Hobbies
As Natasha’s panic and devastation over took her she gasped for breath and shot herself upward waking up in a cold sweat, her body was drenched, her skin pale from the shock. She was stunned to see the darkness around her and it took her a moment to take in that she was still at the safe house, she had fallen asleep. It was just a dream.
“Natasha?” Maria said with a sleepy voice as the jolt of Natasha moving woke her up.
Natasha took gasping breaths as her eyes watered and she looked at the partially sleeping Maria next to her.
“Nat?” Maria said again. “Are you okay?” Maria started to really wake up as she heard the panicked shallow breaths of Natasha as she recovered from her nightmare. Maria started to sit up and as Natasha realized Maria was waking up she bolted out of bed and ran into the bathroom shutting the door behind her. Maria looked at her watch and saw it was around 3:32 AM, she could tell Natasha was startled by something in her sleep, this was probably the first time Maria ever saw Natasha wake up from a nightmare. Natasha had seen Maria do this a few times when she was going through her stalker ordeal a few years ago.
Maria got up out of bed, and she groggily knocked on the bathroom door.
“Natasha?” Maria asked. “Are you alright?”
Natasha didn’t say anything as she ran water from the faucet and then splashed cold water on her face.
“I’m fine!” She said a bit delayed.
“Nat? Whatever it is, it’s okay, it’s just a dream.” Maria tried to help.
It wasn’t just a dream Natasha thought to herself.
“I’m fine, I have… food poisoning.” Natasha lied unconvincingly.
“You didn’t eat anything.” Maria said through the door.
“I have lack of food…. poisoning.” Natasha mumbled and Yelena came up to the door hearing the rush of Natasha running and the door slam it woke her up.
“What happened?” Yelena asked rubbing her eyes awake.
“She doesn’t have food poisoning.” Maria answered.
“So what’s that smell?” Yelena asked and Maria smelled herself non discretely wondering if she needed some deodorant and Yelena snickered because she was kidding.“I was joking. I love that you checked though.”
“Can you two please leave.” Natasha growled in a stern and serious tone as she heard them from behind the door. Maria and Yelena looked at each other and then they both left to give Natasha some privacy.
Natasha splashed water on her face to cool off and she looked at her face in the mirror for a moment. As she recalled her dream, she didn’t understand why she didn’t realize it was a dream, the things Maria was saying she would never say. It didn’t make sense first Maria, Maria’s look changed so drastically, they left Yelena behind without saying anything, the red blood on the floor. There were so many clues that she was dreaming and she couldn’t get herself out of it. She recalled Maria saying that she was sorry for betraying her then she was acting like of course she would do betray her. Clint held an arrow at her, Ross showed up in Russia for god sake!
As she thought about the events of her nightmare of course it was all just a stupid dream, but she felt that panic attack, every sharp breath, the pounding in her ears. The guilt of Budapest and learning Dreykov was alive and betraying Tony were all weighing on Natasha. Just because Dreykov was alive though, doesn’t mean his daughter survived, how could she? Natasha saw that building go down and even if she did live it didn’t change the fact of Natasha’s intent, or the decision she made that was the problem. That’s what weighed on her so deeply, just like Maria said in her nightmare ‘she wasn’t being controlled by Dreykov when she did it, she did it herself with her own mind.’ She could hear Ross’s voice saying she was ‘unsalvageable’ echoing in her mind, like she was some broken rotting car form a junkyard and Maria reminding her just like Loki, she couldn’t ‘erase red with red.’
—————————-
Earlier that day….
Maria stared at the two men who cornered her and she wondered what her real options were. She really couldn’t cause a scene here and risk being caught, but she definitely didn’t want to go with them, either. How did she even know they were really working for Ross? Ross told Fury he called off his men, she saw it on the phone, still Maria knew Ross was not beyond playing dirty, but she didn’t think she’d be collateral damage for Fury—well if she wasn’t helping Natasha she wouldn’t be but she could see why she fell into his end view if he was suspicious of them. Of course Ross wasn’t wrong, it was Fury and Maria who trying to get him off their backs because Maria was up to something. Maria was thinking, attacking federal agents .. bad, going with them… also bad.
The officer who came after her from above grabbed her upper arm and Maria pulled it away quickly. There was nothing she hated more than a man grabbing a woman that way.
“Don’t touch me.” Maria scolded coldly in sharp enough tone that he almost felt like she cut his skin.
