Fallen: Reborn

Perse woke the next morning early. She wanted to begin working on her control over her abilities, and with the training room vacant with everyone gone, she now had an opportunity to do so without the possibility of injuring someone.

Attempting to gain control over her abilities scared her. There was always someone she could hurt, and as she grew more frustrated, her abilities grew wilder. But what scared her the most was what she might awaken. Years of trauma, torture, and brainwashing had left her scarred, but it also left her wondering if that side of her still remained intact. Dormant. It scared her to think that the weapon they created could one day be released because she triggered her powers.

But that was a risk she had to take. She couldn’t risk accidentally hurting anyone. She needed to learn. But she didn’t know where to start. She didn’t understand anything about her abilities, other than high emotion triggered them. Maybe she should start there.

Walking to the training floor, she began with her normal training. Grabbing a punching bag, she began throwing punches, getting lost again in her thoughts. Usually Nat was there to talk to her and distract her. Today, her mind wandered to how her life had become so different since being rescued. Here she was, living in Stark tower with the Avengers. Never did she think she would one day be living with a group of super heroes. After HYDRA got ahold of her, she thought her life was over. They’d have killed her, one way or another. Her mind continued to drift into darker and darker thoughts, reliving the atrocities they had made her commit. She could remember every single one, despite not being in her right mind at the time. But even now, she could remember the groups of soldiers. The politicians. The children.

Perse could feel herself getting overwhelmed, but couldn’t stop throwing her hands. Her punches got harder and harder as emotion built up inside her. Suddenly, a burst of energy shot from her fist as it made contact with the bag. She let out a yelp as it went sailing across the room. She stared wide-eyed at it for a moment before walking slowly over to it. It had been completely gutted, its contents spilling out and onto the floor.

Grumbling in frustration, she kicked it lightly and made her way over to the wall, where there were benches. Taking a seat, she put her head into her hands and rubbed her face. This was going to be harder than she thought… She needed help. She didn’t understand anything that she was doing. How could she train herself if she didn’t even know what to do or where to start? Perhaps upon the team’s return they could help her find a tutor. She didn’t know if they knew anyone like that, but if anyone would be able to help her out, her best bet was them.

“I can see why they recommended you work on this…” a voice said smoothly. Perse jumped again, her hand releasing a bit of energy that just barely missed the god, hitting the wall behind him instead.

“Shit!” She yelled. “Don’t do that!!”

Loki slowly turned his head from the hole in the wall behind him back to Perse, one eyebrow raised.

“I’m not going to take that personally.”

“Why are you here? Can’t you just leave me alone?” She asked, energy dancing over her skin. Loki folded his arms, unamused.

“I heard a crash. I’m assuming it was your helpless victim over there when you shot right through it,” he said, pointing with his head over to the punching bag that remained in pieces on floor.

“So you heard a crash. What, got concerned or something?” She asked, a snip in her voice.

“I could help you, you know.”

Perse’s eyes flit to his, suspicious.

“Excuse me?”

“With your magic, I can help you. I have my own abilities, you know,” he said, raising his hand. In an instant, a green shimmer danced over his fingers. A mix of emotions ran through Perse. Awe, curiosity, and jealousy. She rolled her eyes and walked past him toward her things.

“So you dabble in magic. Why should I trust you to help me? What’s in it for you?”

“I do more than ‘dabble’ in it, darling,” he chuckled. “And I suppose helping you will aid in my… rehabilitation.”

Perse raised an eyebrow at him, picking up her things from a bench. “Right. That’s why you want to help.”

“Isn’t that a good enough reason?” He asked with a smile.

“When it’s genuine, maybe.”

“Who said it wasn’t genuine? Did you forget why I’m here?” He lied. She looked at him like she could see right through him, her eyes almost piercing right through his soul.

“You’ve been here for what, three days, and you expect me to believe you just all of a sudden want to be good?” She turned back to packing her things up on the bench. “I’m not an idiot, Loki.”

“Well, regardless, you still need the aid. I could give that to you. Face it, there’s no one else who can help you.”

“The team might know someone.”

“I highly doubt it. Don’t you think if they knew someone like that, they’d be staying here in this dreadful tower as well?”

