The Carnage Saga

It's ya boy Cal again, dear readers.

So, it's been another few hours, and we're getting late into the afternoon.

Venom called me from their Foundation room in San Francisco, saying that our theories have been all but confirmed.

Carnage is back, and he's not alone. Venom's been smelling their sinister spawn all over the place, and they're pretty sure that Carnage has some of his converts tailing them around San Fran.

So Niv may be right again.

Obviously, the SFPD is in the loop too. They're keeping an eye out, and if anything suspiciously Carnage-y happens, they'll let me know, via John, and they'll let Venom know if they can reach them.

John has a lot of clout too. The name Commissioner John Jackson commands respect, and a smidgen of fear, in police departments across America, and even beyond America. He has a rep for being something of a super-cop. That's partially why he's in the Cabal.

He's one of the best cops there is. Not just his policing skills, but there's also the fact that he'd rather drop a steaming deuce on his mother's grave than take a bribe.

Which, in his opinion, is dropping a deuce on his mother's grave. He credits his sense of justice and belief in the law to his mother raising him right. And the thought of how she would react if she knew he had started accepting dodgy dollars.

John grew up poor, and they might not have had a lot of money, but they had pride, and standards.

He didn't really know his father.

The lower the sun gets, the more I feel like we're getting close to some serious, uh...

Fan shittification?

That. We're getting close to some serious that.

And I've been spending the entire afternoon running around like a headless fluffy, getting things ready for tonight.

It's extremely rare, but some fluffies can survive for a short period after being decapitated. Like, ten minutes tops.

Almost as if it takes them a few minutes to realize that they're supposed to be dead.

I've seen weirder shit happen.

Anyway, it feels like this afternoon has been dragging on for several days.

So now I'm actually hoping that shit hits the fan, because otherwise, all that hard work was for nothing.

Obviously, I'm also hoping that we can get the innocent bystanders out of the way before they get...

Splattered by all of that shit hitting the fan.

You're taking that phrase and running with it, Niv.

Keep in mind, we're preparing for Carnage specifically. If, say, Dehak shows up instead...

Dude, he can't move THAT fast. He's on foot, his buddies are on foot too, and if they used magic to steal a vehicle or to teleport, we'd know, right? Even if they're on Earth by now, they couldn't make it to America that quickly.

They're probably not stupid enough, but it would be funny if they all piled on Fred's bike after all.

I want to take a picture of that.

Why do you keep bringing that up, Cal? Don't forget, I Old Yeller'd Fred's bike! Sent it flying out of Dragonheart with Fred and Deedee going along for the ride! Or did you forget about that huge crack in Freddy's skull too?

Yeah, but it's not an ordinary motorbike. It's probably got some kind of power to repair itself.

And my reason to make that assumption is because it would be the most inconvenient possibility.

MIKA is right, though. Our anti-Klyntar traps will work on Carnage and his minions just fine if they get in range...

But if someone else attacks, and they aren't weak to fire and sonics...

Or if shit hits the fan somewhere other than San Francisco...

Then we'd have to scramble to adapt. We'd waste valuable time doing so.

Cal, you're worrying about nothing, and I can give you TWO reasons why.

Let's hear them, Niv.

Okay. The FIRST reason is that all of the signs point to Carnage attacking San Francisco soon.

True, but there's the chance that something unexpected might pop up out of nowhere. It's happened before.

What's the second reason, Niv?

...

...

...

This is The CARNAGE Saga, STUPID.

...

Okay, yeah, that settles it.

You can't argue with that, Cal.

I really can't.

It's not like the name of the Saga was initially censored this time.

So I should have seen this coming from the start.

Didn't Umbra say that Fate made a similar mistake?

Yup. It was The Umbra Saga, not The Fate Saga.

And yet, Umbra went down before Fate did.

If there is a Fate Saga at some point in the future, I swear to fucking God...

I'm still not used to the whole "breaking the fourth wall" thing.

Dude, our fourth wall is a pile of brick dust.

Right now, me and Marley are back at the apartment, in Judy's magical workshop.

