Thread of Trust
Thwack! The slap from Frigga stings.
“Loki! You are not a monster! Did you ever feel any less than my son? Your father-
“He’s not my father.” Loki said on a reflex.
Odin couldn't believe he just heard his obedient son disown him! When did his son become so distant? Did he miss something? Since when did Loki feel that he may not be his son? There were so many questions and yet so little time to ask the questions. He could feel the Odinsleep approaching. This is not the time to be sleeping! He had to convince Loki, comfort him, make him understand… no, Loki… formed in his head.
“And am I not your mother?” Frigga couldn't help but ask this question. Loki had already thought that he might not be an Odinson, but he did think he's a Friggason. She knew Loki was closer to her than to Odin, but does he still consider her his mother, now that he knows the truth?
Loki could not believe he's hearing the same words, which were supposedly the last words of his mother in the other time. No matter how many times he's heard this question in the multiverse, it hurts, for every Loki, and he can barely ever answer it in a negative… Loki could not help but let the tears welling up in his eyes flow down the sides of his face. He could see Odin tearing up from his one eye, he could see Frigga already silently crying but looking intently at him for his answer.
“No.. You are not.” He had to say it. He has to let them know how it feels when trust is broken. All these years, they saw him struggle trying so hard to fit in, attempting everything to be stronger, face contempt for choosing seidr and knives, having different views than Asgardians, hiding away his bisexuality in fear of being called ergi, his entire life centred around impressing Thor, Odin and other Asgardians! In other time, he'd driven himself to madness, committed patricide, almost killed off an entire realm and finally attempted suicide when he thought he failed to prove his loyalty and love for Asgard. The simple ‘No, Loki!’ from Odin, made him lose his mind and shredded off any hope of acceptance he had.
He tries to roll over, away from facing them, perhaps if we won't show his face they'll walk away. There is no way he knows that he can deal with this. As he attempts to roll, he winces in pain as the suture of his chest wound breaks and begins to bleed again, so he lies back in the position he was in before. Frigga moves to heal his sutures, as Eir had moved out as soon as the conversation had been taken over by the King and Queen. She did not say anything nor did Odin. They knew with a shared glance that Loki isn't in a mood for more talks and their reserved and distant son might even refuse treatment if they forced him.
It was a tragedy similar to Midgardian playwright Shakespeare. The chest wound will take a long time to heal, so will the pain of the heart as it bleeds from the wounds of lies. The thread of trust once broken cannot be mended easily, even if mended, it is not without a knot appearing on it.
Frigga couldn't help but cry at the realisation that she might have lost her favourite son forever. But why? Was it just because of the lie? The lie they had made to protect him from feeling less at family. The lie they had built to protect him from other soldiers and public in general who were still blood thirsty towards Jotun and would have killed him had they known he was one of them without giving a thought that he is innocent.
As soon as the wound was sutured again, Frigga rose from the bedside and was about to leave with Odin when Loki said,
“You should tell, Thor. He may either accept me or kill me. It doesn't matter anymore.” He knew, Thor accepted him in every universe, he was confident he could count on Thor to become worthy of being called brother again sooner than Odin. Of course, Frigga would be the first he'd accept back, she knew him and understood him better than anyone.
“Thor would never kill you, my son!” Frigga replied calmly, while keeping a hand on Odin's shoulder, indicating to him to stay silent and let her deal with this. If she's learnt anything about Loki, it is that if he wishes to speak, it's best to use the opportunity to the maximum than waste it away, which Odin definitely would.
“I'm not your son.” This is hard, but he needs to be strong. Mobius might kill him if he ever comes to know that he repeated the entire scene. He, of course, understood his anger, but would refuse to accept his reasoning behind being harsh with Frigga. He knows she loves him, but he needs her to correct the situation. Asgard cannot continue to look down upon other races and if he accepts them as it is, no one will attempt to change Asgardians views on other races. Frigga is herself from Vanaheim, but instead of bringing their culture with her, she merely adopted the Asgardian one. If her love for him is what brings out her warrior self then so be it. In one universe she had killed a crazed Odin for him, she can definitely aid the Asgardian views in this one!
“You've always been my son, no matter what you think.” If she needs to, she'll repeat this to Loki everyday, every conversation, until he believes it, trusts it!
“Not always, I had a mother before you, didn't I? Laufey's wife, Farbauti?”
“Then from the moment Odin placed you in my arms, I've been your mother, will always be!”
There is a moment of silence, which is then broken by Odin, who had stepped away from Frigga to reach closer to Loki's other bedside.