Perse stopped and thought. He was probably right. If the team knew anyone specializing in magic, they’d probably be a part of the team and living here at the tower. But she never knew.

“Possibly. Maybe even probably. But they have many connections. I’m sure they can find someone willing to help me who doesn’t have ulterior motives.” She turned back to Loki. “Generous of you to offer. But I’m afraid my trust in you doesn’t extend that far. What I have can hurt people. I’m not letting someone untrustworthy get their hands on that again.”

He stared her down for a moment, before smirking so slightly, she could hardly tell it was there.

“What have you done, Persephone?” He whispered.

Her breath hitched and her eyes went slightly wide.

“You already know what happened to me…” she whispered back hoarsely, her body tense.

“Oh I know who had you. I know what they made you. But what did you do? You seem rather distraught by the question. Is it bringing back some nasty memories for you?”

“That is none of your concern…” she said quietly, her eyes watering slightly.

“You must’ve done some terrible things to be getting so defensive. How many lives did you take that didn’t deserve to be stolen? How many lives were ruined because of you?” Perse took a step back, her body trembling and the energy dancing on her skin worsening. Loki smirked, moving closer to her. “You think you’re all good and pure. That you’re reformed. But at heart, you’re still a monster. Just like me.”

Perse only meant to slap him. Honestly, that was all she intended to do. Even with her energy surging and her body radiating a hot, white glow, she didn’t expect that she would send Loki sprawling across the room and into the far wall. She stood in shock, anger, and disappointment, her gaping mouth covered by her hands.

Loki groaned as he picked himself up. There was a large crater in the cement wall from where Loki had hit it. He gazed at Perse, eyebrows creasing. He wasn’t sure if he should be angered or impressed.

“Still don’t want my help, Angel?”

Perse’s horrified eyes flooded with tears, a choked sob escaping her throat. She turned and ran from the training room, forgetting her things in her haste. She needed to escape. How dare he? She had been nothing but cordial with him from the very start, and still he had decided that she would be his own little punching bag. Something to pick apart and abuse. She may have vouched for him, but every single day she was coming to regret that decision.

She told herself to be strong and endure, but him using her time as HYDRA‘s weapon against her was crossing the line. It was disgusting of him. She was only trying to help him, and he just kept finding ways to tear her apart.

Perse got to her room and paced, not sure what to do. Her breathing was rapid and the tears weren’t slowing. Her mind was fitting everywhere at once. Her anger was still there, clawing at her, but Loki’s words were what were occupying most of her consciousness.

He was right. She was still a monster. How could she think that coming here and trying to help would someone make up for everything that she had done? All the lives she had ruined, all the families she robbed of loved ones? Regardless of who made her do what, she still was the hand who committed the atrocities. There was no turning back from that, was there?

“Miss, you need to slow your breathing.”

Perse’s frantic eyes flitted to the walls. JARVIS.

“C-c-can’t…”

“Try to breathe in four second increments. You’re falling into a state of panic.”

She tried her best to follow the AI’s advice. She collapsed to the floor, hands gripped tightly around her arms. Leaning up against her bed she took in labored breaths, but managed to slow herself down.

She hadn’t noticed when it started, but her white glow began to dissipate. Soon her frantic demeanor fell to silent tears. She leaned her head back against the bed, her face stained and red. This wasn’t the first time JARVIS had to bring her down from a panicked state.

“Are you alright, Miss?” JARVIS asked.

Perse sat silently, pondering the question. “…I think so.”

“Do you want me to alert Mr. Stark?”

“No, no… he doesn’t need to know.”

“He will be wondering about the god-shaped hole in his wall.”

Perse let out a tiny chuckle as she wiped her cheek. “When the time comes I can let him know. He doesn’t need that information now. It’ll only make him worry.”

“Shouldn’t he?”

Perse sighed and placed a hand to her forehead. “No. He hasn’t done anything but assault me with words. If he tried to hurt me physically, then it would be time to talk to Tony. But for now, I think it’s best to let his narcissism and ego run dry here. It’s all he has left. His mind is battered, and he’s constantly in a state of defense. He needs to work through that in a place where he won’t fall back. Where his change is rewarded and praised. It’s going to take some time. I just didn’t know he’d be this… insensitive.”