Naturally, Judy's here too, with Snowball. Robert's in the living room, keeping an eye on Young Quin and Roxie, and Scott's out picking our normo fluffies up from daycare. Y'know, Dende, Ziggy and Wario.

Our other empowered fluffies, that's Piccolo, Frost and Mallow, are all out working, and they've all got blipper collars now, so they won't need a team member to blip them home.

Judy's in her leopard print robe, and wearing dragon hide gloves too. She's using a huge metal spoon to stir a big cauldron full of a bubbling brew, a magical fire crackling beneath the cauldron.

There's a Smoke-Sucker running, attached to one wall, ensuring that the potion fumes won't trouble our neighbors.

Yes, Smoke-Suckers can deal with those too, but emptying the waste tank when it's full requires extra caution. Trace amounts of magic can build up. Some funny interactions can occur, too.

And yes, Smoke-Suckers can get full. Where do you think the smoke goes? But emptying them is usually easy. Just pop the tank out and dump the contents.

Fun fact: you can even use your Smoke-Sucker to make liquid smoke for cooking, by having it suck up wood smoke.

Pierre and Victor discovered that entirely by accident, and started experimenting to see which kinds of wood smoke impart the best flavors.

They had a lot of fun, because Pierre loves to do science, and Victor loves to cook. This experiment was smack dab in the middle of that Venn diagram.

There's a lot of overlap between science and cooking, anyway. And a lot of overlap between potion brewing and cooking.

By the time that Pierre and Victor had found the perfect blend, a small forest's worth of wood chips and charcoal had been burned to cinders.

But now FauCorp sells liquid smoke too, so those two had something to show for it.

Max, Fireball, Wayne and Clover are all downstairs in Kyle and Cheech's apartment, so you can probably guess what they're doing, that they've got a Smoke-Sucker too, and what kind of smoke it's sucking up.

Not the kind you wanna make into liquid smoke, at least, not if you wanna stay sober.

I gave a Smoke-Sucker to Kyle as a gift when he first moved in, because I had a hunch.

Future Quin and Marley live right across the hall from Kyle and Cheech, by the way.

I peer into the cauldron, looking at the potion in it. It's red, yellow and orange, looking like liquid fire.

"So what kind of potion is this, Jude?"

Judy drops a handful of something that looks like chopped firebloom heads into the cauldron.

FWOOSH

When they hit the surface, I'm blasted in the face with a jet of fire, but remember what my starting power was, dear readers.

The worst part is that my face is covered in soot now.

"koff"

Judy cringes and facepalms.

"Oops. Sorry, hun."

I grab a clean cloth from one table, wiping the soot off.

I gotta get this crap off my face before Roland sees me and draws the wrong conclusion.

Also, comical misunderstandings like that are SO played out. This ain't some cheesy sitcom.

Then why did you ask me to compile a list of potential catchphrases for Cal to use, Niv?

DAMN it, MIKA! You went and spoiled the surprise!

"It's okay, I'm fireproof, I'm fine. I'm just glad it didn't hit you."

Then Judy stops facepalming, laughing nervously.

"Oh yeah. Relax, I cast Ambus on myself and Snowball before I started brewing. But to answer your question, Cal... this is something new I've been working on. Something to help with Carnage. I'm making most parts of this recipe up as I go along, you know. I almost put a bit of Diablo's fluff in the cauldron. If this works, the effects should be akin to eating fireblooms, but stronger, and lasting longer."

So that's why it's not a big WOODEN spoon.

Marley raises an eyebrow.

"An if it nu wowk, mummah?"

"Then I imagine that drinking it will set you on fire from the inside out."

I smirk at Judy.

"And the same effect could be accomplished with a bowl of Vic's chili. I'm sure Jack would be willing to help you test this stuff when he gets back from San Fran, Jude. Did you know that they hate it when you call it Frisco? Live and learn, I guess."

"You've had a busy day too, huh?"

I can't help but sigh.

"And I'm gonna have a busy night, I fear."

"...I think I might have something that could help."

Judy lets go of the spoon, but it keeps stirring by itself.

She quickly rummages in a closet, and pulls out something.

"Now I know it looks bad, but..."

"It looks like a gimp mask, Jude."

