Do I want to stay?
It was an ordinary day in the gym, as typical as it could be when Natasha and Iris were training together. The distinct sound of their fists hitting each other, the soft thud of their feet impacting the training mats, echoed across the room. They had been at it for around two hours, neither of them backing down. Their fighting styles contrasted starkly: Natasha’s strikes were quick and precise, like a viper striking its prey, while Iris’s were forceful and deliberate, like a lioness pouncing on her target. Natasha was a shadow, always seeking an opening, while Iris was constantly creating one.
The fierce determination in Natasha’s eyes mirrored Iris’s. However, there seemed a slight restraint in Natasha’s movements. She was holding back.
“You can hit harder than that,” Iris said rolling her eyes playfully as she took a quick sip of water. “I wouldn’t want to damage America’s new damsel,” Nat retorted, a mischievous smirk playing on her lips. “Firstly of all, I’m not a damsel, and secondly, America will never get a thing from me,” she chuckled in response, setting down her water bottle and glancing at the time. It was getting late. “It’s already past eleven, isn’t it time for your Monday briefing?” she asked nonchalantly. “Tony sent a message; we’re meeting after lunch,” Nat replied, her fingers grabbing her towel to wipe off the sweat that had gathered on her forehead. “So, lunch then?” she suggested, a playful glint in her eye that by now she knew all too well. “Finally, some girl time,” Iris responded, a genuine smile spreading across her face.
Once they had taken a well-deserved shower, they decided to go out to a small, quiet café near the compound. It was a hidden gem, rarely frequented by anyone else. The quiet atmosphere was a welcome change. As they settled down and ordered some food, Iris couldn’t help but notice Natasha’s intense gaze. She was studying her. “I know we don’t usually bring this up, but I need to ask about your relationship with Steve,” she said, her voice carrying an assertive tone Iris was familiar with. “What do you want to know?” she responded, her heart heavy with the knowledge that this conversation was inevitable. “Are you even really planning on staying?” she asked, her gaze piercing through the veil of her composed exterior. “I want to,” Iris confessed, her eyes wandering to the view outside the window, trying to avoid her intense scrutiny. “But you can’t,” she concluded, her voice dropping a notch as she leaned back in her chair. “I can’t stay here, Nat. The government has put a price on my head, and so has Hydra. I can’t put all of you in the line of fire. You don’t deserve to be dragged into this chaos,” she said, her voice heavy with the weight of her decision. “I shouldn’t even be here now. I should have left as soon as I healed from the accident. I’m not supposed to be in this world of superheroes and villains. I’m supposed to stay on the side and help the people you leave behind.” Natasha remained silent for a beat, her gaze never leaving her. “Then why did you stay after you healed?” she pressed, her voice gentle yet firm. “I keep telling myself that I don’t know, but the truth is, I was afraid of being alone again. I liked the idea of having a stable roof over my head, a warm meal every day, and people who genuinely cared about me. And I started to like Steve,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “Then stay,” she said, her eyes searching for a glint of hope, “You can stay with us while we figure out how to handle your situation with the government and Hydra. They were our first enemy, long before we ever met you.” “Hydra became your first enemy when you brought the Winter Soldier back. All that trouble for him,” she scoffed, bitterness creeping into her voice. Natasha studied her silently for a moment before speaking again. “He’s the reason you don’t want to stay.” Iris looked away, unable to meet her gaze. She had hit the nail on the head, but admitting it was another battle altogether. Yes, her feelings for Steve were complicated. She was beginning to like him, genuinely so, but he was James’ friend, basically like a brother. She wasn’t sure she could handle being around him every day. But as she sat there, she couldn’t help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, she could find a way to navigate this storm and make things work. “I can’t promise anything, Nat,” she finally said, meeting her gaze again, “But I’ll try. For now, that’s the best I can say to you” “That’s all I’m asking for,” she responded, her intense gaze softening. Her next words held a certain sincerity that tugged at her heartstrings, “I know this scares you, but if you stay you’re going to be a part of this family eventually, and truth be told, you don’t always like everyone in your family” The rest of the lunch went by in a comfortable silence, each of us lost in our own thoughts.
As evening fell, Iris was alone in her room, her mind filled with worries not only for her safety but also for the people she cared about. Her thoughts were interrupted by Steve,
“Can I come in?” he asked quietly. She nodded and moved aside to let him sit beside her. His reassuring presence brought a sense of comfort, despite everything. “So, how did your lunch meeting with Nat pan out?” he asked, injecting a note of casual curiosity into his tone. “It went well,” she offered in response, her words succinct and to the point. His eyes, sharp and observant, studied her closely. They seemed to be searching for something more, a hidden layer beneath the surface of her brief response. “You do realize that you can always share whatever thoughts are weighing on your mind with me, right?” his tone gentle, reassuring. “I know, but not tonight,” she replied, her voice laced with a note of fatigue, “I’m feeling drained” His nod was understanding, his words equally so, “it’s okay.” He gave a small, understanding nod, the corners of his mouth twitching into a comforting smile. “Alright, we can always talk tomorrow,” he suggested, standing up from the edge of the bed where he had been seated. “I’ll leave you to rest. Goodnight,” he said, his voice soft as he headed towards the door.
