Chapter 5
Rhaenyra’s first heat is miserable, it's worse than she imagined it would be, and she spends it locked away in her chambers. It was the first step in her eventual marriage, as she would be wed a year from her first heat, to avoid any pregnancy complications. She spent it wrapped up in her sheets naked as she tried to make the unbearable heat go away, all while the scent of all the Alpha’s at court lingered outside her door. To prevent her from sullying her virtue, her mothers had Rhaenyra locked in with only them allowed to escort her out. It was almost mortifying having her parents banging her in this way, but it also made her feel cared for in ways she had never before. Luckily her heat was only a week-long, a healthy cycle that would occur each month. She was glad to have it over with, but it also meant she was free to have visitors once more. And Otto Hightower jumped at the opportunity to send his daughter to accompany Rhaenyra into town.
Rhaenyra sat in the carriage in the far corner, leaving a large space between her and Lady Alicent, who seemed almost nervous. But, for only a second, as soon after a brilliant smile overtook the brunette's face. One that left Rhaenyra blushing as Alicent took her hand and placed a soft kiss on it, “I am glad that I could accompany you, my princess.” This version of Alicent was far more confident compared to Rhaenyra’s own, more than likely due to Otto’s less demanding presence on his Alpha daughter. It was easier in this life for Alicent, Rhaenyra assumed, she would have been granted so many more freedoms than Rhaenyra’s Alicent. Part of Rhaenyra was almost angry on her Alicent’s behalf, it wasn't fair that she had suffered the way she had, only for another version of her to be blessed with so much. This Alicent was a Targaryen by blood after all, and by her lingering gaze, was quite fond of their “Queer Customs.”
“I am pleased you could come as well,” Rhaenyra’s words were kind but distant as she continued to look out the window and not at the Alpha beside her. Who only frowned slightly in response, her scent dampened as well, and Rhaenyra almost regretted her coldness for just a second. “My apologies, that was rude of me. I am truly happy you chose to join me, my lady.” This time her words were softer as she looked into Alicent’s dark eyes, they were a beautiful blackish-purple color. So different than what Rhaenyra was used to, but beautiful all the same, and they shined with happiness as Alicent beamed at Rhaenyra. “It is no problem, Princess. I can only imagine tiring this must be for you, riding to town in a carriage, when you could a dragon.” Rhaenyra stiffened a bit at that and sighed, “That is true, I suppose. Though, I do won't cousin, why is it you’ve yet to claim one yourself?” Again, her words seemed to dampen Alicent’s mood as the girl flinched back a bit.
“I guess it is because I am afraid,” Alicent says with a sad look, “They are magnificent creatures, but still I have always felt so small when next to one.” “A shame then,” Rhaenyra said in an almost dismissive tone, “Targaryens are not whole without one after all, I do wonder if Laena will be bringing Vhagar with her when she returns to Kings Landing.” Alicent’s almost nervous look from before returns at the mention of Laena, “You two are rather close then?” Rhaenyra scoffs at that, “Hardly, I just happen to see her when I visit Syrax done in the dragon pits. Even if Vhagar can’t fit down there, Laena still enjoys lurking around the dragons.” Rhaenyra trails off a bit, noticing herself far more talkative than she had intended to be, as Alicent listened to her intently. “I never did tell you, but while I do still fear dragons, Syrax is one of the more lovely dragons.” Rhaenyra’s mouth parts in shock for a brief moment, Alicent Hightower was fond of Syrax? Rhaenyra’s Syrax? The gods truly do have a sense of humor…
“Why is that? If you don’t mind me asking,” Rhaenyra then completely turned to give Alicent her full attention. “Because she always brings you back,” Alicent stated as if it was the simplest thing in the world. “You might not remember, but I was watching when you first took flight on her. At only seven and already you had become the youngest dragon rider in history.” Alicent had a soft smile on her face then, “I was so immensely proud of you, and yet my fear of dragons kept me from going over to congratulate you.” Alicent then gave an embarrassed shrug, “But, I held on hope that I could tell you one day, and Syrax has kept you safe allowing me to do just that.” Rhaenyra could feel the blush growing across her face at that, “Don’t be a fool, you have no reason to feel proud of me, it's not like I did it to impress you…” She trails off as the carriage arrives in town, she embarks quickly, ignoring Alicent’s offered arm. She was ashamed at how easily she had fallen back into her old habits, and how Alicent had so easily charmed her once more.
The rest of their visit was spent in awkward silence, as Rhaenyra shot down every suggestion Alicent made. And Alicent grew more and more shut off as the trip continued, by the time they left neither had a pleasurable day. As they both sat back in the carriage in cold silence, Rhaenyra fiddled with one of the rings on her fingers and Alicent began picking at the skin on her fingers. She was stopped however by Rhaenyra who only reached over and took Alicent’s hand in her own, lacing their fingers before turning away once more. That's how they remained for the rest of the ride, completely silent with their hands intertwined. And when alone both could admit, it had been the saving grace of their trip, as Rhaenyra buried her face in her hands. Trying to fight away the blush from Alicent’s soft smile, she had to fight back her smile as Alicent looked at her so purely.
It was cruel to be brought into a world where she and Alicent could work, yet still have the memories of all the reasons they shouldn’t. It was unfair to hold the past against this Alicent who had done nothing to deserve Rhaenyra’s coldness. But, this wasn’t the Alicent Rhaenyra had fallen in love with in the first place. If she denied the negatives, she would have to deny the positives as well and admit to herself that she’d never have her Alicent back. That thought was worse than anything and kept her from trying with this world’s Alicent, as the more she got to know her, the more Rhaenyra would be reminded her Alicent was already gone…