It is a mask, alright. A black one, and if a gimp wouldn't wear it, Bane would. Nolan verse Bane, that is.

It has two big eyes on it too, with red irises.

The question is WHY DOES JUDY HAVE IT?

Judy holds the suspicious mask up.

"We recovered this from the Snowflake, Cal. It was in one of those boxes from Anti-Calvin's room, full of stuff he stole from other timelines."

"Now I remember, it was under that big golden jigsaw puzzle piece."

"Right, and Des thinks that this mask... it's from the same world that Anti-Calvin got his mask from. That creepy purple mask."

Me and Marley nod, remembering our brief visit to one iteration of that doomed world.

"Yeah, there were masks all over that town."

"Dey gut sum kinna mask fet-ish dewe."

Judy grins.

"That world seems to have a lot of masks with unusual qualities. And Des reckoned that this is one of them. So we tested it out, and we learned that if you're wearing this mask, you simply can't fall asleep. Even if, say, you're watching the most boring movie in the world, or if you're eating sleeping pills like M&Ms, or if Des casts Somnis on you. And you saw how quickly he put Vanessa to sleep, didn't you?"

"Yikes. Who would want to make something like that?"

"I don't know, hun, and neither does Des. His best guess is that it was intended to be a torture device."

"A torture device? Double yikes. They got some real sick bastards in the world that mask comes from, I think. Who knows what the other masks in that world can do? Make you explode?"

"But wai du mummah hab it?"

"Des let me borrow it, Mar."

Snowball giggles.

"Onwy af-tew mummah pwomised dat mummah nu wud weaw it fow tuu wong."

Judy blushes, quickly putting the mask away and getting back to work on the potion.

"Look, sometimes I just have to pull an all-nighter and need some help staying awake, okay? Cal, you know how it is."

I pat my bag, thinking about killing vampires in Romania, having a laser sword fight in Faucheuse Tower, and running for my life in Nevada.

"And then some. You should start carrying some Liquid Insomnia on you too, Jude."

Then I glance at the mask in the open closet. It's almost like it's looking back.

"It's still better than walking around with that on your face."

"I was going to ask Des if you can borrow it, Cal, but if you'd rather risk getting knurd again..."

"Ha! Yeah, there's no perfect solution here. Maybe we'll get lucky, and Carnage will call his plans off at the last minute."

Marley snorts derisively.

"Wen haf we eba bin dat wucky, daddeh?"

It hasn't happened YET.

Really, Cal, you'd have to be a fool to expect that.

I'm not expecting that, Fi.

Call it wishful thinking.

"Good point, Mar. Carnage probably has all kinds of shit we've never seen. His symbiosis... it's not normal, even for a Klyntar. According to the Nerd Squad, he's achieved a level of symbiosis that is rarely seen. Complete integration of host and Klyntar mentally, and near-complete integration physically. It's probably how he bounced back from having his head bitten off. So Val's got her theories about what he looks like under all of the red slime now, and none of them are good. And she's not sure that Carnage can't see through those bits of Klyntar we've got. If he can, he knows we're going to be backing Venom up, but Val's keeping those samples isolated, so if Carnage tries to spy on us through them, he'll see only what Val wants him to see."

Judy nods, dropping a single Carolina Reaper into the cauldron with a pair of tongs.

We both quickly step away from the cauldron.

FWOOSH

Well, it was half of a Carolina Reaper.

More like a quarter, really.

"And Des says that Sander's working as hard as he can on a way to contribute. I mean, Sander should be able to work with this, right?"

"Well, probably. Seeing as Carnage's Klyntar has effectively replaced his blood..."

Snowball shrugs.

"If nut, we gut udda op-shuns."

"Eggies, bas-kits, yadduh yadduh yadduh."

"Wut Mawwey sed."

I nod again, pointing at the cauldron.

"We've got plenty of ideas, guys. It would pretty stupid to place all of our hopes on Plan 1."

"Ow tu caww it Pwan Ayy."

"Exactly, Mar, with letters you can only have twenty-six plans. And let's be real, here: underneath all of that red goop, there's just a bunch of fluffies, and normo fluffies at that. It can't be that hard to subdue them, right?"

