Chapter 4
He was out of practice for stuff like this.
"Knock knock."
Billy opens the slightly cracked door. Annie is sitting on the bed, her legs to her chest and head against her knees. Her eyes are red and wet. She’d been crying. But god, she looked exactly like Daisy.
“She hates me, doesn’t she?”
Billy steps into the room and shuts the door behind him before taking a seat on Annie’s bed. The blanket sat in a ball at the edge of the bed and Annie’s back was against the headboard.
“No sweetie. She’s…she’s just scared.”
Annie’s scoffs and wipes her eyes.
“Scared. What? She thinks I’m not scared either? She thinks I don’t know what could happen to me? What probably will? I’ve already accepted it, there’s no need for her to think I’m stupid.
The air leaves Billy’s lungs. Even though he’d barely known this girl an hour, he felt protective of her. Like he’d been when Julia brought her first boyfriend home. All he wanted to do was lock her away and protect her from everything that could happen but Camila talked him out of it.
Now, he same feeling was happening with Annie. But it was worse. Julia had understood what could happen if she went to the wrong place at the wrong time. But Annie seemed to not only understand it, but accept that IT could and would happen to her. No fight. Just plain acceptance.
Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he shouldn’t have convinced Daisy. Wait no. He needed the dream to end. He needed to wake up in his bed with his real daughter downstairs to drive her to her first press interview. He had to keep going along with it.
“Annie…”
“Don’t.”
Her voice is hard and mean. Daisy looks at her and it’s just like tour all over again. He was himself and Annie was her mother. They were sitting on this bed, not talking about going on a trip but arguing about an album that would be their demise. They were arguing and acting as if the mean words weren’t just for show. As if they weren’t inlove.
But this was just a dream.
“You’re just like her.”
Annie rolls her eyes and move her legs away from her chest and into a crisscross position.
“Everyone says that.”
“They only say that cause you LOOK like her. Not because you act just like her.”
Annie gives him a confused look and he takes the opening.
“I remember that when me and your mother were on tour, we were always arguing. Well, she started it even though she won’t admit it.”
Annie giggles and Billy’s finds himself smiling at his daughter.
“Anyways, it didn’t matter to your mother if it was the asscrack of dawn or the latest of nights. If she was in the mood to argue, she would rip everyone a new one. She was mean and hurt a lot of people’s feelings, not because she meant to or wanted to but because she felt hurt and knew how to make others hurt.”
Annie’s eyes are laser focused and Billy can see her devouring every word. It had been so long since he allowed himself to remember the tour. To remember Daisy. To remember what happened.
“She didn’t like herself back then. None of us did.”
“Is that why you all did drugs? To escape from yourself?”
The question is so casual but it shocks Billy. Julia had knew about his addiction but only ever recently got the courage to ask about it. Annie’s still watching him and Billy gives a slight nod.
“Yes. I mean, yes in my case. Some people did it cause it was trendy and fun. Others were finding ways to cope with things we weren’t allowed to talk about. It didn’t help that we were in such an enabling environment either. I mean, do you know how hard it is to watch tv and try to unwind for the night while the party of the year was going on right next door?”
Annie giggles again and Billy’s heart strings tug. God he missed when Julia was this small.
“But mom said that you saved her. You saved her when she overdosed and got her to understand that she could be okay without the pills.”
“I didn’t save her. I helped. But the only person that could save her was herself. And I was there every step of the way. But those things only happened because we had to go through the pain of addiction and trauma first.”
Billy scoots closer to Annie and takes her head in his hands. He kisses her forehead before looking back at her.
“Our biggest fear is that you will go through the same shit we did. Or maybe even worse. We don’t want that for you. We want you safe and happy and healthy.”
“But Julia makes me happy!”
Annie’s outburst is sudden, as if she didn’t expect to say that. Her eyes slightly widen and she swallows.
Weird.
“Of course she does. She’s your best-friend. You want to be with her and support her as a friend. And you will be.”
