Fallen: Reborn

Sitting at a booth in the ice cream parlor, Nat and Perse chatted the night away.

“Have you discovered any new music lately?” Nat asked, digging into her ice cream. Perse shook her head.

“No, I haven’t really had the time to investigate.” She said, chuckling. After being in the tower for a few weeks, Tony had given her a phone, already loaded with everyone’s contacts and a music app. He had every team member place songs they enjoyed on their own playlists for her to listen to. So far her favorites were Tony’s and Steve’s, but she would investigate the app and see what else it had to offer.

“There is this one musical I think you would like, I’ll show it to you later.” Nat said, Perse’s eyes lighting up. “It even has a movie to go with it.” Now Perse was really intrigued. She had fallen in love with the theatre and cinema long ago, as her Father would often tell and act out elaborate stories around the nighttime fire, and she would go see movies with Doctor McLoughlin on his days off. The art of film and theatre had only evolved through time, and it had quite a hold on her. There was something beautiful about the differing ways people could tell a story.

“I can’t wait,” she said, picking at her own ice cream.

“So how are you holding up? You know…” Nat asked gently. Perse sighed.

“Not great, I’ll admit. I had another run in with Loki. At least I was able to hold my ground this time…”

“I’m sorry, ‘another’?” Nat asked, eyebrows knitted. Perse couldn’t tell if she was more concerned or angry.

“Look, he’s stuck in defense mode. He takes everything as an attack, and until he starts making progress in his rehabilitation, that’s not going to go away. He’ll continue to push our buttons and see what makes us tic until he realizes that he doesn’t have to anymore. As aggravating as that is…” Perse said. Nat sighed.

“I don’t like it.”

“Neither do I. In all honesty, I would prefer he wasn’t here.”

“Then why did you vouch for him to stay?”

“Because he deserves a chance to-“

“No, I know that, I get it. But still. Why? He’s selfish, and power hungry, and I’m not sure how far we can trust him, if at all.” She took a breath and softened her tone. “Why put yourself through so much hurt?”

Perse sat quietly for a moment.

“Because if he can change then I can too. I see myself in him, Nat, I really do. I know what he’s been through, despite what he might argue. I know what it’s like being told what to think and what to want. I know what it’s like to have someone else’s desires and intentions come from your own hands. It’s disgusting… and traumatizing. You feel dirty and evil and like you don’t deserve to even live. And if someone has the chance to prove to everyone they wronged that they can be better… if they have the chance to show everyone who they really are underneath all the destruction and hurt… that is what is important. I might not like him. I might border on hating him, but that doesn’t change the fact that he has the chance to become someone good. To make up for what he’s done and prove to everyone that people can change. That what we were forced to do doesn’t define who we are. And if he can do it, then so can I.”

Nat let out a sigh and looked down at her folded arms. Shaking her head, she gave Perse a small smile.

“You already have.”

“Not yet. I’ve just learned a lot. I’ve done a lot of bad things. Things I wish I could forget. But I’m getting there. And if I can help someone get through that experience too, then that’s what’ll be worth it.”

Nat’s smile grew. “I’m proud of you, Perse. And I know you’re good. You don’t have to worry about that.”

Perse smiled softly and gazed back at her ice cream. “Thank you. I really appreciate that.”

“Now, let’s talk more about that musical.”

-

By the time they had returned to the tower, it was almost midnight. They had spent the night talking and window shopping. It was nice for Perse to fall into some sort of normalcy, despite her unique life. She often envied the people on the street. They didn’t have to worry about outliving everyone they cared about, or blowing holes into buildings when her emotions rose, or getting kidnapped because someone wanted the powers she contained. It must be nice.

Nat said goodnight to Perse, who remained in the common area. She walked onto the balcony, taking in the cool air. She pulled out her phone and some earbuds Tony had given her, plugging them in and turning on her music. She sighed as she watched the cars below her, time seeming to slow as she embraced the music flowing through her ears. Suddenly, she felt a presence behind her. Turning quickly, she saw someone she really wasn’t wanting to see.

“I wasn’t aware you were back.”

Perse silently cursed and nodded once, turning back to the view, one earbud hanging out. Loki walked to the edge of the balcony, still a bit distant from her. He looked at her, soft wind blowing through her curls. They stood in silence, watching the nightlife, before she finally broke the silence.

