Very Hot Water
“So if, Melina works for the Red Room now, and three enemies of the Red Room and a former SHIELD agent are showing up to her doorstep unannounced should we be concerned about that?” Maria asked as she drove closer to Melina’s residence.
“No, she’s our mother.” Yelena said like she had no worry about it at all.
“Uh, but…” Maria started.
“You can’t change the plan now we’re almost there.” Alexei said dismissing Maria’s concern.
“That’s not a reason to not change the plan.” Maria countered quickly.
“Yes it is.” He waved off.
Maria pulled the car over on the side of the wooded road and she turned and glared at Natasha.
“What?” Natasha asked like an annoyed teenager.
“This is not like the best idea we ever had.” Maria said to Natasha and with a wide eyed look.
“She’s the only person I know who might even have an idea of where the Red Room is.” Natasha shrugged.
“We’re almost there, keep going.” Alexei encouraged impatiently.
“We need a real plan.” Maria spoke over Alexei.
“Maria, can you just be adaptable?” Natasha whined impatiently.
“I am always adaptable! But I can’t be adaptable if we have no plan to adapt from.” Maria shot back at Natasha
“Who is Maria?” Alexei blurted out unable to use context clues which Maria and Natasha ignored.
“The plan is that Melina tells me where the Red Room is…. Willingly or not willingly….” Natasha shrugged, easy as pie, what was Maria’s problem. Maria paused hearing that garbage of a plan.
“So you’ll go in on your own and we’ll hang back?” Maria asked.
“I want to see my mom.” Yelena grumbled.
‘Maria?’ Alexei mouthed and pointed at Maria but looked at Yelena and Yelena nodded to confirm that is who Maria was as if it wasn’t obvious.
“Maria, I would also like to see Melina.” Alexei added in.
“What you guys want isn’t really the problem, this issue is whether she wants to see you or wants to turn you in.” Maria glared at Alexei.
“She would never!” Alexei practically cried and Maria groaned. “Keep driving!” Alexei yelled and Maria rolled here eyes at him.
“Tell your assistant to keep driving.” Alexei said to Natasha and Natasha pressed her lips together and raised her brows as she looked at Maria and tried hard not to laugh, Maria also raised her brows at Natasha but she did not look humored by that comment the way Natasha did.
“I mean, he is right though, like c’mon, vroom vroom.” Natasha half joked to Maria and Maria didn’t move.
“Imagine all the information you could get your hands on, get back to Fury if you only had access to someone with Dreykov’s technology, data, research, information… wow, you could have a field day with that if you somehow happened to be near it.” Natasha’s eyes darted to Maria’s watch, which was a different watch than she had been wearing before she teamed up with Fury’s agents briefly a few days ago. Natasha recognized the SHIELD technology she had had around her wrist to swipe and infiltrate network and systems. Clearly Maria was planning to do something with some information at some time and had yet to fill Natasha in about it.
Maria narrowed her eyes at Natasha. “Yeah, imagine.” Maria muttered to Natasha.
“Can we go please?!” Alexei growled.
“What is your problem?” Maria scolded.
“I have to pee.” He admitted squirming in his seat.
“We’re pulled over! Get out of the car and go!” Yelena yelled at him.
“In the woods?” He asked making a face.
“Yes, in the woods.” Natasha cut in astonished he was afraid of a little outdoor relief.
“There’s bugs in there.”
All three of the women in the car were quiet for a moment.
“BUGS?” Natasha finally asked. “Captain America’s number one adversary is afraid of bugs?” She grimaced.
“I’ll make sure he knows.” Maria muttered.
“You were in Siberian prison for years and you’re afraid of bugs?” Yelena said astounded.
“It’s too cold for bugs there.” He shrugged.
“That cannot be true.” Maria made a face.
“Can you please keep driving?” He whined and Maria stared at him.
“There is no woman in the world who wants her ex-husband to show up unannounced and uninvited to use her bathroom.” Maria glared at Alexei and then looked back at Natasha and the two rolled their eyes at Alexei.
Alexei frowned then he pointed at Maria.
“Woman, go!” He ordered as he pointed his finger at her and Yelena, Maria, and Natasha all tilted their heads at him narrowing their eyes.
“Can we not do that anymore?” Alexei asked with surprise his stern look fading into surprise.
“You couldn’t do it ever…” Maria huffed and she turned her attention back to Natasha.
“Are you sure about this?” Maria asked again.
“Yeah, it will.. it will be okay…” Natasha said not convincing anyone. “When have I ever steered you wrong?” Natasha asked with a shrug.
“When you made us break our father out of prison and he didn’t know anything…” Yelena quickly shot back.
“But, was I really wrong? Because he knows where Melina is.” Natasha clarified trying to justify her earlier actions.
“See, I am useful!” Alexei announced.
