Gamora is not sure why he even gave her his code. It’s not like he has ever reached out to her. And she definitely isn’t sure why she even added him, but she chooses not to dwell on that. He never reached out to her . Not that she cares, of course.
She flinched as Nebula’s contact suddenly pops up on her screen, as if her sister had magically caught her thinking about him . Gamora grunts, annoyed at herself and her reaction, before answering the call.
“Sister.” Nebula greets her with a serious look on her face.
Gamora merely nods in response. She’s been in contact with Nebula ever since she found herself in this timeline. The frequency of it varies, but they agreed on at least weekly updates. She’s relieved there’s no one with her on the ship, but also dreads her sister finding out. Last time Nebula realized Gamora was alone, she insisted on updating her on Quill’s whereabouts. She informed her he had gone back to Terra, his home planet, and is staying with relatives.
They converse about their week. It’s strange for Gamora to suddenly have such a real sisterly bond with her, but she’s very grateful for Nebula through it all. She’s proud of her sister and all that she has accomplished.
Gamora tries not to listen to the voices in the background, pretending she doesn’t recognize them. Of course she does, though. She hears Rocket talk about another one of his weapons he’s making, Drax’s laugh loud enough to even make Nebula wince and she hears Groot complain about said noise. Nebula had briefly mentioned Mantis’ absence as well, but her whereabouts are unknown to her.
She still hasn’t heard his voice. Not since the last time she saw him.
Nebula’s voice snaps her out of her thoughts, and Gamora looks back at the screen to find her sister staring at her with a small smirk on her face. She feels her annoyance come back up and rolls her eyes, “What?” She spats.
“You’re free to ask about him.” Nebula answered.
Of course her sister sees right through her. Nebula knows her like no other, so it makes sense for her to know what she’s really thinking about. Regardless, she hates how obvious it is. Before Gamora can answer, Nebula continues.
“Or, you could just ask him yourself. He gave you his code for a reason.”
“Oh yeah?” Gamora starts, “If he wanted to talk to me, why hasn’t he ever contacted me? It’s been weeks.” She curses at herself for the shake in her voice. She suddenly wishes the ship was full with Ravagers so that her facade would be much easier to uphold.
Nebula rolls her eyes at her, but starts talking before Gamora can interrupt her again. “He gave you his code so you could contact him on your own terms. I bet if you send him a message right now, he would reply right away.”
“Bet on what?” Gamora replies hastily. Now curious due to her competitiveness and their, now innocent, sisterly rivalry. Nebula and her have a long history of competitions between them, originally created by Thanos. Back then, their fights had involved a lot more harm and death, whereas now it is marginally more peaceful.
Her sister’s smirk only seems to widen by her reaction, clearly pleased that the intention of her words came across. “If he takes longer than three minutes to respond, I will give you any knife from my collection you want.”
Her eyes widen at that, now definitely intrigued, “And if he doesn’t?”
“You go to Terra.”
The silence that falls between them seems unsurprising to Nebula, who is still smirking and patiently awaiting her sister’s response. Gamora knows she’s trapped now. If she declines, she’ll basically admit to having any sort of feelings towards Quill, but if she agrees she might actually have to go and be confronted with said feelings.
Nebula is clearly amused by her reaction, which only adds to Gamora’s annoyance. She refuses to admit defeat, though, and nods. “Alright. I accept.” She says with false confidence.
She watches her sister closely and she knows Nebula easily sees through her facade, but thankfully decides to not comment on it. “Well, the honor is yours, sister.” She gestures as if to hand her the holo.
Gamora rolls her eyes, already regretting this. Although, she would really like one of her sister’s knives. Throughout the years she seems to have gathered a numerous amount of swords and knives that have caught Gamora’s attention early on. She hasn’t openly expressed her love for her weapons in a while now, it clearly not being very safe around the Ravagers. It would merely expose a weakness.
She clicks on his code and the screen changes to an empty inbox. Her fingers hover over her keyboard, suddenly at a loss of words on what to say to him. She glances up to see Nebula staring at her.
