Chapter 4
Things slowly tumbled back into some semblance of normal after the night Kamala called Yelena to pick her up. Kamala kept calling and Yelena kept meeting her at the park by the fountain. After the first few nights, she stopped taking Kamala back with her, instead simply sitting with the girl and letting her take whatever she needed from Yelena, which most of the time was a shoulder to cry on and an ear that understood her ramblings.
Cassie still seemed somewhat perturbed over the small fight she had with Yelena. It wasn’t that she was still upset with her, it was the fact that she suddenly realized they didn’t really know Yelena as well as they thought they did. They had expected something from her that she hadn’t known how to give and got upset when she told them she couldn’t.
It was like there was suddenly an unspoken rule amongst them: do not involve Yelena with anything that relates to emotions.
Kamala had broken that many times already with teary phone calls and nights sitting beside a fountain at a park with Yelena’s riding jacket wrapped around her. Yelena would tell her stories, things she remembered about being a child back in Ohio, names and faces vague but vibrant memories of flickering fireflies and the smell of baby shampoo and the taste of soggy fruity cereal.
Apparently, Peter decided that she was the perfect person to talk to about death at one point. Perhaps he had talked to Kamala. Or maybe he was just curious. Or maybe he was desperately searching for an adult to spill his guts to and thought Yelena was good enough.
Yelena had been in the kitchen making soup. It was in the middle of the night. She didn’t turn on the lights in the kitchen, just the hall light, and went by the light that flooded into the kitchen from there. She couldn’t remember why she had wanted to learn to make the soup at the time but it had become a staple ever since she learned, making it on rough nights.
She had heard one of the kids enter the kitchen. They were light on their feet. The moment she heard the soft shuffling of footsteps ascend the wall, she knew that it was a fellow spider with her.
“Here.” Yelena raised a hand with an onion. “Peel this.”
The onion was taken from her, pulled up to the ceiling and the sound of crinkling filled the kitchen. Eventually, a hand was lowered in front of her face, a peeled onion presented to her.
The kitchen was quiet as Yelena finished making soup, pulling two bowls out and filling them to the brim. She set one on the kitchen island, a spoon at its side. “Eat.”
She finally made eye contact with the boy that had joined her. Peter crawled down from the ceiling and settled into the chair.
“What kind is it?” His voice was hoarse, a type of hoarseness that Yelena associated with crying, one caused by mucus coating your throat and choking you as you drowned in your tears.
“The good kind,” Yelena retorted. She pulled a spoonful up to her own lips and ate it. It was hot, scalding her tongue, but comforting in a way she didn’t know how to explain.
Peter took his own spoonful, carefully blowing on it before he started to eat. To his credit, he waited patiently until they were nearly halfway done before he spoke. “Can I ask you something?”
“You just did.” Yelena pulled the bowl up to her mouth, forgoing her spoon altogether so she could finish up and not have to worry about it going cold through whatever conversation Peter was looking to have.
“Um…” Peter fidgeted. His spoon poked at the contents of his bowl and he lowered his head a little. “I don’t want to be rude.”
“Okay.” Yelena set her empty bowl down, licking away a bead of liquid that caught on her lips. “Spill.”
“Mr. Stark isn’t the first person I’ve known who has died,” Peter started, and Yelena felt her stomach lurch when she realized what type of conversation he wanted to have. “He wasn’t… he wasn’t my dad but I think about him more than my own parents. I never dreamt about them, not in the way that I do about him.”
Yelena leaned forward to rest her weight on the counter. “That’s not a question.”
Peter ducked his head down. The grip on the spoon tightened slightly. “Do you dream about your sister?”
The comforting warmth of soup in her stomach churned and Yelena wallowed hard, a bitter taste in the back of her mouth. “Why do you want to know?”
Peter hunched in on himself at her harsh tone. “I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t answer me,” Yelena said sharply.
Peter gave a small sniffle. “Do you know how to make it stop? The dreams? Seeing his face?”
The anger dropped out of Yelena’s stomach to her feet. “No. I’m sorry.”
Peter hung his head in defeat as if he was expecting her to answer as such. “I miss him.”
“I’m sure.” Yelena wasn’t quite sure what to define the relationship between Tony Stark and Peter Parker as. Mentor and mentee? Something paternal? Whatever it was, there was a closeness and Peter grieved harder than any other superhero who knew the man.
