Spider-Man woke up to a weird sound. He opened his eyes and saw a cat sitting on his chest.
“Oh…hello,” Spider-Man said before he realized that Captain Marvel’s cat was the cat purring right in front of him. Well, on him. “I…uh…didn’t catch your name. Or did I? I can’t remember.”
Spider-Man paused and realized that the cat wouldn’t really respond. Captain Marvel had shown up at the Compound and he met her. She seemed really cool and she told him to ‘keep an eye on the flerken’ while she talked with the Avengers. Peter didn’t known what to think but took Goose on patrol with him. Then…
Spider-Man tried to think back and suddenly remembered the wizard he ran into. There wasn’t much of a fight since Peter got thrown through a portal. The last words he heard from the wizard guy were ‘two hours’ before he blacked out.
“Okay, okay, um…” Spider-Man said as he slowly stood up. He tried not to disturb Goose, who climbed onto his shoulder. “Okay. That works.” Spider-Man put his hand to his ear. “Karen, can you hear me?”
“Of course, Peter. My system is back online,” K.A.R.E.N. responded. Peter felt a wave of relief. “What can I assist you with?”
“Some weird wizard guy threw me through a portal and now I’m…somewhere. And I have Captain Marvel’s cat,” Spider-Man said. He looked at the cat again. “I need to figure out where I am.”
“Of course. I am attempting to figure out our location now,” K.A.R.E.N. said. “And Goose isn’t a cat, Peter. She’s a flerken.”
“What’s a flerken?” Spider-Man asked. He looked around at his surroundings and noticed he was in a warehouse. An empty and rundown warehouse.
“Flerkens are a species of aliens that look like Earth cats. They have pocket dimensions inside of their stomachs and have tentacles. Their claws are poisonous as well. They can lay up to 117 eggs,” K.A.R.E.N. replied.
Spider-Man froze and slowly turned to look at Goose on his shoulder.
“Oh that’s so cool and scary at the same time,” Spider-Man said quietly. He quickly panicked. “Wait tentacles?!”
“Yes, Peter. All flerkens have tentacles and can eat multiple people at once,” K.A.R.E.N. said calmly.
Spider-Man nodded slowly.
“That’s…that’s nice…” Spider-Man said awkwardly.
“I have discovered our location but I don’t believe we are going to be able to go home right away,” K.A.R.E.N. said. Spider-Man froze.
“What do you mean?” Spider-Man asked, dread filling his voice.
“We are in a city called ‘Gotham City’, which doesn’t exist in my files. I believe we are in a different dimension,” K.A.R.E.N. said. Spider-Man stared.
“The…a different dimension?” Spider-Man asked.
“Yes,” K.A.R.E.N. said. “The sorcerer you fought said ‘two hours’ before the portal closed, so I’m assuming that’s how long until we get sent back to our dimension.”
“Okay. Okay. Two hours. I can handle that,” Spider-Man said as he took a few breaths. “I can handle that, right Karen?”
“You can, Peter,” K.A.R.E.N. said gently. “You have Goose and I to keep you company. As long as you lay low, everything will be fine.”
“Lay low. Copy that, Karen,” Spider-Man said. He looked around again at the warehouse. “We’re really in a different dimension. This is so cool. I want to go exploring.”
“Peter, I wouldn’t recommend that. This is a different dimension and anything and everything could be different,” K.A.R.E.N. said calmly.
“But Karen,” Spider-Man said with a small whine, sounding exactly like a 15 year old. “I wanna explore. This could be the only time I get to be in a different dimension. I wanna see stuff. Please. I’ll be careful, I promise. I have you and Goose as backup.”
“Okay, Peter. But I have already programmed a timer so when the time is up, we’re leaving this dimension whether you like it or not,” K.A.R.E.N. said.
“Of course,” Spider-Man said. He made an excited sound and shot a web to leave the warehouse. He climbed onto the roof and smiled. “This is so cool.” Spider-Man looked at the surrounding buildings and noticed how abandoned they look. “Wow this city is really run down.”
“Gotham City, or simply Gotham, is an American City rifle with corruption and crime. It is home to the Batman,” K.A.R.E.N. said.
“Who’s Batman? Is he a vigilante? Like me?! Wouldn’t it be so cool if he was like my doppelgänger? Or she?” Spider-Man asked with an excited smile.
“The Batman is a vigilante in Gotham. He began as a myth, which many believed to be propagated by the Gotham City Police Department to scare criminals and lessen crime. The Batman is not a myth, and has been reported on multiple occasions. He appears to have a team as well. Robin, Nightwing, Batgirl, Red Hood, Red Robin, Black Bat, Spoiler, Signal,” K.A.R.E.N. said as Peter swung to a high building to get a better view.
“Wow, they really have a bird theme going on,” Spider-Man said. “Does Tony Stark exist in this universe?”
“No,” K.A.R.E.N. said after a few moments of silence. “None of the Avengers seem to exist in this dimension. The Justice League does however.”
“What’s the Justice League?” Spider-Man asked before he started talking to himself. “Oh this is so cool. I’m actually in a different dimension. This is so cool.”