Gamora grunts and quickly types the first thing she can think of and sends it, smirking at the look of surprise on her sister’s face. A small victory, she supposes.
Nebula quickly recovers, “It has only been half a minute, sister.”
“You mean only two and a half minutes left.” Gamora snaps back, the smirk not leaving her face.
Nebula rolls her eyes, but remains quiet, which is definitely alarming for Gamora. If her sister refuses to continue her banter, she either admits defeat or is confident in her victory. Judging by her expression, it’s the latter.
“What did you message him?” Nebula asks, clearly unfazed by how there’s almost one minute left. She appears fully confident and doesn't even bother checking the time. Gamora resists the urge to roll her eyes this time, but doesn’t get the chance to answer her sister’s question as the sound of a notification from her holo rings through the empty ship.
Gamora curses and refuses to meet the smug look Nebula is definitely giving her right now. “This bet wasn’t fair. You know how he… messages.” she accuses, unsure of how that would really play a factor in this. It had not been three minutes, nor had it been close. It took him only two minutes and fourteen seconds, to be exact. Which she knows includes the time it took for the message to actually be delivered to her, as she’s on another planet and Terra’s technology is quite primitive compared to others in the galaxy.
Not that she’s ever done any research on Terra.
She feels her cheeks flush out of embarrassment and ducks her head, trying to hide her reaction from her sister. She fails, of course. Nebula has long seen the darker shade of green covering her cheeks.
With her head down, Gamora is forced to read the response to her message. She embarrassingly feels her face flush more and glances to the side awkwardly. She’s suddenly very glad her sister isn’t actually with her in person right now, as she would surely hear the undeniable change in her heart beat. She can’t recall the last time she’s felt her heart race like this and briefly considers accusing him of it.
Upon realizing what she’d be admitting to, she quickly rejects the idea. Her eyes move down to the Godslayer strapped on her thigh, she really wants to stab something.
Gamora finally looks back up at Nebula, and her sister actually laughs at her. Hearing Nebula laugh is rare. Most times it would probably please Gamora to hear her sister so happy, but now she finds it to be truly frustrating. Clearly her struggle seems to be that amusing to her.
“He took longer than I expected.” Nebula says as she comes down from laughter. “But, it was probably because of Terra’s terrible signal.”
“You tricked me.” Gamora hisses, redirecting her embarrassment to anger.
Nebula rolls her eyes more dramatically than Gamora has probably ever seen. “I did no such thing, sister. We made a bet and you lost.”
Gamora rushes to end the call, sighing as she’s met with silence yet again. Her eyes glance back down at the holo as she rereads his message to her.
Hey! It’s so good to hear from you. How’ve you been?
She didn’t know it was possible to ramble like she’s learned he does through messages as well. After all, all she texted him was ‘hey’. Her hand moves up to her hair, followed by her fingers softly twirling her curls. A habit she’s had ever since she was little that seemed to resurface whenever she was nervous.
She briefly wonders if he knows this before deciding she doesn’t care.
Nebula hasn’t tried to call back, but she did leave a message reminding her of her part of the deal. And the fact that she had won, of course. Gamora isn’t sure which one makes her more frustrated.
The quietness surrounding her is gone in a matter of seconds as the rest of her crew seem to have found their way back. They’re laughing, singing and chatting loudly as the smell of alcohol reaches her.
The noise appears to be a great distraction from her mind for now, and for once she’s glad the Ravagers are like this. She tosses the holo onto her bunk and moves towards the common area. She will think more in the morning.
___________
When morning comes, Gamora finds herself to have done more thinking than she had ever even planned to. Along with that, she’s spent a lot of time staring mindlessly at her holo. Her eyes moving over his words repeatedly.
She doesn’t understand why she’s been thinking about him and his message so much. It’s not like he said anything out of the ordinary. Or perhaps he did. Perhaps she doesn’t remember the last time someone has ever been happy to hear from her. A mere greeting was enough to bring him joy.