“I wish he was here.” Peter dropped the spoon on the counter, the metal warped with the shape of his hand. “I want him back.”
Yelena wasn’t sure how to reply. She didn’t know Tony Stark beyond whatever Natasha told her and even that was over the phone. “I do dream about her.”
Peter glanced at her, pulling his head up just enough to peer at her through the hall light that flooded the kitchen and glinted off of the ceramic bowls.
“I am angry with her,” she confessed. “I want to say that I hate her, but I don’t think that I actually do.”
A small frown tugged at Peter’s lips. “Why?”
“Because she left. Again.” Bitterness curled into Yelena’s heart and nestled there. “I blinked and five years passed. I came back into a world without my sister. She was gone. And I had no one.”
Peter pushed his bowl aside, leaning forward to brace his arms on the counter. “You didn’t get to see her one more time after you came back.”
The gentle tone he used made her eyes burn. “I did not.”
“That’s not fair,” Peter stated.
Yelena swallowed hard. “It’s not,” she agreed.
“I’m sorry you didn’t get more time with her,” he said.
Yelena took a careful breath, doing her best to give him a small smile despite how wrong it felt on her face. “I am sorry the world took Tony Stark from you before you were ready, baby spider.”
Peter’s face crumpled slightly. “I don’t think I’d ever be ready,” he confessed.
“I don’t think I ever would have been either,” Yelena replied in turn. She held her hand out across the counter to bridge their gap and Peter paused only for a moment before placing his hand in hers.
The hand that had wielded a spoon with enough force to warp metal gently gripped her hand back.
“This is useless!” America huffed, throwing her arms in the air in frustration. “What do you even know about this kind of stuff anyway?”
Yelena had been attempting to help America get a better hold on her powers. More specifically, it was about emotional control and meditation. America was not a very calm person. She wiggled when trying to sit still, complained about not being able to clear her mind, and whined on end about how useless everything was.
“Just because I have never trained someone enhanced before does not mean I have not taught these methods.” Yelena watched America from where the girl was sitting in front of her, slumped in on herself in frustration. “Powers or not, this will help you gain a handle on your emotions.”
America huffed. “I can’t make my mind clear. I’m just thinking too much.”
“It happens.” Yelena shifted in her own spot, placing her hands on her knees. “So get it out.”
America frowned. “Get it out?” she echoed.
“Yes.” Yelena inclined her head. “Say all the things that are on your mind to rid them of the space they take.”
America squinted at her suspiciously. “This isn’t just you wanting to hear my thoughts?”
“Shall I go first?” Yelena retorted. America nodded slowly and Yelena took a deep breath. “Today has been a long day. I have a long list of things that I need to do. I look forward to when this is finished so I can go and clean my guns. I do not wish to push myself exercising tonight but I want to get myself tired enough so that I may sleep.”
America blinked at her and cocked her head to the side as if to question how much of it was the truth. “I think this is boring,” she finally stated. When Yelena did not comment, she continued. “I feel like I’m wasting time. I think that I’m the youngest and weakest on the team. I wonder why I was even recruited in the first place. I’m just some kid with powers who doesn’t even have a good handle on them. I’m just waiting for you to tell me that I’m hopeless because I can’t do this and send me away. Even though I’m frustrated, I don’t want to stop. I don’t want to be sent away.”
Yelena listened to America as she rambled and got everything off of her chest. When she finished, she looked at Yelena as if she was waiting for a reply, perhaps a chastising or to be mocked.
“Is your head empty now?” Yelena asked instead.
America took a deep breath, tension draining out of her frame. “Yeah…” she breathed out. “I am.”
“Good.” Yelena nodded her head. “Close your eyes again.”
She never once mentioned to America the start of the portal that opened behind her or the way that America sealed it back up without a thought.
“Stupid, idiotic, useless piece--” Cassie threw her phone hard enough that it clattered against the wall before falling to the floor.
“Who’s stupid?” Yelena questioned. She was nearby cleaning her guns in the living room, sitting on the couch with the pieces spread out on the coffee table.
Cassie glanced over at her in surprise as if she had forgotten she was there. “Nothing.”
Yelena raised an eyebrow. “If nothing causes you to throw your phone against the wall then I’d hate to see what someone who pisses you off does.”
