Chapter 4
My kind of woman - Mac DeMarco
For Loki the scene appeared as anyone would have imagined. From the top of a balcony in his room, he just saw two lovebirds destined for each other, finally united for eternity. It made his heart ache.
After some hours sitting in the bench, you said goodbye to Thor, it was dark and getting colder outside. He said he was going to talk to Sif, so you left to your chambers, you wanted to be alone.
In your room you felt free to cry, you cried and cried, for hours, you couldn’t bring yourself to sleep, what am I going to do? I am not a princess, let alone a queen. What do you do as a queen? Do I have to breed heirs? is that my only job? Being a baby machine? You thought while you rolled in your bed for hours.
Eventually you got tired of crying, you really wanted to sleep and you couldn’t. So you decided you needed your tea. However you had a big problem… Loki was the only one that knew how to do it, he always brought it personally to you, so you couldn’t ask a maid to prepare it.
You thought about it for a solid minute and with the last amount of courage you had, you got out of bed and started your journey to Loki’s chambers. It wasn’t too late, you were sure he would be awake.
You knocked 3 times, the door irradiated the same coldness as the last time you were there. He didn’t open. You knocked again, the door opened slightly.
A tired and puffy eyed Loki greeted you, he didn’t say a word, he just stared at you, his stare was blank, you couldn’t decipher what he was feeling or thinking.
“Sorry for coming here I know you don’t want to see me I just wanted to know if you could make me a tea? I cant sleep.” you said already expecting him to decline. He stayed in silence for a moment.
“Why don’t you ask your boyfriend to do it for you?” he asked in a plain tone. You rolled your eyes, “He is not my boyfriend, I didn’t know, no one knew about Odin’s plan!” you said a little too loud for night time. He stared at you for a bit.
“Look I don’t have time, please don’t-“ he didn’t finish what he was saying and froze in place trying to listen to something. “what?” you asked. He didn’t answer. “What!?” you yelled this time. Before you knew it, Loki grabbed you by the arm and pulled you into his room, closing the door immediately after,“shhh, guards.” he said.
You were in utter shock, why would he do that?, what about the guards? Im not a prisoner, is he a prisoner? you thought with your back pressed on the door from his room. You looked to your surroundings, everything was as you last saw the day you peaked trough the open door, neat, organized and green. After sometime Loki started talking, “You should be more careful, think before you act.” he said walking to his bed table.
“Careful of what? Since when being awake at night is a crime here in Asgard?” you asked sarcastically, your mood had suddenly improved since you arrived to Loki’s room.
Loki stayed quiet, while he made you a cup of tea; you walked trough his room exploring the things you found or saw. He had a set of couches with a round table in the middle, in the table were bottles of wine, and also cups, you wondered if he invited company to drink with him there. He had a lot of candles lit, and his window was wide open, the cold air of the night entered and filled the space, you shivered a little, did he not feel it?
You decided to sit on one of the leather couches. After a few minutes in silence he brought you your tea and sat on the couch in front of yours. You took a sip of your tea, it was as tasty as you remembered, not too sweet, not too sour, hot and relaxing, as only he did. He looked at your eyes before talking again.
“You have to be more careful.” he said again. You placed your cup on the table at the center. “You keep saying the same thing, careful about what?” you asked.
“You are betrothed, not to a peasant in the city, betrothed to the prince, and future king, you are not to be seen outside of a man’s chambers late at night, even more dressed like that.” he said looking directly into your eyes. You thought for a moment, dressed like what?, you looked at your garments of choice… Oh!, thats why, you went out in your silk night dress.
“Oh, sorry I didn’t notice, I was already laying in bed but I couldn’t sleep and I just went out without thinking, really.” you said uncomfortably.
He just nodded and stretched out his arm to touch your hand. His pale hand was cold, his fingers were long and delicate, but his touch was sweet, gentle, almost as if he was scared of doing something wrong. “What are you doing?” you asked confused. “Covering you.” he murmured. A green light emerged from his hand and traveled through your frame, his hands were cold, but his magic was surprisingly warm. after a few seconds a thick robe appeared on you, it was made of some sort of wool and covered your arms and body, stopping before your knee.
“Your seidr has gotten better.” you said while stroking the soft material of the robe. He smiled a little bit, you hadn’t seen him smiling in a while, it kinda made your heart skip a beat or two. “My seidr is the only thing that has gotten better in my life.” he stated looking at you with his green/blue eyes; you took another sip of tea.
He was being nice that night, why had he said all those things? You were debating you should ask him, but before you could talk, “I’m sorry, for saying those things some days ago… I was not thinking straight. I guess I was jealous.” he apologized, gazing at the floor again.
“Jealous about what?” you asked him, he seemed pretty triggered with the conversation, you placed a hand in his arm the same way you did with Thor to calm his distress; Loki removed his arm immediately.
“All my life I have been trying to live up to what was expected of me, I prepared myself, I was top student in my classes, I attended every lesson I needed, and succeeded every time in overachieving the goal set for me, I raised the bar, gave more than necessary, and for what? For Thor to be chosen over me in everything.” He started pouring his pain out, like old times. You could see his eyes getting teary again, his hand trembled, he fought to remain his composure.
“In every aspect I did better and in every aspect I got overlooked, made fun of, and scolded over. Odin didn’t think of me once when he was making the decision for his heir, nor did he think of me ever in his life. Everyone I loved betrayed me, left me, but then I’m the betrayer? I’m the God of Mischief? no, I just wanted to be his equal.” he was now full on crying, trying to hide his face, or dry his tears, he stayed quiet for a moment.
You stood up from the couch and walked up to the one Loki was seating on, you sat beside him. “Loki, Im really sorry you had to go through that, but you have me, I care about you.” you attempted to make him feel better. He chuckled deeply, “Oh so now you care?, you left me. You too chose him, changed me, don’t come here to tell me it was Odin’s fault, It wasn’t. I remember you letting me alone, remember all the places we built for each other, well Ive been the only one there for years now, while you had fun going on horse rides.” He said now in an angry tone, he waited for your answer, you stared at him for a moment before deciding what to tell him.
“I do remember, Loki, I see you don’t. I stopped going to the library with you because you stopped talking to me. Everyday I woke up excited to see you and talk to you, but you were lost in the books, didn’t even look at me, I did my best too, I made sure I looked good, I took care of you, gifted you pastries I made or little tokens I found when I explored. And you never thanked me, you never saw me, you only made fun of me.” Now you wanted to cry too, you are not one to keep resentment but it hit you deep that he said you abandoned him, when he was the one constantly pushing you away.
He looked at you for a second before bursting out laughing, was this funny to him? was he making fun of you? you waited until he stopped laughing, still with tears in your eyes.
“You are truly something else aren’t you?” he said smiling. You didn’t really understand what was he smiling about, there was nothing funny about what you just said. He suddenly but gently brushed one tear away with his thumb. He left his hand in your cheek for a brief moment, before taking it away to pass you your cup of tea; you just gave him a confused look, and took one sip.
“I was in love with you.” he said. You almost spat the tea in his face, what? in love? what type of in love was that? since when you put frogs in the pillow of the girl you like? You stared at him in disbelief while he kept laughing.