That idea alone scares her, so Gamora decides to rely on her old instincts. Those taught by Thanos. He could’ve easily been lying, especially through a holo message. That would certainly explain her uneasiness about this situation, not the fact that she can feel her heart race at the thought of him missing her .
Surprisingly, Nebula has yet to contact her again. She assumed her sister would rush her down to Terra right away. Celebrating her victory. She has to remind herself again that this isn’t the Nebula from her timeline, but one where she’d been closer to her sister for quite some time now. One where she’s found a place to call home and was able to give all her anger and resentment a place.
Gamora nearly laughs out loud as her trail of thoughts is interrupted by a call incoming from her sister. So much for not rushing her.
“It’s time to move, sister.” Nebula greets her with a slight tilt of her head.
“Right. How could I forget?” Gamora deadpans.
Her sister merely shrugs in response. “Have you informed him?”
Gamora decides to ignore her questions, really not wanting to tell her that she hasn’t even responded to his message at all. She gets up and grabs her bag before gathering some items to pack. It’s not like she’s planning to move away from the Ravagers permanently, but knowing them it will be much safer to keep her belongings close.
She decides to try and change their topic of discussion, “Where will I even get the ship to go? The Ravagers surely don’t have a small ship I could borrow for some time.”
Nebula smirks and interrupts her before Gamora even realizes what she insinuated. “Some time? I never mentioned you had to stay there, sister. Merely a visit.”
Gamora feels her face go hot again, but she doesn’t back down. “It was clearly implied. But very well, it will merely be a visit then.”
“Oh? Is that why you’re packing all your items?” Nebula asks.
Gamora huffs and drops the bag on her bunk, “I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the Ravagers, but I’d much rather have none of my belongings go missing.”
Nebula makes a face that very obviously means she doesn’t believe her, but she doesn’t continue arguing. Gamora decides to take this moment to come back to her original question. “So, again, how do I get a ship?”
“Ask the Ravagers to come drop you off here. I will take care of your transport.” Nebula moves to send her the coordinates before she could protest.
“Fine.” Gamora allows, knowing there was truly no way out of this now. She absently reorganizes some of her items in her bag, carefully placing her favorite weapons between her clothes.
This time Nebula hangs up. She does so right before sending the coordinates followed by another message.
See you soon, sister.
Gamora considers replying, as she is genuinely happy to be seeing her sister again, but decides against it as she reminds herself she’s also very frustrated with her for making her do this.
Realistically, she knows Nebula didn’t make her do anything. She accepted the bet and even agreed on each other’s terms. She’s also not even sure if the emotions she’s feeling are actually frustration and anger, but it feels like the safer and much easier alternative. She looks down at her bag and back up, scanning her room for something she could’ve missed. Upon realizing she’s packed everything, she throws her bag over her shoulder and heads to the cockpit.
The Ravagers seem to pick up strays every other week, which is why it is unsurprising for Gamora to see someone piloting the ship she’s yet to meet. He grunts but doesn’t bat an eye, which Gamora has learned is how Ravagers tend to greet each other.
“You’ve set a course for our next job, correct?” She asks, now standing besides him.
The Ravager grunts again, which appears to be their general form of communication for just about anything at this point.
“Excellent.” Gamora starts, “Drop me off on Knowhere.”
“I don’t think so, lady.” He laughs loudly and Gamora can smell the alcohol on his breath.
Her hand moves towards her sword, not quite drawing it but clearly ready to do so at any time. “I wasn’t asking.”
The Ravager seems to follow her movements. Surprisingly so, as she’s pretty sure he’s drunk. His eyes come back up to meet hers and she sees him gulp. He doesn’t say anything in response, but he makes sure to nod as he types in the new coordinates for Knowhere.
This time, it’s Gamora who grunts as a ‘thank you’ and moves back out to her bunk. Clearly uninterested to converse with anyone else at the moment. Her mind is reeling with thoughts about him .
She huffs and lies back down on her bunk. Knowhere is about three hours away, and while sleep has never come easy to her, she tries to take a nap after staying up all night. She can’t let her sister see the impact her upcoming trip has had on her already, nor will she share how much the thought of seeing Quill again affects her.
