Chapter 3
Yelena pulled back from the heavy training slightly, opting to do more hands-on things such as the art museum. People-watching became some of her team's favorite things to do. It didn’t involve much physical activity and they always got a kick out of comparing scores.
The next time they went out, Kate joined one of the other groups and Yelena went off on her own. They yelled that she was lying when she told them the actual count of employees and cameras.
The time after that, Peter lingered behind. “Can I join you? I want to know what you’re seeing that I’m not.”
So Yelena let Peter accompany her, occasionally whispering updates to her counts. Peter would whip his head around to try and see what she had picked up in the moments he had been looking elsewhere.
When he finally looked frustrated but didn’t yell at her, Yelena told him a few things to look out for.
“Body language is a big factor. Employees who work here don’t have to think about where they’re going. They know where everything is most of the time.”
When they grouped back up and Peter announced his score, slightly lower than Yelena’s, that caused the group to want to pair up with Yelena as well.
So Yelena traded off on which kid she took with her each time. Kamala was much more like Peter, calmer and wanting to know more. Kate and America, however, were more impatient and impulsive, sometimes too loud or abrasive. Cassie was a mix of the two groups, making a decent effort to keep calm and focus on learning.
Four months seemed like far little time when Yelena was finally contacted. She wanted to scoff and mutter an “I knew it” to Kate when they wanted to see how the team was coming along and gave them a little mission. It was to get into a building, obtain some information from a file, and get out. The building was to be empty, security their biggest threat.
So Yelena focused on teaching them how to bypass security. Motion-activated cameras, keypads, locks, windows, doors, staying out of sight, and everything she thought necessary.
All in all, their first mission didn’t go too badly. Yelena took care of any security that they tripped going in but they got to work in an actual setting with their powers.
“I think our first successful mission deserves some pizza, huh?” Kate elbowed Yelena with a grin. Four more pleading faces turned toward Yelena and she sighed but nodded her head, unable to keep the smile from crossing her face at the sound of cheers.
Her team made her feel like the littlest things were worth everything.
Things had to go wrong sooner or later. Yelena knew it was a matter of time before they were tested beyond face value. A mission that was a simple in-and-out turned out to have more security than they planned for.
The plan had mentioned nothing about guards but the place was flooded with them. Yelena almost wanted to turn back and call it but she knew how that would look to the higher-ups.
She kept her team in her sights, not letting them stray far as she directed them through the building.
“I’ll grab it real quick,” Kamala offered when they neared the room containing the computer with the files they needed. Yelena held out the thumbdrive and Kamala grinned before she took off to the room.
“White Widow, someone is calling in reinforcements,” Peter suddenly said, planting himself at her side with worry.
“Go deal with it,” Yelena hissed, cursing under her breath. Peter took off, Cassie on his heels. Yelena looked over at where America was with Kate, both of them back to back to keep an eye out. Kamala was taking a suspicious amount of time.
“Dammit, Khan,” Yelena muttered as she ordered the duo to stay there and went up the stairs after Kamala. The door was closed and it was silent. Yelena pressed her ear to the door before she opened it.
“Oh fuck,” Yelena breathed out when she entered the room. There by the computers, fists wound tightly at their sides as they let out little hitching breaths was Kamala.
At their feet, blood slowly pooled out from beneath the body of a guard, his torso crushed, a gun by his side.
Kamala turned her head slowly to look at her as her face crumpled.
Yelena wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do. There was a crying kid in front of her and she knew that she was supposed to offer some sort of emotional support.
Yelena slowly approached and reached out a hand and gently set it on their back. “It’s alright, tiny.”
She didn’t expect them to close the distance between them and throw their arms around her waist, burying their face into her chest as they sobbed. Yelena grimaced slightly but carefully wound her arms around them.
“I know,” she soothed quietly as Kamala clung to her desperately. “You’re okay. I’ve got you.”
“I d-didn’t m-mean to!” she gasped out into her vest.
That was the worst part. Yelena could teach them all she wanted but at the end of the day, she could not prepare them for taking their first life.