Cassie huffed, scooping her phone up to check it over for damage before shoving it in her pocket. “It’s just my dad.”
Yelena remembered reading the files. “Ant-Man.”
Cassie scowled, folding her arms in frustration. “Yeah. Him.”
Yelena cocked her head to the side. Cassie’s whole attitude screamed of anger and bitterness. “Want to take a seat?”
Cassie glanced over at where she was cleaning her weapons. After a moment of hesitation, she nodded and approached the armchair next to the couch to flop into it. Yelena knew it would only be a few moments before she started to talk.
As expected, Cassie sighed heavily. “He’s so annoying.”
“I do not know much about him,” Yelena admitted.
Cassie ran a hand over her face. “He thinks he has the right to lecture me about this whole thing. Says I’m too young. Wants me to do something with my life. Tells me that I’m going to regret it.”
Yelena hummed as she started to reassemble her gun. “You are upset he is nagging?”
“I’m upset that he thinks he has the right to lecture me on this at all.” Cassie gritted her teeth together in frustration. “The earliest memory I have of my dad with the suit was when I was a kid.”
Yelena’s interest was piqued. She admittedly didn’t know much about Ant-Man or Scott Lang other than his rap sheet for petty theft.
“When I was eight, a man named Darren Cross came to my house. It was late, I was already in my pajamas and ready for bed. He knocked on the door. He kicked my mom out of the house and took me hostage. He told me he wanted my dad and that he was going to kill him.” Cassie ducked her head down, clutching her fingers into fists. “That was the night I learned my dad was Ant-Man. When I was nine, I wrote an essay on my hero. It was called My Daddy, My Hero. I wanted to be just like him.”
“But he doesn’t want you to be,” Yelena surmised.
“No,” Cassie agreed quietly. “I think he’s a hypocrite.”
“Mm.” Yelena set her gun down.
Cassie glanced at Yelena. “What are your thoughts?”
“About what?” Yelena directed her full attention to Cassie.
“I dunno. My dad. Ant-Man. Stature. Dad’s in general. Anything.” Cassie shrugged.
“Are you asking me to take sides?” Yelena wanted the clarification.
“Yes. No. I dunno.” Cassie pressed her lips together in frustration. “I don’t understand him.”
Yelena could understand where he was coming from, at least the thought process. “Are you close with your mother?”
Cassie blinked at her in surprise. “Um… yeah. Why?”
“Let us say that your identity as Stature was compromised. They knew your face, your name, where you lived, everything.” Yelena leaned forward, bracing her elbows on her knees. “You make as many enemies as people you help. They are going to want to get even. They go after your mother. Kidnap her. Tell her they want to kill you. What do you do?”
Cassie stared at her for a few long seconds. “Is this-- is this a test?”
Yelena blew a strand of hair out of her face. “Nope. C’mon.”
“I’d go save her, of course!” Cassie said indignantly. “What else would I do?”
“And if she got hurt because of you?” Yelena asked. She hadn’t realized how blunt she was until Cassie let out a little flinch.
“That would be my fault. But she’d bounce back. She’s strong…” Cassie’s voice wavered slightly as if she didn’t quite believe it.
“Okay. Same scenario. But this time instead of your mother, it’s America.” Yelena picked the youngest on the team, someone who didn’t have as much training to protect herself in the situation.
Cassie gave a small jerk, eyes locking onto Yelena’s face. “That won’t happen.”
“How do you know?” Yelena inquired.
“Because we’re the Avengers. If I can’t get her then one of you guys will,” Cassie said steadily.
“And is that what happened with the previous Avengers?” Yelena replied quietly. That gave Cassie pause. “I am not going to be here all of the time. I do not have trackers on you, I do not follow you, you could go missing and it would take me a little bit to notice.”
Cassie swallowed hard. Yelena knew that her words were hitting her hard but Cassie wanted the truth.
“I do not know who Scott Lang is as a person. I also do not know what good fathers look like. But bug, it sounds like he just wants to save you from a life of hurt.” Yelena laid it all out. Cassie’s face twisted slightly as if she was going to cry, digging her fingers into her thighs.
“This is my choice,” Cassie managed to get out. “He can’t take that from me.”
“He can’t,” Yelena agreed. “I won’t let him.”
Cassie blinked at her in surprise. “Really?”