“Despite what you think about yourself, Miss, you truly are a wonderful person. What you’ve done in your past doesn’t define who you are, nor your worth.”

Perse gave a small smile. “Thank you, JARVIS. I appreciate that.” She stood from the floor and took a look down at her comforter. Her hot glow had left burn marks in it again. Her floor was already riddled with marks from previous panicked displays, but there was nothing she could do about that.

Sighing, she stripped her clothing and changed, gathering together her burned clothes and sheets to throw away. She’d done this multiple times now. It was getting tedious.

She opened her bedroom door and stepped out, but immediately recoiled her foot when it hit something other than floor. She looked down under her foot and saw her jacket, next to her water bottle and her phone.

Her eyebrows knit together. Did Loki drop them off? Why? She eyed them suspiciously. What did he do to them? Would he do anything to them?

She stepped over them, making a mental note to grab them when she came back. She walked with both her comforter and her clothes and began her journey down to the garbage. Tony had a large dumpster outside on the first floor of the tower. After dropping off the singed and hole-ridden items there, she made her way to the communal living quarters. There was a closet there that had spare sheets. Perse grabbed a new comforter and closed the door.

She gazed out into the living area and saw Loki with his back to her, sitting out on the balcony. His posture was strange. He was leaning forward, hunched, with his elbows on his knees. He seemed almost to be pondering. She gazed down at her hands. Maybe she should thank him for gathering her things. The thought irritated her. She didn’t want to be nice to him. She honestly just wanted to forget he existed. Him being nice and bringing up her things doesn’t excuse what he said to her.

Be patient. We need him.

Perse yelped and dropped everything in her hands as they flew to her mouth, her energy effectively burning the comforter as it fell to the floor. Her eyes went wide and distant as she gazed around, looking for another person that wasn’t there. What was that? That hadn’t been a normal thought, it was as if someone had forced a voice into her head.

“Perse, are you alright?”

She turned to gaze behind her to see Loki coming inside from the balcony, looking uncharacteristically concerned.

“W-what?” She managed to speak.

“You yelled and dropped everything. You had a scared and far-off look to you. Are you alright?” He asked, bending to pick up her fallen sheet.

Perse said nothing for a moment, her mouth hanging slightly open. She didn’t know if she was more scared and confused about the voice or if she was confused and angered by Loki. Ultimately, the latter won out. Her face contorted before she snipped,

“And why would you care?”

Loki’s face fell from concern to irritation.

“Well, forgive me for doing something right. This is what you all wanted from me, is it not? Or is there just no pleasing you?”

Perse groaned. “You’re seriously trying to pull that card after what you did to me down in the training room? What the hell is the matter with you?”

She snatched her sheet from his hands and began to walk away. That was, until the voice came back stronger and clearer.

Give him a chance. We need him.

Perse let out another gasp and grabbed her head as her sheet hit the floor once more, stumbling in her steps. Loki came rushing over.

“What is it, what is going on?” He asked.

“I-I don’t know…” she gazed up at him, his eyes concerned again. She didn’t know how to explain this to him. To anyone. It was scaring her. “I-I have to go.”

And quickly she rushed off to her room, forgetting the comforter on the floor. She slammed her door and sat on her bed, holding her head in her hands. What the hell was going on??

“Miss, are you alright?”

“I… I think I may be going crazy, JARVIS…” she whispered. “I kept hearing this voice in my head… it was different… like it belonged to someone else entirely…”

“Perhaps you can speak with Doctor Banner upon his return.”

Perse nodded. “Yeah, that’s probably the best thing to do, isn’t it…”

Perse sat in bed for a while, pondering anxiously over what had come over her. She hadn’t heard the voice since. She was beginning to wonder if she had hallucinated it. What else could it have been but a figment of her imagination? It had to have been just her mind. She had been under a lot of stress…

Perse jumped slightly at the hesitant knock at her door. She gazed at it for a bit, knowing there was only one person it could be. She would’ve been alerted of the Avenger’s return.

She walked slowly over to the door and opened it slowly. Standing on the other side was Loki, picking at the palm of one of his hands. He almost looked concerned. Almost.

He cleared his throat. “A-Are you alright?” He asked tentatively.

“Are you… checking up on me?” She asked, confused.

