Longing
The morning sun shone through the windows of the camp barracks, bouncing off the glass frames that held pictures of people’s loved ones. The walls and any spare room in between were filled with double bunk beds to fit the number of soldiers that stayed there. Duffel bags were shoved underneath or put underneath pillows for extra cushion, and the beds were made with the green sheet pulled tightly around them. A few men and boys were sitting around, talking, but the majority of them were either out fighting or training and preparing to be next out on the battlefield.
I sat on the edge of Steve’s bed, knee bouncing up and down in no particular pattern. I held my brass compass in the palms of my hands, watching as the dial stayed in one spot, East. My pa hadn’t come home yet, but he had sent a letter on my birthday, wishing me a good day and apologizing a few times for not being here for me to celebrate it like we usually would; making a homemade cake and drinking ourselves sick of melted chocolate and milk, then later flying his plane to let me get some air time.
To be completely honest, I minded. I wasn’t okay with the fact that he was gone from me and gone from our time together. But it was his job and he didn’t have a choice as to where he was stationed. And neither did Steve or Bucky, which was another reason I was pouting on the side of this bed. Unlike pa, they were here for my birthday but had to quickly leave again for their next HYDRA location. They had been off to mission after mission for a while now, which also meant that Peggy had been busy managing the other troops and Mr. Stark was too busy tinkering to pay me any mind.
I was longing for a friend just about then, I hadn’t had anyone to talk to for the past 2 weeks. It’d been very dull. I had tried training every day, taking up more chores and more assignments, helping out with maintenance on vehicles, but nothing was appeasing the vibration that was set in my bones or the tiredness in my brain.
Worry was laced between the folds of my heart and brain, and when I tried to ask Peggy about Steve and my father, she said they were fine and doing what they were supposed to be doing. Whenever they would have viewings of the battles or wherever Steve was, I always tried to go watch, but Peggy always kept me out. I would change up my tactics to sneak in, yet, she always caught me. When I asked her why I wasn’t allowed to watch with her, she replied that no fifteen-year-old should see any of that. I just pouted and left, which brings us to this, me pouting on the edge of Steve Rogers’ very uncomfortable bed.
I also missed my bed at my house; it was covered in a black comforter which was overlaid with one white knotted blanket that my ma made, a thin dark green blanket, and a whole lot of pillows. It was the most comfortable bed ever, while the one I slept on here was hard and made my entire body sore the next morning.
I snapped shut the compass, tearing my eyes away from its tiny black lines that were beginning to blend into each other. I stood up and decided that I needed to get out of these barracks and out of this camp. I didn’t care about where I went, I was too stir-crazy to put much thought into the idea. Instead, I left the barracks and began my search for someone who was going to head into the nearest town for any reason whatsoever. I was itching for human contact, even if it was the most annoying person on the planet I would probably have a full conversation with them.
As I walked through the camp, I watched as soldiers stood in a line, victims to Peggy’s circling and deadly stare. In the middle of her walk, she caught my eye and silently told me to stay where I was. I stood there, kicking the rocks nearest to me, waiting for the men to either run away crying or comply and do what they were supposed to.
I looked back up to see the boys run off, going for a conditioning run. Peggy watched them leave, then looked at me, curling her finger that told me to go to her. I walked to her as she was setting up the Jeep to follow them with a general, and waited for her to tell me why she wanted to talk to me.
She finally stopped and met my eyes, “Where are you heading off to this early in the morning?” She checked her watch, it was probably close to 7 a.m.
I shrugged, “I’m close to dying of boredom, thinking about hitching a ride into town. You know anyone that’s going?”
Peggy considered, “I think Landon is heading that way at 7:30. You’re going to have to hurry to catch him.”
I nodded in thanks and went to turn around, heading for the vehicle bay.
“Be careful out there, Ara, HYDRA is moving around and we don’t know where they are yet.”
I looked back at her, and smiled lightly, “I’ll be fine, I’ll stick close to Landon the whole time.”
She nodded and climbed into the Jeep where the soldier was waiting. They took off to follow the soldiers and I turned around and headed towards the vehicle bay.
The sky darkened slightly as light gray clouds formed around the sun and the wind picked up a bit, blowing my brown hair into my eyes and mouth. I moved my hair and saw a lean, dark-tanned man with black hair climbing into a jeep. He wore an army uniform but was clearly put on mechanic duty. He was trying to start the engine when I reached him and I tapped the door to get his attention.