"Yuh, Mawwey see wut daddeh meen. But wut if dey du git fwuffies wif powahs? We am gunna be bwing-in a fyu."

"You, Diablo and Dexter should all be fine if you're Fluffy Torch'd up. And Ghost can become intangible, a Klyntar can't bond with him if it can't touch him. As for Scarface, I don't know if his and Victor's regeneration can purge a Klyntar from their system, but Vic's got that dubstep cannon on him. That just leaves Mayday, and Reilly will be packing a sonic cannon too. Anyone who doesn't have a sonic attack or pyrokinesis will have one of those, and a couple of Val's palm-mounted flamethrowers. Or a couple of bottles of this stuff, if it's finished in time."

"And actually works."

"I believe in you, Jude."

"Thanks, hun. But there's another thing to keep in mind: we don't know how exactly Carnage has been turning his minions. It can't be spread by touch, or they'd have infected all of San Francisco by now. And if Carnage was cocooning them like caterpillars turning into butterflies, the Carnage squad would have found the remnants of the cocoons, wouldn't they?"

"The working theory is that he's been getting his victims to eat bits of his Klyntar. Like how Demeter and Floris the plant golem converted all of those fluffies into the Forces of Nature."

"I don't like thinking about that day, Cal. I was so powerless when that ugly bastard showed up and tried to get to Quin, all I could do was hide behind my dad like a little girl."

"I feel the same way about my confrontation with Bad Chris at Harry's Place, Jude. So I know how you feel. In hindsight, it just..."

"It just doesn't seem that threatening now. But this isn't exactly the same as those garden fluffies Demeter was using."

"Yup. We don't know if what Carnage is doing is reversible. Is getting the Klyntar off them enough, or have they been fully assimilated, mind, body and soul? Are they all just extensions of him now? We don't know, but we can find out. Val told us to try to capture a living specimen or two. If we can capture one early on, all we have to do is buy time for the Nerd Squad again."

"Wike wen dey wuz fiks-in dat Oh-may-guh powah sukkin fingy."

"You're on another roll today, Mar. Or when they were studying the Vulcan Cannons. Point is, we don't have all of the facts, but we have lots of smart friends who can help us get the facts. Like Jude brewing this potion, we might have to make a bit up as we go along, but we're not giving up until we find a solution. Hopefully, San Francisco will still be standing by tomorrow morning."

"You should probably go read to Young Quin and Roxie now, Cal. I don't think you'll get another chance tonight. Don't worry, you know that I don't mind holding down the fort for you while you're out saving the day. It's not like I never get to join the fun, and, well..."

Judy points down at the bubbling brew, grinning widely.

"It's also not like I'll be sitting on my ass and waiting to find out if I've just become a single mother, is it?"

"Ha! Certainly not, Jude. You don't see Mary-Jane Watson brewing potions for Peter Parker before he swings out the window."

Damn it, there's that uncomfortable feeling again.

Oh well, never mind.

"And you're right, I should go read to the kids. Mar, you want to sit in on this?"

"Suwe. Am daddeh gunna be weed-in da cow booksie again?"

As we walk towards the door, MIKA shifting to street clothes, I shake my head.

"Nah, I'm thinking I'm Stuck in a Video Game this time."

You're not going to disown the kids if it turns out that they don't like video games, are you Cal?

Of course I won't disown them, Niv.

I'd be lying if I said that I wouldn't be a bit disappointed, but I love my kids no matter what.

Hey, they already take after me in another way.

Roxie, however, seems like she might follow in Judy's footsteps.

And Ronnie may very well succeed Eira as chief of Ioka Village one day.

On the bright side, if Judy starts teaching Roxie magic, they can skip the fire spells.

Yes, because Roxie gets THAT from Cal.

So I'll still be training her too.

We still don't know if Roxie and Ronnie are Omegas yet, and I've been deliberately abstaining from finding out, at least until it's time for the power dampening bracelets to come off.

It's mostly because I'm not sure I'll like the answer...

But also because I'm not sure which answer is the good one.

On one hand, there's only a handful of known Omegas. If something happens to me, there needs to be people who can take my place, and do everything I do. And having more Omegas means having more people who fit the bill.