“Is it just like so hard for you not to talk?” Maria looked at Alexei quickly and he pursed his lips together and tilted his head.
“I am the father of your boss, which makes me your boss’s boss. So you should talk to me nicer.” Alexei huffed and Maria pressed her lips together and raised a brow at him and then he realized Yelena, and Natasha did the same thing.
“Is that also not right?!” He sighed crossing his arms and hanging his head down.
“That’s never been right!!” They all yelled at him.
He grunted.
“I know things, I know about the world.” He muttered to himself.
And finally Maria started driving toward where Alexei had indicated. As they pulled in close by to the remote farm house where Melina was working, Maria pulled over to the side of the road so they would walk toward the house and be less alarming. Alexei and Yelena got out of the car. Maria sighed.
“Do you want me to wait here?” Maria asked.
“Are you afraid of finally meeting my parents?” Natasha raised a brow and Maria rolled her eyes.
“Well, yeah, I didn’t bring a gift.” Maria snarked and Natasha and her exchanged smarmy glances before they got out of the car.
The group of them walked toward the farm house. Yelena walked with Alexei and Natasha and Maria walked together. As the group approached the farm house Melina looked up at the individuals getting close to her property.
Melina was outside feeding her pigs. She stood there in black pants with tall rubber boots and a red and black plaid button down shirt. Her brown hair was pulled back in a braid with the end of the braid over her shoulder, not unlike the way Natasha wore hers. She dropped the bucket that was in her hand as she saw Alexei, Yelena, and Natasha.
“Meeeliiiiinnaaaaaa!” Alexei cheered as he saw her, still as beautiful as ever. He ran over to her to hug her and she hugged him lightly but then stepped back as he had a rather reek smell.
“Alexei, darling, cologne is supposed to make you smell better, not worse.”
He sniffed himself.
“Oh, yeah, sorry about that.” He made a face. “You smell…” he paused as he sniffed her. “… like farm…” he also looked displeased and then Melina sniffed herself.
“Well, I am on a farm…”
“I was in prison… so I smell like prison.” Alexei explained and then Melina hit his stomach with the back of her hand.
“Is this why you have gotten so fat?” She asked with judgmental tone.
“I.. yes…” he paused as she said that.
“They don’t have gyms in prison?” She turned her head.
“They don’t have showers on farms?” He turned his head and the two of them grinned at each other.
“Actually, I have a very big shower, with two shower heads.” She smirked at Alexei.
“And hot water!?!?!” He asked more excited than he had been about anything.
“Very hot water.” she smiled again giving him a look and he thought about and then his eyes widened.
“Well, girls, goodbye!” He said as he took Melina in his arm and tried to usher her inside.
“Hold it, hold it.” Natasha broke up their reunion separating them physically and Alexei groaned with loud audible frustration that even made the pigs look up.
“Natasha!” Melina said endearingly and then she looked over to Yelena, “and my dearest, Yelena.” She smiled looking over her fake daughters who grown up so much since she last saw them twenty one years ago. “And….” Melina made a face at this tall brunette woman who accompanied them and she tilted her head. “Forgive me, I don’t remember what mission we were on.”
“That’s Natasha’s assistant.” Alexei filled in Melina.
“Oh, so you brought some random woman to my house because you can’t pick up your own dry cleaning now that you are an Avenger?” Melina looked at Natasha.
“Okay, I don’t feel that bad about not bringing gift anymore.” Maria mumbled to herself.
Natasha made a face and then she moved toward Maria who was standing awkwardly away from their family reunion.
“This assistant bit is just so funny.” Natasha whispered.
“Yeah, I’m really enjoying it.” Maria snarked and Natasha grinned.
“She’s just helping me with some gear… and supplies and stuff.” Natasha shrugged looking at Melina.
“Well c’mon, assistant, no need to wallow in wilderness, follow us inside.” Melina said sighing to herself as she welcomed all four them into her home.
Inside Melina’s meticulous farm home, sunlight filtered in through her wide windows, the home had a dark wood theme and it was decorated with lots of gold and red items. Alexei ran to find the bathroom finally. Natasha, Maria, and Yelena were instructed to sit down at the table in a tone by Melina which made none of them refuse her request because she was a bit scary.
Maria was sitting next to Natasha and they were both sitting across from Yelena.
“I think I would be more comfortable in the car.” Maria whispered to Natasha.
“Sit down and shut up.” Natasha glared at Maria.
“I just feel very out of place in this moment.” Maria muttered.
“You look it too.” Yelena added in.
“I’d rather be dress shopping.” Maria groaned.
Melina came back to the table with food and set down plates in front of the girls and two more for her and Alexei.
“You girls must be starving.” Melina said and Maria looked at Natasha like there was a 50/50 chance that food was poisoned and Natasha shook her head no.
“She wouldn’t have had time, she didn’t know we were coming.” Natasha whispered.