He looked towards me and raised an eyebrow, “Can I help you…?”
He was confused as to why I was bothering him, “I’m looking for Landon. Know where he is?”
He nodded and jerked his head to the other side of the room, where a stocky, greasy-haired man stood. He also wore an army uniform, but he was missing his tie and his left shoe was unlaced. He seemed like the type that didn’t bother to be neat or presentable but would throw you under a bus if he felt it was needed to save his ass or reputation.
I walked up to him while he was in the middle of a conversation with another man. This one was ginger, with freckles littering his face like constellations and his face pale as the snow. His uniform seemed neatly ironed and the tie beneath was straight and tight up to his throat.
They were in a hushed but heated conversation, clearly not wanting to be overheard about something. I stopped right next to them and cleared my throat. They both jumped out of their skins and looked over at me; the stocky man looked peeved and the ginger looked terrified.
“Are either of you Landon?” I looked between them, the ginger quickly glanced at the stocky man who stood up straighter, seemingly trying to gain some height on me.
“I am,” said the stocky man, “Whaddya want?”
“I heard you were going to town, I would like to join you,” the ginger’s eyes widened the size of serving spoons and he fully stared at Landon again.
Landon rolled his shoulders back, stared at me for a long moment, then said “Sure, but ya go missing I’m not lookin’ for ya, understood?”
I clenched my jaw and replied, “Understood,” I already didn’t like this man. More so than Howard Stark. Howard Stark didn’t give off a vibe that he would kill me like this man did. I thought about turning around and waiting till tomorrow, but I couldn’t just sit here all day. It was too boring and monotonous.
He grunted as he nodded, and stalked away towards the jeep. The ginger followed him hesitantly, glancing at me every so often. I smiled at him, resulting in a grimace back.
They climbed into the two front seats and I sat in the flat-cargo area in the back. I’d rather risk falling off this moving vehicle rather than sit next to either of them.
“So, eh,” the ginger started, the stocky man shot him a warning glare, “You and the captain are close, aren’t you?”
I just blinked and looked between the men, “Yeah… I guess,” I rethought my decision of joining these two men on the ride. It’d been known that me and Steve were close; every time he was at the camp, I’d never leave his side and would defend him from the other soldiers no matter what, even if he had just pissed me off.
“What’s ya name again? It seemed to slip my mind,” Landon said in a gruff voice, he kept his eyes on the road steadily. You could see the small town coming up quickly.
“Arabella. Arabella Elwood,” the notches of dirt and weeds tossed us around, causing me to grip harder onto the handlebars next to me.
“Arabella,” his voice seemed to get rougher, “That’s a nice name.”
I stayed silent, not wanting to answer. My gut was twisted painfully and my head spun. I wanted to get off this jeep, but if I jumped they’d likely come back to pick me up in my broken form.
The wind picked up now, shoving me side to side and even causing the jeep to sway slightly. The sky got darker like it was dusk, the sun hidden behind angry clouds full of water.
The ginger stayed silent until we pulled up next to a collection of stores, “We’re here.”
I looked up and saw a few people walking, but not a lot of commotion going on. The men were getting out of the jeep, watching the people go by, and assessing the area around us. I slid over the jeep cargo area and jumped out of the vehicle. The wind attacked my hair, throwing it around every which way. The men were in front of the jeep now, walking into a jewelry store, talking in hushed tones again.
I followed them inside and looked around at all the necklaces and rings they had on display. The two men looked around and I observed them. I wondered why they were in a jewelry store. I had half a mind to think they were going to rob the place, but the other half told me that they wouldn’t ruin their chances in the army like that if they were smart.
I went back to looking at the silver necklace in front of me. It was a V-shaped necklace, it was a simple chain and at the very end of it, it had a dark green stone. It was simple but beautiful.
A throat cleared and I jumped out of my skin, looking up at a frail old woman whose eyes seemed to permanently glare. Her thinning, light gray hair was curled tightly, close to her head and her face hung heavy with wrinkles.
I looked around and saw neither of the men anywhere, I quickly glanced towards the entrance door and realized they probably left me there. I sighed a breath of silent relief and looked back up to the lady who was glaring daggers at me now.
“Yes..?”
“You need to come with me to the back,” she gestured to the doorway in the back.
I glanced there and back at her, “Why do I need to?” I tilted my head in confusion.
She took a deep breath as if my confusion was unwarranted, “ Because I need you to help me get a box down. I can’t climb the ladder to get it.”