She wonders if she should have informed him she was on her way to Terra. He had let her know she was always welcome, but the fact that she’s meeting him on his homeworld feels more intimate than anything she’s ever done.
Insecurities washes over her. Gamora already knows her mere existence without their shared memories is a disappointment to him, but what if he doesn’t even want to see her at all? What if she’s causing him nothing but pain? It’s what she’s good for, after all.
She snaps out of it when she realizes how ridiculous she’s being. She’s not going for him. Nebula and her had a bet and she lost. That’s all.
___________
Gamora wakes abruptly as the ship shakes. For a moment she feels disoriented, confused as to why they had stopped moving. She quickly recovers, though, and remembers that she had requested to get off at Knowhere to meet her sister. She’s surprised when she realizes she actually managed to fall asleep. She rushes to the cockpit again, confirming with the same pilot as before it was safe for her to get off.
All the Ravagers appear to be too busy with both drinking and playing games to notice her leaving, which she’s very grateful for right now. She has no idea how she could possibly explain her current situation to them.
Nebula is right there outside waiting for her, minus the smug look on her face that she’s had the past times Gamora has called her. Instead, there’s a small, genuine smile tugging at her lips. She seems relieved to see her sister. Happy even.
Gamora feels the same. Or, would feel the same, if her sister hadn’t just won their bet and this is merely the consequences of that. She’s annoyed at Nebula for all of this, but she can’t help but wrap her sister in a hug as soon as she reaches her.
Nebula responds as eagerly as her, “Sister.” She greets her.
Gamora doesn’t respond with words, but gently tightens her arms around her sister. She seems to have understood, as Nebula doesn’t move.
It’s been a while since Gamora has seen Nebula in person. Sure they’ve stayed in contact and called regularly, but she decided she prefers to physically see her sister. Nebula has invited her to Knowhere multiple times, perhaps even during every call they’ve had. Still, Gamora refuses. She is not their Gamora. She has no recollection of the people who claim to be her family, besides Nebula.
She feels severely out of place and left out. It’s a vulnerable position to be in, one where she feels like the people around her know more about her than she might. Thanos’ booming voice in the back of her head impossible to ignore when she’s here.
Nebula interrupts her trail of thoughts by speaking up, “Are you ready?”
Gamora rolls her eyes and moves away. Typical Nebula, she muses. “Yes, sister, I am ready.”
A smirk returns on Nebula’s face and nudges Gamora to follow her. They walk along the now busy streets of Knowhere and Gamora feels a sense of pride in her sister. She’d helped build this, after all. She truly admires her.
She considers asking about Peter’s part in all of this, but refrains.
Knowhere strangely feels familiar to her somehow. She feels a sense of belonging and comfort, which is rare for her. The Ravagers certainly don’t feel like that, but there’s a different kind of belonging there. She feels comfortable with their simple way of living, one with no rules which brings a freedom she hasn’t experienced before.
Gamora doesn’t think about the future much. Not when it’s been so uncertain all her life. She makes it until the end of the day, and repeats the same the next day.
She doesn’t really plan on being with the Ravagers all her life. She knows they’re a group of petty thieves, the exact type of people Thanos would refer to as lowlifes. Perhaps staying with them is another act of rebellion against him as well.
The ‘other’ Gamora had years to rebel against Thanos. In fact, she had actually left him on her own. She ran away, formed the Guardians and got something Gamora has longed for ever since she was little on the Sanctuary: a family.
She feels a hint of jealousy against… herself. Or her other self. Obviously she’s grateful Thanos is gone, but she can’t help but wonder if he even knew she turned against him. It was last minute at best, because she was too much of a coward to leave him before that. Apparently she wasn’t, though.
Gamora wants to prove to others, but mostly herself, that she’s more than a daughter of Thanos. She’s not his daughter at all, actually. She’s more than he made her to be. But how does she prove that to anyone when Thanos isn’t even there anymore? How does she rebel against something that has been gone for long enough for people to already move on from the damage he caused?