“I know,” she echoed, pressing her palm firmer between their shoulder blades to reassure them that she was there. “You did good. You kept yourself safe. You did just what I taught you.”
If it helped, she’d take the blame. She taught them and they did what she said. If there was anyone at fault then it was her. She taught them where to hit, what was lethal, how to make sure they were the last ones standing.
She trained child killers.
She felt sick. Her heart hammered in her chest but it was the sound of fighting nearby that brought her back to the moment.
“Hey, look at me.” Yelena had to peel the child away from her, holding them out by their shoulders. “Are you hurt?”
There was blood on her hands and splashed on her suit but Kamala slowly shook her head.
“Okay. Good. That’s good.” Yelena grabbed her head when she tried to look back over at the body. “We’re almost done. I want you to stick to my heels like glue, got it?”
“Like glue,” Kamala echoed softly. It was the worst time for her to check out but Yelena knew it wasn’t their fault.
“Good. Come on.” Yelena checked the computer, grabbed the files they needed, and then grabbed the kid’s hand to tug them after her.
Yelena pulled herself into a headspace she purposefully locked away from her team. The moment she could, she passed the kid off to one of the others and ordered them to retreat. Yelena could then focus on not having to hold back.
Her white suit had a few smears of blood, mainly from the kid but a few from her own viciousness in finishing the mission. She no longer cared about the neat and clean order from the higher-ups, she was going to finish things quickly and then take her team home.
Yelena made such a scene that she was kicked out of Maria Hill’s office. The woman looked disturbed when Yelena told her what happened but when Yelena could no longer contain her outrage, she was booted out for being a threat.
“Come back when you’re calmer,” Maria said before the door shut in her face.
Yelena stormed back to the compound. She was met with Cassie at the door, the girl’s face twisted in anger as she shoved at Yelena’s chest.
“You can’t just go disappearing like that after what just happened!” Cassie said, her voice hard.
Yelena was already on edge, grabbing Cassie’s wrists when she made to shove at her again. “I had things to do.”
“Fuck your things to do, Kamala needs you,” Cassie retorted harshly.
“For what?” Yelena demanded. “She has you!”
Cassie stared at her incredulously. “Wow, fuck you too, huh?”
Confusion seeped in through the anger and Yelena stared down at the girl. “What? What does she need me there for?”
Cassie took a large breath but paused just long enough to realize that Yelena didn’t understand. “Kamala killed someone, Yelena.”
“Yes, I know that.” Yelena let go of Cassie’s wrists. “So?”
Cassie scrunched her face up angrily. “So she really needs you. You-- you get this. Comfort her or something, do I really have to spell that out for you? Are you that cold?”
Yelena retreated slightly, her heart thudding harshly against her chest. “What does she need me for? She has you guys. I can’t-- what do I even do?”
“Tell her it’s okay!” Cassie threw her arms in the air.
“But it’s not,” Yelena replied bluntly. “Kamala had to make a hard choice and she made it. It’s happened. It’s done.”
Cassie tugged at her hair in frustration. “Oh my god!”
“I am not a touchy-feely person, Lang!” Yelena stretched her arms out to the sides. “Look at me. I was taught that attachments are weaknesses. I killed my first man at eight and I got hit when I cried and threw up. I was taught to be cold and unfeeling like marble. So no, Khan doesn’t need me. I will just make things worse.”
Yelena pushed past Cassie further into the compound, ignoring the girl calling after her as she went to her room.
Yelena could practically feel the large rift form in the team between her and them. Nobody showed up to training and Yelena was content enough to let things blow over for the next few days.
But then it dragged onward a little longer and Yelena wasn’t sure how to tell them that she finally talked to the higher-ups about the bad intel and secured promises regarding things in the future that would benefit them greatly.
Five days after things happened, Yelena was lying in bed in the middle of the night when her phone rang. She could see initials pop up and answered it. “Khan?”
There was a shaky breath on the other end and a small sniffle. “Yelena? Sorry to bother you.”
Yelena sat up, pressing her lips together tightly as she thought of what to say. “You’re not bothering me. What’s wrong?”
Kamala took another shaky breath. “Um… I just-- I had a nightmare.”