“You don’t think she keeps poisoned food on the ready just in case?” Maria whispered right back.
“What are we whispering about?” Yelena whispered loudly across the table.
“IT STILL FITS!” Alexei hollered as slid on his feet into the dining room in his Red Guardian outfit. He sounded as happy as ever. His belly was protruding out of the suit in a very noticeable way.
“Almost.” Melina said as she tapped his stomach again. “But I never washed it, not even once, just for you.” Melina said romantically and the three women at the table cringed a bit.
“You, you just get more attractive with age, which I did not think was possible.” Alexei sort of complimented and Melina smiled and Yelena, Natasha, and Maria all made a face because that was not a compliment.
Alexei saw the faces of the girls at the table.
“Was that not good?” He asked tilting his head looking at the women who were teaching him so much about the modern age.
Maria shook her head no but Yelena and Natasha just rolled their eyes.
Alexei and Melina sat down at the table to help themselves to eat, Melina opened a bottle of Vodka which Natasha and Yelena reached for at the same time. Cause they needed it.
“To our family-ish reunion!” Alexei said raising a glass but no one joined him.
“I mean, considering our family was just a fake ruse for three years twenty one years ago, I don’t think we can really use the term family anymore.”
“Agreed, so here’s what…” Natasha said leaning across the table but Alexei cut her off.
“We were the best fake family this country as ever known!” Alexei cheered. “But you are right, we are coworkers, reunified, and I just want to say this…” Alexei said turning to Melina, admiring her deeply, she was so beautiful.
“What to meant to say before, is that you have not aged a day. You are as beautiful as ever as when I fake married you.” Alexei said grinning at Melina and Melina paused and Natasha and Yelena groaned loudly and Maria looked at the floor noticeably uncomfortable.
“I know I made those jokes before, but you… still good.” Melina flirted back.
“I just got out of prison and I… i have a lot of energy..”
Maria groaned to herself.
“Please let me wait in the car.” Maria whispered to Natasha and Natasha grabbed her arm under the table.
“Please do not do that!” Natasha yelled at the two of them.
“Bleck.” Yelena said taking a zip of vodka.
“Okay, so here’s what’s going to happen.” Natasha started again and leaned over the table.
“Natasha don’t slouch. You will get a hunch back.” Melina said observing Natasha’s posture and cutting her off.
“I am not slouching.” Natasha sat up right.
“Yes, you were…” Melina pointed out.
“I don’t slouch…” Natasha looked at Maria to back her up.
“I mean, you were a little.” Maria admitted quietly and Natasha sighed loudly.
“Do you want to be a hunch back? You are such a pretty girl now, especially with your non blue hair. You finally grew into yourself. Not awkward girl anymore.” Melina said critically in a motherly fashion.
“Listen to your mother.” Alexei said, tapping Natasha on the arm and her jaw dropped, “back up, shoulders back, head up, proud to be Russian!” Alexei said and then modeled it for her.
“Yelena, are you going to eat something? You are so skinny, child, so skinny.” Melina said pouring food on her plate like she was kid.
Yelena just made a face at her and took a drink instead.
“Okay, okay, I mean, your fake mother of three years is still going to mother a bit, you know?” Melina rubbed Yelena’s arm lovingly and Yelena just looked down and sighed loudly.
“ENOUGH! All of you!!” Natasha yelled at all of them.
“What.. I didn’t say anything….” Yelena looked offended and Natasha squinted at her looking annoyed. “That’s not fair I was just sitting here.” Yelena glared at Natasha.
“Oh.. my god!” Natasha threw her hands on the table. “Here is what is going to happen, you are going to tell me the location of the Red Room, right now.” Natasha pointed at Melina intensely and everyone in the room did feel a bit of a chill from the stern scary tone Natasha used. Everyone was quiet and then Melina made a face like there was no chance that was going to happen.
“The location of the Red Room?” Melina asked like that was a big ask.
“Do not make me repeat myself.” Natasha glared at her.
“Natasha, when you and Yelena were little girls, Alexei would tell you that you could catch and kill Santa Claus. And you two would wait all night for him to come down the chimney, ready for him.”
“I was just helping them, I wanted them to follow their dreams and encourage patience.” Alexei defended. “Also, I thought it was funny.” He mumbled to himself.
“The relevance of this being?” Natasha rolled her eyes to herself.
“It’s impossible, fantasy.” Melina gestured to the windows for some reason.
“It’s not fantasy, it’s unfinished business.” Natasha said in her stern voice.
Melina just shook her head no.
“Natasha, it is not possible. You cannot do it.”
“You can do anything Natasha!” Alexei encouraged.
“I mean, it is not physically possible, you never saw the end result of what we started in America, you cannot defeat someone who controls the will of others.”