I nodded in understanding, “Oh, okay. Well I can help you with that,” I smiled lightly and she nodded back.
The old lady grunted as she turned around and walked towards the back room. I followed her, looking one last time at the necklace, then walking towards the back.
She turned the light on and walked down the hallway to her right, I stopped and looked around the room, then followed a few paces behind her.
She turned on the light in the room and pointed to something I couldn’t see, “It’s just right up there, if you could please get it down for me.”
I nodded and stepped into the room, looking up to where she was pointing, but then I felt a pressure on my neck and I was thrown into the wall. All of the air in my lungs left my body, leaving me choking for more. My head lurched forward from the impact against the wall, but I quickly raised it again to get a good look at what happened.
A hand was squeezed around my neck, restricting my airways and holding me in place. My hands rose, desperately clawing at the hand, a whine emitting from my throat. When I finally cracked open an eye, I could see a stocky man, his head tilted to the side, watching me wriggle in his grasp. He was close enough so I could see he had dark gray eyes and smell his hot, wet breath which stunk like an old wet dog. My legs kicked towards his abdomen and crotch, but he muttered something and swatted them away. His dark gray eyes traced me and he began grinning widely.
“Arabella,” his rough voice said slowly, “Ar-a-bell-a.”
My stomach twisted and my vision was going hazy around the edges, “ fuck ,” I gasped for another breath, “ you .”
I tried to spit on him but it just landed on his hand. He snarled and lifted me off the wall, and slammed me against it again. My head was buzzing with pain and my ears sounded like they were filled with water.
A hand suddenly was touching my stomach and I slammed my hip back as far as I could into the wall, determined to get away. I heard a lazy chuckle, then the sound of steps behind us in the door.
“If you want your head still attached, you’ll let her go,” a deep voice emitted from the doorway. The hands on me immediately dropped and I fell to the ground, my knees buckling beneath me. I raised a hand to my throat and began sobbing, gasping for any air that my lungs could take in.
The stocky man stepped back a few paces, letting the unknown person step directly in front of me. They crouched down to my level and lifted my chin up to meet their face.
My vision still wasn’t back to normal yet, so all I could see was a younger-looking white man in front of me with a blur of black hair on top. I went to move back out of his reach but he gripped my face tighter, holding me still.
I cried out in discomfort and he laughed, “Trust me, girl, you’re going to thank me for the lack of pain you’re going through right about now,” I squeezed shut my eyes, my wet lashes sticking together and tears streaming down my face, “You don’t even know how much help you are going to be for us.”
His eyes were dancing between mine, analyzing how I was reacting. He finally dropped me and motioned for the men to grab me.
“No! Let me go!” I squirmed, fought, and bit against them, desperately trying to get out of the situation I was in. They tied my hands painfully behind my back and shoved me forward. I almost toppled over due to the dizziness.
I should’ve just stayed bored at camp.
A cloth was shoved into my mouth and they hauled me out the back of the store. There was a black Buick Special, parked backwards with the trunk opened. I screamed and twisted from them kicking my legs out in front of me to stop me from getting any closer, but a quick kick to the back of my knee sent me lurching forward, chest slamming into the car. They grabbed my legs and threw me into the trunk, closing the door behind them.
I started breathing harder, struggling to get a full breath in. My mind felt like it was spinning and my stomach was churning, threatening to spill its contents, or lack thereof. My mouth was dry, the cloth soaking up the saliva and it felt like it was touching the back of my throat which made me gag, leading to me dry heaving.
The car rumbled beneath me and started moving, making me lurch forward. Muffled sobs wracked my body, my cheeks wetting from the tears. My head was hurting even more now and I could feel consciousness slipping away from me; my breathing getting shallower and slower, my heart choking in my throat, and my head lolled on the floor of the trunk. The roar of the engine encased my hearing and hurt my whole body.
Everything slowly went dark, but my body never relaxed.
His feet pounded beneath him in hurried steps. Heart pounding in his throat and his stomach was knotted up tightly. Everything around him moved in slow motion. On the ride back to camp, he was zoned out and not paying anyone attention, clenching a piece of paper in his hand. By now, it was soaked in sweat but he didn’t even realize it.
As soon as the messenger from the radio relayed the message, he was zoned out. The base had planned for him to get the message by the end of the mission, not wanting to take his attention away from the war.
But, now, he was livid he hadn’t gotten the news right away. If he had, maybe she wouldn’t have been gone for a week already.