“You are not going to stop. He could force you to quit, I could refuse to teach you, but you’d still do it. I may as well ensure that none of you die in the meantime.” Yelena leaned back, folding her arms as if the thought of the kids under her care dying didn’t bother her so much.
Cassie breathed out a heavy sigh. “Thanks, Yelena.”
“Mm.” Yelena nodded to the spot next to her. “Come watch a movie with me. I’ll show you how to clean guns.”
“Are you going easy on me?” Kate question, trying to catch her breath as she wiped a bead of sweat away that trickled down her brow.
“Do you think I’m going easy on you?” Yelena retorted, twisting her torso to stretch out her sore muscles.
“Yeah.” Kate’s lips twisted. “I do.”
Yelena raised an eyebrow. She had been going easy on Kate, but only because no one on the team could handle a full Black Widow. “I’ve been going easy on all of you.”
“Yeah, but--” Kate huffed, running a hand over her hair angrily. “I’m different.”
“Different?” Yelena echoed. “You mean because I threw you off a building?”
“What?” Kate scrunched her nose up. “No! I mean because I’m not…” she hesitated. “Enhanced.”
Yelena paused for a moment. She hadn’t really considered it before. Cassie had the Pym particles. Peter had his spider powers. Kamala had the bracelets. America could make portals. Kate just had her bow and arrows.
“Do you think that I would go easier on you if you didn’t have enhancements?” Yelena finally asked in disbelief. “If anything, I would train you harder to make up for it.”
“Then do it.” Kate stuck her chin out stubbornly. “I want you to go harder.”
Yelena shook her head. “You’re not ready for that.”
Kate’s face twisted with determination. “I’ll never get better if you don’t go harder. Put up a fight. What if I run into a Black Widow, one that won’t put me on a wire before tossing me off a building?”
“You’re pushing it,” Yelena warned. She wasn’t about to have children bully her into training them with the excuse of keeping them alive. Yelena did not want that on her if something were to happen. She couldn’t think of her team getting hurt. “Drop it.”
“No!” Kate stood firm. “I need this. I need to get better. Please, Yelena.”
“I said no.” Yelena shook her head. “We’re done for the day.”
“Why not?” Kate demanded. Yelena turned to walk away, listening as Kate jogged to keep up with her. “Yelena, look at me--”
Yelena tensed up at the hand that gripped her arm, spinning around and throwing Kate to the ground. Kate rolled to her feet and lunged at Yelena. Yelena grabbed her forearm and spun her around, sweeping her feet out from under her.
The spar they engaged in that time wasn’t the same as the others. Kate was going at her with an anger that Yelena had yet to see released at her. Yelena kept blocking, knocking Kate down only for her to get up again. Kate kept demanding to be taught and Yelena started pointing out all of her flaws.
There came a point where Kate made a mistake with her footing. “Graceful!” left Yelena’s lips in a bark, just like she had heard hundreds of times in the Red Room.
Kate stumbled. Yelena started to fight harder. Kate was breathing hard, no longer yelling to be taught, focused entirely on the fight.
Once again, Kate tripped over her feet and Yelena felt her lip curl. “What did I say about being graceful!” she demanded, raising her hand up.
It was only once she saw Kate sprawled on the ground, breathing heavy and soaked with sweat, flinch hard, did Yelena realize what she was about to do.
Yelena curled her raised hand into a fist and dropped it. She had gotten so caught up in everything that her Red Room ways had emerged and she nearly struck Kate for making a mistake.
“We’re done for today,” Yelena managed to say quietly. She then turned on her foot and left the gym, stalking right to her room and locking the door behind her. She punched at the wall, letting out a frustrated scream. She nearly lost it.
This was what she was afraid of. She was a Black Widow through and through. She was never meant to be around children. She never wanted to train any in the first place. She didn’t want them to get killed. She had been so careful not to lose her cool around them when teaching them. But Kate had pushed something in her and Yelena fell into a mindset she hadn’t been in since her sister died.
She wondered if she truly was the right person to lead the team. She was dangerous. She had blood on her hands and violence in her veins. Those kids looked up to her as a leader and she could easily hurt them.
The worst part was that she was pretty sure they’d forgive her for it.
Yelena thumped her head against the wall and let it rest there, sighing heavily.
Maybe it was time to get into the more intense stuff. They needed to know more. She had to prepare them.
Just in case.