She really wants to stab something now. Unfortunately, Nebula is the one closest to her, so she decides against it.
“You’re free to borrow this ship. It’s small, definitely not our best, but it will suffice your journey.” Nebula explains.
Gamora nods, “It’s fine.” She moves up to the ship and goes right to start it up. The sooner she gets this over with, the better.
Nebula follows her, even though the ship is clearly meant for solo traveling. It’s cramped just for her, and certainly uncomfortable for the two of them together right now. “Make sure to activate the shield as soon as possible. Terra is.. relatively behind on intergalactic travel. Though Quill won’t be frightened, of course.”
Gamora grunts in response, and realizes by the disgusted look on her sister’s face that she’s not among Ravagers. “Noted.” She says instead.
Nebula turns to leave right away, but not before turning around to meet her sister’s eyes. “Do not be afraid, sister.”
“What?” Gamora hisses, nearly shooting up from her seat.
Nebula appears uninterested in their usual banter and ignores her, “I understand you feel… out of place, perhaps. I also understand that makes you feel uncomfortable. I’m merely reminding you to not fear him like you’d fear anyone else who knows about you.”
Gamora’s anger only rises at her sister’s words, because who is she to tell her how she feels? There couldn’t possibly be anyone who understands her situation, not when even she cannot wrap her head around it. “You told me he’s an idiot.” Is all she can think of to say, not wanting to go back to talking about her feelings.
Nebula smirks again, “Yes, that is true.” She moves closer to Gamora’s seat and lays a tentative hand on her shoulder, “But I also recall telling you he made you happier than you’ve ever been.”
“Not me.” Gamora shrugs her sister’s hand off her shoulder, “ Her. ” She spats.
Nebula sighs dramatically, which would likely have made Gamora laugh in any other situation, before walking back outside. She turns around once she’s back on the ground and out of the ship, “Fine. He made Gamora happier than she’s ever been.” She crosses her arms over her chest and looks at her sister expectantly, “Are you about to tell me you’re not Gamora, sister?”
Gamora glares at her, but doesn’t answer. She ushers her to back away as she starts the engine, grateful that Nebula seems to take the hint that she no longer wishes to continue this conversation. She watches her sister walk back to the busy center of Knowhere, which she can see fully from up on her ship. She types in the coordinates that Nebula had sent her before and reminds herself of the shield.
She takes off quickly, a sudden rush coming over her as she wants to get out of here as soon as possible. Or perhaps get to him just as fast. She chooses not to think about that.
___________
The way to Terra wasn’t long. The distance was even shorter than the last time she had checked on the Ravager ship. Gamora turns the ship on autopilot and grabs the holo out of her bag, a flush of embarrassment rising in her cheeks as the screen immediately shows Quill’s message. She quickly swipes it away and checks for other messages. Her crew has yet to notice her departure it seems. She feels a bit saddened by it, a familiar sense of loneliness coming back to her.
She thinks of Quill and how he told her it was good to hear from her, as if he had actually noticed her absence. Maybe even missed her.
Gamora isn’t used to being wanted. Sure, Thanos was pleased to have her as a weapon and valued her in his missions, but she was always replaceable if needed. He made sure she would not forget that. What he wanted from her had nothing to do with who she was, merely what she was capable of doing. Specifically, the harm she was capable of.
Nebula has been more expressive about her love towards her and her desire to be true sisters. She often thinks about what those five years must have done to her sister to thoroughly change her like this and wonders if perhaps she would ever be capable of that as well.
Then, of course, was Quill. He had quite literally begged her on his knees to join the Guardians. Or, re-join, she supposes. She had been informed by Nebula about his past relationship with the other Gamora, and understood why he would mistake her for her. The first time he had looked at her had been on the battlefield, eyes filled with so much love and want . It was too much for her, Gamora had never been wanted like that.
It hurt more than she’d ever admit when she discovered he never wanted her. He just wanted her back.
Gamora curses softly as a loud, beeping noise shakes her out of her thoughts. She quickly scans the screens to find that she nearly missed her landing point. For a brief moment she considers doing so, but reminds herself that Nebula would find out and most definitely send her back again, which makes her change her mind
No other reason.