Two soldiers opened a pair of doors, letting Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes into a full room. A woman with brown, curled hair and wine-red lipstick, wearing her army green uniform but with a skirt and heels, was pointing at a map with only 2 flags left on the table. She was muttering something to the man next to her, a general who wore a stoic expression and seemed to be worn down with age and the war.
A man who usually looked neat was ruffled slightly, his black hair was mused and his suspenders were slightly out of line as if done by a shaky hand. His hand was over his mouth in thought, leaning over the map to see what they were talking about. The last man looked the worst. His dark brown hair was pointed every which way like he had just woken up from a nightmare. There were deep purple bags underneath his sad eyes and his clothing consisted of a wrinkled flight jacket and pants that looked like they’d been worn 3 times before. His whole body was hunched and shaking like a leaf.
When they walked in, only the man in suspenders looked up. He sidestepped his position and walked directly toward the man in a suit.
“Captain, we’re doing everything we can, I know you’re mad-” His hands were up, palms facing outwards towards Steve, trying to defuse the bomb.
“What happened?” Everything in the room went still, everyone was watching the Captain and Howard stare at each other, “Have there been any sightings?”
Bucky’s hand lightly grazed Steve’s shoulder but he jumped away at the contact, glaring at him then giving him an apologetic look once he realized what he’d done.
Bucky smiled back in understanding, and looked towards Howard, “Do you know what happened to her?”
Howard looked back towards Peggy, who straightened up, and nodded towards the boys. She stepped away and grabbed a folder, splaying its contents onto the table in front of her. The boys walked up to the table and looked at the pictures of 2 men: Landon Maninsky and Jack Sully. Landon was a short, stocky man with a creepy smile and greasy hair. Jack was a ginger with freckles all over his face and pale skin, his smile was more shy and lighthearted. But from the situation that brought their files out to light, he was not very lighthearted.
“That morning,” Bucky glanced up at Peggy and watched her, she was acting guilty. He nudged Steve who threw him a look, Bucky raised his eyebrows, gesturing to Peggy.
Steve looked up at her and noticed the same thing Bucky did, “What?”
She breathed in deeply, “She came to me around 0650 on November 27th. She told me that she was bored and she wanted to go into town,” her eyes moved downward only slightly, “I told her to go with Landon.”
Steve went still, “Had you known?”
Bucky looked at Steve like he’d lost his mind, “What? Steve why would she-”
“I had my suspicions,” Bucky immediately closed his mouth, and stared at Peggy, “but I only thought they were giving information to Hydra, I never thought they would ever go this far as to-”
“You knew ?” A shaky voice said, his voice breaking, “You suspected he was still with Hydra and you let my daughter go with him anyways?”
Peggy whirled around, looking at John Elwood sympathetically, “I’m sorry, John, I hadn’t known they would ever do this-”
“ No!” His eyes glistened with tears that threatened to spill, his breaths coming out hot and uneven, “ No, you do not get to sit here and apologize to me about that! No, you should have suspected that Hydra would’ve done this! They’ve already killed thousands! What makes my daughter any different than them?”
His teeth were barred and his face was splotchy. The room was so tense you could cut it with a knife, Peggy sensed this and crossed her arms over her stomach, “I know. I shouldn’t have sent her with him and I’m sorry, but I can’t do anything about it now so could we please move away from the blame game and just work on finding her?”
The man didn’t relax one bit, “Find her,” his eyes softened slightly at the thought of Arabella, “ please.”
Steve nodded at him, and looked back at Peggy, “What else do we know?”
Peggy looked back at him, “Nothing. Absolutely nothing,” Bucky took in a shaky breath next to him, “there haven’t been any talks about her over the radio or any messages to intercept whatsoever. It’s dead silence.”
Steve ran his hand over his face and screwed his eyes shut, “So what are we doing right now?”
Bucky glanced at the general, who studied the room then spoke, “We are currently running through plans of infiltrating our known hydra bases and getting information out of the soldiers we find.”
Bucky nodded, “But what if she’s not at the bases? If they are keeping radio silence about her, then they won’t be taking her to the most likely known bases,” he looked at Steve who dropped his head.
“True,” the general amended, “but it’s our only shot at getting her back.”
Everyone was in agreement about that, no one could deny that they needed to get her back. They didn’t want to risk her being tortured or dying on account that they couldn’t find her.
“Alright,” Steve straightened, “when do we leave?”