On the other hand, being an Omega Class paints a big target on one's back, and Quin had to go through someone trying to steal his power before he was out of diapers.

Fortunately, he was too young to remember it, and Floris the golem failed to absorb Quin.

Unfortunately, Floris got Miles instead, as you should probably remember.

If you haven't skipped any Sagas, that is.

And both Quins went through that shitshow, because the point of divergence wasn't until after the Alien Invasion.

Which Quin, of course, slept through.

I haven't told Young Quin about the time I died yet.

No idea how to tell him without making him cry.

I mean, it obviously didn't stick, but I don't know if I'll get to that part before the waterworks commence.

Could be worse. At least Quin wasn't kidnapped by your nemesis right after you died, and abandoned in the middle of nowhere to fend for himself for six months.

Very funny, Niv.

Y'know, MOST parents just have to deal with talking to their kids about sex and puberty, THAT kind of birds-and-bees crap.

Believe me, compared to some of the other talks I'll need to have with the kids later down the line...

That talk is gonna be an easy one.

Meanwhile, in San Francisco, as the sun begins to set, Venom stands atop Coit Tower, looking up at the sky.

The Klyntar speaks up, only audible to Tom, as usual.

"It's getting cloudy. You don't think it's going to rain tonight, do you?"

And Tom, as usual, replies out loud.

"Dewe nu am a WOTTA sky wawas awound hewe."

Venom looks back down at the city, keeping their eyes peeled for anything slimy and red.

"I know, but if it starts raining, it's going to be hard to use fire against Carnage and his spawn. You know what they say, when it rains, it pours."

"It am AWSO gunna be hawd tu yoos buwnies against US."

"Fair enough, Tom. But keep in mind, we're going to be outnumbered."

"Mistah Caw can caww fow bakkup if he gutta, an mistah Caw gut a wotta fwends tu caww in."

"Yeah, HIS city has been invaded like a million times. It's good to have someone so experienced with warfare on a large scale backing us up, Tom. I mean, this is different from killing a basement full of fluffy abusers. We can tear through abusers like they're made of tissue paper. But Carnage has the same kind of power WE do, and THEN some. And I don't know how much of that power his flunkies have."

"We haf beetun Cawnage bee-fowe."

"Yes, but in the first round, it was one on one. Well, TWO on one, but we didn't have any help, and neither did he. Things aren't going to be wrapped up so easily this time, Tom. I think the first round was just a PREVIEW of what Carnage can do. How did Cal put it? Oh yeah, last time was Easy Mode. The... tu-toriel? No, wait, it's TUTORIAL."

"Dis time, it am puw-sun-aw."

"Exactly. Last time, Carnage wanted to kill us because he just likes to kill, and we were in his way. This time, he wants REVENGE."

"Yu nu fink he am gunna twy tu git his head back, du yu?"

Tom hears the Klyntar scoff in his mind.

"Buddy, we ate his head AGES ago. It's been completely digested by now, and whatever was left is in one of the many turds you've dropped since then. He can go looking for it, but he'll just end up smelly and disappointed."

"But... but Cawnage haf a NYU head nao, wite? Can da Kwin-taw gwo bodee pawts back?"

"Kinda. If you BREAK a leg, I can fix it in no time. If you LOSE a leg, however... well, if we can find it before it's TOO decomposed, I can fix that too, but outright GROWING a new leg? Not a lot of Klyntar could do THAT. I could form a SUBSTITUTE leg out of biomass, though. As long as we're all Venom'd up, the casual observer wouldn't tell the difference."

"But if--"

"If you lose your HEAD, there's not a lot I can do for you. If someone blasts it to bits with, say, a shotgun, I can still work with that, but if Carnage decides to give us what we gave him... you've gotta understand, he's not NORMAL. He's doing things that most Klyntar can't do, because we usually don't reach THAT level of symbiosis with a host. So what works on most of us might not work on HIM."

"We jus gutta keep his Kwin-taw fwom gittin away again."

