Chapter 2
Watching him fade away - Mac DeMarco
You were getting ready for your weekly horseback ride with Thor. Ever since you arrived on Asgard he waited for you in the mornings very intrigued to know you, he used to walk you to the dining hall on your good days and bring you breakfast to your room on your bad days, eventually you became good friends.
With the years he has become less of a child and more of a prince. He wears armor and cape everyday, his hair has grown but keeps that same blonde he had the day you two met, and his eyes as blue as you remember them. Odin had gifted him mjolnir, a powerful hammer, Thor says it will be his weapon as a king, and his title was the God of Thunder, he seemed very excited for his coronation.
On the other hand, Loki has grown meaner, paler and taller. He keeps those piercing green/blue eyes, but he seems distant, quiet, almost shy; of course except the times when he is NOT distant and pulls pranks that no one finds funny. You do find him funny sometimes, after all, his title was God of Mischief, so rather than seeing it as bad, you chose to see it as Loki doing what Loki was born to do.
You have adapted well to asgard, you stare in the mirror, you see your father’s green eyes. Your black hair is long and you like to keep it loose, sometimes you would braid it for it to look formal or for a special occasion. Most of the time you like to wear dresses, but for the horse ride you rather go for a pair of pants and a long sleeved top.
Now you don’t really think about your father or mother, or you avoid doing it, because it makes you sad and you cant really do anything about it, so you cheer and celebrate what you have, without looking back at what you lost.
You headed out once you were happy with how you looked and started walking towards the barn. In order to go there you have to go past the library, that was where Loki spends most of his time. Since he was a little kid he loved to read books on all matters, and you two would spend hours reading and learning together. However, you don’t really remember why you stopped. You thought about entering to say hi, maybe that will lighten his dark mood.
You opened the door ever so slightly and peeked to see if he was there. The library was different to what you remember it, it had a lot more books now, and looked a lot older. You waited for a moment and thought nobody was there, as you were about to close the door… “Didn’t think you remembered how to read anymore” said a well-known deep voice.
You entered the library, going out of your way. There he was, seating on the floor under a table that you both had adequated with pillows and duvets years ago to read more comfortably. “I think I remember the necessary.” you said looking at him with a smile. “What are you reading?” you asked, crunching down to his level.
“Im reading why do u care? vol.2, is really interesting.” he said sarcastically without taking his eyes off the paper.
“Very funny, I was just asking!” you told him. You stayed there a little bit without saying anything, and figured out he was not going to say anything either, so you stood up and prepared to leave.
“Have fun with mr. thunder and his boring horses, my lady” he chuckled. At this point you had grown so accustomed to him it didn’t even bother you. It just left you wondering why does he hate his brother so much, and furthermore, why does he hate that you spend time with his brother.
You left the library and headed to the barns where Thor waited. Frigga had gifted you a horse when you turned 15, it was black and his name was Sinir, by now he had grown a lot, but his temper stayed always the same, he was mean to everyone, except you.
“Morning, my lady” said Thor when he saw you, while doing a little bow. He was standing beside his horse brushing him a bit. His horse was bigger and broader than yours, his mane was brown, but he had white spots on his face. His name was Gladr, he was considered the second best horse in the realm; the first place was for Sleipnir, a grey eight-legged horse that the All-father owned. All the horses in the realm descent from one mare, except him. His origin was unknown, at least for most of the people in asgard.
After your horseback ride you and Thor started walking to the dinning hall to have lunch. The table was always big and fit to hold a 20+ person dinner. however, you four usually sat close to each other. Odin sat at the principal seat on one side of the table, while Frigga sat on his right. Thor either sat on his left or beside his mother, while you chose to sit beside Thor or 2 seats next on the left of Odin, out of respect for the hierarchy. Loki, however, decided it was the best choice to sit always on the further seats on the other side of the table, he didn’t really talk on lunch or looked at anyone, and Odin didn’t really care.
Lunch went as always, Frigga did some smalltalk and asked about your horse riding lessons, Odin asked how you were doing and feeling, and Thor just yapped about anything really, everything was exciting to him. Loki stayed quiet until he finished and excused himself from the dining hall.
You somehow understood Loki, sometimes this was tiring and you wished to just eat in silence and then exit the hall. But you couldn’t, you were a guest, even thought you had been living there almost 10 years, you will never be really a part of the family, let alone the royal one. So your only choice was to stay calm and act nice.
Time to time Thor’s friends joined you for lunch; they were known as “warriors three”, Volstagg, Fandral and Hogun. With them also was lady Sif, a young warrior you looked up to in secret. Child of a noble family, she trained hard everyday for battle, had long blonde hair and was really close to Thor. You both weren’t actually friends, but you could see the spark in her eyes when she looked at Thor, you were almost sure she liked him.
When the time was right and acceptable, you excused yourself from the table and started walking to your chambers. In the way there you passed by Loki’s chambers, his door was slightly open.
You couldn’t help yourself and peaked into his room, you last saw it when you were both kids, now it had changed. The wooden toys he had in his night table were now replaced with a bottle of mead and a drinking horn. His bed now bigger and dressed with deep green duvets. His room was very tidy and clean, as you expected, he might be a chaotic creature, but not a messy one.
“Enjoying the view?” a voice said behind you, you jumped up from the fright and saw Loki standing.
“Sorry I was just-“ he didn’t let you finish. “You were just being nosy and annoying, as always.” he said in a serious tone. “Now get lost.” he uttered while entering his room and slamming the door shut on your face.
You stood there for a while without knowing what to do, or feel. He had been acting like that for a long time now, he had turned bitter and lonely, even with your and Thor efforts to get him to open up, he seemed to isolate himself even more.
