Loved
‘’I know what I want’’ he said. It sounded shaky, yet certain. ‘’I know what kind of god I need to be’’ he took a deep breath, holding back the emotions as he stared at him in the eyes. He looked broken, as if all hope was lost and this- this suicide was the only answer. ‘’For you’’
He replayed their last interaction over and over again
‘’For you’’
He sacrificed himself for them
‘’Mobius’’
He’s gone
He’s never gonna have the chance to-
‘’Mobius’’
This was his fault, all of it. If only he hadn’t ignored his emotions for so long- if only he had told him than maybe- maybe he wouldn't have… left, thinking he was destined to be alone- he would’ve-
‘’Mobius!!’’
B-15’s voice ringed in his ears as he regained consciousness. He did not remember how or when he sat down at his desk, or when he had started crying again. He wiped his eyes, feeling embarrassed
‘’Yeah?’’ he replied, coughing up to try and mask the hoarseness of his voice. How long has it been since he last talked?
‘’No!-’’
‘’Where were you?’’
‘’Where what?’’
‘’You've been zoned out for hours now’’
‘’6 hours and 3 minutes’’ added O.B. , proud of himself
6 hours
6 hours since he-
‘’Damn, that’s my new record huh’’ he tried to joke around, only gaining worried glances instead
Loki smiled, amused
‘’ So…’’ Casey added, coming back to the conversation. ‘’What now?’’
He was feeling sick. He needed something- anything-
‘’Where are you going?’’ Asked B-15, lost
‘’I just uh- need some thinkin time right now’’ he gave a weak smile. ‘’I’ll see y’all around’’ the agent walked away, not even listening to whatever his friends had to say
He was tired, exhausted, hungry
He wanted pie
Mobius slowly and mindlessly made his way through the empty halls, heading downstairs. He remembered this route, his pace increasing just as it had when he lost it with Brad
‘’What was that? Mobius, are you okay?’’
He knew he wasn't well
Far from it, really
Admitting his feelings for his friend might’ve made this grieving process 10 times worse, especially knowing well that there was no reciprocation
There was no way
He was a human, for one. The kind he judged his own brother for liking
He wasn't special, far from it
He was simply an old man working at a desk job
He sighed heavily as he came down the stairs, massaging his temple. Ever since…
Well, that incident his mind had been running wild
With things they should’ve done, things he should’ve said
They should've spent more time together, really get to know him
even though he was his life's work, this Loki was different, not like the others
special, kind
He should've shown him more candy than simple Kablooie chewing gum
They should’ve gone Jet Skiing together, that would’ve been amazing
He smiled at the thought, reaching the end of the hallway where the cafeteria was situated. His mind flooded with memories from the last time he was here, the last time he truly felt happy
He consciously took two slices of neon green key lime pie, setting them face to face on a small table. He sat on the left, remembering Loki was sitting on the right. The agent settled in his seat and took a bite, feeling the sweet sense of nostalgia hit his taste buds
‘’It’s really good-’’ he spoke to himself, looking up to the empty chair
He didn't know why, but he had hope
Small, tiny hope
He dropped his fork in his plate, rubbing his face before focusing on the untouched slice before him
‘’You know, even though you said otherwise, I could tell you really didn’t like that pie’’ he smiled. ‘’You only ate the whipped cream on top, pretending you liked it for my sake…’’
He sat back on his little metal chair. ‘’And when you did eat the actual pie, your face always twisted up in-’’ he chuckled. ‘’In this weird grin you tried to keep on. It was hilarious’’ his laughter died down slowly, nostalgia bringing him back
He was smiling, his eyes shining with a fond expression
He looked beautiful
He closed his eyes, reminiscing to their last lunch together
‘’If you never look, you’ll never know.’’
‘’The TVA is the only life I’ve ever known. I like it.’’
He should’ve told him
Loki deserved to know that he was the reason he wanted to stay ignorant about his past
That he wanted to stay in the TVA because his lifelong work was now his best friend
The god who didn’t want to be alone
The man who deserved to be loved
Loki, the man he loved
Mobius, in a fit of rage, stood up and threw the small metal table across the room. He took the chair he was previously sitting on and smashed it into the wall of pies, sending small shards of glass and sparks everywhere in the room. He kept thrashing the room, radioactive green key lime splashed everywhere as his chair lost its legs. It was bent and broken but he kept going until there was nothing left, before throwing it on the ground and denting the tile
He breathed heavily as he calmed down, his face wet from angry tears. When did he start crying?
‘’Well, guess I won’t be having any pie then’’ Sylvie spoke, leaning against the doorway with a worried expression
‘’How long have you been there?’’
‘’Around the time you started talking to yourself. Which was a long while ago, by the way’’ She slowly approached. ‘’Everyone is looking for you’’
‘’I’m okay’’ he lied
‘’That wasn’t the behavior of someone okay’’
‘’Do you remember that time I was so angry with my father and my brother, I went down to Earth and I held the whole of New York City hostage with an alien army? Tried to use the Mind Stone on Tony Stark. It didn’t work, so I threw him off the building.’’