Maria made a face to herself because that logic did not seem to carry through but she was just going to be a silent fly on the wall here.
Natasha made the same face as Maria but she was much more noticeable.
“Let me show you.” Melina got up from the table.
“Natasha, just focus, focus, focus, and you can achieve!” He whispered to her and Yelena and Natasha sighed so loudly. Melina returned with a tablet and Maria’s interest did perk up.
Melina played on her tablet for a moment.
“Come in.” Melina said to no one and suddenly the door opened and a pig pig with black spots walked in confidently he came right over to Melina.
“Did .. did the pig just open the door?” Natasha muttered with a sigh.
“Alexei sit.” Melina smiled.
“You named… you named the pig Alexei?” Alexei looked the pig up and down and then at Melina.
“Can’t you see the resemblance?” She grinned and he made a face.
“See he sits just like a dog!” Melina said proudly.
“Pigs are very smart animals, you can train them much easier than dogs…their intelligence is akin to that a three year old human…” Maria muttered and they all looked at her, Melina and Alexei actually forgot she was there.
“Sorry, she does that, no one knows why…” Natasha mumbled and she slowly turned her head to glare at Maria to get her to shut up.
“Well, he wasn’t trained the way you train a dog.” Melina returned to her tablet.
“How was he trained then?” Yelena asked.
“He.. well he wasn’t…really trained….”
“Alexei, stop breathing.” Melina ordered and the pig stopped breathing but remained seated and looked happy and not bothered by this instruction.
“Hydra dissected and deconstructed the human brain to create the first and only cellular blueprint of the basal ganglia—the hub for cognition. Voluntary motor movement, procedural learning. We didn’t steal weaponry or technology from that fake SHIELD institute. We stole the key to unlocking free will. The science is so exact that a subject can be told to stop breathing and will be forced to obey.”
Alexei the pig groaned and struggled and then fell over.
“What are you doing?!” Natasha yelled and Maria got up and she grabbed the tablet from Melina and undid the stop breathing command on the pig by pushing the button.
Alexei the pig woke up.
“Hey that’s mine!” Melina growled and Maria stared at her as she stood up from the table face to face with Maria.
“You can have it back when you can use it appropriately.” Maria snarked holding it out of her reach and Yelena, Natasha and Alexei looked at the exchange wide eyed. Maria swiped her wrist over the tablet and her watch took all the data and access to the tablet and sent it to her phone.
“He had 11 seconds left, he was fine! He’s my favorite pig I would not kill him.” Melina rolled her eyes and Maria looked disgusted. “I have gone through the Red Room half a dozen times, assistant, so do not touch my things again.” Melina reached for her tablet and Maria let her take it.
“Yeah? And how did it feel when the Red Room cut off your right to breathe with seconds left before you die?” Maria fired back at her.
Maria and Melina glared at each other.
“I know who you are.” Melina said under her breath and made a sour face at Maria. “And I don’t think Dreykov wants Fury’s lackey sniffing around his business. You should not be here. And you should lose the attitude. It’s not like SHIELD oh wait, I mean HYDRA… wasn’t going to do the same thing, we just got it first. In fact, if anything, we stopped Hydra from using it, you should thank us, really.” Melina grumbled at Maria.
“The nazis did it so why shouldn’t we? Is that really your excuse?” Maria looked at Melina wide eyed.
“You mean the cornerstone of American defense policy that you work so hard for?” Melina shot back at Maria and the two again exchanged a tense glance . Maria looked at Natasha like she needed to leave, and then she walked toward the door and then opened it and she and Alexei the pig went outside and Maria slammed the door shut.
“Your friend is very rude.” Melina glared at Natasha.
“Yeah, she gets that way when you torture living things in front of her.” Natasha rolled off sarcastically like what Maria did was rude and not what Melina was doing was terrible.
“Ugh, that sounds annoying.” Alexei mumbled to himself.
“She needs to leave.” Melina said in urgent anger.
“I think she just did…” Alexei pointed out.
“Why did you bring her here?”
“She has the car.” Yelena snickered.
“I don’t have many friends right now, she’s helping me.” Natasha defended her choice.
“It’s dangerous, Dreykov has chemically subjugated agents all over the world. What if he gets his hands on you or your friends?” Melina asked.
“Who did he test it on?” Yelena asked looking at Melina suspiciously.
“With test … subjects….” Melina said quietly.
And Yelena looked angry.
“What test subjects?” Yelena asked with an intense glare at Melina and Natasha sighed loudly.
“I don’t know.” Melina lied.
“Don’t lie to her.” Alexei said
“I am not lying!” Melina defended herself.
“You’re Dreykov’s architect, huh?” Alexei scowled at her.
“Architect!!!? Me? No, no, no…” Melina shook her head. “You are his partner!” She yelled at him.
Natasha and Yelena just watched as the fake family broke down even further.