“Is there something you needed from me?”

Loki looked at her, eyes displaying a false innocence. “Not a thing in the world, darling. You simply happened to be occupying the same space I had planned to. Why in the nine realms would you think I had ulterior motives?”

Perse rolled her eyes, scooting a bit further away from the god. “Still on that, are you?”

“Do you blame me?”

“I suppose not. The broken tend not to trust easily. Or at all, in your case.”

“Broken, am I?” He asked smoothly.

“Very,” she replied, eyes forward. “I would know.”

Silence filled the air between them momentarily.

“Yes, you were under that organization’s command. You would understand being a monster. Better than most.”

Perse’s lip quivered up slightly, the sting of his words reverberating in her mind. She swallowed harshly.

“You know, for someone who understands the pain and hurt that going through something like that causes, you’re very insensitive to others…”

“Oh? Am I hurting your feelings, darling?” He asked. Perse could practically hear the smirk in his voice.

“You make forgiving an almost impossible feat.” She closed her eyes and took a breath. Turning to him, she spoke quietly, her eyes burning into his soul, “I don’t need you to remind me why I should hate myself. Why I’d be better off dead. My mind plays those thoughts on repeat nearly constantly, as I’m sure they do for you. What I don’t understand is your incessant need to burn the world along with you as you fall in flame.”

She walked to the patio door, opening it a bit to step through. Before closing it again, she spoke one final time to the god.

“Don’t you ever grow tired of fighting? Wouldn’t it just be easier to let yourself be who you were? Before they broke you? Is this who you want to be, Loki, or who you  told yourself you should be?”

He didn’t answer, his eyes locked on hers. He couldn’t decide if he was angry or not.

She broke the eye contact and looked to the ground.

“I may not like you, but I’ll always root for you in this journey of self reparation. It’d be nice to have you root for me too.”

And with that, she closed the door and walked away. Loki stood alone, watching were she had previously been. He pondered her words for a bit, a small feeling of longing coursing through him. He quickly and harshly sent that away.

She knows nothing. I’m perfectly content with the plan I have. The aspirations for the future. That’s all I need. She speaks of things she knows nothing about. What a fool…

And still, that feeling remained. Buried, yes, but present. He shook his head and walked inside, leaving the conversation on the balcony.

-

The next morning, Perse was awakened suddenly by someone plopping themselves down on her bed harshly. Knowing exactly who it was, Perse groaned and turned her face into her pillow.

“Nooo, it’s too early for this…” A laugh came from beside her.

“Actually, it’s ten in the morning. You slept in. Let’s go, training was supposed to start hours ago.” Turning her face from her pillow, she watched the redhead jump from her bed and walk to the door. Nat turned back to the ginger, still covered in blankets.

“Don’t make me do it,” Nat threatened. Perse knew exactly what she would do. It wasn’t the first time it had happened. But still, her bed was nice and warm… Nat shook her head. “Alright. The hard way it is.” Nat instantly sprinted to the bed, Perse letting out a quick yelp. Picking her up and flinging her over her shoulder, Nat walked calmly out the door of Perse’s bedroom.

“Nat!! Put me down!! I swear I will…”

“Oh, you’ll what, princess? If you aren’t going to cooperate then I don’t have much of a choice,” Nat responded, a smirk plastered on her face. Perse continued to protest and yell, laughing as the spy carried her to the elevator and up to the training area. But not before catching a glimpse of a pale face poking out from one of the rooms. A blush slowly crept onto her face before she stuffed it away, annoyance overcoming her embarrassment. She pushed away thoughts of the irritating god and focused again on what was currently at hand.

Perse laughed and protested all the way to the training area, where Nat let her go. She landed with an “oomph” as her butt hit the floor mat.

“Alright, let’s get down to business. You’re doing better with your hand to hand, but it still needs to improve. Now, make a move.” Perse hated training. She wasn’t any good, but the team, especially Nat, had required that she learn. Even though Perse didn’t go on missions, she was at risk even just being at the tower. She needed to be prepared.

Perse swung first, but Nat dodged and landed a blow to Perse’s stomach. Nat scoffed.

“C’mon, Perse, you can do better than that.” She scolded. Perse let out a huff, before swinging again, this time hitting the spy in the side.

“I just woke up, cut me some slack.”

