Leaving sometimes is the best choice
It was 2 am, and Iris’s eyes were wide open, her mind filled with thoughts swirling like a storm. It was time for her to leave this place, the only place that had begun to feel like home for her.
As she wrote a note to Steve, her fingers trembled more than she had expected. In just a few weeks, Steve had reminded her of her own fragility. Being open and vulnerable in this letter was the least she could do for him. She put down her apologies and gratitude, telling him that he deserved something better, simpler, than the chaos she would have brought into his life if she had stayed, and her inability to form any relationship with Bucky, and that he wasn’t ready either. Having two team members who don’t trust each other is a recipe for a dead man.
She left the note on her bed and eventually found herself in the kitchen. The low hum of the refrigerator was the lone sound punctuating the stillness of the night, but she soon realized she wasn’t alone. Stark was there, perched at the kitchen counter, a half-drunk mug of coffee in his hand and a contemplative look on his face.
“Insomnia?” he asked, his gaze meeting hers.
“Something like that. What about you?” she whispered back in the quiet room.
He shrugged, “Had to do some research.”
“Hope it’s better than the one you did on me,” Iris teased.
A moment of silence passed between them before Stark finally broke it. “So, you’re leaving us then?” His words caught her off guard. She hadn’t expected him to know. But then again, this was Tony Stark, a man known for his unusual ability to know things he wasn’t supposed to.
“I am,” she admitted, maintaining eye contact. There was no point in denying the truth. Stark nodded, taking a sip of his coffee before speaking again. “I get it,” he said, his voice soft, understanding. “But let me tell you: you can’t run forever”
“I’m not running, this isn’t my place, this is not what I am supposed to do,” Iris protested.
“Oh no, Iris, don’t give me that bullshit,” Stark countered, putting down his mug. “You are running from Steve AND Bucky. You’re scared of Steve because, after years alone, you’ve built quite the character for yourself - strong, independent, capable of stopping 20 men with just your knives. The idea of someone taking care of you and potentially falling for you is scary; I understand that. As for Barnes, whatever history you two share is apparently even scarier to face.”
“But you can’t just keep running from your past, Iris,” Tony continued, his voice carrying a note of sincerity she hadn’t expected. “And from what I’ve seen, you fit right in with this crazy family of ours, even if you don’t realize it yet.”
Stark’s words resonated deep within her. He was right. She had been running, running from her past, her feelings. She wasn’t sure she was ready for it, ready to face it all.
“Maybe you’re right, Tony,” she finally admitted, her voice barely above a whisper, her words hanging in the air like an unfinished sentence. “But even if I wanted to stay, this isn’t what I’m cut out for. I’m no hero and never will be,” she added, a touch of bitterness creeping into her voice. Her gaze didn’t falter as she continued, “I’m definitely not reliable or trustworthy. Didn’t you hear James?” she scoffed, the irony not lost on her.
“So you’re saying he’s right?” Tony’s question hung in the air, heavy and loaded.
“Maybe he is,” she retorted, her voice steady. Her eyes met his, a silent challenge in them. “I’ve been on my own for years. I work alone. I’m no savior. A lot of my missions were against you and the government. I do what suits me best. I don’t bring people to justice. I’m judge, jury, and executioner. And I know that’s really not your style.”
Tony chuckled, a low, husky sound that contrasted sharply with the tense atmosphere.
“What’s funny?” she asked, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion.
His laughter subsided as he looked at her, “It took me years to get over the armour I put on, to see that I was indeed a good man,” he admitted, his voice soft “It’s hard, I know. It’s hard to see beyond what people thought you were, to recognize your own worth, to understand you are worthy of love, of something more than what you’ve been giving yourself credit for.”
“Maybe you don’t see it now, Iris,” Tony added “But you’ve got a heart underneath all that armor. And one day, you’ll realize that running isn’t going to make your fears go away.”
The sun was high in the sky, casting a warm glow in Steve’s room as he woke up.
As he knocked on her door he found it slightly open, her room was empty, her belongings gone. A note on her bed caught his attention, causing his heart to sink as he read her confession, her fears, and her goodbye. He could almost hear her voice in each sentence, as if a knife was being twisted into his back.
“Steve,
I’ve spent 30 minutes staring at this piece of paper, trying to find the words that will make this less painful for both of us. I found peace with you. With you, my mind stopped racing; it was at peace. And Steve, I’ve never been at peace, not since my life changed forever.
One day, I was picking up my sister Claire from school when she collapsed in the middle of the road, and her heart stopped beating. Those were the longest eight minutes of my life. I was there next to her, trying to restart her heart. Claire was my everything, and I was sure I’d lost her. We got to the hospital, and I stayed with her day and night. She couldn’t leave the hospital; her heart would have failed her, no matter the procedure.
One day, someone came to us with a chance to save her. They said it was military technology, it would have worked, but they needed something in return - my help. I said yes, Steve, of course, I said yes. She would have been fine, living the life she deserved. I just didn’t realize I wouldn’t be living mine. I gave myself up to save her, and I’d do it again a thousand times.
The day in the hospital was the last time I saw her. For a few years, I couldn’t go back for her safety. Now, I can’t go back because she doesn’t deserve to see the person I have become. There was life before Hydra and life after Hydra. I’m comfortable with violence, pain, and chaos, and I’m afraid that if I stay, you’ll eventually see me the way I see myself.
