Only one bed, oh-em-gee!
It’s been a long, hard day, in which Mr. America got himself kidnapped in fucking Hawaii. Tony went to the rescue and the only superheroes available to help were Spider-Man and Deadpool. Their pilot was too tired to fly them back safely, so Tony got them all rooms in the Halekulani hotel. At least: that’s what he wanted to get them.
‘What do you mean, you don’t have more rooms available?’ Tony looks at the receptionist aghast. ‘Do you know who I am?’
‘Mr. Stark, sir. I know. Unfortunately there’s a convention for billionaires going on, who all want the best rooms and all are willing to pay for them.’ The receptionist hides his annoyance well, but Wade overhears him mutter: ‘and they all want the best one to show off their the riches.’
‘Tony?’ Steve says gently, ‘we can go to another hotel?’
‘No. I want to stay here.’ Tony looks like a whiny toddler. Wade is surprised he doesn’t stomp his foot.
The receptionist clears his throat. ‘It wouldn’t help, sir. All hotels in the vicinity are booked.’
‘We can share. Right?’ Spider-Man looks around their circle.
‘I’m not sharing with him!’ Tony gestures at Wade.
‘Thanks, tin can.’ Wade doesn’t know whether he should be angry or amused.
‘Me neither!’ The pilot says. ‘I’ll just take the single room, please. Don’t wanna be offed in my sleep’.
‘Pity.’ Wade flashes his meanest grimace, making the pilot visibly jolt back, shaking his head.
‘Yeah, you take that broom cabinet with the shared bathroom.’ Tony says. ‘That’s no use for any of us. We all are in desperate need of a private shower.’
The pilot grabs the room’s pass and bolts off.
‘I wouldn’t mind showering with you, Tony.’ Wade bats his eyes at Tony, cupping his own chin with his hands. ‘A superhero like you shouldn’t feel lonely.’ He loves riling Tony up.
Spider-Man snorts at that. Yes, the Spider laughs at his jokes. Wade feels his face light up. Then White roars it’s ugly head and asks if he really thinks Spidey would be attracted to him. It makes him plummet right back to earth. Pathetic, that’s what he is.
‘I think it’s best if Tony and Spid-‘ Steve starts.
‘Wheeeeee!’ Wade squeals. ‘I get to share with Captain America!’ He jumps up and down excitedly. ‘Maybe I’ll get to see his little Captain.’ Riling up Captain America is second-best to riling up Tony, not quite the same level of satisfaction, but still amusing as fuck.
The comment sends Steve into a coughing fit. Tony grimaces as he pats Steve on the back. Hard. Steve is as red as a tomato. Wade is sure it’s not only because of the coughs, but also his insinuations. Steve is one prudent bitch, he knows. Well, the fucker shouldn’t have gotten himself kidnapped. Bonus kudos for Wade.
‘It’s okay, Mr. Stark, Mr. Rogers. I’ll share with Deadpool.’
Wait. What? Did Wade hear that correctly? Did he just…
‘You sure?’ Of course Spoilsport Stark has to ask. Spidey will backtrack when he thinks it through, he’s sure. Maybe Wade should just take the single room hims-
‘Yeah. Don’t worry, Mr. Stark. We’re sharing after patrol naps often, I’m sure it’ll be okay.’
And that’s true. Wade’s stopped questioning why he ever got this lucky with Spidey coming over at least once a week. He just enjoys their time together. Sometimes, when Spidey is particularly banged up or tired, he even sleeps on his couch. But Spidey doesn’t know how much restraint he has to muster up to prevent him from unmasking and kissing the fuck out of him.
‘Well…if you’re sure…’ Tony Spoillony looks at Wade dirty. ‘Want to take the en-suite room?’
Wade hears how much it costs Tony to ask. Damn. He really likes Spidey, doesn’t he? Even wanting to give up his own comfort for him. Wade can relate. He’d give his life (has done it multiple times in fact) for him. Though his own reasons are much less noble than Tony’s. Yellow is nagging him about all the Kamasutra poses Spidey could probably do with all his flexibility. White scoffs, reminding him of his ugly mug. They’re starting a cat fight in his head, making him almost miss Spidey’s answer.
‘No, that’s okay, Mr. Stark. We can make do with the regular one.’