“Alright, chill feminazi.” He rolled his eyes “or are you a regular Hydra nazi? We never really figured that out with the fall of SHIELD, I don’t think the Russians aren’t too keen on those either…”
“Is there any man on the planet who doesn’t love the sound of his own voice?” Maria groaned to herself as the two men escorted her down the remains stairwell into the parking garage. As Maria walked with them, the obnoxious officer suddenly started to fall over to the side, shocking Maria, she jumped forward and the quiet officer quickly grabbed the falling man so he didn’t hit the ground hard and then laid him on the ground in the corner of the hall.
“What the hell?” Maria asked whipping her hand on her gun and the quiet agent held out a small device that Maria recognized, it knocked someone out for a few minutes and they never even felt it the injection.
“Not bad huh?” The quiet agent asked revealing himself as Gravik, another skrull. Gravik had been working with Fury since he was a teenager, Varra introduced them and he remained close with Varra, but no so much with Fury, despite Gravik’s repeated attempts to please him and get his attention. Gravik did a great deal work of Fury and Fury thought of it more of a transactional arrangement than any kind of mentor/mentee relationship like Gravik so deeply desired as skrull orphaned as a teenager. Fury put him to work like he did the other skrulls. Fury always felt something wasn’t quite right with Gravik, he worked hard but he wasn’t exceptionally skilled or anything. Fury could count on him, and he did but still their relationship always lacked the chemistry and report that Fury had with Maria. This made Gravik always have a twinge of jealousy and a great deal of unpleasantness when he worked with Maria. Maria just thought it was because he was an asshole, and she never considered him a rival or competitor, but more like a nuisance. Gravik always felt a vibe from Maria, too, like she thought she was better than him and that he was unthreatening.
“Gravik!?” Maria asked in shock.
“You’d think for SHIELD trained spy you’d have come up with something by now.” Gravik snickered, he had been working with Ebo, when Varra called telling Ebo to help Maria. Gravik and Ebo took the message as to help Maria any way they could. Gravik was eager to take the opportunity to one up Hill, right in front of her face.
“I had a plan.” Maria shot back.
“What? Stab him with your car keys in your fist?” He scoffed.
Maria glared at Gravik unamused.
“Should I wake him back up so you could try it?” Gravik asked smugly with a laugh and Maria rolled her eyes.
“No.” She answered.
“Anything else you want to say to me?” Gravik huffed waiting for his thank you.
“No.” Maria repeated raising her brows at Gravik.
“Fine, save yourself next time, then, Hill.” He growled.
“I will.”
Maria and Gravik exchanged a tense glare. Maria didn’t really have a problem with Gravik, but he often had a problem with her which stemmed from his underlying jealousy of her relationship with Fury, one that he felt strongly that he should have and she was in the way. Maria sighed as the gave each other rough looks.
“Thank you.” Maria finally said knowing she should thank him for his help despite his obnoxiousness.
“Where would you and Fury be if skrulls weren’t always here to save you?” Gravik mocked and gloated at the same time and Maria looked at him with narrowed gaze. Gravik smirked because he could tell she wanted to make some witty retort that would have been pretty distasteful considering all the skrulls had done. Maria would never disparage the skrulls she knew, they had all been kind to her, helpful to her often, and because of her relationship with Fury and Varra/Priscilla trusted her too. Really, the only one she didn’t care for was Gravik, and that was just because of his attitude, and she’d worked with some wildly distasteful egos and personalities before.
“Thank goodness for the skrulls, then.” Maria practically mumbled and Gravik boxed her in to prevent her from leaving cornering for a moment and Maria looked displeased.
“Remember that.” Gravik demanded pointing at her rather aggressively and Maria moved a bit backward. He then calmed himself and stepped out of the way to let her pass. “C’mon, go before he wakes up.” He waved her off dismissing her like kid.
“Where’s the guy you’re pretending to be?” Maria asked looking at him inquisitively.
“In the elevator..” Gravik gave a little smirk and Maria grimaced. “He’s fine.” Gravik rolled his eyes at her and Maria continued onward to the parking garage to find the car.
As she left quickly, she thought about how Gravik was right about what he said, skrulls always came through for Fury and his friends, hopefully one day Fury and his friends would come through for them.
—————————
Back to present…
After Natasha yelled at Yelena and Maria to leave the doorway of the bathroom the two of them retreated to the living room to give Natasha some space. They both sat on the outdated gray couch that had a faded checkered pattern on it. Maria pulled her legs up and sat on them. Yelena slouched down leaning into the corner of the couch and the two women just looked at each other not sure what to say.
Yelena looked away from Maria and then she looked back at her like she was going to say something. Maria looked at Yelena waiting for her to speak and then Yelena yawned loudly and sighed.
