Big Boys Don't Cry
Peter sat in the pilots seat of his Milano and stared out into the infinite void of space. He used to look out at the stars and planets and think of nothing but possibilities. He used to be so naive and thought he was Invincible. Sure he didnt die but someone he loved did. It wasn't physical pain but it was unlike any pain he'd ever felt.
Now he looked out into space and thought of Yondu. His ash scattered into space, he was now part of it. He didn't realize how much he cared for Yondu until now. How much he would miss him. Peter kind of missed a few months ago when Yondu was chasing him with the whole ravager fleet...At least he was out there...
But it would be a big lie if Peter said he wanted to go back to where he was a few months before. Back then he was a true loner, now he had a family. A family which was soundly sleeping in the deck below him.
It was around 2 in the morning and the day after Yondu had saved him. This had been the first time he sat in the pilots seat of his ship since Yondu's sacrifice. Peter's had many drinks since then. Some vodka here, some shots of tequila there, and a splash of everything else. It helped numb his mind and stopped him from breaking down like a little bitch in front of everyone. Rocket had been steering them around to their next location.
Peter felt a bit like an ass. He's been drunk and avoiding everyone for the past 30ish hours. Hiding in his bunk during the day and coming out whenever it was night.
He continued to stare out of the window and watched as comets streaked through the pitch black of space. He watched planets of all colors pass by the ship wondering what kind of life Inhabited them. He looked at the stars as they twinkled and danced.
Somewhere just outside this glass floated the ash of Yondu. Peter couldn't help but think of all he had lost. His mother and now Yondu. To make things worse, Peter couldn't help but think of everything he could lose now. Drax, Rocket, Groot, Mantis and...Gamora.
Peter felt his eyes sting as tears began to form. He took a deep swig from a bottle of liquor he loosely held in his hand.
Staring out into space he couldn't think of anything but loss. What if one day it was Rocket that got killed and layed lifeless and stiff on that table? What if one day Drax got carried away and he was the one getting burned to ash? What if one day it was Gamora's ashes drifting through space.
He took another swig from his bottle but it couldn't stop a tear from escaping and gently rolling down his cheek.
"I am Groot."
Peter felt something tugging at his pant legs and after quickly wiping away the tear he looked down. He already knew who it would be. The little tree no bigger then one of his boots stood at his foot with a sad expression.
Peter grabbed the the little plant and set him down on the pilot chair's armrest. They both sat and watched the stars pass.
"I was just... watching out. You know for raiders and stuff. Don't want to get ambushed." Peter plastered on a fake smile and tried to inconspicuously wipe away any remnants of the tear.
"I am groot."
Peter had gotten decent at understanding Groot, however with his brain slurred due to the alcohol he didn't pick up what Groot meant.
"It's late, you should be asleep, Groot."
"I am Groot." He said quietly.
"I didn't mean to wake you. I tripped over one of rockets thingies. I don't know what he's building down there."
They sat there quietly and comfortably for a while. Eventually Groot looked up at Peter with big teary eyes.
"I am Groot." He said with a shaky voice.
Peter gave tired sigh.
"Yeah...I miss him too."
Seconds, minutes, hours passed. Peter wasn't 100% sure how long it had been but during that time Groot had curled up and fallen asleep in his lap. The little guys chest rising and falling in a peaceful rhythm.
Placing his almost empty liquor bottle on the floor he decided he would take Groot to bed. He cradled Groot against his chest and stood up.
He was immediately made aware of all the alcohol he drank as a wave of dizziness washed over him. He stumbled the first few steps and climbing down the ladder took a few minutes but he was careful enough to not wake Groot. He eventually made it to the bunks and gently placed groot next to a curled up Rocket. His tailed covering his face. Groot gave a little yawn and pulled Rockets tail to use as a blanket.
After a few minutes of stumbling around Peter managed to find a brand new bottle of booze and find his way back up to the pilot chair. He walked over to it and after a particularly strong headache he stumbled into it and gripped the chair hard. During this he accidently spilled the mostly empty bottle he had before. The dark brown liquid made a small pool that he stared down at.
Peter pulled his new bottle up to his face and looked at it. The label had a pretty woman's face on it smiling and she herself also held a bottle. He gave it a big smooch.
"Well it's a good thing I grabbed you." He gave a slurred, half-hearted laugh and continued, "We're going to have a great time."
He opened the bottle and took a sip. He then proceeded to almost collapse into his chair. He reached down and pulled his Zune out of his pocket. He placed the earbuds into his ears and played the first song he could think of. The melody started and Peter continued sipping his liquor and staring into space.