They went back and forth, dodging and striking. Nat had managed to swing her legs around Perse’s neck, sending her to the floor, with Nat’s foot pinning her down.

“Enemies won’t care. You have to be prepared for everything and anything.” She moved her foot and offered Perse a hand up, which Perse used to her advantage. She yanked Nat down and pinned her to the floor, face down. She had pinned her arm behind her back and kept the spy down. Nat simply smirked. “That’s my girl.”

After going back and forth, training in a few differing areas, they both headed back to their rooms to tidy themselves up. Food was next on the list. Perse hadn’t eaten at all today, and needed nourishment. As she poked around the fridge, she could again feel a presence behind her. Without looking away from the fridge, she spoke.

“You know, it’s rude to sneak up on people.” She finally turned around, seeing Loki. He smirked.

“Not many can sense when I approach. But, alas, I was not sneaking up on you. I simply came for nourishment.” He pushed past her and got into the fridge, pulling out some fresh fruit. She scoffed and pushed him back with her hip, moving him out of her way.

“And I was here first,” She spat back. He narrowed his eyes, but ultimately let it go, plopping himself on the couch with a book in hand. She watched him for a bit. She couldn’t help but feel intrigued by the god. When he wasn’t spitting out insults or fighting to make those around him feel weak, he had a strange sort of beauty to him. His eyes were cold, but lively, and the way his hair fell perfectly framed his angular face. It left her wondering how someone so beautiful could make others feel so terrible. She studied him a bit more before he stated, without looking up from his book,

“Staring is just as rude, you know.” A blush fell on her face as she slammed the fridge door. He glanced her way, watching her carefully. He watched her graceful movements as she turned to a cabinet, pulling out a few packages of instant noodles and some vegetables. She grabbed a pot and began boiling water for her small meal. There was something to her that caught his interest. Beyond her insufferable kindness and dedication, there was something else. It was strange. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was about her, but it was there, hidden beneath everything else. Shaking his head of the thought process, he turned back to his book.

Perse called out to what seemed like thin air, “JARVIS, would you ask Nat if she wants any ramen?”

A disembodied voice replied, “Of course, Miss Persephone.” She rolled her eyes at this.

“JARVIS, we’ve been over this, you can call me Perse, just like everyone else does.”

“Of course, my apologies, Perse. I suppose I forget occasionally.”

She laughed at this. “You’re a computer, JARVIS, you shouldn’t be able to forget.”

The voice simply chuckled back. “Natasha says she’ll be down in a minute.” Perse smiled.

“Thank you JARVIS, I appreciate it.” It was interesting, chatting with an artificial intelligence. He had become almost like a brother to her, and he wasn’t even a real person. When she had first arrived at the tower, it was JARVIS that she spoke to the most. Nat was always there, but JARVIS was there in her darker moments, trapped in the dark of night. She had begun to talk with him less as time went by, but simply because she had grown closer with the physical people around her.

“Why do you speak to that thing like it’s human?” Perse looked up. Loki had watched the entire exchange. Or, rather, listened. She shrugged.

“Well, he has a mind of his own. And, really, what is it that makes us human? Is it our bodies? Or our minds?” Loki scoffed at this.

“Lots of things have minds, but they aren’t human.”

Perse nodded in agreement and hummed. “Like you? You aren’t human. So why should I speak to you as if you are?” Loki opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He simply snapped his head back to his book. Knowing she won that argument, she turned back to the stovetop. The water had begun to boil at this point. She added spices and a few vegetables before adding the noodles and covering it.

Nat walked into the room, yawning. Even for a trained spy, she was exhausted. They had stayed out later than usual, and training had lasted longer for her, as she was working for a few hours before she went to wake Perse up. She looked at the company that was in the room and developed a small frown after seeing Loki on the couch, who either didn’t notice or didn’t care. She made her way over to Perse, who was stirring the contents of the pot.

“Good choice. Simple. Isn’t nice to be able to cook your own meals?” Nat asked, leaning against the countertop. Perse chuckled.

“I don’t know, I think I prefer having someone else make it for me. Makes me feel special,” she teased. Nat laughed as she gave Perse a gentle shove.

“Too many men have ridiculously large egos in this building. Don’t you go getting all cocky on me too.”

The two chatted for a bit longer as their meal cooked on the stove. Pouring the ramen into two separate bowls, the two sat down at the table to continue their conversation and eat. Just as they had settled down, Tony came into the room, obviously distressed.