Maria then turned her attention to some of the motel style art on the walls, it was so generic looking, it had no character or anything at all. Maria turned her attention back to Yelena and realized Yelena was staring at her. Maria tilted her head and leaned it against the wall above the back of the couch, she gave Yelena a questionable look about the stare.
“You have a very protruding jawline.” Yelena observed factually and Maria tilted her head to the other side now, sucking her lips inward and pressing them against each other and she heard Yelena’s observation.
“Thanks?” Maria questioned unsure of whether that was a good thing or not.
“You could practically use it as a weapon.” Yelena added with a nod like she liked it.
“Wouldn’t I break my jaw?”
Yelena paused and the slowly nodded her head in agreement, “Mmm, yeah, yeah.” She agreed and Maria and Yelena again looked at each other silently and awkwardly.
“I said something.” Yelena spoke again and Maria looked at her curiously.
“Yes…you made an observation….” Maria agreed awkwardly.
“Which is saying something…. so… now you say something….” Yelena gestured to Maria trying to demonstrate how conversations work.
“Oh.” Maria realized that Yelena was instructed her to chat, which only made it more awkward for Maria. “Uhm… what did you do today?” Maria asked.
“Got here.” Yelena answered vaguely.
The two were quiet again.
“Did anything weird happen?” Maria asked wondering about Natasha now.
“No.” Yelena was now being short and they again stopped talking for a few moments.
“Do you have any hobbies?” Yelena asked Maria out of nowhere.
“It doesn’t feel like it….” Maria admitted with a little laugh.
“I want a hobby.” Yelena declared and Maria nodded supportively.
“You should get one.”
“I don’t know what I like.”
“What do you like?” Maria asked immediately after Yelena said that and the two again looked at each other awkwardly and Maria realized what she said.
“If you don’t know what you like then you really have unlimited options to try everything…” Maria tried to spin it in a more positive light.
“Actually, I think that’s more of the problem, there’s too many options.”
“Oh..”
“That’s why I was wondering if you had a hobby, because then I was thinking I could try it and knock one off the list.”
“Oh, hmm, I read a lot.”
“Eh.”
“Sometimes I do the crossword puzzle.” Maria tried again.
“Blech.” Yelena groaned.
“I like organizing things…”
“For fun!?” Yelena blurted out.
“Wow, I sound really lame.” Maria nodded, Yelena was right.
“What do you do for fun?”
“Go running.”
“No, fun, like haha happy, good times, fun…. You know… fun!” Yelena repeated liked she wasn’t speaking English.
“Honestly? My job gets so crazy my favorite thing to do is chill out with friends, eat take out, watch a movie and just relax. You see the world almost come to an end three times, it’s like calmness is my hobby, it is relaxing, it is fun for me.” Maria admitted she knows it sounded dumb and lame but as Yelena heard that explanation she nodded.
“That makes more sense.” Yelena agreed, she understood Maria a little better.
“Did you have any hobbies before you became a … whatever you are.. Avengers associated lady spy person?” Yelena asked and Maria was taken back as she thought about it. She kind of forgot who she was before Fury and she hadn’t really thought about back then in quite some time.
“Yeah, uh, when I was in high school I was really into rock climbing, I used to do climbing competitions and stuff.”
Yelena tilted her head at that.
“And climbing rocks is … fun… ?” She made a face.
“Yeah, actually, it changes your brain, it makes you like quick and adaptable and able to think critically and strategically in high pressure situations often while you’re not very comfortable.”
“Wow.. sounds … fun…”
Maria laughed at her reaction.
“That’s a bad way to explain it, sorry.”
“So it’s like uhm a puzzle that if you do wrong you die?” Yelena asked a bit more intrigued and Maria made a face at that.
“I guess if … you were doing it without support outside on a cliff or something it could be.”
“That sounds a little more fun.” Yelena perked up.
“Did you have any…” Maria started to ask but then stopped herself as she already knew the answer to the question sh was going to ask, Yelena already said she didn’t have any hobbies.
“Are you bad at conversations?” Yelena asked with a smirk.
“Not usually… well maybe I am, I don’t know, no one has ever complained.”
“Not to your face at least.” Yelena smiled and Maria nodded.
“Yeah, not to my face.”
“How do I know what I should try to do?” Yelena asked.
“You don’t. Just try it.”
“But where should I start?”
“Where ever you want.” Maria laughed to herself. It was strange for. Yelena to try and figure out her life. She was not used to being able to think for herself or make a choice about something she wanted to try or do. It was kind of overwhelming to be free and have so much access to things with so much potential.
“What’s something you wish you could do?” Yelena asked.
“Cook.”
“Cook?” Yelena asked stunned.
“Yeah.”