I'm not in love
So dont forget it
it's just a silly faze I'm going through
The song didn't help, it made him even more depressed as he remembered the day he left earth. The day his mother died. But to be honest Peter didn't want it to help, he wanted to feel the hurt. It was his fault after all. He's the reason Yondu died.
I'd like to see you again
but then again
That doesn't mean you mean that much to me
He stared into the window and his interest changed from the stars to his reflection in the window. His hair was disheveled, his face tired, and he just overall looked like shit. The man he was looking at right now was not the infamous and charming Star-Lord. The man he looked at wasn't the hero who had taken the Infinity stone from Ronan. He was staring at the man that had gotten Yondu killed. This was the man that would get everyone on this ship killed.
"You're pathetic." He whispered to the reflection and he felt the tears threaten to spill.
Be quiet
Big boys don't cry
Big boys don't cry
As he looked into the reflection he saw something coming up behind him. A green shape walked elegantly closer to him. Once he realized what it was he quickly shoved the Zune back down his pocket and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. He cleared his throat and then stood up to look at Gamora with the most charming smile he could muster.
She stood there with stone cold face. She wore leggings and a tight black long sleeve that hugged her curves nicely. Her eyes didnt hold the same coldness her face did. He couldnt help but admire her beauty. Even in the dark ship she seemed to glow. When he noticed he was staring and she wasn't talking he gave a cough.
He jabbed a thumb over his shoulder toward the window, "I was just on lookout for ravagers and stuff."
She crossed her arms and slightly raised one of her eyebrows. Her eyes went down toward the spilled drink.
He gave a chuckle and a small hiccup.
"Oh that? You see Groot was here and...I had to wrestle him to get the bottle. He really wanted a sip. He's so much like me when I was that age."
He gave her a lopsided grin that basically screamed out "Hey I'm drunk as fuck."
She frowned and walked up to him. She stood a few inches from his swaying body and leaned in close. Peter watched her or more specifically her lips that were so damn close to his. He stared her back into her eyes and wondered what could be going on in her beautiful head.
Much to Peter's disappointment she leaned back and took a step backwards. Now a very obvious frown was sported on face.
"You're drunk."
Out of all the songs he's listened to none had ever sounded as melodic and beautiful as this woman's voice. He could and very much wanted to listen to her forever. Even if she was angry at him like she was right now.
"Pfssh, nahhh. I'm fine...peachy...dandy even." ,He said reaching down for the bottle he had put down earlier.
He was almost to it when Gamora snatched it away from him.
"Heyyy..." ,he pouted.
"You don't need any more of this. You are a mess Quill."
That's how he new for sure she was pissed. She had used his last name.
"C'mon, I'm just looking for a good time," he hiccuped and then continued, "I don' mind sharing."
"You can't keep doing this. You're destroying yourself..."
Gamora talked and Peter watched her lips move, he watched her eyelashes bat, he watched her but didn't listen. He could only think of one thing.
I can't lose you too. He wasn't there for his mom, he wasn't there for Yondu...when would he not be there for her. When would his incompetence cause her to die. She didn't deserve it. Gamora deserved a life full of peace and no worries. She was tortured by Thanos and lived a terrible life as an assassin. And now she was stuck here with Peter in constant danger.
He felt a hand on his shoulder and was brought out of his thoughts.
Her face wasn't angry anymore, it was now more gentle and laced with worry.
"What?" He said and then proceeded to give a rather loud and painful hiccup.
"Peter just go and get some sleep."
"But-"
Her hand found one of his, "Peter just this once...for me."
He wanted to argue, he wanted to tell her that he was scared to sleep. His nightmares were torture. When it wasn't flashbacks of Yondu's lifeless body in his arms it was dreams about how he'd get all the Guardians killed in the future.
But he didn't argue. He was tired and weak as shit. Plus the look in Gamora's eyes was killing him. He succumbed to her and nodded. She gave a small smile in response and wrapped and arm around his waist helping to lead him down the steps and into his bunk.
Peter began to sing a bit. He hummed as they walked together body to body and slowly it turned into him singing.
"Do you realize?" he silently sang, "That you have the most beautiful face?"
He stared blankly at nothing in particular the alcohol effecting his mind so much now he could barely think.
"Do you realize?" He whispered.
They made it to his bunk and when she let him go he fell into it and accepted the mattress' warm embrace. He felt a dip in the mattress and smiled at the beautiful lady beside him.
"I mu' be dreaming...that your in the same bed as me."
He swore he heard a small laugh but didn't know if it was just his drunken brain playing tricks on him or not.
Peter decided that if he could dream of something as nice as Gamora with him maybe he could just fall asleep to that pleasant thought.
His eyes felt like magnets and no matter how hard he tried to keep them open and watch Gamora they eventually shut and in just a few minutes he had fallen asleep.