Grief
He loved him
“Your Savior is here!” Yelled Loki on the screen, appearing from the fog in all his glory. Mobius was sprawled on his seat, his tie undone and eyebags reaching the top of his cheeks. He was becoming scruffy, his eyes tired and worn, almost lifeless
He had been rewatching the god’s life for days now. Not just the highlights, the whole thing. Every betrayal, every stab, every joy
All of it
He had put the tape on loop, ensuring that he never missed a chance to see his face
“This is pathetic” he whispered to himself, rubbing his eyes with his hand. He looked back up, seeing the mischievous smile he carried as two daggers appeared and he started killing the undead soldiers from Hella
He mindlessly grabbed his coffee cup and brang it to his lips, never taking his eyes from Loki
He was gorgeous
The agent threw the rest of his drink on the ground and stood up abruptly, pausing the screen
He was mid-fight, a bright smile on his face. He was hopeful, happy. Glad he was doing good, glad he was beside his family instead of against them
Mobius could feel his heart ache and his eyes get watery
Loki was smiling, his head tilted slightly to the side
He looked at him fondly
Lovingly
The agent screamed, throwing his chair at the hologram and aggressively busting the doors open wide, startling a few passing people. He stomped his way through the halls, passing judgeful stares and worried glances in search for a coffee machine he hadn't broken yet
He ended up going down three floors and into an empty space with minimal lighting, away from everyone. At this rate, there would be no more coffee machines left tomorrow
He filled his cup, calming down. The hot liquid warmed his calloused hand, slowly but surely bringing him back to reality
“Mobius?” Spoke a familiar worried voice, almost uncertain
He didn't respond, knowing well that his state would only disappoint Casey
“God, where have you been? Everyone has been worried sick!”
“Time theatre” he answered dryly, his cup ¾ full
“For all this time?! Mobius it's been -”
“3 days 5 hours and 52 minutes” he turned around against his better judgement, leaving the drink from his view “I know”
Casey looked confused, lost. As if he didn't recognize the broken shell of a man standing in front of him. “You look… horrible”
“I know, trying out a new look. You like it?” He tried to half heartedly joke with a satire filled grin, knowing full well he looked about twice his age
Whatever his age was
The machine beeped as he turned around, taking hold of the burning hot liquid
“Sylvie told me- Us, about…-”
He huffed a laugh, exhaling from his nose. “ ‘course she did”
“-And I just- if you ever want to talk about it, any of it, my ears are wide open”
He gripped the side of the machine hard, his knuckles whitening
He loved him
“Thanks Casey” he replied, barely heard over the sound of the neon lights buzzing
He felt a hand pat him on the back before leaving footsteps. He waited another few seconds, the dark liquid burning his hand
Those soft green eyes, that smile
He shut his eyes, trying his best to not cry again
Loki loved him
He threw his full drink at the deserted hallway on his left, shoving the machine and shoving it full force on the ground. He grabbed the electronic with both hands and swirled, smashing it against the brick wall
He loved him
He kicked the machine until it was scrap laying on the ground, picking and throwing as he pleased
And he couldn't love him back in time
He turned and punched the brick wall, anger taking over his sorrow
If only
If only he had came to term with his emotions earlier
If only
They could've been -
Tears fell down his face as he destroyed the brick. Left, right, over and over again
Loki would have known he was loved
He wouldn't be alone
His fists were bloody as they bashed into the structure, but he kept going
He was stupid. It was a stupid move. Why did he have to sacrifice himself? Surely there could have been another way- there must have been another solution - Why him? Maybe if he- if he went, it would've all been okay
Loki would still be here, healthy and happy
So what if the radiation had killed him? At least everyone would've been okay
At least loki would still be here
His anger died down as sadness took over
That's all he truly wanted, really
He wanted Loki
His, Loki
The Loki who always had so much energy, who used to fall asleep when researching, who was kind, funny and sweet, who only wanted to do good
“Please…” he begged, his forehead pressed on the cold brick as his hands fell to support him. He could feel his knees folding as he turned around, his back to the brick as he crumbled
“Please…-” he cried, his eyes closed and hands in his hair
“Please bring him back”
—--------------------------
The god was standing tall on the edge of the Avengers tower, his golden horned helmet shining in the sunlight. He looked fulfilled, powerful
Mobius sat in front of the screen once again, bandages covering his knuckles. He was silent, the only emotion being the waves of pain in his chest. He sipped his coffee, no thoughts in his head as he rewatched - for the third time now - loki take over new york
He heard the doors open but didn’t move. He didn’t care who or what it was, really. If it was here to kill him? Good, do it. If not? Well, that’s okay too
“You know, you’re torturing yourself at this point”
B-15’s footsteps approached as she dropped a file on the table before him
“What’s this?”
“I understand you’re grieving, but locking yourself up watching reruns won’t help you move on”
“Who said I wanted to move on?”
“You have to, Mobius. You can’t sulk in your emotions forever”
He paused the screen and stood up, looking at her in the eyes, file in hand. “I just lost my best friend. I’m sorry I’m not as joyful or- happy, anymore”
“We both know it was more than that”
“You wanna hear me say it? Fine. I loved him. Alright?” He raised his hands up and let them fall dramatically. “I loved him, and I still do, and i figured it out too late, and now he’s gone” he gave a weak chuckle. “What’s even funnier is that - apparently - he liked me too! No, not liked, loved me too, according to Sylvie. So I’m sorry, if managing my little emotions is hard, but unless you have a better solution, I’m gonna keep my little method. “ he turned to leave, file in hand and anger rising
“How about starting working again?”
He stopped. The agent felt sick
“We started locating the He Who Remains variants. Most of them are becoming problems, and we need your help”
“Not sure an old analyst can do much”
“Mobius, you helped to free the multiverse and literally save us all. You’re not just an analyst, you’re a hero”
He nodded. He didn’t agree, but she had a point. “I'll finish it by tomorrow”
He could hear her smile. “Alright. See you around”
He walked to his desk, feeling empty
Lost
As if something was missing
Someone
He sat down at his desk, looking at the empty space on his left
His heart was aching
So so much
this was painful
He loves him
He loves Loki