"You know, I tried to find it after I had to ditch you, but by the time I got to the bottom of that bell tower, it was already gone. So I latched onto that rat and went looking for it. By the time the sun was up, I still hadn't found it, I was worried about you, and my, uh, temporary host REALLY wanted to find a dark corner to hide in before we ran into any cats, so I had to call the search off."

"Dem hoomins at da chuwch wuz weawwy nice. Vewy hewp-fuw, and dey nu awsked a wotta kwest-yuns."

"I DID notice that you were cleaner when we reunited. No offence, buddy, but you NEEDED a bath back then."

Venom shrugs.

"If we nee anudda baff, we can jus gu tu da Fown-day-shun nao."

"Yeah, it's so convenient. It's almost like the Foundation branch is our secret lair. No wait, BAD guys have secret lairs."

"Su whewe am CAWNAGE waiw? He gutta be hide-in SUM-WHEWE in San Fwan-sis-koh."

"Well, I've been thinking about it since we realized that he's got people tailing us. They've been moving around the city unnoticed all this time, yet they can go ANYWHERE we're going. Seeing as they're probably about the size of, oh, fluffies, they can probably get into places that the average human would be too big to fit inside. Such as, say, a sufficiently large tube. And with the abilities they have, they can reach places that the average FLUFFY wouldn't be strong or agile enough to get into. There's really only ONE place in the city that Carnage COULD be hiding, and it covers the ENTIRE city. Or rather... the entire city covers IT."

Venom nods gravely, Tom thinking that he sees what his other is getting at.

"Dey haf bin wite unda ev-wee-wun nosies da whowe time."

"Literally! The sewers, Tom. They're probably in the sewers. The stench down there would hide the Klyntar's signature scent to MOST people, but I AM a Klyntar, so I know that scent, even when it's masked by the shit of thousands of people."

"We shud pwob-ab-wee git guin, den."

Venom starts crawling down Coit Tower.

"You're right, Tom. I just hope we've got time to get to the Foundation and make another call."

"Yus, Mistah Caw gutta knu abowt dis WAST BWITE TIME."

Down in the sewers, Carnage keeps moving.

One of his spies near Coit Tower just spotted Venom moving in Carnage's direction.

And Carnage is still waiting for the moment to strike.

He does, in fact, know that Venom won't be coming alone either.

Every piece of the red Klyntar is an extension of Carnage.

So he's got some of his minions working on welcoming a few more members into the family.

He's deliberately avoiding fluffies who would be missed. It's worked for him so far.

When Carnage was still Woody, way back when he was just a physically ordinary colt, he was out and about with his owner when they spotted something unusual.

There was a man, with three cups and a small ball, playing a game with passersby for money, a crowd having gathered.

Woody watched with fascination, as the man put the ball under one of the cups, moved them around faster than Woody's tiny foal eyes could follow, and had the player pick a cup. If the ball was under the cup they chose, the player would win, otherwise, they'd have to pay up.

But no matter which cup a player picked, they were usually wrong.

Woody's owner explained to him that it was all a scam called a "shell game". That the man running the game was using sleight of hand to hide the ball in his palm when he moved the cups around. That he could decide whether or not the player would be able to win. The scammer wouldn't be playing the game with people if there was a chance that he could actually lose.

It's a scam that depends entirely on the target's acceptance of the rules as presented.

And Woody's owner also explained that a lot of the people in the crowd were actually friends of the scammer, pretending to play the game, the scammer letting them win so that the other people wouldn't realise that it was all a scam. The scammer could use sleight of hand to put the ball under any cup he wanted, too. They'd just give him back the money they "won" later, Woody's owner said.

What Carnage still doesn't understand, however, is why his old owner called the scammer's friends plants.

Woody didn't see any leaves on them.

And to this day, Carnage still thinks it's an amazing coincidence that everyone who played the game and lost a lot of money was named Mark, even the women.

He may have misunderstood a thing or two.

Fluffies do have a tendency to take things literally. Like many older dwarves, metaphors often fly right over a fluffy's head.

And like with dwarves, those metaphors don't have to fly very high.

The point is, Woody never forgot that day, despite everything that happened since then.

He's decided to borrow that idea, and is planning to play his own shell game, with Venom and his friends as the marks.

And with a lot more cups.