“The Justice League was formed a few years ago. The team consists of Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Flash, Martian Manhunter, Green Arrow and Aquaman,” K.A.R.E.N. answered. “They appear to have a base called the Watch Tower, which is currently located in space.”
“Space?! That’s so cool!” Spider-Man said excitedly. “I want a space base. What?! That’s so cool, Karen.” Spider-Man suddenly froze. “Wait, is that just like…common knowledge? That seems like a security issue.”
“Actually I hacked into everything connecting to the internet, the Justice League Watch Tower, and every base for the Justice League members is included,” K.A.R.E.N. replied. Spider-Man stilled.
“Remind me to never upset you, Karen,” Spider-Man said. Goose stretched on his shoulder. “So your name’s Goose, huh? That’s cool. I wonder why.”
“Goose’s name is most likely a reference to the 1986 movie starring Tom Cruise. There is a character whose name is Goose,” K.A.R.E.N. replied.
“I saw that movie!” Spider-Man said excitedly. “And then Goose died. Oh, spoiler. Sorry, Karen.”
“It is okay, Peter. I know how the movie ends,” K.A.R.E.N. said.
“Wait if you hacked into everything on the planet then…then wouldn’t you know who the Justice League is?” Spider-Man asked. “Like their secret identities?”
“I do have the identities of all Justice League members, and those on Batman’s team. Batman is Bruce Wayne, Superman is Clark Kent, Nightwing is Dick Grayson-“ K.A.R.E.N. started.
“Ah, okay,” Spider-Man said as he covered his ears, not that it would help given how Karen was talking to him through the coms. “I don’t wanna know anymore.”
“Of course, Peter,” K.A.R.E.N. said.
“So does Gotham City have the entire Justice League?” Spider-Man asked.
“No. The Justice League members live across the planet. Well, the universe,” K.A.R.E.N. said. “Batman lives in Gotham City, and Superman resides in Metropolis.”
“It’s…It’s named Metropolis? That’s like…naming a city…city,” Spider-Man said awkwardly.
Spider-Man swung down to a building closer to the ground and looked around.
“So cool,” Spider-Man said to himself.
Spider-Man felt his ‘Peter Tinkle’ - May’s words, not his - and whipped around as someone landed on the roof in front of him.
“Woah, you’re Batman, right? You look like a Batman,” Spider-Man said.
“Who are you?” Batman asked in a deep growl.
Spider-Man barely had time to react before Goose’s mouth opened up and tentacles came out. The tentacles grabbed Batman and before Spider-Man could react to anything else, Goose ate Batman, leaving nothing left.
“Oh my god!” Spider-Man shrieked.
——
“Truth or dare?” Lois asked as she grabbed her glass of wine and took a sip.
“Truth,” Clark said after a few seconds of silence, knowing that Lois would be ruthless with whichever option he chose.
“So you and Batman-“ Lois said.
“Ah, okay,” Clark said. He covered his ears and Lois laughed. “Enough about Batman.”
“But you’re dating him,” Lois insisted.
“Yes, I am. And our relationship is just that, our relationship,” Clark said. “It’s private.”
“Come on, Smallville, I thought you loved me,” Lois said with a smile.
Clark smiled. Given how him and Lois broke up - completely on good terms - when he came started to like Batman, he found it amusing she was so invested in his relationship with Bruce.
“He lives in Gotham, he’s got to. And he has the Batmobile. Oh my god, have you made out in the Batmobile?” Lois asked with a smile.
Clark looked at his phone after hearing a notification come through. He froze and realized it was the Batcave’s S.O.S alert.
“I gotta go,” Clark said. He quickly sped off. Thankfully he didn’t have to hide that from Lois, since she knew he was Superman.
It didn’t take long to arrive in Gotham and he flew into the Batcave. Superman froze when he noticed someone in a mask holding a cat while Alfred pointed a shotgun at him.
“This man broke in, and given how everyone else on the team is busy, I notified you,” Alfred said. He kept a steady grip on the gun.
“Who are you?” Superman asked the man.
“My names Spider-Man,” Spider-Man said awkwardly. “And this isn’t gonna make any sense to you but I’m from a different dimension and only have a little bit of time left until I get back.”
Superman froze and looked at Alfred, who remained equally confused. Spider-Man took off his mask and Superman froze when he saw a teenager under the mask.
“I’m Peter,” Peter said hesitantly.
“Why are you here?” Alfred asked.
“My flerken ate Batman,” Peter said anxiously. Superman and Alfred stared with their eyes wide. “And I don’t know how to get Batman out.”
“What do you mean…your flerken ate Batman?” Superman asked slowly.
“This isn’t a cat, she’s a flerken. And she has a pocket dimension inside her stomach and tentacles and she ate Batman and I don’t know what to do! So I came here!” Peter said loudly.
“Why here?” Alfred asked.
“Karen told me where the Batcave is,” Peter said hesitantly.
“Who is Karen?” Alfred asked.