Tony scrutinizes Spider-Man. Finding an answer somehow, he shrugs and agrees. ‘Be safe, kid.’ And ain’t that a weird comment?
‘Mr. Stark!’ Spider-Man sounds indignant. Nice. Spidey knows Wade would never hurt him. ‘I’m sorry, ‘Pool. Tony is such a jerk to you sometimes.’ Spider-Man sounds apologizing as they take the stairs (his katanas didn’t fit in the elevator).
‘Don’t worry your precious brain over it, Baby-Boy.’ Wade smiles. ‘He’s just trying to keep you safe from the big bad merc.’
Spider-Man swats him. ‘I’m a big boy now, ‘Pool. Can handle myself. Tony just doesn’t seem to realise.’
‘Ouch! Watch out with those powers, Baby-Boy!’ Wade rubs his sore arm.
‘Fuck, sorry.’ Wade wonders if Spider-Babe is blushing under that mask. He’d look pretty in a blush, he’s sure. When they enter the room, the first thing Wade notices is the bed. It’s comfy, enormous and soft-looking. But the best part of the bed is there’s only one. ‘Oh-Em-Gee! Spidey! Look! There’s only one bed!’
‘Oh.’ Spider-Man falls still. ‘Fuck.’
And doesn’t that hurt Wade’s feelings. He knows he’s hideous. Knows he’s a bloody mercenary. But he didn’t know Spider-Man would be so shallow.
Spider-Man seems to sense his rejection, and quickly adds: ‘I’m sorry, ‘Pool. This has nothing to do with you. I… I find it hard to sleep in a bed with someone else. I’m… clingy.’ He sounds so deliciously ashamed, Wade just can’t help himself.
‘Oooooooh!’ Wade claps his hands delighted. ‘You can cling onto me as much as you want, Spider-babe. I’m a real gentleman.’ He leans in and whispers: ‘I don’t grope asses and tell.’
Spider-Man swallows, before returning to his usual self. ‘If that hands go anywhere near my butt, I’ll web you up in the shower and leave it on all night.’
‘Kinky.’ Wade answers, before towing off his boots and jumping on the bed. ‘Want to shower first?’
‘Thanks, ‘Pool.’ Spidey sounds grateful as he steps into the bathroom, already unfastening his suit. Wade flips through the channels, trying fucking hard not to imagine his Baby-Boy under that shower. The slight swelling of his dick tells him he’s not quite succeeding.
Spider-Man exits the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel and his mask. Fuck. Wade feels his mouth dry as he watches a droplet of water slither down Spidey’s toned chest. His eyes shoot up to Spider-Man’s, who’s watching him in amusement.
‘Like what you see, ‘Pool?’
‘Oooooh, first kidnapping, pining, only one bed and now a confident Spider-Man. Is the author doing a cram-as-many-tropes-as-possible-in-one-ficlet? I do hope she’ll give us more. Alien pollination? Oh, I know!’ Deadpool claps his hands excitedly. ‘Fuck or die!’
Wade, I’ve just written ten tropes right in the busy days before Christmas. I don’t think I can handle one more.
‘Spoilsport.’ Deadpool pouts.
Spider-Man looks at him confused. ‘Are you… do you have an extra box you talk to?’
‘How do you know it’s not white or yellow?’
‘You act differently with them.’
Wow. That’s amazing. Spider-Man knowing him well enough to recognize which box he’s talking to. ‘No-ooo? I don’t think she is an extra one. Are you?’
No Wade, I’m not. Now, please get back into this story or I won’t give you that identity reveal.
‘IDE- oh, wait. I’d best not say that out loud, right? Or you won’t make it happen?’
Sigh. You got it, buddy.
‘Deadpool?’
‘Wade, please.’ Wade gets up and holds out his hand. ‘Don’t feel obliged to return the favor.’
Spider-Butt shakes his hand, an amused sound tinting his voice. ‘If you show me yours, I’ll show you mine?’
‘Baby-Boy! You’re going much too fast for a decent girl like me.’
He’s sure Spidey is smirking under his mask. And then he… ‘Spidey? Don’t feel forced to do that. I was just joking.’
Spider-Man is grabbing the edge of his mask and pulls it up. ‘I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time, Wade.’
