Chapter 4
Rhaenyra was sitting in the nursery with little Daeron when the first gift came, he was the sibling easiest to handle after everything that had happened, and she was growing almost fond of him. As she tickled the young Prince, one of their servants delivered a package for her, it was neatly wrapped and she was curious to see what was inside. Once opened it revealed a beautiful gown, black or so she assumed at first. But, when she looked at it closer she proceeded to drop it to the floor, the gown was a shade of dark green. She couldn’t help the knots that filled her stomach at the sight of the color, even as Daeron stared at her in confusion. Babbling away his discontentment as Rhaenyra’s unease filled the room, that’s when she noticed the letter. She recognized the handwriting immediately, it was Alicent’s, and it was almost charming the way her nervousness could be read from the letter. But, the thought of Alicent only made Rhaenyra’s discontentment worse, even the red rose left in the packaging wasn't enough to quell this.
Alicent Hightower had been the source of Rhaenyra’s suffering in her last life and now she had wrangled herself back into that position. How could Rhaenyra choose her as a mate, when their years of suffering and fighting, were still fresh in her mind? It would be a dishonor to her sons, whose deaths had been spurred on by that woman’s thirst for power, and it was an offense to herself. Rhaenyra would not be as easily forgiving in this life as she was in her last, all her mercy ever accounted for was pain and suffering. Yet, still, a part of her heart fluttered at Alicent’s sweet words. The Alpha had put a lot of care and affection into her letter, as she compared Rhaenyra’s beauty to the Valyrian goddesses of old. Which also had Rhaenyra worried Syrax might take offense at that… Nevertheless, despite her sweet words, Rhaenyra knows Alicent can not be trusted, especially not with her heart. Even if the Alpha was all that Rhaenyra had wished for in her first life, she had seen just what selfishness had caused that life as well.
So, Alicent’s letter went unanswered, and the dress unworn, as both were stored away from Rhaenyra’s sight. That was not the only gift she received, however, as she returned to her room that night she saw another package awaiting her. When opened she was surprised to see two knitted toy dragons, one in replication of her beloved Syrax and the other of Vhagar. They were from Laena, and while the gift was sweet, neither toy brought her any joy. As the reminder of Syrax only reignited the memory of her son Joffrey’s fate, he had once played with a similar toy as a child. He had been so fond of Syrax and had trusted her too much in his final moments, and it had cost him his life. Rhaenyra hated thinking badly of Syrax, but she could not keep this toy, not when the memory is still so fresh. And the Vhagar figure only made Rhaenyra’s blood boil, as she screamed into her pillow her agony at the sight. Vhagar had taken her son from her, but unlike Syrax, Rhaenyra shared no love for the mighty beast.
And so both figures were also moved out of sight and only served as reminders of why Rhaenyra could not choose either of her suitors. It was hard to admit, but she was still struggling to move on with her new life, and the thought of either of them only made this harder.
When she thought of Laena she was reminded of the days they spent flying together, with only their dragons with them. Of how Laena’s hair flowed in the wind atop Vhagar and how her ever-present grin, made Rhaenyra’s knees weak. She had loved Laena and had mourned her all the same, it was hard to move past that and try again. Especially when she no longer held the same love for flying she once did, Rhaenyra had once been convinced that she should have been born with wings for how deeply she loved the sky. But, now she was almost resentful towards it, each time she rides she is reminded of her days spent in grief. How she had been nearly killed during childbirth and how she lost her son only a few weeks later. The love she once held for the sky faded fast when her reasons for that love died, as each of her loves took to the sky and never returned to her. Rhaenyra loved Laena endlessly but like her children, Laena had been snatched away from Rhaenyra all the same.
Whereas Alicent was a reminder of her childhood innocence, of her youthful bliss, and how she had it all stolen so easily. Rhaenyra knew it was wrong to blame Alicent for what shattered her happiness, as her father was far more to blame than his child bride. But, Alicent had still played a part in terrorizing Rhaenyra and had been to the first crack in her heart. Because despite it all, Rhaenyra had loved her, had longed for her even as her friend grew colder and colder. Even as Alicent had turned cruel, with her mocking words and her actions towards Rhaenyra’s sons, she had still been who Rhaenyra wished to see each time she returned to Kings Landing. Maybe Rhaenyra was a fool for that, but she chooses to remember her as the girl she once was, not the vile woman she became.
Hence why Rhaenyra begged and pleaded with her parents for a choice of another suitor, suggesting all kinds of suitors. Even one of the Lannister twins would be preferable to reliving her trauma once more, but her mothers wouldn't budge. Stating that Laena and Alicent were the only suitable Alphas, as they were of the blood of the dragon. Her only alternative to this would be to marry one of her younger siblings of course, which was out of the question in Rhaenyra’s mind. Her mothers were set in their requirements and Rhaenyra had no choice but to comply, yet they were much more caring with their explanations than Viserys had been. As they tried to coax out why Rhaenyra was so reluctant to choose one of her suitors, and genuinely seemed concerned for her happiness. The only excuse Rhaenyra could come up with when asked was that it was so hard to choose between the two. She played it up quite well, lamenting about how they both held a piece of her heart and that it would kill her to choose between them.
Her mothers seemed convinced by her performance, and both reassured her that they would find a solution to this problem. Even if it meant insulting both sides of the family to do so, as Rhaenyra was their daughter, and her mothers only wished to see her happy. Or so Rhaenyra thought until she heard the news of her new betrothal, reminiscent of the conquerors, Rhaenyra was betrothed to both Alicent and Laena. As Rhaenys had been to Aegon and Visenya, she could practically hear Syrax’s glee in her head at the announcement. As she reminded her that Rhaenyra had agreed to follow Syrax’s orders, and if she wanted to have her children once more, this marriage was the only way.
Rhaenyra understood this but still, she wished once more that she could jump out her window, and escape the hell Syrax had dragged her to.