Like Crying Out In Empty Rooms (With No One There Except The Moon)
Entry 1
Hi, what’s up? Is it weird that I’m talking to a journal? …Nah, it’s fine. So, hru? Me? I’m good, yeah. I know you can’t answer, maybe I’m going insane lol
Today was low key boring. I went to school, had to slip out for a SS (Spider Society) related emergency, blah blah- you get the point. I went on a mission with the usual squad (Gwen, Hobie, and Pav) and it went well.
WAIIITTTTTT I SHOULD TELL YOU ABOUT THEM
Okay, so I could talk about them for hours, especially Hobie and Gwen. ESPECIALLY Gwen (bc she’s so pretty and nice (aside from that time last month/the incident) I can’t sometimes arghhhhh).
Okay, so…
-Gwen Stacy(🖤) (Spider-Woman/Ghost-Spider) of earth-65. Cutest smile (and tooth gap like she’s so insecure about it even tho it’s the cutest thing ever), badass, plays the drums, has cool hair (she can thank me for that lmao).
-Pavitr Prabhakar (Spider-Man India) of earth-50101. Literal ball of sunshine, but can be really scary sometimes. (note: NEVER SAY CHAI TEA!!).
-Hobie Brown (Spider-Punk) of earth-138. Absolute BAMF. I didn’t like him at first, but he helped me when no one else did. Honestly, I’m not sure if I even forgive Gwen for that.
I’m in the middle of Spanish class rn and I know I should be paying attention since I already have a B in this class and my Mamí’s PISSED about that- I gotta ask Miguel to be my Spanish tutor lol. He’ll definitely refuse tho so why even try?
And there's this thing...I've been hearing this weird voice in my head. It feels too self-aware to just be "The Voice In My Head™", and I'm thinking of asking Miguel about it. He has experience with tons of anomalies all because of me, so hopefully he can help.
List of things to ask Miguel
1) SPANISH LESSONS PLS I NEED THEM
2) Questions about the voice in my head
Actually, it's less of a voice and more of a mind roommate. Almost like we're living in symbiosis...
It’s real weird lol
Entry 2
My memory’s getting weird again. It hasn’t been like that since the missions last week, AND the bad headaches are back.
My roommate (not Ganke, the mind roommate) says it’s just a side effect.
Of what? Glitching too much? Going insane? Having a demonic entity living in your head or something?? Bleh, I just constantly feel like throwing up my insides lately. So I haven’t been eating, and Mamí’s getting worried.
“Have you eaten today?”
“You look really skinny, mi hijo.”
“You’ve lost weight…are you okay?”
I hear at least one of those everyday. (I’d add a little drawing of me rolling my eyes, but I’m too mentally drained to draw. (and I normally draw to HELP with feeling drained…huh.))
BUT THIS JOURNAL LOOKS SO BORING IMO LIKE I GOTTA SPICE IT UP
When your school notes that you don’t give a shit about have more personality and doodles than your personal journal:/
Sorry for the slightly shorter entry, I gotta go.
Entry 3
Got hurt while I was out being Spider-Man today. It’s a nasty wound, bleeding and taking too long for comfort to start healing, but I don’t feel anything. I could be dying for all I know, but I feel fine. Weird…
I poorly patched it up, hopefully no one notices.
Entry ??
WE LIKE IT WHEN HE’S TIRED AND WEAK. GIVES US CONTROL.
Entry 4
Was I sleepwalking again bc wtf is that? Like the entry above?? Anyways, counting this as entry 4 since I don’t remember writing that other one. I really am going insane, aren’t I?
And the wound finally decided to start hurting. IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS.
Since my side/stomach was hurting and there was blood dripping onto the seat so I told the teacher it’s just my period.
I must’ve jinxed it, bc I woke up this morning not only bleeding from the wound, but I literally got my period .
BRUH. SUPER EPIC POGGERS BRUH MOMENT. (Help me I’ve been scrolling on YT shorts waaaaaay too much for my deteriorating sanity to handle)):
Entry 5
Why does everything hurt so much rn? Mamí realized I was injured and she stitched up the wound.
God, I hate stitches. I hate needles. They don’t even hurt, it’s just the thought of something piercing into your skin-
The thought hurts.
She was PISSED at me for not telling her about it. I know I should’ve gone to her…but she worries enough.
I can count the new wrinkles on her face since I came out as Spider-Man. Same goes for my dad.
And my grades. Let’s just say…Spanish isn’t the only class I have a B in now.
And the headaches keep getting worse. I can’t even build up the courage to ask Miguel some simple questions about my condition.
But he doesn’t even hate me anymore (I think), so why am I so fucking scared?
Make it stop. Please. Everything feels like too much, I need a break. I try drawing, but I can’t even draw Gwen properly anymore. She has freckles, right?
Yeah, so do I. But like- are her eyes dark or pale blue?
See what I mean about my memory?
I’m just tired. Too drained to do ANYTHING. I’ve been showing up late to missions…to classes…
I’m a mess. A mistake.
Miguel was right. Make it stop.
Entry idk I’m too tired to even keep track:/
I haven’t talked to anyone much as of late. Just you and my mind roommate.
No one understands. But then again…they’re probably the only people who understand.
Maybe feeling like this is a canon event?? Lmao at least that’s slightly better ig. What am I even saying? Canon events are bullshit anyways.
My thoughts are messy I can’t keep track
Dizzy
It hurts so much I just want someone to hug me and tell me it’s all gonna be okay.
I miss feeling normal.