His eyes rolled, his irritation returning. “And if I was?”

“I… honestly don’t know… you’re such a pendulum between being caring and being an asshole. I never know what your purpose behind doing things is,” she said, leaning against her doorframe, her gaze locked on the floor. “Checking up on me just doesn’t seem like the type of thing for you to do.”

“I… suppose that’s a fair observation,” he conceded. “I haven’t been the friendliest company, have I?”

Perse just raised an eyebrow.

“So suddenly you’re just… feeling nice?”

“Is it so hard to believe that I actually have empathy? Regret?” He snapped back. He closed his eyes and took a breath after seeing a flicker of energy over Perse’s fingers. “Look, I believe I owe you an… apology. What I said before was out of line. It was wrong to have pushed you like that, and to have used your past against you.”

“Yes, it was,” Perse agreed quietly, her eyes still locked on the floor beneath her feet.

“I’ve been through my fair share of trauma and poor decisions. I know what it’s like… for them to be used against you in such a manner. And for others to continuously use those things against you… I suppose I default to dominance and fear before they can try and do it first.”

Silence filled the space between them. Loki was picking at him palm again. He wasn’t used to being so… open. Or vulnerable. Or honest, for that matter. He didn’t like the way it made him feel, but if he was going to need her aid, making up with the girl was the best course of action. Her looking so upset twisted something in him. It made him… uncomfortable? That didn’t seem like the right word, but it was the best he could come up with at the moment.

“So what’s your point?” He heard her ask. His eyes snapped up from his hands.

Perse was still leaning against the doorframe, her eyebrows knitted slightly in hurt. She looked back up to him, her eyes piercing right through him. It made him forget his anger for just a moment, her beauty captivating him just as it did upon his first glance at her. But just as quickly as it came over him, he shoved it away and his agitation returned.

“Excuse me?”

“Stating what you did wrong isn’t the same thing as apologizing. You said that was what you were going for, right?”

She stood up straight, her eyes pained but dull.

“You don’t understand when you’ve truly hurt someone, do you? Or maybe you do, but so long as everything works out for you, it doesn’t matter does it?” Her tone wasn’t sharp or harsh, but rather hurt and quiet. Sad.

Loki was taken aback. Did she truly see right through him? He took a step back as she moved closer to him. He didn’t like what she was doing to him… he could feel pangs of guilt overpowering the anger he was feeling.

“Aren’t you tired?” She asked, her eyes boring through him. “I’m exhausted…” She turned around and walked back into her room, hands running through her hair as she sat down on the edge of her bed. “I hate that all I’m known for is what they turned me into. Every night I fight myself, trying to let go of the past just enough so I can get some semblance of sleep, and even then, my mind isn’t very nice to me when I am asleep.”

Loki hesitantly walked past the threshold of the doorframe, making his way over to Perse. He could see her floors and walks riddles with burn marks and holes, likely from her inability to control her powers. As he got closer to her, he could see the tears forming in her eyes, and again could feel the guilt washing through his veins. He cautiously took a seat next to her on the bed, her wiping her eyes gently.

“It seems no matter how hard I try, I won’t be able to be anything more than what they created. Don’t you feel that?” She asked, desperately looking for an answer in his eyes. “Don’t you grow tired of the way you’re seen? The way you’ll always be seen?”

Loki swallowed before answering rather hoarsely, “There’s no point in fighting what they’ve turned you into if they refuse to see you in any other way.”

“Isn’t that more reason to fight? I’m tired of being seen as a weapon. A monster. I want to be seen for the good that I do. For the help that I give. Not the lives I’ve taken or the families I’ve ruined… the thought of that makes me sick. That I’ll never be seen as anything more than the monstrosity they created. But I fight. I fight day in and day out to make up for what I’ve done. To show everyone that I am not what they did to me or what they made me do. I fight to make sure this team believes in themselves. That they know they aren’t their past mistakes and traumas. I’ve found a better purpose being here. Helping those who think like me to overcome what everyone, or even what they themselves, believes them to be. This is a place of second chances. Where I can be who I want to be.” She turned to face him more directly. “That is why, despite my grief and pain, despite my ancient, fallen-away beliefs, I gave you a chance and fought for you to be here. Because, whether I like it or not, I see myself in you. And I know you see it too. Our journeys are quite different, I’m sure, but they are the same when it comes down to the bottom line. Aren’t you tired of being seen as something you’re not? For being seen only as what they made you into?”