Wade can only groan, his voice seems to have deserted him. Spider-Man pulls his mask over his mouth, nose, eyes (damn, they’re pretty), revealing a gorgeous, unblemished face with an unruly mop of wet, brown hair.
‘Peter. Nice to meet you.’ His hand squeezes the one they’re still holding. Wade had forgotten all about it.
‘Nrgh.’ Wade can’t speak. At all. He’s standing here with a practically naked Spi- Peter, only a towel separating them.
An amused smirk floats over Peter’s face. ‘Lost your tongue?’
‘I…’ Wade can’t form coherent thoughts. Well, he can form thoughts about how he wants to kiss, fuck or just hug the gorgeous man in front of him, but no socially acceptable thoughts are popping up. ‘Uh…’
Peter laughs and doesn’t that sound like little jingle bells held by tiny angelic childr- Fuck. Just fuck. How old is he? ‘Fuck! Peter!’
‘A bit soon, don’t you think?’ The smirk is devilish.
‘No, fuck. Peter. You’re… fucking jailbait! I’m so sorry… I’ll just go sleep in the hallway, okay?’ Wade tries to free his hand, but Peter’s grip is firm.
‘How old do you think I am?’
’16?’ Wade’s voice trembles. Hell, the kid might even be 14, for all he knows.
The laughter returns, making Wade feel even more uncomfortable. ‘I’m 25, Wade.’
Wade shakes his head. Yellow is telling him he should just fuck the words out of him, White reminds him he’s still ugly as hell, and his own head is playing even more tricks on him, because no way the way Peter is checking him out is real. His spiraling thoughts are stopped when he feels a gentle hand reach for his cheek.
‘Wade? I’m serious. I’m 25. Nothing wrong with you lusting over me. Unless there’s a 75-year old under that mask, which I really doubt.’
‘Damn, Baby-Boy. I…’ Wade doesn’t know what to make of this whole thing. ‘I…’
Peter’s thumb caresses his cheek softly. It gives him goosebumps all over. ‘Wade. I really like that name. Strong name for a strong man.’
Wade feels himself blush.
‘Wade? Would you mind showing me your face? Only if you’re comfortable with it.’
White flips inside his head, telling him not to do it. ‘I ain’t pretty, Petey-pie.’
Peter smiles softly. ‘It can’t be that bad, Wade. I’ve seen the bottom half of your face a million times.’
That’s true. It had taken a while for him to feel comfortable enough, but he has been bunching up his mask and eaten like that with Spidey dozens of times. ‘Just know I’ll go back to merc-work if you run out of the door disgusted.’ He tries to sound like he’s joking.
Peter’s hand stills on his cheek. ‘I would never do that, Wade.’
He sighs. ‘I know, Baby-Boy.’ Wade grabs his mask and pulls it up and over his head like you would rip off a bandage. Best to get the pain over with quickly. He doesn’t want to look at Peter’s reaction, so he closes his eyes. When the suspense gets too much, he peaks through his lashes. He’s surprised to find Peter’s expression the same as before. No disgust, no pity.
‘Your face looks as strong as you, Wade. It shows all the horrors they’ve made you go through, but it’s still pretty, strong, attractive.’
‘Attractive?’
‘Yeah.’ Peter’s voice sounds breathy. Wade must be reading this wrong. No way in hell Peter finds him attractive. ‘You know the real reason I was freaked out by that one bed?’
‘No-oo?’ Wade gulps.
‘I was afraid I couldn’t keep my hands off you. Would do something silly in my sleep.’ The intense gaze Peter gives him makes his heart beat out of his chest.
‘Like what?’
‘Like touching your dick in my sleep.’
Wade squeaks again.
Peter crowds into his personal space. ‘Like rubbing my morning erection against your ass.’
‘Peter…’ Wade’s voice falters as Peter walks him to the bed. Wade feels his legs press against the matrass. ‘What are you doing?’
‘What I’ve been telling myself for ages not to do.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Oh, Wade. I’ve been wanting to kiss you for so long, but I wasn’t sure if you would want me to.’
‘What made you change your mind?’ Wade watches in amazement when he sees the towel tent up. There can be only one reason for that.
Peter’s thumbs wipe softly under Wade’s eyes. ‘That expression you had when you watched me come out of the shower. You’re not just flirting for the flirting with me, are you?’