Yelena stamped down the urge to say anything that might come off as rude. “Yeah?”
Kamala was quiet for a few moments. “Um, Cassie said-- she said that you killed someone when you were little. Your first kill.”
Yelena felt her heart sink into her stomach. She did not want to have this particular conversation. “That’s right.”
“Do you… do you still dream about it?” Kamala asked.
“Not really.” Yelena does not mention the gaps in her memory or the horrors that had taken prescient for her mind to torture her with.
“Oh… good…” Kamala breathed out. After a moment she continued, “Does it get easier?”
“What? The dreams?” Yelena frowned.
Kamala’s reply was quiet. “Killing.”
Yelena let out a breath, leaning forward to scoot up and rest her back against the headboard. “If I lie and say no will it make you feel better?”
Kamala was quiet for such a long time that Yelena worried whether or not she had hung up.
“Do you… do you like killing people?” Kamala asked, her voice so tiny that Yelena strained to hear it over the phone.
Yelena reached a hand up to press against her eyes as she sighed. “No. I do not take pleasure in it.”
“But it gets easier?” Kamala prodded a little.
“I told you before that I was named best child assassin. I had more kills under my belt than you’ve had birthdays when I was nine. I was good at what I did. I was efficient. Nobody suspects little girls.” Yelena let out a long sigh. “I do not know how many people I have killed. I cannot remember them all. They meld together. Become just… statistics.” It sounded cold and robotic to her own ears.
“That man… the one I--” Kamala cut herself off harshly. “Do you think he had a family?”
“Does it matter?” Yelena replied a little harder than she liked. “He knew what he was doing. The kind of company he kept, the business he was employed in, he was not a good person.”
“But what if--” Kamala started before Yelena cut her off.
“Kamala, listen to me,” Yelena said firmly. “It does not matter who he was or what he had. He tried to kill a little girl and that means he was not a good person.”
Kamala let out a shallow breath. “Yelena?”
Yelena hummed.
“Are you…” Kamala’s voice died off and she sounded unsure. “Um…”
“Just ask,” Yelena told her tiredly.
“Have you… have you ever killed a little girl?” Kamala whispered.
A strangled noise left Yelena’s mouth at the bold question. Before Kamala could backtrack and apologize profusely, Yelena managed to make a noise of confirmation. “More than I would have liked.”
There were a few moments of just Kamala breathing before she asked, “Are you a good person, Yelena?”
Yelena felt like she was kicked in the guts. She had to pull the phone from her ear and shove her hand over her mouth to muffle the whine that left her lips. She dug her fingers into her jaw, sealing the noises away as she yelled at herself to get it together. She counted to ten before pulling the phone back up to her ear and answering. “I’m trying to be.”
Kamala didn’t sound like she knew whether she wanted to apologize or drop the whole thing. Instead, she changed the subject. “I know that it’s a school night but… can you maybe come pick me up?”
“In Jersey?” Yelena asked. She turned her head to look at the alarm clock on her nightstand telling her it was nearing 2 A.M.
“Please?” Kamala asked quietly.
Yelena sighed and wiped a hand over her face. “Okay. You live by that park with the fountain, yeah? I will pick you up there.”
Yelena didn’t bother changing out of her pajamas, tugging her boots on, and slipping a few knives onto her person before she got her jacket, keys, and helmet. She took her bike and set off on a course to Jersey.
She made the whole ride in a little over an hour, stopping at the park and leaving her bike to find the girl she talked to on the phone. Kamala was sitting on the edge of the fountain in her pajamas as well, her knees drawn up to her chest as she wiped away tears rolling down her cheeks.
When Kamala saw her, she unfolded herself quickly and closed the distance between them, clinging to Yelena just as she did the day Yelena found her by the body.
“It’s alrighty, tiny,” Yelena promised, folding around the kid crying into her jacket. “I’ve got you.”
Kamala dug her fingers into her back, worming herself closer as she took a hiccuping breath. “You’re a good person, Yelena.”
Yelena let out a surprised noise at the admission. “You are a good person too, Kamala.”
Kamala cried harder.