Loki stared silently into her crystal eyes, the blue haze almost commanding truth. It was all he could do but refuse to answer, lest his lips speak the words he forbid himself to say.

“My life has been hard enough. You know that without having known any of the grizzly, little details. Please, I beg of you,” she whimpered, turning to face him more directly and placing her hand gently over his, “do not make it any harder. I know this is how you’ve been coping with what has happened to you throughout your life, but please… do not remind me of the things that I am most ashamed of. I am perfectly capable of doing that myself.”

Loki was frozen, his mind lost in the whirlwind of what he just experienced. He could feel her warm hand over his icy one, a warm glow that seemed comforting and familiar. Normally he’d push anyone and everyone away, but he found himself content with where and how he was. He searched her glittering eyes, still wet with tears, for anything more than pain and desperation. He’d never been able to find anything malicious or selfish within them, but had always believed she’d been hiding something. Maybe what she was hiding wasn’t what he had been expecting after all. Maybe she really was just that good.

“How did you do it?” He asked softly, confused by her nature and intentions. “I don’t understand, how could you not hate everything? How are you so positive?”

“I… suppose I did, for a time. I hated everyone around me for hurting me so terribly. I hated you gods, for turning your backs on me in my most helpless hour. But mostly I hated myself. For everything I’d done, for my family whom I’d let down, for the lives I took. I suppose that is one thing I still feel animosity towards, but I’m making strides in recovering the self worth I once had stolen from me. I realized how kind humanity could be when I was rescued. Yes, there some evil people out there, but there are also some very, very good ones out there too. And I could see how they saw the world. As something worth protecting. Something worth fighting for.” Her eyes met his once more. “Why in the world would I want to make anyone feel an ounce of what I’ve been through? The malice, the anger, the hatred and self-loathing. That doesn’t seem fair to them… or myself.”

Loki watched her silently for a few moments more. She was incredibly wise, shaped by what she had endured in a way that had made her better. He’d let his experience shape him for the worse. They may be similar, but they were not the same.

“Loki, I want to help you. I really do, but you’ve been making this terribly unpleasant. You’re so scared of who you think you are that you refuse to believe you could be anything else. I know you can be something more than just the ‘attacker of New York’, just as I can be more than just ‘the- …” she choked on the name. Swallowing and taking a breath, she continued. “Than what they made me.”

She could see the skepticism in his eyes, though it was fading. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze, tightening her hold on it ever so slightly.

“Trust is a difficult thing to give, but you won’t get anywhere if you refuse any and every lifeline you’re given. I know you don’t fully trust in me, and you don’t have to. My trust in you is far and below, but I’m sure that it can grow. I’m willing to give that a chance. Are you?”

His original plan had fallen from his mind. She spoke so tenderly and genuinely, it reminded him of the only other person he’d ever always fully trusted. His Mother.

“I… apologize, Lady Persephone…” he managed to spit out, not used to saying those words. “You’ve not deserved what I’d been handing you. You’re correct, I don’t fully trust you, and it is wise that you do not fully trust me. But…” he hesitated. It felt strange and uncomfortable being so… exposed, “perhaps one day we could reach a higher level of trust.”

“You can just call me Perse,” she spoke quietly, a small smile on her lips. Loki wasn’t sure he liked how her smile made him feel. Positive emotions had never really been his forte…

He gave a simple nod and corrected himself. “Perse.”

Silence once again filled the air. Perse quietly let go of his hand, leaving his hand feeling vacant and colder than normal.

“I still need a teacher…” she muttered. “Would that invitation still be open?”

He could see her reaching, wanting to begin the trust process. It was as if they had started from the beginning, with a deeper sense of understand this time. He nodded once.

“Of course.”

Her smile widened slightly as her gaze fell back to her hands.

“Wonderful. I suppose that can wait for another day.” She stood and dusted herself off. “I think it’s time for some supper. Would you care to join me?”

He took a breath and ignored the part of him that was screaming to fall back into his defensive methods.

“I’d be honored.”