‘No?’
‘You really want to fuck me, don’t you?’ Peter is so close, Wade is sure he can feel the heat his own erection causes.
‘Yeah.’ His mouth is dry as he answers.
Peter leans in further. ‘Me too.’ Peter’s hands cup Wade’s ass and pulls him closer. So close, there’s no mistake in the hardness tenting under the towel. Wade can’t restrain himself. He grabs Peter’s neck and pulls him into a searing kiss. Peter moans into it, as he rubs his abdomen against Wade’s. Wade pushes him off.
‘I’m sorry, too soon?’ Peter looks at him bashful. ‘I-‘
‘Oh no, Baby-Boy. But the cup. It’s hurting.’ It’s designed to cover erections when he’s in his tight suit. Hell, he’s just human, even if he can’t die. But now the ridges are cutting into his dick.
Peter facepalms. ‘Fuck. Sorry. Forgot.’ His hands seek entry. ‘Where the fuck do you open this?’
Wade laughs breathily as he guides Peter’s hands. Within moments he’s naked too. Wade feels vulnerable, with his scars on display, but when he sees Peter licks his lips as he trails the muscles on Wade’s stomach, lust takes over. Several times. In several different positions. Until his dick is so over-sensitive, it hurts.
The knock on the door that morning is hesitant. ‘Spider-Man? Are you… decent?’
‘One moment!’ Peter quickly grabs Wade’s mask and pulls it over Wade’s head. Then he pulls up the blankets over them. ‘You may enter!’
‘Pete!’ Wade’s eyes widen. ‘He’ll see!’
‘Don’t worry, he knows it’s me under the mask.’
Wade looks at Peter in astonishment. He doesn’t mind Tony seeing them like this?!
‘Goodmorning, sunshines.’ Tony stands there, a tray laden with breakfast foods in his hands. ‘Oh, for fucks sake! Kid! Not a sight any parent wants to see.’ Tony almost drops the tray as he shields his eyes with one hand. ‘Next time get fucking dressed before you tell me I can enter!’ He slams the food on the side table.
Peter laughs. ‘Where would be the fun in that, old man?’
‘A congratulation is in order, I suspect?’ Tony throws a bathrobe at him. ‘Here. When you’ve taken a shower and eaten, we can go.’ He narrows his eyes at Wade. The shovel talk will follow, he’s sure. ‘So try to not touch him this morning, please. I really want to go home.’ Tony turns on his heels and leaves, slamming the door behind him, shouting: ‘You’ve got 30 minutes. We’ll leave you here if you don’t make it’.
Wade feels utterly lost at what he just witnessed. ‘Why didn’t he…’
Peter smiles. ‘He knows I’ve been pining after you.’
Wade’s eyes widen. ‘He does? How has he not killed me yet?’
‘Don’t worry. He’ll only do that when you break my heart.’
‘Well, I won’t go breaking your heart, then.’
‘You couldn’t if you tried.’ Peter sings, slightly out of tune. He presses a kiss to Wade’s nose and steps out of bed. ‘I’d better go shower. Alone.’
‘Awwww…’ Wade’s dick twitches at the sight of a very naked Peter walking through the room.
‘It would be the wisest thing to do.’ Peter stalks back towards Wade.
‘Since when am I wise?’
‘We need to get some food in us.’ Peter holds out his hand to Wade.
‘We can take that with us into the plane?’
‘Can you come within 10 minutes?’ Peter pulls Wade up.
‘Twice, if needed.’
‘Good.’ Peter guides him to the bathroom at lightning speed.
If anyone noticed Wade wearing Peter’s mask and vice versa, no-one mentions. Tony does, however, ask when he sees Wade hand Peter some food: ‘I would’ve thought 30 minutes was enough to eat?’
Peter just raises his eyebrow.
‘I’ll keep shut now.’ Tony groans as he pinches the bridge of his nose.
‘Yeah. That would be wise.’ Peter grins, his fingers finding Wade’s. He leans into him, resting his head on Wade’s shoulder. ‘This okay?’
Wade hums his consent. For once the boxes and his own inferiority complex are quiet. Thank God for filthy rich people conventions and Captain America wanting to get kidnapped.