He became more distant as the years passed, at first you thought it was normal as you grew older and had different interests. You started reading less, and he started reading more, you stoped looking for him when you couldn’t sleep, and he stopped waiting for you with your tea in cold nights at the castle. You slowly drifted apart with the time and you kind of felt awful about it. But most of the times he seemed completely fine with you being away from him, like what just happened.
You started walking to your chambers in silence while you thought about upcoming big events. Thor’s coronation was just a month ahead, maybe that was what had Loki in such a bad mood. When he was little he used to talk to you about his plans as future king of Asgard, he said Odin had given Thor and him the same amount of opportunities to prove who had a better claim for the throne. However, as the years passed and he became more mature, he realized that was just a cruel facade covering the harsh truth: In Odin’s eyes, he would never be near as good as Thor. He was, he is, and he would always be his shadow, lurking, waiting, never enough.
He and Odin had a lot of problems and often argued. Last time they argued was different, it was like they hit a point of no return, since that day they were extremely distant with each other, and Frigga often worried about his son, and he couldn’t help but push her away too, nobody really knows what they argued about that day, but it must have been serious. After that fight Loki disappeared from Asgard for almost a month, and returned more bitter, not himself.
Days passed after your harsh interaction with Loki, he had not been attending to family dinner, and stayed in his room longer and longer each day that passed. You remembered he had been for you when you were having rough times, so you figured out you would try and be there for him.
As you arrived in front of Loki’s door you felt really nervous, honestly you didn’t know how he would react, or how he would treat you. Standing there it was almost as if coldness irradiated from inside his room; you knocked three times.
He opened the door slightly without letting you see inside of his room. His face was pale as usual, but his green eyes were teary, red, swollen. He looked like he had been crying for a while, his clothes were dirty, his hands were red and bruised. “What?” he said looking at you almost as if he was disgusted.
“I just wanted to check on you, how are you?” you asked worried, already feeling that going there was a mistake.
“Check on me?” he chuckled. “As if I need to be checked on, better go check on your boyfriend, the king-to-be one, make sure he is handsome and ready for his throne and his queen.” he said choking back more tears that threatened to scape, and started closing the door.
“Boyfriend? queen? …w-what the hell are you talking about now?” you asked genuinely confused. He looked at you for a second with the same disgusted and sad expression. “Please just leave me alone would you? you aren’t even supposed to be here in Asgard, go back to Midgard or get out of my face.” He said before turning back and closing the door.
Well that went bad, you thought. He was prone to saying hurtful things, but he had never hurt you in that way. More important, what the hell was he talking about a boyfriend? is it that he thinks you and Thor are dating or something like that? You thought while walking to your room.
When you were finally inside your room, seating on your bed, his words finally hit you as if you just heard them, “you aren’t even supposed to be here in Asgard, go back to Midgard or get out of my face.”
You fought back your tears in failed attempts. How could he say something like that to you?, it’s not like it was your decision to be there, like you haven’t spend 9 years trying to fit in and to never bother anyone. You had talked with him about that a thousand times on late nights as teenagers, he heard you, you heard him, and he always understood, always made you feel better about it, always said he was grateful the norns brought you home, he said your presence made him happy. So why? how? what made him change his opinion about you so drastically, what turned him so… cold?
You thought about it for a long time while you took a bath and prepared yourself to sleep. That night, for the first time, you were planning on skipping dinner, you were not hungry, and not in the mood to face anyone and fake a smile. So you put on the silk night dress you usually slept in and laid on bed. You were almost falling sleep when you heard a knock on your door.
At first you thought maybe Thor came looking for you upon seeing you missed dinner for the first time and he was worried. Then you had the sudden hope it could be Loki coming to apologize for what he said.
“Yes?” you asked loudly. “My lady, we were told to escort you to the main hall, there is a meeting being held with All-father and your presence is required.” A royal guard said from behind your chamber’s door. “Oh, ok I will be ready shortly, thank you.” You said, still in your bed. What kind of meeting is it being held that requires my presence? Could it be news from my mother? or my father?
Your face lightened up at that thought, you got ready fast with a modest but beautiful green dress, your favorite color. You let your hair loose, and brushed it a little bit before going out. The guard was still waiting behind your door, he greeted you with a bow and started leading you to the main hall.
You didn’t really visited the main hall often. Actually you had only been there 2 or 3 times after your arrival, after you lost your parents. It was still tall, still golden, as everything in Asgard.
Your heart was beating faster and faster, you had already made high expectations of what the meeting could be about, you were afraid to be disappointed, because part of you knew you would be. When you got to the center of the hall in front of the throne you were standing alone, staring to the set of stairs, staring at the blue judging eye of the old man, exactly as that day.
Now you knew what to do. “All-father” you greeted with a curtsey. Odin sat in silence for a few seconds before standing up and clearing his throat. “It was here where I first met you, do you remember?” he started saying.
“Yes, I remember, all-father.” you answered plainly as you scanned the people around him. Frigga as beautiful and solemn as she always was, gave you encouraging looks, as if something was going to happen. Thor stood on his formal attire, with red cape and armor, he held mjolnir on his right hand, and smiled a little when he met your gaze; you smiled back. Loki stood there like the first time you saw him in that set of golden stairs, a kid, looking to the floor, now a man, far too bitter to look at you. He too had formal attire, although his frame was smaller than Thor’s, he had a deep green cape, and armor with gold details. On his head he wore a horned crown made of gold, that made him appear taller, made him seem dangerous.
Odin continued talking. “As you must know, Thor is in line to ascent to the throne.” he said looking briefly at Thor. He paused and gave Frigga a short look. “And as a prince ascends to the throne to become king, he must do so with a partner, a queen.” he said looking directly at your eyes.