“Romanoff, dressed. Now. We gotta go.” Perse and Nat look up from their meal.

“What’s going on?” Perse asked, concerned by Tony’s state.

“We got a mission.” Nat stood up and immediately walked off, obviously going to change and get ready. Tony spoke to Perse again. “I need you to stay here. It’s not safe for you to go, and I need you to keep an eye on Reindeer Games, here.” He whispered that last part, as Loki was watching the interaction unfold. She glanced at him quickly, but focused again on Tony, eyes wide with concern.

“What??” She whispered, standing up. “I can’t manage him, that’s an awful idea,”

“I don’t have much of a choice here, kid. This requires all of us, including Beefcake, which means no one can stay to keep an eye on the dude. Look, I know you can handle this guy. If anything does go down, JARVIS will be right there to contact us. Plus you’ve got your powers, you’ll be fine.”

“Tony, I can’t control my powers…” she responded flatly.

“Then take this time to try and start learning how to. Just try not to damage my tower too much, okay kid?” He turned to walk away, but turned back once more. “We’ll be back soon. I might not always have my phone ready to answer, but JARVIS can send you through to the suit. You’ve got this, kid.”

He turned again, going to don his suit of armor. She watched as the elevator doors closed. She sighed and dropped back into her seat. Placing her head down in her folded arms she took a few breaths. After a few minutes passed, she heard the engines of the quinjet roar. Lifting her head, she glanced out the window, watching as the team disappeared into the sky.

She let out a gentle groan and rubbed the side of her head. It was scary to see them go. In her time at the tower, she hadn’t seen them go off on a mission yet. But today, her stomach was tying knots. It was a dangerous line of work they were in, and each mission, try as they may, could possibly be their last.

Perse stood quietly and glanced at Nat’s barely touched bowl of food. She stared at her own bowl for a moment, before deciding that she wasn’t hungry anymore. She sent both meals down the garbage disposal and cleaned the bowls. Deciding she needed some fresh air, she stepped out into the autumn air on the balcony. She sat down as she watched the city thrive below her.

After a minute, the balcony door slid open. Perse turned her head to see the dark haired god. She let out a sigh. She was beginning to notice a pattern.

“Now, why so upset, darling? That scared to have to manage me?” He spoke gently, but with a hint of tease.

“I’m not scared of you. I just don’t like you,” she said, looking at the busy streets below.

“Ouch, that does hurt,” he said sarcastically, placing a hand over his chest. “Come now darling, surely your heroes leaving to fulfill their quote-unquote ‘purpose’ isn’t something to be upset about.”

“Seeing my only friends fly off to work a mission is hard, okay? I know they’re specially trained and all, but there’s always danger. I hate thinking that any moment with them could be my last.”

Loki’s teasing seemed to fade as she spoke, her voice full of sincerity. He sat down slowly beside her.

“You say that as though you have no faith in them.”

Perse scoffed. “I have no faith in the world. I believe the team is very capable. But unfortunately, so is the enemy.” She sighed and sat back in her chair. Silence passed for a few moments, before Loki spoke up again.

“Well, they were able to take me on, and I had two infinity stones and an army at my disposal.”

She looked at him, seeing something that resembled sadness or regret in his eyes as he stared off into the distance. He shook it off quickly. “I’m sure they will be just fine. If they can challenge a magic and power wielding Asgardian and win, they should be able to take on any mortal.” She knitted her eyebrows together, watching him suspiciously. He followed suit. “What?”

“That was… kind of nice of you to say.” She spoke softly. “You can be quite kind and understanding when you want to be.”

He cleared his throat, a bit embarrassed she was able to get him to emerge from hard outer shell a tad.

“Yes, well, it should come as no shock that I do indeed have feelings.”

She chuckled softly and they both turned back to watching the city. They sat in silence for a bit before Perse stood and walked back to the patio door.

“You know, if you acted that way all the time, I might actually come to like you.”

Giving him a pressed smile, she walked back inside.

Loki sat pondering. That could work. Be a bit nicer, and she’d help get him everything he needed. He could do that. Or at the very least try.

He felt a strange, small surge of regret filling him, but pushed it away. The abuse of her good nature was a small price to pay for what he’d eventually have. Sacrifice was natural.

Standing and taking in a deep breath, he followed her lead and walked inside.