The Carnage Saga

You know who it is, dear readers.

So, it's getting late in the day, the sun has set, and you know what that means.

That's right. It's go time.

I needed to use one of my vials of Liquid Insomnia. Just a little nip, to make sure I'm alert.

The squad is ready to move out to San Francisco and rendezvous with Venom.

Hopefully, we'll have time to discuss the game plan with them before shit hits the fan.

We've got stealthed drones keeping an eye out across San Francisco, and MIKA will alert me as soon as Carnage and/or his minions make an appearance.

If you need a reminder of the squad's lineup:

Besides me and Marley, there's Victor, Scarface, Danny, Ghost, Reilly, Mayday, Drake, Diablo, Dexter, Bellikose, and Taarn-tual.

Jake's already in San Francisco. He's also been spying on criminals there, like the Mountain Cloud Boys. Chinese Triads, I think.

And there's two more last minute additions to the squad.

Can you guess who?

Dave and Slayer, that's who.

They've both got hellfire, and Slayer hasn't gotten a chance to do his thing in a while, so yeah, we had to waste some time filling them in.

Slayer, true to form, is excited for the opportunity to give something new his special treatment.

Carnage might be expecting fire, he might be expecting sonics, but I don't think he's expecting RAPE.

Hey, it's worked on a lot of things so far.

You've seen the list, right, dear readers?

Beatrice isn't on it because Slayer hasn't raped her, by the way.

Technically, you could count her under the ordinary fluffies entry.

Well, yes, you could. But should you?

Later, guys.

Of course, we also have plenty of ChaotiX members on reserve, should the need to call for backup arise.

And they won't mind being called in so late. Not with innocent lives on the line. The team's ready to evacuate San Fran as soon as they get the signal.

And the Nerd Squad's pulling another all-nighter to make as many anti-Klyntar weapons as possible.

I will reward them generously for that if we survive this.

For some reason, Chaos requested a sonic cannon of his own.

I don't know what he wants it for, he just said that he needs it for a thing.

And when Chaos is doing a thing, sometimes it's best to roll with it, and not ask too many questions.

Which is why I didn't ask him why he doesn't just manifest a sonic cannon.

Right now, I'm at the School, in the meeting room, the entire squad finalizing any last minute preparations.

Which is mostly putting blipper collars on the fluffy members. Slayer already has his on, so he's waiting for everyone else to finish, curled up in Dave's lap, as Dave sits in Deston's chair, stroking Slayer like a Bond villain stroking a white cat.

Dave loves doing that.

MIKA's back in battle suit mode, because it's almost time to go make the slimy red donuts.

Anyone who doesn't have fire and/or sonics as an innate ability, and does have at least one pair of hands, will be armed with the anti-Klyntar weaponry that the Nerd Squad has prepared, including sonic cannons, and palm-mounted flamethrowers.

Taarn is the one member of the squad who can use both at the same time, having six arms to work with.

We have some other surprises in store, too.

Judy's still working on that fire potion, and now that the kids and the rest of our fluffies are in bed, she's probably wearing that creepy mask.

And Sander's still trying to work on something with those Klyntar samples, but he's in terra incognita.

Victor, naturally, has the purple and pink dubstep cannon strapped to his back.

Bellikose, both host and symbiont being fully aware that the weaknesses of the Klyntar are psychosomatic, have already conquered those weaknesses, and are armed with anti-Klyntar weaponry too.

If it wasn't for that, Bellikose would be too scared of friendly literal fire to join this mission.

They've been trying to help Venom with that, but it's a work in progress. Instincts like that are deeply ingrained.

Kinda like Ugly Sweater Guy's abuser instincts.

Yeah, kinda.

Bellikose's black and blue Klyntar half has shifted its appearance, having taken the form of a black and blue ChaotiX battle suit, Sarul's blue face exposed, a universal translator on one blue ear. Taarn has one of those too.

Remember, Klyntar can mimic clothing.

And Bellikose is currently spraying themselves with scent suppressant, masking the trademark scent of the Klyntar.

With any luck, Carnage will think that's just a battle suit.

If he doesn't know that the weaknesses are psychosomatic, we're not telling him.

On the big screen, there's a map of San Francisco and the surrounding area, with dark red dots all across it.

Each one of those dots marks the site of a Carnage attack. Every attack we know of is on there.

There's a lot of them.

So we have a rough idea of how many fluffies Carnage has turned into flunkies.

And Venom called me again earlier, telling me that they think Carnage's horror herd is using the sewers to get around town.

Makes sense, in hindsight.

Madam Valerie is acquiring a map of San Francisco's sewer system as we speak.

So what's the plan, Cal? Are we gonna go into the sewers and get the drop on the bastards? If we ARE, we should probably get some VapoRub too. Remember the Primal Earth mission? Remember Yoshi leading you through MANHATTAN'S sewers to that portal? And, getting to the point, remember how much it STANK down there?

Wasn't that when you resurfaced, Niv?

I'll be honest, doll: after Cal kicked my ass at Bran Castle, I was biding my time in the depths of his mind, and biting my tongue. When Cal promised to Yoshi that the dinotites were gonna bleed for killing Yoshi's old owner, I was like "Welp, never gonna be a better cue than THAT."