“My AI. She’s inside my suit. And she hacked into everything on the planet and found your location but I told her to stop when she started telling me everyone’s identities. But then Goose ate Batman because he landed on the roof I was on and I didn’t know what to do so I came here,” Peter rambled.
Superman looked at ‘Goose’ as Peter called it. Her? Peter said she was a girl. Superman took a slow breath and walked closer. Peter twitched slightly.
“Okay, um…” Superman said. He tried to process everything.
“Perhaps some catnip will work,” Alfred said suddenly. “I’ll go fetch some. Perhaps you could keep an eye on our guest, Superman.” Superman nodded and Alfred quickly walked away.
Peter rocked back and forth slightly and kept a hold on the flerken in his arms.
“So…you’re Clark Kent…” Peter said awkwardly. Superman stared and Peter quickly tried to remedy the situation. “Karen told me! I’m sorry! I told her to stop telling me people’s identities! I promise.”
“Right…” Superman said slowly. “Um…how did you…get a…flerken? Are you an alien too?”
“Oh, no. I’m cat sitting for Captain Marvel,” Peter said. “But then I had to go on patrol and then ended up getting blasted by a wizard and ended up in this dimension. But I’ll be back to my dimension soon, like really soon, which is why I came here after freaking out for so long about Goose eating Batman. Because I figured someone might be able to help me.”
Superman nodded. He stared at Goose.
“I’m sorry the flerken ate Batman,” Peter said quietly. His shoulders hunched.
“Can…can Batman hear me?” Superman asked.
“I don’t know,” Peter admitted. “I don’t know if he’s even alive-“ Peter stopped talking.
Superman walked closer and put his ear to Goose. Goose yawned and he listened in. He smiled when he heard a familiar heartbeat.
“He’s alive, I hear him,” Superman said with a smile. “I hear his heart beat.”
“You can hear his heartbeat from inside of Goose’s stomach?” Peter asked. “Well I mean she did open her mouth so you could hear but…how much can you hear?”
“Everything on the planet,” Superman said hesitantly. Peter stared.
“And I thought my hearing was crazy,” Peter said quietly as he stared at the floor of the Batcave.
“I got used to it,” Superman said with a nod. “It took time though.” Peter nodded. “Do you have powers?”
“Yeah. Yeah. I got bit by a radioactive spider and then got powers. I was kinda in the hospital for like a week afterwards but I’m okay now,” Peter said. “And I made my own synthetic webs so I can swing and Mr. Stark made my suit and-“ Peter cut off his rambling. “Sorry for rambling.”
“It’s okay, Peter,” Superman said with a small smile. “No one’s gonna be upset at you for talking.”
Alfred came back down into the cave and had a container of catnip.
“Uh…how are we gonna do this?” Peter asked nervously. “Because her claws are poisonous.”
“I can do it then. I’m bulletproof,” Superman said as he grabbed the catnip.
“Wait, you’re bulletproof? That’s so cool. Mr. Stark probably wishes I was bulletproof because any time I get shot he gets worried,” Peter said awkwardly.
Superman held the catnip near Goose and she started purring.
“Come on. Throw up Batman, please,” Peter said as he jostled her.
“Maybe it won’t-“ Superman started as his voice filled with worry about never seeing Bruce again. He got cut off by Goose opening her mouth and tentacles coming out. He quickly sped over to shield Alfred.
“Oh my god! Oh my god! It’s happening again!” Peter shrieked as he held the flerken away from him.
Superman stared before Batman practically got thrown out of Goose’s mouth. The tentacles went away and Goose started purring again.
“Batman?” Superman asked as he ran over.
“That was disgusting,” Batman said dryly.
“Oh, yeah, you’re covered in…flerken saliva,” Superman said with a disgusted expression.
Batman stared at Peter, who awkwardly put his mask back on.
“Explain,” Batman said as he got off the floor. “Now. Someone.”
“The fellow over there in the red suit has a cat that ate you, sir. It’s also not a cat, it’s a flerken,” Alfred replied. “And he’s from a different dimension. And it appears he’s going back home.”
Peter stared at the floor when a yellow, sparkly circle appeared. He quickly fell through and the circle disappeared as though it was never there to begin with.
“Perhaps a shower would suit you, Master Bruce,” Alfred said as he kept his distance.
“I want a shower. I’m taking a shower,” Bruce said with a nod as he started walking away.
——
Spider-Man fell through the portal and quickly looked around.
“Kid!” Tony yelled as he ran over. “What happened?! J.A.R.V.I.S. got the notification from your suit saying it was offline and we all rushed over here and found the wizard. He said he teleported you because he was testing out a spell and you were gone.”
“It was so cool!” Spider-Man said excitedly. “Mr. Stark, it was so cool! I was in a different dimension! And there was this guy named Batman and he’s a vigilante and the flerken ate him and then I went to his base. Not the one in space but the underground one. And then this other superhero named Superman showed up and helped! And Batman’s butler too! And we got Goose to throw up Batman and then I teleported back here. And the city was so run down, Mr. Stark! Like so dark and gloomy even during the day!”
“Different dimension?” Tony asked, his eyes wide.