“You can’t cook?!”
“Not very well.”
“What do you eat?”
“Lots of sandwiches. I go out, salads, stuff that is quick.”
“So we’re not going to your house then for any holiday meal?” Yelena grumbled.
“No.” Maria shook her head confidently with a laugh, that would not be a thing.
“Can you cook?” Maria asked and Yelena shook her head no.
“So we’re not going to your house either, huh?” Maria joked and Yelena laughed.
Maria and Yelena then heard Natasha moving in the other room and they both got quiet again.
“You know, the stuff this is bringing up, it’s a lot…” Yelena said very quietly almost as a warning to Maria and Maria nodded.
“I know.”
“You don’t know.” Yelena said with a deep yet not condescending tone.
“I understand that it’s hard and that it’s not something I can even imagine.” Maria had seen and been through lots of things too but it didn’t compare to Natasha and Yelena’s upbringing, she could empathize she could be compassionate but she knew their trauma was their own, unique and complicated, separate from her own.
Yelena looked at Maria, at first when Maria told her her hobbies were reading, the crossword, and some other boring shit Yelena was worried for Natasha, but she was much more dynamic than she let on, maybe it was some kind of cover or protection mechanism, Maria’s explanation that calm things make her happy made sense once Yelena heard the explanation.
“Why did you come?” Yelena asked after a paused.
“To the couch?” Maria asked.
“Here… to Russia?” Yelena clarified.
“To find Natasha.” Maria thought that was clear.
“But… why?”
“I thought she might need help even if she didn’t want it.”
“You knew she didn’t want you to show up?”
“Uhh I had a feeling.” Maria admitted.
“So, you show up even when you’re not wanted?” Yelena asked.
“Yeah, that’s what we do.” Maria shrugged, that really was the pattern with Natasha and Maria.
“Well, what about when you are wanted?” Yelena wondered.
“Oh, we’re generally not available to each other for that.” Maria laughed to herself and Yelena gave a confused look.
“Seems … healthy…” Yelena mumbled quietly to herself, she was starting to doze off again.
“You should go back to bed.” Maria suggested.
“You are not my mother.” Yelena sleepily snapped.
“No, she’s not, but you should go back to bed.” Natasha said from the doorway of the bedroom as she came out into the living area to see the two of them talking.
Maria looked up at Natasha standing in the doorway, she still looked pale like she had seen a ghost, and she looked irritated.
“Are you okay?” Yelena asked.
“I’m fine.” Natasha repeated hostility with tense tone that felt like nails scratching a chalkboard.
“Okay, with that I’m going back to bed.” Yelena jumped up quickly. She did not have it in her to sit through another Maria/Nat flirt fight argument or whatever they were about to do. Yelena got up and she headed back to her own room and then she turned quickly to look at Maria.
“Good talk.” She smirked and then walked away and Maria smiled to herself.
As she left Natasha looked unimpressed and Maria just stared at her, neither of them said anything for a few beats.
“Can you go back to bed, so I can go to bed?” Natasha grumbled at Maria.
“Oh, are you waiting for me?” Maria’s head turned curiously and she got up and came toward the doorway. Natasha paused she didn’t move and then she moved after the two women locked eyes. As Maria came in the room, Natasha immediately walked out and went to sleep out the couch.
“What…” Maria looked confused.
“I am going to bed.” Natasha growled as she hoped onto the couch where Maria and. Yelena had been sitting.
“Natasha.” Maria said in a whine and Natasha put her feet up laying down.
“Go to bed, Hill.” Nat sighed
“You don’t even have a pillow or a blanket.”
“I don’t care, go away, go to bed.” Natasha ordered.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Maria knew this was the wrong question to ask but still she felt compelled to ask it, just like Natasha would try to ask her and Maria would avoid it.
“I want to go to bed!” Natasha’s voice was hard and irritated as she turned on her side, her head facing the back of the couch so she wasn’t looking at Maria. Allowing Maria to get close right now was a huge mistake, Natasha knew it, and her stupid miserable dream confirmed it, but Nat was tired, she’d deal with it tomorrow. Tomorrow Natasha would make Maria leave, and then Nat and Yelena would finally get moving on taking down the Red Room. Maria was just wasting Natasha’s time, getting in her way, getting in her head. It’s nice he wanted to help but this was her thing, Maria had her own thing awhile ago and she didn’t let Natasha help… sure Nat forced her way in and made her presence known… but still this was different for reasons Natasha didn’t want to even bother make up, it just was different. Maria would have to accept that and then leave and then Natasha’s head and mind would be clear of worry and concern and she could focus on what she needed to do.