Rtc Nischa/Perfectdolls/Spacedolls one shots!!! [On permanent hiatus]

The sound of his father's voice rang through Noel's ears. 

"what the fuck is wrong with you! You can't be no son of mine, I mean, you paint your nails for God sake! I'm not being a father to no fairy!" He yelled, 12 year old Noel sat on his bed, covering his ears as tears fell violently from his eyes. 

"Leave him alone James! That is your son, you will respect him!" His mother would yell, to which she got an slap to the face. The room went so silent you could hear a pin drop, you could feel the slap reverberate around the room. 

"Leanne, I'm so-" his father begged, Noel was now crying harder. This was his fault. All of this was because of him. He tried to like girls, he really did, he just couldn't. He really couldn't. 

"I don't want to hear it James" her mother angrily said, storming out of the room.

"This is all your fucking fault, you know that right?" Noel's father said, pointing at his son, before leaving and slamming the door behind him. Leaving Noel on his bed, sobbing, with no one to console him. 

Thats one of the few events that led to Noel's father leaving. He knew that his father was a terrible person, every day, he fears himself turning into his father. He and Mischa had a petty argument, that's all! 

It was about what movie to watch, then it somehow led to never listening to each other? Noel recounted the argument, being confused at every step. Hearing his fathers voice in his own. 

"you just don't get it do you?!"

"Listen for once!"

Noel shivered at the revelation. Obviously he wasn't like his father. He was never physically violent, he wasn't manipulative, he wasn't actually screaming. Just some petty remarks. He really didn't mean to upset Mischa. It didn't help when Mischa left the house exclaiming "I'll come back when you've calmed down because I do not think you are ok poet".

Noel rummaged around his bed for his phone. When he found it, he immediately went to Mischa's contact. 

Mischa 🩷

Noel: I'm so fucking sorry

Noel: I get you don't need to accept it. But I just want you to know I've calmed down now and I'm sorry. 

read, 22:17 pm

Noel was scared, what if Mischa left him? He couldn't deal with someone he loved leaving him again. 

Noel was 13, he sat on the couch as his parents argued behind him in the kitchen. His father walked up to the door, suitcase in hand. 

"I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU OR THAT FAIRY'S FACE EVER AGAIN" James yelled, Noel could feel the tears in his eyes. 

"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT JAMES, I WAS THE ONE WHO FOUND YOU CHEATING, GO LIVE WITH HER, I DON'T CARE!" his mother yelled back. Noel now realised was was going on. Maybe his father would be gone for good now? However, this horrible man was still his father. He treated him well for the first 9 years of his life, he had good memories with him, movie days, going to the park, ice cream, running to him after school to tell him about his day.

We watched his father leave and slam the door behind him. That's it. He was gone. His mother dropped to the floor in sobs. He was still (technically) her husband, he was father to her child. He was there for most years. And it scared Noel. 

It took years for Noel to be able to not worry about his father coming back. He worried about his mother doing the same thing, his friends. He always needed to be around someone he loved, in fear they would slip away. He didn't want to go home and find his mother not there. He didn't want to call his friends and for them to not pick up. 

and he certainly didn't want to go to kiss his boyfriend and get rejected. He feared that the last time Mischa left his house, he wouldn't come back. He needs Mischa there with him, his mother is on a work trip and won't be back for another 3 days! That's when he saw the other notification on his phone. 

Mischa 🩷

Mischa: is ok poet. 

Noel: are we still mad at each other or can you come over again

Noel: like please. 

Mischa: of course poet, what is going on? 

Noel: I'll tell you when you get here, I'm in my room. 

read: 22:31 pm

Noel was thankful at Mischa coming back. That's when he felt his breath starting to pick up. Mischa was coming over, it will all be ok when he comes over, why was he acting like this? Why can't he breathe? 

He remembered the nights he would long for his father to come back. His stupid mind would override the bad memories with good ones, from when he was younger. Not from when he was older and came out to his parents, when he was happy. He remembers climbing into his mother's bed at the ripe age of 15 in fear she won't be there anymore, that she'll walk out on him too. That he'll be left on his own. 

Mischa walking out made him panic, but he calmed down and he was coming over, why was he acting like this? 

His breath picked up as his chest went up and down, rapidly and involuntarily. He felt the tears fall from his eyes to his quilt below. He felt the absence of control in his body as he sobbed and sobbed. This was a panic attack, and a bad one at that. He sat on his bed, unable to breathe, he tried to drink to drink water but that just made him joking, making his breathing speed up more. 

That's when his bedroom door swung open. 

"любов? love?" Mischa asked as he saw the state of his boyfriend. He walked over as quick as he could and pulled Noel into a loose embrace, giving him opportunity to breathe. 

"My poet please breathe with me" Mischa asked, and Noel did as he said, they stayed like that for a while, just breathing slowly until Noel's incoherent sobs turned somewhat cohesive. 

"I'm so sorry Misch" Noel sobbed, making the embrace tighter. 

"Is ok! Was stupid argument anyway, we were both wrong, I just wanted you to calm down" Mischa comforted, squeezing Noel ever so tightly. 

"No, about the panic attack" Noel sobbed, Mischa's grey t-shirt now having a dark stain on his shoulder. 

"I do not care Poet, what happened if you do not mind telling?" Mischa asked. 

"Well, it's something stupid really. Obviously you know how much of a dead beat my dad was, and I'm not saying you're like him! I have some sort of anxiety around people leaving me since he left, it's why I'm so close with my mother, its separation anxiety. And when you left I was afraid that you would never come back" Noel sobbed, practically all in one breath. 

"Thank you for telling me poet. You know I would never leave you right? Especially not like piece of shit father did, I love you too much" Mischa said, giving Noel a comforting hug. 

They stayed like that for a while. Just enjoying the presence of each other. In fact, they don't even remember but they fell asleep like that. Just wrapped up in each others arms. Noel was so happy to open up to Mischa. He's glad he's his boyfriend.