You son of a bitch.

And sure, we could just go into the sewers, and smoke those slimy red motherfuckers out like that one Hunter smoked those vampires out of that office building...

But Carnage doesn't know that we know where he's hiding.

Not telling him that, either.

If he's rumbled so close to making a move... there's no telling what he could do.

Instead, I'm going to employ the trusty ol' signature move, play dumb, and let Carnage think that he's safe for now.

He can't know about the traps we've set up. He couldn't see Jack setting them up, a time freeze affects Klyntar too.

He thinks he's going to get the drop on us.

Joke's on him.

I look around, seeing that everyone appears to be ready. Armed to the teeth, fluffies wearing blipper collars.

If they run into trouble, they can bail at any time, and blip back here.

So they'll probably be fine.

"Alright, is everyone ready to roll out?"

Everyone nods, so I walk over to the screen, casually creating a hard light pointer stick, floating in the air.

I've been experimenting with my light powers a lot, and this construct isn't white, but red.

So far, I can only do monocolor constructs.

It's another work in progress.

I direct the pointer stick towards the map, pointing it at a black circle with the letters F.F. inside it.

"Listen up, folks. We'll rendezvous with Venom at San Francisco's Faucheuse Foundation branch. Like any other branch, it's warded to keep anyone with hostile intent towards fluffies out, making it the ideal place to meet up with Venom. Carnage can't get in there. Does anyone have any questions? If not, we can move out now--"

Slayer raises a hoof, so I make the pointer point at him.

"Yes, Slayer?"

"Am Swayew gunna git tu du Swayew fing dis dawk time? Cuz Swayew haf bin duin Nu Enf again, Swayew had a feew-in dat Swayew wuz gunna git in-vowved wif dis."

As everyone laughs, I shrug, dismissing the construct with a wave of my hand.

"...Maybe. Keep in mind, those fluffies are under Carnage's control. They're innocent in all of this. If we can remove them from the equation non-violently, that would be preferable. So, uh, if you can get them out of their Klyntars... Klyntar? Is it like sheep?"

Sarul nods.

"Yes, yes it is."

Victor grins.

"I asked the same question, Cal."

I shrug again.

"Anyway, if you can get those Klyntar off those fluffies without killing the fluffies, that would be preferable. And once the Klyntar is off, destroy it before it can latch onto another fluffy. Slayer, if you do find yourself raping any Klyntar fluffies tonight, don't rape them in demon form."

Slayer sighs dramatically, with the sullen expression of a teenager being told to take the trash out for the tenth time.

"Otay, otay, Swayew can wibe wif dat."

"However, if you get the opportunity for some quality time with Carnage himself, I grant you full permission to do as you please with him."

This brightens his mood up significantly.

"See, nao Caw am tawk-in Swayew wang-widge."

Everyone laughs again, and this time I join in.

"Classic Slayer. Anyone else got any questions? No? Good. Now, everyone's got blipper tech this time, and me and Mar can teleport under our own power, so this time, nobody will have to blippool."

You know, like carpool, but without the car.

"So, let's stop wasting time and get moving already."

Marley nods.

"Nu keep us wait-tin, bois an guwws."

With that, me and Marley salute the rest.

"Okay, Klyntar killers! Let's kill some fuckin' Klyntar!"

And we teleport out.

blip

Meanwhile, in San Francisco, Michelle Howard, attorney at law, gets some coffee at a 24-hour convenience store.

This convenience store happens to be across the street from the local branch of the Foundation, and as Michelle looks out through the glass panes, she sees Calvin and Marley appear in the Foundation's parking lot.

pop

A few seconds later, the rest of the squad appears around them.

blip

As they head into the Foundation, Michelle's eyes widen.

"I didn't know he was bringing that many friends..."

"What was that, ma'am?"

"Never mind. Keep the change."

Michelle runs out of the store, leaving her coffee and the money she just spent on it behind.

"Ma'am! You forgot your-- ah, fuck it, they don't pay me enough to care. I'm taking a smoke break."

The coffee here isn't very good, so it's for the best that Michelle didn't drink it.

But she isn't picky when it comes to satisfying her craving for caffeine.

Not paying attention to the remark, Michelle runs several streets away, ducking into an alleyway.

She looks around, making sure that the coast is clear, before taking her phone out and making a call.

Whoever she's calling quickly picks up, and Michelle hurriedly stage whispers into the phone.

"It's M. The brownie is in the oven. I repeat, the brownie is in the oven."

Apparently, the person on the other end has no idea what this means, so Michelle sighs exasperatedly.

"Korkea is in San Francisco, is what I was trying to say. If we're going to do this, can't I have a bit of fun with it? Anyway, Korkea just walked into the Foundation, and he's brought like a dozen of his friends with him, at least."

Michelle listens, as the person on the other end says something.

"You want their names? Look, I don't have a copy of Who's Who in the ChaotiX at hand. Korkea has so many friends, he collects them like Pokémon cards, it's hard to keep track of all of them."

Yes, Who's Who in the ChaotiX is an actual thing.

"Their descriptions? Well, it's kinda dark, and I didn't see them up close, but let me give it the old college try..."