Annie’s eyes widen even more and Billy barely has time to breath before Annie is hugging him tightly.
“Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!”
Billy hugs her back and pats her head. She pulls away and her entire body is bouncing with giddy.
“Don’t thank me. Your mother gave the okay but now that means you can’t break our trust. You have to be responsible and,”
Billy leans in and whispers.
“Do. Not. Come. Home. Pregnant.”
This time Annie laughs. Practically cackles at her fathers warning. She is barely able to calm down as she responds to him.
“Don’t worry dad. I will NOT be getting pregnant anytime soon!”
Billy smiles at her but a feeling of doubt still brews inside him. Hopefully she’d stick to her promises.
“But before you go to call Julia and pack your bags, you need to go apologize to your mother.”
Annie’s joyful demeanor drops and the sullen look is back on her face. Billy takes her hand in his as she hangs her head low.
“She loves you so much Ann. So much that she’s letting go of all her fear and worry to let you have fun with your friend. No matter how much it kills her because your happiness comes first for her.”
Annie brings her head back up and sighs.
“Fine. I’ll go apologize.”
Billy gives her a wink and smile and she stands from her bed, running out of her room.
———
This time, the voices are coming from the living room.
“I promise Mom.”
Billy walks around the corner and sees the girls sitting on the couch together. They’re embraced in a tight hug and Billy smiles. These were his girls.
No, they weren’t.
Julia and Camila were his girls. This was only temporary. Until he woke up and forgot about all of this.
Billy shakes his head to free himself of the thoughts. Daisy is the first to pull back from the hug. She spots Billy and smiles back at him.
Thank you
She mouths the words but Billy can hear her sweet voice all the same. Annie turns to him aswell, the same smile painting her face. They really were mother and daughter.
“I’m gonna go call Jules.”
Annie gets up from the couch and walks past her parents and up the staircase. Billy watches her leave but once she’s out his eyesight, he turns back to Daisy. She’s already staring at him, her smile growing wider.
“Did you make her promise not to get pregnant?”
Billy shrugs and walks over to the couch, taking Annie’s seat.
“I mean, we don’t want that do we?”
Daisy rolls her eyes and lightly hits his shoulder. He laughs at her and she laughs with him. He watched as she leans her head against her hand, staring at him. It was a look of pure love and adoration. He hasn’t seen that look in forever. It makes him shy; timid almost.
“Why are you staring at me like that?”
Daisy just smiles wider and kisses his cheek at his words.
“Because it’s moments like these that make me so much more appreciative of you. Of us and our life. And our little girl.”
Billy snakes his arms around Daisys shoulders and pulls her into his arms. The movement is once again, completely instinctual. But he allows himself to do. Daisy giggles just like Annie and snuggles against him.
“It’s never a dull day in this house, is it?”
Billy knew the question sounded sarcastic but he was genuinely wondering.
“With us as her parents and her as our daughter? Absolutely not!”
They laugh once more but soon the room is silent again. Just them holding eachother. No band or crowds or watchful eyes. Just a married couple enjoying each others company with their daughter upstairs. Even though Billy wasn’t actually married to Daisy and Annie wasn’t actually his daughter.
But he let himself lean into the dream. It was nice to imagine it. A universe in which him and Daisy would’ve seemingly been stable enough to get together and stay together.
After Camilla had given him her final wishes, he’d been hesitant to call Daisy. He’d wanted to. But he still wasn’t ready. Maybe that’s why he was having this dream. Maybe his mind was telling him what could be if he just tried.
“You ready for yoga?”
Daisy sits up from his chest and Billy sighs.
“Ready when you are.”
Daisy smiles and stands from the couch, grabbing Billys hand. She pulls him up from the couch and drags him behind her.
“Where are we going?”
Daisy stops and kisses his hand before dragging him again.
“To get ready.”
Billy eyes widen and he lets himself be taken away. Hopefully this dream ended before he had to hit a downward dog for too long.