St*rfucker

Before Loki could even comprehend that they were awake, they were running to the bathroom to be sick. They couldn’t remember ever getting into bed, but somehow they had and they were grateful that they hadn’t spent another night passed out on the floor. They once again cursed the fact that their bathroom had a window. The light only made the pounding in their head worse. Then there was the smell. They couldn’t place it but it definitely made being sick easier. 

Before they knew it someone was holding back their hair. They thought Fandral, but then they remembered. They flinched away from the touch out of pure instinct, considering it wasn’t Fandral and they’d been alone all night. 

“Sorry- I just- I heard you were up,” the person said. Tony. “I brought water and painkillers.”

When the fuck did Tony get there? “How do you know where I live?”

“I called Mobius last night,” he replied. “I wanted to check on you and make sure you go to your audition.”

They frowned. “When did you get here?”

“I’m not surprised you don’t remember anything. You were a bottle of gin and half a bottle of vodka deep by the time I got here.” He was quiet for a moment. “I’m really sorry I didn’t get here sooner.”

They shrugged. “You didn’t need to come at all. I’m really sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Lokes. Nothing at all.” He handed them the water and painkillers. “I’m making pancakes. Come down when you’re ready, then we can head to the audition place.”

They shook their head. “I’m not going.”

“Lokes, I say this with love, but if you don’t go then you’re the biggest fucking idiot I know. Don’t let anyone, including yourself, stop you from doing this.” He headed out of the room. “You’re not getting out of breakfast either.”

Shit. They could handle the audition, but pancakes? Absolutely not. They hadn’t had them since they were twelve. Fuck. They took the tablets and downed the water before they brushed their teeth. They got changed, opting for a simple black shirt with forest green trousers and a black lace corset. They tidied their hair and did their usual makeup look, even though it was hidden behind sunglasses, before they headed downstairs. 

Tony was in the kitchen, flipping pancakes at the stove. If their stomach wasn’t doing somersaults then they’d have actually stopped to take in just how sweet the situation was. Tony cared enough to find them, to check on them, and to stay and make them breakfast. Sure, they wanted to skip out on the breakfast part, but they appreciated the sentiment. No one had ever done it for them. Well, Frigga had. She used to make the best pancakes, topped with Nutella, strawberries, bananas and a bunch of icing sugar. En Dwi had put a stop to that. They put the kettle on and got two mugs out, ready to make coffee for the morning. 

“This is a nice place,” Tony said. 

They hummed. “Thanks.”

“I’m sorry if I overstepped by coming last night.”

They shook their head. “You didn’t. What actually happened?”

He shrugged. “I got here, you were drinking vodka on the floor, I made sure you got into bed, then I slept on the sofa.”

They hesitated. “You didn’t have to stay on the sofa. We’ve shared beds enough times now.”

He shook his head. “No. Not- yeah.”

That didn’t sound great. “What happened?”

“It’s fine. You were drunk, it’s nothing to worry about.”

“It is if you keep being so cryptic. I’m not a fucking child, Tony. Tell me what happened.”

He hesitated. “How many times have people- slept with you while you were drunk?”

Oh. “I don’t know. Quite a few. Why?”

“Did Fandral?”

Danger zone. “Why?”

“You- you just- you tried to kiss me and you looked so fucking hurt and confused when I said no. Like- like you were expecting me to take advantage of you.” He shook his head. “Then you said that- I don’t know. You were really fucking drunk."

They’d fucked up. Hugely. Why was Tony still there? Why hadn’t he run? “I’m so sorry.”

“No, Lokes- you don’t have anything to apologise for. At all.” He finally looked at them. “It’s just- I slept on the sofa so that you could have peace of mind when you woke up fully dressed and alone, and because I- I was so fucking pissed. I mean- I thought that that was the case, y’know? But knowing- how the fuck could people do that? How could they live with themselves? They took advantage of you and it’s fucking awful.”

They focused on making coffee. “It’s fine, Tony.”

“I don’t know how you do it. I- yeah.” He set the last pancake on top of the stack. “I’ve sent you my therapists number, by the way.”

They chuckled. “You’re never going to drop that, are you?”

“Nope.” He smiled a little. “How’s your hand?”

They huffed. “The splint doesn’t match my outfit.” The grey thing stood out from under their sleeve. 

“If you take it off I’ll spray you with water.” He set the plates down on the table. “No pressure to eat much. I just thought you’d need a hangover breakfast and pancakes are a lifesaver. And it’s about the only thing I know how to cook, but I’ve never made vegan ones so these may or may not be edible.”

They set the mugs of coffee on the table. One black and one with milk and four sugars. “Where’d you get the stuff?”

“I went to the hotel to pack this morning, and I grabbed the bits on the way back,” he replied. “Everything’s on the bus ready. We just need to head straight from your audition to the bus.”

They nodded. “Okay. Sounds good.”

They sat down opposite Tony. They grabbed a pancake and added a couple berries to it before they tried a bite. Tony was a good cook. Good at cooking pancakes, at least. They were American style pancakes, which they’d never had before. They were fantastic. They were everything they needed with a hangover. 

“Oh! I recorded a demo for Crying Over It All yesterday,” Tony said as he fumbled for his phone. He set it down on the table before he tapped it, and it started playing. 

It was even better than Loki was expecting. To hear a song they wrote as an actual song was incredible. Tony had done a fantastic job with it. It was unlike any other Avengers song, and it was weirdly vulnerable for it, but it was brilliant. It was beautiful. It really showcased Tony’s voice, and they never wanted it to end. When it finally did, Tony could barely look at them. 