He stayed silent for a moment, pondering. The god only wanted to help, to make him feel better where he clearly hadn’t thought out his actions
‘’I mean, let me tell you something. Wasn’t tactical’’
His eyes softened in understanding. ‘’Yeah’’
‘’I lost it’’ he finally answered, the conversation being all too familiar for his own liking as new tears threatened to be set free
‘’Sometimes our emotions get the better of us’’ he spoke reassuringly, chasing the other’s gaze to make sure he understood that it was okay. He wasn’t being pitiful- he understood. He was helping him, making him feel safer
‘’Clearly you did’’ She answered, bringing the agent back to present time with a heavy heart. Sylvie took another step forward, allowing Mobius to have a closer look at her
She looked tired. She obviously had been crying, her knuckles painted red with dried blood as she gave a weak grin. She tried to appear strong and in check, even though those puffy eyes instantly gave it away
‘’Do you wanna talk about it?’’ he offered, already knowing the answer
‘’Do you?’’
He huffed a laugh. ‘’ Alright then, no talking about it’’
They shared an awkward silence before the variant spoke. ‘’You wanna go get a drink?’’
He smiled. ‘’I thought you’d never ask’’
She smiled in response before fishing out her tempad and opening a door, going through it and trusting the agent to follow
The bar was not familiar, but he didn’t care. He needed to get his mind busy- to change his course of thought because these new feelings were eating him up from the inside out. They quietly sat side by side, not a word spoken as the bartender approached and noticed their state
He came back soon after with two drinks. ‘’Strongest i got’’
‘’Thank you’’ he replied, sending his gratitude with a small smile before sipping his drink
Mobius was not much of a drinker. He didn’t really see the appeal of it, or enjoyed it. His beverage tasted like pure alcohol with a hint of fruit, and it burned the inside of his throat as it made its way down, but he didn’t mind it
He could feel her eyes on him like a hawk, pity written all over her face. He hated this. Hated that people worried about him, hated that they paid so much attention to him, hated the emptiness in his heart
Hated how alone he felt, even in a room full of people
He sighed heavily
‘’I..-’’ he started, unsure if he should finish
‘’Where are we?’’ he asked, changing what his original plan to say was going to be
‘’Does it really matter?’’ she answered, looking around
‘’No, guess it doesn’t’’
Silence
He took a big sip of the disgusting drink before speaking
‘’ I loved him’’ he admitted, staring intently at the wooden stool he was currently on
He slowly raised his head, meeting the shocked green eyes beside him
‘’How- When did you-’’
He checked his watch. ‘’About… 13 hours and 47 minutes ago’’
‘’Holy shit’’
He took another swig. God, that thing was awful. ‘’ I realized it right after… you- you know’’ he coughed, trying to keep his voice stable
‘’I’m so sorry, Mobius’’
He shrugged. ‘’ I think that deep down, I knew, ya know? I knew something was there, i just didn’t know what it was.’’ the agent swirled the alcohol in its glass. ‘’Not that it matters now’’ he whispered, before taking another sip of the vile liquid. He was starting to feel something
There was a small silence. ‘’You know, i'm pretty sure he liked you too’’
Mobius laughed. Not a small chuckle or a nose exhale: laughed . As is loud obnoxious laughter
‘’I’m not joking’’
‘’ ‘course you are. He liked you , Sylvie, not me’’ his eyes landed back on her, a sheepish hurt smile dancing on his face. ‘’Besides, i doubt he’s even into guys’’
‘’He was into both, actually. And I doubt he liked me as much as he liked you’’
‘’Please, all he wanted was to find you all the time. He left me on multiple occasions just to see or be with you’’
‘’Well, he never looked at me the way he looked at you. That longingly stare that he could keep up for minutes at a time. We never had little dates through time or shared each other’s personal space’’
‘’We don't share each other’s personal space’’
‘’You do’’
‘’No, we stay the normal distance away from one another. Like you and me or-’’
‘’Don’t- bring me into this. And no, what you too had was definitely more than friendship’’
‘’You’re right, it was Best friendship’’
‘’Mobius-’’ she sounded exasperated
‘’What does it matter, Sylvie?!’’ he was done, angry. ‘’It’s you, he liked, not me. It couldn't have been me, okay? And even if it was, me, well it’s too late. I missed my shot! He’s long gone and never coming back’’ he stood up and downed his drink, his mind hazy as he took out his tempad
‘’Don’t-’’
‘’And it’s well known that Loki’s are narcissists, so it’s not that surprising he liked you. Sure, the self incest is… very weird, no offense, so of course he couldn't like me- news flash, I'm not a Loki’’
‘’Mobius, please just listen-’’
‘’Loki couldn’t like me, I'm human, for god’s sake! I don't have powers, i'm not strong, i just work behind a desk all day and - and - ‘’ he set the placement to go back to the TVA
‘’MOBIUS! STOP!’’ she screamed, making him snap out of his ramble as the time door opened. She stood up, grabbed his collar and stared deeply into his eyes
‘’Listen to me, you idiot.He was not like me, not like any other version of us either. He was different, because of you, okay? You changed him. You taught him how to be good. You showed him that it was possible to be cared for, to be appreciated. So yeah, he looked up to you. And Yes, Loki didn’t like you. He loved you. He needed you. He saved thousands- billions of lives, because of you
He looked at you as if you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. He talked about you as if you were the sunshine in his life. He needed you like he needed air, for god’s sake’’
She let him go, anger flooding her senses as the Agent stood dumbfounded
‘’I would know, cause that’s how I wish , he would’ve acted around me.
He. Loved. You’’
With that, Sylvie pushed him through the portal as he fell into the time theater, lost. He landed on the floor, his brain scrambling, his head dizzy and his heart aching worse than it had ever before
He loved him
The agent looked around the empty room, putting his head in his hands
Loki, the man who loved him