She turns the ship off autopilot and pilots the rest of the way down to Terra. A strange feeling of anxiety swelling in her chest, mixed with some excitement she refuses to acknowledge. She tells herself she’s only nervous because he is unaware she’s coming. Although Nebula didn’t seem to be worried when she had told her this.
The sky is dark and cloudy as Gamora prepares her landing. Terra reminds her a bit of Xandar. Or, the way Xandar was before Thanos had cursed it. The planet is also big, she realizes, and checks her coordinates again.
The coordinates lead her to a much more quiet and calm area of the planet it seems. There are a few lights on the roads, but the remaining part is mostly dark. Her ship’s lights light up a huge field in front of her with a few houses upfront. She winces as she realizes her landing must have disturbed this town with the noise of the engine and her bright lights.
Gamora lands in a big, open field. She considers turning the lights off quickly for the sake of the town, but that would make her a vulnerable target in the midst of an open field. She knows that is Thanos talking and she remembers Nebula telling her Terra’s technology, including weapons, is very primitive, but she also remembers her sister telling her they’re still uncomfortable with aliens. She does turn the engine off as she’s successfully landed, perhaps with a bit more ruckus than necessary, but she’s never been the best pilot. Not that she’d ever admit that to anyone else.
She opens the exit and moves to leave the ship, but stops abruptly at the sound of footsteps and whispers. If the engine was still on, she would’ve missed it, but her enhanced hearing is now able to pick it up.
The string of curses and clumsy footsteps get louder and she realizes whoever is on their way is getting closer. She quickly draws her sword and abandons her bag inside before striding out to hide behind her ship. Once outside, she’s able to make words out of the whispered curses.
“Shit. Fuck. What the hell?!”
Gamora bites her lip to fight her smile, she definitely recognizes the stranger now. Of course, he has no clue who just landed in, apparently, his field attached to his house.
He’s close enough for her to see him now. She’s able to make out his disheveled look and realizes she’s woken him up. His shirt appears to be inside out, and his sweatpants are a little too short for him, exposing his ankles. His slippers seem to be giving him trouble and she stifles a laugh as he nearly trips over them. Her brow quirks as she notices the oddly shaped stick in his hands.
“Am I freaking—“ It is then that Gamora decides to properly step out and reveal herself. His movements seem to halt right away, his arms going slack. She guesses he recognizes her, judging by his reaction. It surprises her at first, considering the bright light from the ship must have been blinding him up until a second ago, but then she realizes he must have seen the other version of her in a ton of different settings and lightings over the years.
He’s quite literally gaping at her and she absolutely doesn’t think he looks adorable with his hair sticking up everywhere, the flush on his cheeks, his chest heaving and his facial expression.
“Dreaming?” He finishes, voice barely above a whisper. Considering her distance, and without her enhanced hearing, anyone else wouldn’t have been able to hear it.
Gamora moves away from the ship and takes in her surroundings, her heels pressing into the grass field. The smell of the grass is pleasant and fresh. It makes her want to touch it. She glances around as if to check if anyone else is around to punish her for it, deeming Quill as safe, she carefully bends down on her knees and runs her hands through the grass. It’s surprisingly soft and the green contrasts her skin. It reminds her of the picture stuffed in her pocket, the one he had given her weeks ago. “You’re not dreaming.” She says and looks back up at him.
He takes a few tentative steps towards her, the rest of him still unmoving. His eyes don’t leave hers, his look full of emotions she doesn’t dare name. For the first time, although not with him, Gamora doesn’t hold his gaze. She’s able to stare Thanos dead in the eyes as he prepares her punishment, but somehow looking Quill in the eyes with That Look is much more terrifying.
The light from the ship casts a shadow over her as he moves closer, now hovering over her. This time, she does look back up at him and has the unnerving realization that he’s still looking at her like that. He has finally stopped gaping at her, though, which makes her feel slightly less awkward.
“Gamora?”