“I completely get it if you hate it- I just had some time before the show and I really want this on the album,” he said. 

They shook their head. “I fucking love it. It’s- it’s really good, Tony.”

“You wrote it.”

“You made it sound fucking incredible,” they said. “It’s really good. Thank you.”

“Songwriting credits- do you want to be on it?” He asked. “It’s entirely up to you. I’d love for you to be, but if you don’t want to get involved in music then that’s completely okay.”

They thought for a moment. What was the worst that could happen if they said yes? “Sure. Only if you’re happy with it.”

He grinned. “I was really hoping you’d say yes. I’ll play this for the band on the bus and let them know- I'm really excited for people to hear this one.”

“How’s the rest of the album going?” They asked. 

“Good! Almost finished it- just need to get the band on board with this one and I need a couple more songs, but I’m working on them.” He shrugged. “If you have any more then I’m absolutely open to them.”

They smiled a little. “Not at the moment, but I’ll send them your way if I think of anything.”

“And if you want to feature on a song?”

“Absolutely fucking not,” they replied. “But thanks.”

He pouted. “Hey! If you’re going to be in a West End musical then you can’t tell me to fuck off when I ask things like this.”

“Then it’s a good thing I’m never going to be in a West End musical because I’ll never get the role,” they replied with a grin. “Music isn’t my thing.”

“Optimism, Lokes. You’re a fantastic singer, and I have a feeling you’re an amazing performer.” He smiled softly. “Have some faith in yourself.”

“I’m being a realist.”

“You’re the biggest pessimist I know.”

They chuckled. “I’m taking that as a compliment.”

They ate another pancake before they called it quits. They washed up despite Tony’s arguments. He cooked so they were going to clean up. Besides, it was an excuse to take the splint off for a bit. By the time they’d cleaned up Tony was finally ready to go. They put the splint back on and grabbed their jacket before they pulled their boots on. They followed Tony out and then led him to the address Verity had sent them. She’d sent all the information they needed, and despite having it they still felt completely and utterly unprepared. They hadn’t been in a theatre since they stopped acting. It wasn’t as if they’d ever asked to go back to it. 

Tony waited outside. Loki wasn’t waiting long before they got called in. It was a chat first and foremost. Why they’d left theatre, if they knew about the musical, what their strengths were. Then they had to perform I Don’t Care Much. They knew it like the back of their hand, so that wasn’t a problem. It was the fact that none of them showed any emotion. They didn’t react. After a quick thanks they were out and they never wanted to go to an audition ever again. They had to thank En Dwi. Sex was easier than auditions. 

“How’d it go?” Tony asked once they were outside. 

“Awful. Humiliating. I’m never doing that again,” they replied. “Should we go?”

He frowned. “Yeah, sure.”

Loki followed Tony to the bus, which wasn’t too far away. They just wanted to sit in the dark and hide from the world. They frowned when they felt their phone go off in their pocket, only to see a text from Verity. 

I hope the audition went well! Manifesting the shit out of it for you xx

They turned their phone off. They really didn’t have it in them to look at texts like that for the rest of their day. They followed Tony onto the bus, where the rest of the band were waiting. Clint was in his bunk with his upper body poking out. He was playing something on his Switch. Natasha was on one of the sofas, and Steve was making some tea. They sat down on one of the sofas and got their laptop out to do some work. 

“S’up, fuckers, I have a demo for you all,” Tony said as he sat on the counter. He played the song on his phone and the rest of the band went quiet. “Co-written by the fantastic Lokes. Well, mainly written. I just added a couple bits,” he said once the song was done. 

Steve raised a brow. “Can you two team up on more songs?”

“I second that. We’re bound to get another number one album with shit like that,” Clint said. 

"Well, we would but Lokes said that they're done writing songs." Tony sent them a pointed look. "I'm sure you'll find the muse any time now. It's a good way to deal with emotions."

They snorted. "You're a prick."

"What? Too soon?" Tony asked with a shit-eating grin. 

Natasha looked between them. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Tony replied. "Just- writing is a good emotional outlet. That's all."

Loki took a deep breath as they sat back against the back of the sofa. They were stuck in a bus with four people - that they considered their friends, sure, but they were stuck on a bus with four people without a fucking break. They'd just broken up with their partner after he'd cheated for five fucking months. Five months of fights, of constant arguments about how boring they were, how 'out of fashion' they were, how inconvenient they were, all while he was fucking Amora. God, how could they have been so stupid? Of course he was fucking Amora. She was perfect. A bitch, sure, but she had everything. She was beautiful, she was charismatic, at the height of her career, and she was new. She was everything that they weren't. Why wouldn't Fandral choose her?

They wiped a tear away before it fell below the glasses, but Tony had been watching them like a hawk. Of course he had. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have joked about that."

They shook their head. "It's okay."

Tony shut their laptop. "Respectfully, doing work right now is a shit idea. Why don't we watch a movie or something?" 

"Oh! Can we watch Terrifier?" Clint asked. "I've heard it's good."

"Yeah, sounds like a plan," Natasha said as she turned the TV on.

The last thing Loki wanted to do was to watch something with a group of people, but they were their friends. How could they just walk away? Then again, they were their friends. For the first time, they had a group of people who liked them for who they were, and liked spending time with them. Sure, Clint was just using them for their hair, but they didn't complain about that. It was nice having their hair in different styles again. So as they sat down next to Tony on the sofa, they couldn't find it in themself to care all too much that they were surrounded by people, because they were surrounded by friends.