“So.. So, you want us to tell Thor the truth. Why do you think he will kill you?”
“He took an oath to kill all the Frost Giants. I'm one.”
“When?” Odin knows exactly when, but if there's one thing he can use as an excuse to talk to Loki right now, he will use it.
“When you apparently told us the half story of the war with Frost Giants, calling them monsters, uncivilised beasts, attempting to conquer Midgard.
“I never called them that!”
“It was implied! Why else do you think we played Frost Giants vs Asgardians throughout our childhood? Isn't it ironic that I was always made Laufey? Did you secretly laugh, Odin?” Loki couldn't help but let anger take over him, which riled him up so much that by the end of sentence he was nearly rising off the bed, causing him to slightly lose his consciousness and fall back on bed gasping in pain.
“Loki, enough!” Both Odin and Frigga held him from both sides. While Frigga tried to ease the pained gasping from Loki, as the sutures once again began to give away, Odin rushed a quick confession so as to attempt easing Loki's anger.
“No Loki! I meant to tell you the truth earlier. I.. I was afraid to tell you the truth, I meant it when I said you are my son, I seemed to have convinced myself that I nearly forgot that you were not Aesir, my expectations from you shaping similarly, perhaps I became too harsh… will you keep a secret if I tell you? That I had known another, very dear to me, similar to you, that took a wrong path in their youth? Perhaps my decisions got blinded in fear that you might become the same?”
Is the old man talking about Hela? Loki glanced towards Frigga, who looked at Odin suspiciously, perhaps with a tinge of jealousy, while working through the healing process. Does Frigga think Odin had another love interest?
As Loki's breathing started to calm down, Odin continued more calmly,
“As for the purpose of picking you up during the battle? When I first saw you, I merely saw a jotun babe dying due to exposure to elements, as I came closer to wrap you up in a shawl, I saw the Royal markings of your skin and realised you are a Laufeyson. You were not wrong in thinking that I had a purpose for you, it was not to keep you as a stolen artefact or a weapon, as jotuns, your biology permits you to produce heir, I had thought of a political wedding between you and Thor.”
Loki knew this from the multiverse, but hearing it coming from Odin came as a surprise, fortunately for him, that meant he gave an honest expression of surprise.
“Come on, I know you are judging me Loki, but think of it, being brought up in Asgard, you know about our culture and tradition, if you were to marry Thor and produce a heir, that son would be a legitimate heir of both the realms and would have his loyalty towards Asgard while ruling Jotunheim.”
“I'm fairly certain you don't want me to think about having sex with Thor!” Loki retorted, to which Frigga snorted in a very unqueenly manner as Odin gave him a glare from his one eye. While Frigga went out of the room to get some medications and bandages, Odin continued,
“Those plans do not matter anymore, as when I picked you up in my arms, you shapeshifted, perhaps recognising the loss of my dear one, you took up the green eyes, black hair and her demeanour.”
Interesting, Odin just compared him with Hela. It cannot be more true that he is similar to her in more ways than one and that one would think Thor to be the adopted one if all three of them stood together. Should he bait him to tell about Hela?
“So you're telling me that you took me because I shapeshifted into your secret ‘lover’” Loki said while deliberately spatting out the ‘lover’.
“What? Lover? Oh!” Odin splattered as realisation dawned on him that Loki and Frigga, both being smart, might have caught on to his discreet attempt at not mentioning his relationship with the mentioned ‘dear one’ and had considered her to be a love interest rather than his daughter. So while Frigga's not around he considers to delve into the possibility of another lie then rejects the idea.
“No, she wasn't a lover, a loved one who turned bad. I do not wish to speak of her at the moment. I will tell you, in time, but as of now I wish you to rest and know that nothing changes Loki! You are my son and I love both my sons equally. I was rushing the coronation because I thought Thor was ready and I'm getting old and- and may not survive this Odinsleep!”
“Odin!?” Frigga asked as she entered the room with fresh supplies.
“It is true, my love. The Royal Scryers of Alfheim, during my coronation, had foreseen my reign until… Until the past comes to haunt, until the truth becomes the enemy, until the ghosts of the past war catch on, until I see my beloved im.. impaled… They had warned me… Loki is facing the consequences of my wrongdoings, I should have given the throne to Vili… I should have-” As Odin began to blabber, Frigga ushered him to sit down on the nearest chair and hushed him.
Her eyes met Loki's and they mutually decided to let the rest of the talk be postponed for a while. Loki agreed to take the analgesic and sedative potions so as to sleep through the pain. Meanwhile, Frigga directed Odin to the King's Bedroom for sleeping through his anxieties of the past.