You are a good man, Steve, a gentleman in a world of boys. But I cared once about someone, and I can’t afford the luxury of having something worth losing again.
Steve, I know you still don’t believe it when they call you a hero. I see how you wrinkle your nose when the news refers to you as the American hero. If you don’t believe them, believe in who you are and what you’re doing. Believe in the love you can give because that’s what makes you a hero. Your love saves people, and as much as I hate to admit, that’s what brought James Buchanan Barnes back.
May we meet again,
Iris”
“You said it was not your style to leave,” he murmured, a sigh escaping his lips as he read her final words. On his way, he almost ran into Natasha and she seemed as surprised by his hurried pace as he was to see her. “Did you know?” he blurted out, his voice barely more than a strained whisper. His pulse was pounding in his ears as he waited for her response, fearing the worst.
She shook her head slowly, her face painted with genuine shock.
When Steve continued his way to the briefing room, he found Tony with Wanda, Sam, and Bucky.
“Did you know?” he repeated, his voice louder this time. Tony stared at him for a moment before sighing and nodding. “But this isn’t like her,” he protested, his voice full of disbelief. “She wouldn’t just leave without saying anything.” A harsh laugh filled the room. They all turned to see Bucky, a bitter smile on his face. “That’s what she does,” he said, his voice cold. “Enough, Bucky,” Sam spoke up this time, his voice stern. “If she left there must be a reason, we knew very little about her” His words hung heavy in the room “I liked her Steve, she was good in action and she was fun, but she shared nothing with any of us, she never spoke about her past, or who she really was.”
Natasha who had been quiet till now “Steve, I think she has a lot to figure out. You want my take? We’ll meet her again” she paused.
“Steve, you can’t blame yourself for Iris’s actions. We all saw it; she was fighting her own battles.” Nat kept going.
Steve looked up at her, his gaze distant. “I just… I thought I could help her, Nat. I thought she felt safe with us.”
“There’s only so much we can do, Steve. People have to want to be helped. Maybe she wasn’t ready for that yet.” Natasha’s voice was soft, understanding.
Bucky spoke up again “She was always good at running. From her past, from her problems. From people who cared about her.”
“Bucky,” Steve warned, his tone sharp.
Bucky sighed and leaned back in his chair. “I’m just saying, Steve. She’s always been like this. It’s nothing to do with what you did or didn’t do.”
Tony chimed in, “Iris made her choice. And honestly, I think it was the right one.”
“Tony…” Nat cut in, her tone wearing a warning.
“No, no, you all listen. She was a firestarter, a very hot bottle of gasoline. We already have a fire in this house. It’s a dying fire, but it’s a fire nonetheless. And you don’t throw gasoline on burning embers,” he said, looking straight at Bucky.
Steve nodded, releasing a heavy sigh.
Their words stung, but there was a hard truth to them that Steve couldn’t deny. Iris had always kept him at arm’s length, never fully letting him in. And now, she had disappeared without a trace, leaving behind nothing but a note. Walking down the hallway, he wondered if he ever truly knew Iris, or if he only saw what she wanted him to see. Their weeks spent together felt genuine as if a connection was developing. He saw her laugh, her happiness growing day by day. Yet, she rarely shared anything about herself or her past. Her departure was a harsh reality to face.
Later that day, he found himself in the gym, trying to channel his frustration and confusion into something physical “How could i let myself get this attached?” he whispered to himself.
The gym door creaked open, and Bucky entered.
He stood there for a moment, watching him, before finally moving towards one of the other punching bags. They trained in silence, the only sounds being their grunts and the harsh impact of their fists against the bags. The tension between them was palpable, a silent reminder of the elephant in the room. Finally, Bucky broke the silence, his voice cold. “I warned you, didn’t I?” Steve stopped, his fists hanging mid-air as he turned to face him. His gaze was hard, his posture rigid. “Yes, you did,” his voice filled with resentment. “But I presumed the version of Iris you knew was at least, what, 5 years back? I figured she changed just as you did.” Bucky let out a harsh laugh, his hands dropping to his sides. “You always try to see the best in everyone” his voice softer.
“Did you know about her sister?” Steve asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Bucky froze immediately, his gaze landing on Steve in a mixture of shock and disbelief.
“She told you?” Bucky questioned, his voice barely audible. Those were secrets she had shared with him, after months of fighting and countless shared moments. And now, she had shared them with Steve in a matter of weeks?
Steve interrupted Bucky’s spiraling thoughts. “She wrote me a goodbye letter,” he said, his voice choked with emotion. “I guess you know.”
Bucky was silent for a moment, his mind racing.
“I was falling for her…” Steve continued, his voice filled with regret. “How stupid was I?”
Bucky continued to punch the bag in front of him, his mind whirling as he considered what to say, what to reveal. Finally, he broke the silence.
“She was falling for you too,” he said, his voice steady despite the emotions he was feeling.
“What? How do you know?” Steve asked, looking at Bucky with surprise.
“She wouldn’t have run,” Bucky replied, his voice barely a whisper. Anger was building within him, or perhaps it was something else, something more bitter. Steve turned back to his bag, his fists connecting with it with renewed force. As he let out his frustrations, he couldn’t help but wonder if Bucky was right. As he left the gym, he couldn’t help but cast one last glance at Bucky. Their gaze met, his eyes full of a strange mix of anger and understanding. He may have warned Steve, but it was clear that Iris’s departure had affected him too. A piece of his past returned, only to disappear once more.