With a final, lingering glance in her direction, he stepped out, quietly closing the door behind him. Left alone, she allowed myself a moment to breathe, her mind replaying the events of the day. The conversation with Natasha, the fear of her situation, the uncertainty of her feelings towards Steve - they all swirled around, threatening to consume her. But there was also a flicker of hope, a tiny flame fueled by Natasha’s words. The possibility of a place in this unconventional family. “Tomorrow,” she whispered into the silence, her words a silent promise to herself. “Tomorrow, I’ll
After leaving Iris’s room, Steve made his way towards the common area of the compound. He needed to clear his mind and, after everything that happened, he needed his friend. He found him sitting on the couch, engrossed in a book.
“Hey, Buck,” Steve greeted, his voice gently bouncing off the walls of the spacious room.
Bucky, engrossed in his book, looked up. A small, almost imperceptible smile played on his lips, a silent acknowledgement of his friend’s presence, “Couldn’t sleep?”
Steve shrugged, his footsteps echoing gently as he crossed the room to take a seat on the couch opposite to his old friend. “there’s just a lot on my mind, I guess,” he admitted, running a hand through his hair.
Bucky closed his book, and turned to face Steve, “Wanna talk about it?”
Steve hesitated, the conflict evident in his posture. “I don’t think it’s a good idea,” he murmured, shaking his head slightly. “It’s about Iris, and I don’t think it would be right to talk about her with you.” He tried to keep his tone neutral, avoiding the tension that usually accompanied any mention of Iris between them.
Bucky looked at Steve with a measured gaze. He could see the hesitation, the internal struggle playing out in his friend’s eyes. He knew his situation with Iris created a complicated dynamic, but he also understood that Steve needed to talk.
“Steve,” he began, his voice steady and comforting, " right now, you’re my friend and you need to talk. I can put my feelings aside.”
Steve looked at Bucky, his surprise evident. He gave a small, appreciative nod.
“I… I think I’m falling for her,” Steve admitted, his voice heavy with the weight of his words. He looked at Bucky, his gaze steady, ready for any reaction.
Bucky remained silent for a moment, absorbing Steve’s words. It wasn’t a surprise, he had seen the way Steve looked at Iris, but hearing it out loud made it real.
“But it’s complicated, Bucky,” Steve continued, his gaze fixed on a point in the distance. “Other than whatever is going on with you two, which honestly, I’m still in the dark about, it’s not just that. She’s scared… she’s scared of staying.”
Steve sighed, the sound echoing in the room, running a hand through his hair again.
“Her… she’s just… she’s incredible, Bucky,” Steve continued, his voice filled with an unmistakable sense of admiration that couldn’t be ignored. “But I can’t help but feel that she’s still hiding a lot from me, it feels like she’s building walls around herself, like she only allows me to see what she wants me to see.”
Steve paused, his gaze distant as if he were trying to search for the right words, “But when I’m with her, when it’s just the two of us, Bucky, everything seems…right. It feels like she’s the missing piece, the one that somehow makes everything fall into place”
Bucky was silent for a long moment, his gaze hardening and his jaw tightening. “Steve,” he began, his voice carrying a weight that it hadn’t held before, “I don’t trust her. She only does what’s best for her and then she runs, that’s her pattern. Don’t be fooled by her looks, she’ll stab you with her pretty little knives as soon as you aren’t looking.” He paused.
“Bucky, I…” Steve began but was immediately stopped by Bucky’s raised hand.
“No, let me finish,” he said, his voice firm " I understand that you have feelings for her, but you need to be careful, Steve.”
“I feel like I’m living in a loop, having the same conversation over and over again,” Steve chuckled, sounding almost desperate, a hint of exasperation in his voice. “I keep telling her that you’ve changed, that you’re no longer the Winter Soldier she once knew. Now, I feel like I have to do the same with you,” he laughed, a dry, humorless sound. “Maybe, just maybe, Buck, she’s not Gold Fox anymore either.”
There was a brief moment of silence.
“I don’t know Steve, I really don’t,” Bucky finally responded, uncertainty clouding his features.
“Do you trust me Buck?” Steve asked.
“Always, Steve. Always,” Bucky replied without a moment’s hesitation.
“Then trust me on this one too. Please.”
Bucky paused, taking a deep, steadying breath. “If you genuinely believe she’s worth it… then I will try, Steve. I will try to make peace with her, for you.”
The room fell silent, Steve nodded slowly, his gaze softening. “I appreciate that, Bucky,” he responded, his voice filled with gratitude.